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Stripcreator » Comic Competitions » CC265: A stripper's nightmare

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mmyers
Passing through.

Member Rated:

I'm fascinated by what makes folks tick. Particularly, what people have nightmares about. Everyone has them and I'm sure that whatever deep seeded crap we have bouncing around our brains manifests in there. So that's the topic.

Your mission is to show what someone inparticular's nightmares look like. What does Ken Kaufman have nightmares about? Or the postman? Or aliens invading the Earth? Or you? Or even me, the lowly filing clerk? The possibilities are plentiful.

I'll give it a week, let's say. I'd prefer new comics, but if you're going to submit an old one, make it a hilarious one. Series are fine.

Let's have some nightmares.

---
Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

11-12-04 11:16am (new)
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choadwarrior
Crash Magnet

Member Rated:

How 'bout a nice game of Kerplunk? by choadwarrior
5-10-03
I had the weirdest dream last night...
I was wearing a suit made of lunch meat, and Oprah Winfrey, Rosie O'Donnell, Star Jones and Rosanne were standing around me...
It was like I was the marble in Hungry Hungry Hippo

11-12-04 12:35pm (new)
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kaufman
Director of Cats

Member Rated:

Quick? What's the archetypical nightmare? Aside from realizing today's the final exam for a class you forgot to attend all semester?

That's right!

CC 265: Shall We Begin With The Obvious by kaufman
11-12-04
The bus is late again.
So by increasing capitalization in the third quarter, we can hope that this will result in ...
You want a #4 value meal. Would you like that supersized?
Why is she looking at me like that? Oh my god, I forgot to put my pants on today!

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

11-12-04 12:38pm (new)
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niteowl
Level 1 Forum Troll

Member Rated:

Jenna Jameson's Nightmare Before Copulation by niteowl
11-12-04
I had the worst nightmare last night, I was supposed to do a scene in a suit of armor...
HELP ME! I CAN'T GET OUT OF THIS SUIT! HELLLLPPPPP!
CUT! Jenna, calm down. Could someone get the can opener? Be careful cutting her out around her boobs though, we don't want to pop one.
I mean, how am I supposed to do my double penetration scene by the ocean dressed like that? And with that helmet on, I couldn't even go down on anyone! Oh my God, it was horrible!
Hey boss...we should put the ball gag, chains, and the chastity belt away. I doubt Jenna's gonna want to do THAT scene today.

---
Think classy, you'll be classy.

11-12-04 1:57pm (new)
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AccentuateNegative
Your Gay

Member Rated:

Oh, My by AccentuateNegative
11-12-04
Vat zeems to be zee problem?
I keep having the same nightmare over and over again.
Und vat is dees nachtmare?
I'm getting mauled by a bear.
Perhaps you should stop going to zee leather bars.

11-12-04 2:08pm (new)
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choadwarrior
Crash Magnet

Member Rated:

quote:
Quick? What's the archetypical nightmare? Aside from realizing today's the final exam for a class you forgot to attend all semester?

That's right!


I did both a while back:

When Nightmares Collide by choadwarrior
5-11-04
I hope you studied for your final exam...it's 75% of your grade.
Oh No! That's today? I totally forgot! What could be worse?
Nice, but I'm still not passing you.

11-12-04 2:11pm (new)
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niteowl
Level 1 Forum Troll

Member Rated:

Dubya's Nightmare by niteowl
11-12-04
AAAAGGGHHH!
George, honey...what is it? Are you ok?
Yeah Laura, I had a horrible nightmare. I dreamt I was...
...that you were a gay actor in a Broadway musical, prancing around and singing?
Yep. 3rd time this week I've had that dream.
I'm guessing you need to prove to me you're a man again...let me get undressed.

---
Think classy, you'll be classy.

11-12-04 2:24pm (new)
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BigFrank105
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

CC 265: Fuckin' Nightmares! by BigFrank105
11-12-04
I M GOIN 2 RAPP YOU!!!1!!1!
Oh no!
Aghh!11!!!
Wut a horribul nitemare!!1!11

11-12-04 3:26pm (new)
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quodlibet
Member - Tobor Fan Club

Member Rated:

In response to niteowl's comic:
CC265: Whose Nightmare? by quodlibet
11-12-04
AAAAAARGH! Georgie! Is that you? Am I awake or dreaming?
Laura, you're safe in bed with George Bush, and I'm your president and your loving fundamentalist Christian husband.
Oh my! I thought I was sleeping with Bill Clinton.
Heh heh heh, well, Laura, you don't need to worry about that philandering Antichrist.
Oh. I think I was screaming from multiple orgasms from the cigar. Not that I'm complaining about YOUR missile defence system.

