It Shouldn't Happen to a Sith Lord (-1-) by smamurai 3-18-04

Arf Maul has demanded to see me immediatly. He didn't sound happy. I don't understand it. I delivered him a fully operational Death-Star well ahead of schedule. Ok so I took some liberties and dumped the foreboding black exterior for a more fetching colour scheme but that's not so bad is it? Ouch! why you make me do this? The plans were to scale you illiterate fool. You have built me the most expensive hair-dryer in the entire universe.

It Shouldn't Happen to a Sith Lord (-2-) by smamurai 3-18-04

I can't be expected to house 20 million Stormtroopers into this thing. Even my big toe won't go through the front door. Mind you the tractor-beam works your penis like a pro.

It Shouldn't Happen to a TV Vet. by smamurai 3-18-04

Suck my penis you exquisite little tart. Oh I can't believe this is happening to me. Hey! When did your twin sister get here? The producers were right, this really shouldn't happen to a TV vet.

When Good Pets Go Bad. by smamurai 3-18-04

What is that smell? I don't know. Is it coming from you? Wait a minute could it be that... What? Ah yes, I am terribly sorry old chap but I appear to have aquired a rather nasty gangrene infection.

More ISHTASL to come......

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

When Good Pets go Bad (2) by smamurai 3-18-04

Gangrene is rotting your leg off. Do you need to go in the fridge? We need to use something to remove it. I'll get the cheese grater. Or how about using drugs instead? I'm on the wagon dude, and you bring me down when we get stoned together. Jeff listen, do me a favour and slug me real hard. I don't want to disturb you with my dying yelps.

It Shouldn't Happen to a Sith Lord (-3-) by smamurai 3-19-04

Lord Maul we are close enough to make visual contact with the rebel fleet. Excellent, let me see them on the big screen. Behold the puny rebel fleet... um. CLICK... HERE..FOR.. FREE..HENTAI X.. X.. X? What the fuck is going on here. Sorry sire, it appears our pop-up blocker needs upgrading. Idiot! Come here for a Vulcan death neck pinching thingy.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Those Star Wars ones are genius.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Those are good. I especially liked the detail of Dog on Ball being a Sith Lord. Evil!=P

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There was once a man who said:"nothing is true!". Although later it was found out that he was lying.

It Shouldn't happen to a Sith Lord (-4-) by smamurai 3-19-04

We have taken posession of her Majestys puny vessel my Lord. And have you secured Princess Mia in my own private quarters? Negative sir, we tried to but house-keeping would not permit us. For what reason? A burst waste pipe Lord Maul. Seemingly there is shite everywhere. Well where the hell am I supposed to sleep tonight?

Punk'd by post. by smamurai 3-19-04

If you have followed the directions oulined in this letter you should find youself in a dumpster containing one pair of soiled white Y-fronts. SUCKER!!!

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Stock Taking and Start Writhing by smamurai 3-22-04

Hey boss! Is that a vagina in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? Both. I give you a job and this is how you repay me? um. Then I gave you a job working in my sex-shop, and you steal stock on your first day?

The Gift That Keeps on Slipping by smamurai 3-22-04

Lord Singeburn how do respond to the recent allegations made against you? It's all a lot of nonsense. So you deny you make it a rule never to hire disabled people to work on your estate? No, but this morning I donated a puppy to be trained as a guide dog for the blind. That's very generous but how does that prove you don't discriminate against disabilities? The dog was also blind and had only three legs.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Dr. Corrupto - Hollywood Psychiatrist by smamurai 3-22-04

Did you express any emotion after your grandparents died in the accident? I started to go off the rails when they died. I stole money and jewellery from my parents. So, although your parents were also grieving, you thought it would be a good time to start stealing from them? Well, I suppose there is never really a good time to steal from your own folks. To tell the truth the best time is just after they have hired a new maid. Should you be saying that?

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

The Star Wars ones were pretty funny, and a couple of the others were humorous as well. I'll keep an eye out for you now and again to see how you go. :)

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This is not a signature.

um, thankyou kind sir, praise indeed coming from such a highly accomplished etc...

Anyway here is a cheeky weekend bumpage.

Epiphany. by smamurai 3-25-04

Hello sir or madam, can I help you? I would like to purchase a can of laughter please. Ah Ha hahahaha! Bwah ha ha hee hee he! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha grak! There you go. Careful, you are spilling it. Ah Ha hahahaha! Bwah ha ha hee hee he! Ha ha ha ha *applause* What a tragedy. It was the last can as well. The laughter at this moment is highly innapropriate.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

that last one had a bit of a Pytton flavour to it...

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There was once a man who said:"nothing is true!". Although later it was found out that he was lying.