I have always loved good superhero parodies. Mad had Superduperman, Batboy, Plastic Sam, and Woman Wonder. DC had the Inferior Five, which included such parodies as the Kookie Quartet, the Cobweb Kid, and the Submoron. Marvel had some parodies that I remember less distinctly, though I do remember Gnatman.

I have recently begun my own parody of the Fantastic Four, which I call the Furshlugginer Four.

CC 229: Sue and Johnny Smog of the Furshlugginer Four by fpd 1-21-04

Hey, baby, how about a date? Gag me with a spoon, Johnny Smog. I prefer real men. I'll have you know I'm a superhero. A member of the Furshlugginer Four! Oh yeah, which one? *** Flame On! *** I'm the Flaming Homo, baby! Ha ha ha, little brother! That girl is now out of sight, just like me, the Outta-Sight Chick!

Mr. Furshlugginer tries to keep the peace by fpd 1-21-04

You're so ugly, Sue, they should call you the Unsightly Girl, not the Outta-Sight Chick. Your name is so lame, Human Faggot would be an improvement. Sue, Johnny, we're the Furshlugginer Four. Act like superheros. You're right, Greed, honey. We'll act like superheros. Face the fury of the Outta-Sight Chick, Flaming Homo! Hey, I didn't mean you should act like Marvel superheros!

Layja, the shape-shifting Krull girl, hits on Johnny Smog by fpd 1-21-04

There's my true love, Johnny Smog. I'll shapeshift into that girl I've seen him with. Hey, Hotstuff! Oh, hi Sue, what's going on? I want to get hot and heavy with you. Right here, right now. Besides being such an unsightly girl, Sue, you're my sister! You're really creeping me out.

Sue Smog stops in at Atlantean Subs by fpd 1-22-04

Great Neptune! You are one outta-sight chick! That's who I am. Don't wear the name out. I was complimenting your beauty. But it is all the more fitting that you are such a great superhero. Oh yeah? You need the Furshlugginer Four's help with something? I am Nemo, the Submarine Hero guy! Yeah, that's what I came in here for. I'd like four subs to go.

The Thingamabob and his girlfriend by fpd 1-22-04

Oh Malicia, I'm no longer the handsome man I used to be. What do you still see in me? Love is blind, Ben. And more to the point, so am I. Is that why your hair is pink? Did I mix my paint up with my shampoo again? Why do you paint when you're blind? I thought you would be more supportive of me, Ben.

[Click to view comic: 'Thingamabob meets the fearsome Puppet Meister']
[Click to view comic: 'Sue Smog and Greed Gizzards of the Furshlugginer Four']

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I'd like to see more before I give an opinion.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Great minds think alike.

The True story of the Fantastic Four by mmyers 5-23-03

So, I, Dr. Reed Richards am going to fly a spaceship into outer space with my wife Sue, her brother Johnny, and my old roommate, Ben Grimm. You can call us..the Fantastic Four! Actually, we aren't very fantastic at present. Maybe when we get back. Let's just call ourselves the Above Average Four. Would that make you happy, Sue?

3.0 Four by mmyers 5-23-03

All systems appear to be ready. Ben and Johnny are safely stowed in the back. I'm curious, Reed, what exactly are you expecting to happen while we're in space? Why, we'll get bombbarded with radiation which, if my calculations are correct, should give us powers of some sort, barring any miscalculations. What did you just say? I said we're trying to win the space race. Oh.

Meanwhile, in Latveria by mmyers 5-23-03

Dr. Doom's Latverian castle... My old rival and college roommate Reed Richards is attempting to reach outerspace. In the first comic, didn't they say that Ben Grimm was his roommate? It was the 60's. What can I say. .....ughh....