In response to Kaufman's comic:
CC265: Let us continue with the blatantly obvious by quodlibet
11-12-04
Only you stand between Earth's survival and destruction in the Ultimate Punning Competition, Kaufman.
I will not fail my fellow right-minded citizens. Never! My punning power has never been rivalled!
Then generate one of these puns for me, Kaufman. I will leave if you can make me laugh.
Why...I...um....
YOU LOSE!!!!! Let the liberal slaughter begin!!!!!
Nooooooooo.....

---
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

11-12-04 4:39pm (new)
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habnem
optical delusion

Member Rated:

Ha, ha! I forgot to post my second entry for the last CC, but now I see that it works for this one as well. Ignore the numbering...

CC CCLIVb: Nightmare Exam Board by habnem
11-11-04
Dean Trout...
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a tree fell in the forest?
Professor Donkey...
Have you seen my dentures?
...and, of course, Dr. Sticks-His-Dick- In-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking- In-The-Other-Direction.
Oh my! I seem to have dropped my calculator!
Running start in 3...2...1...

---
- christ@myself.com - **** a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

11-12-04 4:52pm (new)
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quodlibet
Member - Tobor Fan Club

Member Rated:

CC265: Stereotypical Asiangirl Nightmares by quodlibet
11-12-04
Sucky sucky?
No sucky sucky?
No money for more math kumon classes?!?!?! Boohoo hooo...

And a frothy series on what my alma mater called BEvERages:
CC265: A Beery Bad Situation by quodlibet
11-12-04
Hand over another one of those beers, Zegota.
We're out of beer. That's the last box the store had.
I guess I'll have to sell my shirt and everything underneath it to fuel my booze addiction.
There must be a way to obtain more beer.

CC265: "It's suds and soda, a smile decoder" by quodlibet
11-12-04
Well, thank goodness we managed to sc**** together enough money between my tricks and... whatever it is that you do.
How's the beer?
Pffffffffft! What kind of beer is this, anyways? It tastes like dog ****. Warm dog ****.
Nobody fools with my beer.
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to our suffering protagonists....
And when he's finished, strain it through some high-quality chicken**** before it's bottled. It gives that nice frothy head when you spew the bottle.

CC265: Then came the scream by quodlibet
11-12-04
Our unhappy hero visits the doctor for advice.
You've developed a severe allergy to beer. Budweiser up! Get off your Duff and Leffe behind your lambic lifestyle before you Rodenbach it.
Well, you're the draughter. What do I have to do?
Stout man! Coors off on the beer. Amstel, you'll have to Corona your habit of pantlessness.
I can't say that I'll Jupiler for joy, but keep gueuzing.
I'd start by wearing a grass skirt and coconut-shell bra if you can't curtail the pantlessness.
Heineken be all right with that.

---
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

11-12-04 6:26pm (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

I actually have an old series that sorta fits with this theme, so I thought I'd post it.

Nightmares Of A Frito-Pie Fiend -- 1 by biped
6-15-04
Gee, I sure hope I don't have another one of those awful nightmares tonight.
Wha -- oh, no! A nightmare! I sure hope nothing scary happens!
Son, your mother and I are concerned about your abnormally frequent masturbation, so we're sending you to military school.
YAAAAA!!!!!!

Nightmares Of A Frito-Pie Fiend -- 2 by biped
6-15-04
Huh? Now I'm in the middle of the ocean! Oh well, I guess nothing scary can happen here...
OH, NO! A SHARK!
Mmm! Dinnertime!
I'll try reverse-psychology on him! EAT ME, SHARK! PLEASE, EAT ME!
NO! NOT REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY! HEELLPP!!! HEEELLLLPP!!!

Nightmares Of A Frito-Pie Fiend -- 3 by biped
6-15-04
Welcome to the funeral. I hope you're bearing up well under your terrible burden of grief.
Funeral? Who died?
We had the deceased stuffed and mounted in his underwear, as per his last request. Follow me.
NO!!! OMIGOD!!! NOOOO!!!!!

Nightmares Of A Frito-Pie Fiend -- 4 by biped
6-15-04
Well, I guess this isn't so bad. I'm in school, and -- OH, NO!!! I'M STILL IN MY UNDERWEAR!!!
Class, it's time now for the big, scary final exam that will decide your grade for the entire year.
FINAL EXAM? BUT I DIDN'T STUDY FOR IT! HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE?
YAAAAA!!!!!
RAAAAAR!!!!!!