The Human Torch by mmyers 5-23-03

Well, it looks like the mission was a success. Let's see what my power is. *crack* Ok, it looks like my arm just came off, so I'll be Mr Fantastic. Johnny? I can make my body catch on fire. FLAME ON! AHHHHHHHH! Sue, what's your power? sssssssssss

Invisible...Girl by mmyers 5-23-03

Sue? I'm right here. I can turn myself invisible. See? No. Exactly. Also, if I talk, and talk, and talk for long enough without interruption, I can levitate the entire ground. See? Look down. Oh, that's useful. Let's just call you Invisible Girl for short. Ben?

[Click to view comic: 'Ben Grimm is the Thing: excelsior!']

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I see you used the same image I'm planning on using for my Dr. Doom parody when I get to it. I would have used the blond kid for Johnny if I had found it in time, though I'm glad I didn't, because it is too much of a dead ringer for the image I am using for my Submariner parody. Speaking of my Submariner parody, you can see him now in the next installment of my Furshlugginer Four series.

Sue Smog and Nemo by fpd 1-23-04

Greed says a subhero is a hero with subpowers. What's a subpower? No, I'm not a subhero. I'm a superhero known as the Submarine Hero Guy. Were you exposed to comic rays like us? No, my father was a mutant/alien hybrid, and my mother was an Atlantean/siren hybrid. And what are your superpowers? I can sweep you off your feet right up to the clouds above, then plunge you down to the seething depths of passion.

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Here's a brief interlude and then the continuing saga of the Furshlugginer Four.

The Unbelievable Bulk by fpd 1-23-04

The countdown for the gamete bomb test has begun, Dr. Boner. Oh no! That beautiful boy I have a jones for is out on the test range! Dr. Bruce Boner runs out and pushes the boy to safety when all of a sudden ... The bomb's gamete radiation turns him into a big green bulk of heaping manliness. Rarrh! Bulk bash!

Thingamabob and Bulk by fpd 1-23-04

Thanks for helping to save the day, Bulk. Say, how are things going with your group, the Offenders? Nemo not have time for Bulk now that he's dating Outta-Sight Chick. Say what?! The Outta-Sight Chick is Mr. Furshlugginer's girlfriend. Nemo say she the one for him. Bulk don't know what he see in her. She is puny woman, not big manly man like you. Um, I think I see the Furshlugginer Four signal. Be seeing you, Bulk. Bah, stupid Thingamabob probably likes puny she-things too.

Thingamabob and Mr. Furshlugginer by fpd 1-23-04

Say, Greed, you won't believe what the Bulk told me today. He says that Sue is dating the Submarine Hero Guy. That truly is unbelievable. Sue prefers the brainy, intellectual type. Why? Because she's so brainy herself? No, because opposites attract. Is that why she's always reading romance novels about brainy, intellectual guys who ignore women? I get your point, Thingamabob. I won't lose Sue without a fight. The Furshlugginer Four is going to war with the Offenders.

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Here's another interlude. Stayed tuned to find out what happens between the Furshlugginer Four and the Offenders.

Dr. Strangelove by fpd 1-23-04

Dr. Stephen Strangelove was once a gynecologist who cared only for money. Please, Doctor, I have difficulty reaching orgasm. You must help me. You should see a psychiatrist if you think I'll examine an uninsured chick who is making minimum wage. Then one day he had a mind-shattering accident. He accidently mixed acid and pot. Whoa, this is tripping! Chicks are like so groovy, and money is so meaningless. Dr. Strangelove quit his job and studied with the ancient shaman Don Juan, to become Master of the Mescaline Arts. Remember, Stephen, all the wonder of the universe can be found in a single groovy chick. I have learned such wisdom from you, great master.

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We now meet all the Offenders together, and the conflict builds. Stay tuned to find out how it ends.