Nightmares Of A Frito-Pie Fiend -- 5 by biped
6-15-04
WHEW! I'm back in my bedroom! That awful nightmare is finally over!
YAAAAAA!!!!!
RAAAAAAAR!!!!!!
Crap! I forgot about the trick ending!

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

11-12-04 6:29pm (new)
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choadwarrior
Crash Magnet

Member Rated:

Spankling's Nightmare by choadwarrior
11-12-04
AAAAAAH! I just had the most horrible dream!
Oh, dear--what was it about?
America ignored the situation with Iraq and the economy and voted Bush back into office based on "moral values."
I can think of worse.
NOOOOOO!
Time to ride dee **** train!

11-12-04 7:19pm (new)
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umfumdisi
Forum comment:

Member Rated:

Getting more obviousity out of the way...

CC 265: Nightmare Physics by umfumdisi
11-12-04
One night at the ranch...
So you see, cowboy, that is what your friend meant about the rotor turbines and gravitons.
Thank you so much, Coyote Oldman. I must write down this knowlege lest I forget it upon waking.
What the **** was I dreaming about?

---
Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

11-12-04 7:25pm (new)
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seattlesque
Junior Comic Technician

Member Rated:

CC265: Kafkaesque by seattlesque
11-12-04
I had this terrible nightmare!
Really? Tell me.
I'd mysteriously metamorphosized into a salesman! My whole family turned their backs on me.
Holy crap!
As if I weren't low enough on the karmic totem pole already.
Why don't you eat a few balls of dung and try to forget about the whole nasty affair?

CC265: Farm of Fear by seattlesque
11-12-04
At first it was amazing! There were decadent cups filled with birdseed...loads of scantily dressed women...
Then just as things were heating up...it got painful, and I felt greasy. The whole scene had turned from a chicken brothel into...
...chicken BROTH? Oh come on, you made that dream up.
It's uncanny, isn't it?

CC265: Villain Nightmares by seattlesque
11-12-04
Who are you supposed to be?
Your... worst... nightmare!!!
My worst nightmare involves Snuffy Snuffleupagus, the "Saturday Night Fever" sound track, and four jars of mayonnaise.
Then think of me as a "gritty hero who foils your evil plan" or "armed man who makes you perform unspeakable sex acts" kind of nightmare guy.
What is this all about? I don't even *have* an evil plan!
Now that we have that settled...

11-12-04 10:56pm (new)
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Zaster
Wait for it...

Member Rated:

quote:
CC265: I Can Dream About You by Zaster
11-13-04
Though I excelled in golf, I decided to join the Young Republicans instead. It was a tough decision, but then in my senior year...
Zzzzz!
Maura?
Zzzzz... No, no!
Maura? wake up!
What a nightmare! I dreamt I was out on a date with this total doof... oh.

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

11-13-04 6:17am (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

CC 265: A Nightmare On Stripcreator Street -- 1 by biped
11-13-04
I've been on Stripcreator for twelve hours straight! Maybe I'd better get some sleep!
zzzzzz... zzzzzzz... zzzzzzz... huh? What's that?
Look, Ying-Yang! It's a nerd in his underwear!
He's funny-looking, Goo-Goo! Let's cut his **** off!

CC 265: A Nightmare On Stripcreator Street -- 2 by biped
11-13-04
NO! NO! DON'T CUT MY DICK OFF!
COME BACK HERE, YOU NERD!
Oh, ****! The haunted house background! I'll bet something scary's gonna happen!
I once fell into an upholstery machine, but I'm fully recovered now!
YAAAAAAAA!!!

CC 265: A Nightmare On Stripcreator Street -- 3 by biped
11-13-04
HELP!!! HEEELLLPPP!!!
I once met a Zen master who was also a hot dog vendor! So I said, "Make me one with everything!"
What's going on here?
BRAD! Help me! I'm stuck inside the "make a comic" template!
I'm sorry, but the "Brad, Help Me" feature is only available to donors.
You BASTARD!

CC 265: A Nightmare On Stripcreator Street -- 4 by biped
11-13-04
Well, if that's your attitude, I'll just stick your dumb ass in the graveyard for awhile.
NO, Brad! Something HORRIBLE AND SCARY will happen to me here! I just KNOW it will!
HEE HAW!!! ME GET CHAINSAW AND KILL YOU WITH IT!!! BEEP-BEEP!!! ME RACE CAR!!!
YAAAAAAAAAA!!!