The Offenders by fpd 1-24-04

Fellow Offenders, the Furshlugginer Four are planning an attack on us. We must prepare ourselves. That can't be. The Outta-Sight Chick is my honey. She is the source of this conflict. She is Helen. Nemo is Paris. Greed Gizzards is Menelaus. Bulk confused. Paris is city. Bulk bash men who lay us! Then Bulk bang them real good! Do you have a better metaphor than the Trojan War, Strangelove? The Trojans lost. Okay, you're Tony. She's Maria. We're the Jets, and the Furshlugginer Four are the Sharks.

The Furshlugginer Four (minus one) vs. the Offenders by fpd 1-24-04

It's time to get clobbering! Let me give that another try. It's time to get tough. It's a tough time. Whatever. The Furshlugginer Four rules! The Offenders are a bunch of poopie heads! Prepare to meet your makers, Offenders. No one moves in on our women and gets away with it. By the hoary hosts of Hogwarts, just give peace a chance. Face it, Gizzards! Sue loves me and not you. Be a man and get over it! Bah, Bulk bash!

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I now introduce my Dr. Doom parody. The Harlequin character is based more on DC characters than Marvel but is not as closely based on them as my Marvel parodies have been on the characters they're based on.

Harlequin and Dr. Dummkopf by fpd 1-25-04

Things are going as planned, Dr. Dummkopf. As we speak, the Furshlugginer Four go into battle against the Offenders. Excellent work, Harlequin. Your ability to stir romantic fantasies has brought on the doom of my worst enemy, Greed Gizzards! And those superdupes, the Offenders, will be out of our hair too. Yeah, yeah, whatever. The main thing is that Gizzards will get his comeuppance. But the Offenders are a great threat to our plans to conquer the world through subliminal romance novels. Ha, ha, ha! The Offenders will wipe the floor with Gizzards, or he will become an outlaw for killing them. Either way, I am the victor!

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Here are the first two battles in this epic conflict. Notice the change in venue. This is probably because some supervillains altered the timeline since we last saw our antagonistic heros. Or maybe the brick wall was always there on the other side.

The Unbelievable Bulk vs. Thingamabob by fpd 1-26-04

Oh harder, harder! Faster, faster! Oh yes! Yes! You're not supposed to be enjoying this. I'm beating the crap out of you. Oh yes, pound Bulk's crap! Let Bulk feel your manly thingamabob pounding inside! Are you out of your ever-lovin' mind? Puny Boner think too much. Bulk have the balls. Aren't you even a bit bi-curious? Hell No! I became a superhero for the dames!

The Flaming Homo vs. the Submarine Hero Guy by fpd 1-26-04

In your face, Nemo! Can't take the heat, can you? I don't care for the tar-laden smoke either. Follow me if you can, Flaming Homo! Unlike you, the Flaming Homo isn't a craven pussy who runs from a fight. You're not too brilliant either. No fair! No fair! The water put my flame out! Do you give up now? Or shall I beat you up for good measure?

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Breaking News: The Offenders vs. the Furshlugginer Four by fpd 1-27-04

We interrupt Oprah to bring you a breaking news story. Residents of Manhattan are used to seeing superheros battle supervillains. But today, two superhero groups, the Offenders and the Furshlugginer Four, are battling each other. All three Offenders and three of the Furshlugginer Four have been spotted in mortal combat with each other. It is assumed that the Outta-Sight Chick is simply invisible. Oh fudge!

News Coverage of the Offenders vs. the Furshlugginer Four by fpd 1-27-04

The battle between Bulk and Thingamabob is looking grim. These two mountains of muscle are an equal match for each other. Hold on. The Bulk has turned back into Dr. Boner. Thingamabob has the upper hand. Could this be the end for the Bulk? For an on-the-spot perspective, we now turn to field correspondent Dan Danielson. I am here with renowned supervillain the Owl. Mr. Owl, what is your take on this situation? Truly a banner day for supervillainy, Dan. Soon only the Revengers, the Mutant League, the Justice Squad, and the Teen Warriors will oppose us.

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Getting the dirt on Johnny Smog by fpd 1-27-04

I'm Dan Danielson, reporting live from the battle between the super titans. I'm here with the Flaming Homo's girlfriend. I'm not his girlfriend. He just asked me out once. I think everyone at home would like an answer to this question. What is he like in the sack? I never slept with him. I never even dated him. I turned down the geek. This is astounding! Does the Flaming Homo have some dark secret hidden in his closet? Why would anyone turn down a date from a superhero? Superpowers or not, Johnny Smog is still a dweeb. And I don't smoke.

Mr. Furshlugginer vs. Dr. Strangelove by fpd 1-27-04

Science vs. magic. Reason vs. Irrationality. That is what this has come down to, Strangelove. By the hairy whores of hogwash, let this foolishness be lifted from your eyes. I want Sue. She's the love of my life, and I don't want to lose her. That's what this is all about. When I heard Nemo was dating her, I just went crazy. Love is surrender. You must surrender if you can. Thanks, Doc. I love Sue, but I realize now that I can't force her to love me. All I can do is show her I love her, and hope she loves me back. That's all any of us can do, Greed. Love is a magic that can't be forced or manipulated.

The Battle's Aftermath by fpd 1-27-04

Oh, Johnny, is this what Nemo has done to you? That brute! It's not what you think, Sue. What did I ever see in you? What kind of monster are you that you would go cripple my own brother? Like he said, it's not what it looks like. Look, Sue. I'm okay. The wheelchair was just something Strangelove had left over from his medical practice. Honestly, Sue. How could I face you if I let myself hurt your brother?

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Since I like the group Evanescence, I looked up the word. That's the inspiration for this strip. We will return to the saga of the Furshlugginer Four after this short break from an alternate reality.

The Evanescent Five by fpd 1-28-04

The new superhero group, the Evanescent Five, is no longer with us. Mr. Evanescent could strech his limbs any length. But he couldn't unstretch himself. He lost muscle tone and died of a heart attack. The Human Combustion has died of spontaneous human combustion. The Snowman was too close to the conflagration and melted. The Vanishing Girl has vanished. And who can forget the Forgettable It? It had the power to obscure any memory of him or her. Did you say the Evanescent Five? Don't you mean the Evanescent Four? Yes, from channel 3 news, we will miss you, Mr. Evanescent, Human Combustion, Snowman, and Vanishing Girl.

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Sue and Greed reunite after the battle by fpd 1-28-04

Oh, Greed! You're okay! You must think I'm a real jerk right now, Sue. It was so romantic that you fought the Offenders for me! Really? You're not mad? I'm mad too. It was stupid and reckless, but so romantic. Just find other ways to be romantic, okay? I'll try, Sue. Have I ever told you how ironic your power is? You're the last thing I want to lose sight of.

Dr. Dummkopf and Harlequin, the Clown Prince of Romance by fpd 1-28-04

You blithering buffoon, Harlequin! You failed to destroy Greed Gizzards! How could we know they would act with love and compassion? What do we supervillains know of such things? You're going to die for your incompetance, fool! Wait! How would you like to seduce Sue away from Gizzards? That would hurt him a lot, and I can help you. Thanks for reading to me, Sue. I used to love reading before I went blind. No problem, Malicia. I just got the latest Harlequin romance, "The Man Behind the Iron Mask."

Gotta go watch Smallville now. Turns out that Chloe is Lois Lane's cousin.

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Interview with the Flaming Homo by fpd 1-29-04

Dan Danielson with the Flaming Homo at FF headquarters. What is your response to the rumors that you're a homosexual? What?! This is the first I've heard of these rumors. Why would anyone think I'm gay? Well, your name means a homosexual who openly flaunts his homosexuality. No, no, no. It means a homo sapien who is on fire. Just like the original Flaming Homo from World War II. That Flaming Homo was a robot, not a homo sapien. If you're not gay, would you ever think of changing your name? Human Fag might be a good one, because I look sort of like a cigarette.