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

11-13-04 9:08am (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

CC 265: A Nightmare On Stripcreator Street -- 5 by biped
11-13-04
I've got to hide somewhere! Hey...it sounds like there's some kind of party going on in this house! I'll just duck in there!
Oh, my...Billy left his computer on again. I'd better -- OMIGOD!!! BILLY!!!
MOM!!! HEEELLLPPP!!!
RAAAAAAR!!!

CC 265: A Nightmare On Stripcreator Street -- 6 by biped
11-13-04
Whew! Thanks, Mom! You turned the computer off just in time!
That does it! No more Stripcreator for you, young man!
Well, at least the nightmare's over...it can't get any worse...
We'll see what your father has to say about all this!
NO!!! NOOOOO!!!
I understand someone's in need of a good spanking. We'll flip to see who goes first.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

11-13-04 9:09am (new)
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Zaster
Wait for it...

Member Rated:

CC265: The Glorious Dreams We Share by Zaster
11-13-04
I'm warning you. Don't come any closer!
Slurp! Glorp!
No! Stay away from me. Eeep!
You'll never believe the nightmare I just had! Gabe?
Zzzz... Seize her, my tentacle beast... Bring her to me...

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

11-13-04 12:32pm (new)
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UnknownEric
and the Goblet of Mountain Dew.

Member Rated:

CC265: Unknown Eric's Actual, True Nightmare (No Kidding) by UnknownEric
11-13-04
I really did dream this. Seriously.
Wow, I'm back in the house I grew up in. Everything looks the same.
Wait, what's that noise coming from upstairs. Oh, God, no... it can't be...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Love in an elevator... livin' it up when I'm goin' down...

---
I has a flavor!

11-13-04 1:10pm (new)
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Scyess
Official Traveling Menstrual

Member Rated:

Man, it's been a while since I did one of these...

CC 265: Fear It by Scyess
11-13-04
GOT YOU AT LAST!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEKK!!!
EEE!!! Oh my god! What a terrible nightmare!
Honey! What is it?!
It was awful... in my dream... I... I had a mullet!
Oh my God! Hold me!

CC 265: Hardest of Hearings by Scyess
11-13-04
"Before we begin the hearings to confirm your seat on the Supreme Court..."
...yes...?
"...is this you banging my daughter in Ugly College Girls Suck Off Men with Three Testicles?"
...uh...
"...because if she doesn't come at least twice, you'll have to answer to Ginsberg."
Perhaps you have a janitorial position open?

CC 265: Because... You See... They All Look the Same... by Scyess
11-13-04
I'll just go and get her.
I don't know... I'm a little nervous about this arranged marriage.
What if she's mean? Or sterile? Or can't cook?
Hi!
Oh, great. She's hideous.

---
"Old" is the old new.

11-13-04 1:24pm (new)
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not_Scyess
not laughing with you

Member Rated:

CC 265: Worst Nightmare in the Avian Public Shower by not_Scyess
11-13-04
Dang... why am I always the one with the smallest pecker?

CC 265: It never ends! by not_Scyess
11-13-04
We're going to freeze you for 800 years. When you awake, the world will be a better place.
Good news. You woke up just in time for the 200th consecutive inauguration of a Bush into the white house.
Great. I think I just wasted $5000.

---
peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

11-13-04 1:30pm (new)
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fzh
Stripcreator Regular

Member Rated:

CC265: Nightmare of a Fetus by fzh
11-13-04
It's election night hear on Channel 2 News.
Let's show the map of electoral votes.
In a womb somewhere...
Oh thank god, it was just a dream.

11-13-04 3:03pm (new)
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choadwarrior
Crash Magnet

Member Rated:

Prime Minister Paul Martin's Nightmare by choadwarrior
11-13-04
I'm so glad our politics are so tame compared to our neighbours to the south.
Mr. Prime Minister, someone is here to see you.
Who?
All the Americans who said they'd move to Canada if Kerry lost.
Have them wait in Quebec.

11-13-04 6:18pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

CC 265: From Fantasy to Nightmare by fpd
11-13-04
I'm a Knight, and things couldn't be going better for me. I'm off to marry the princess I just rescued from the dragon.
In case you haven't noticed, Mr. bigshot knight, I'm a mare, not a stallion. When you mounted me, I thought it meant something.
Lo, day has turned to night. What ill omen does this forebode?
You can forget all about your princess, because we're getting married.
Are you kidding me? I'm not going to marry some ugly horse! I have standards!
Weren't you paying attention? The minister just pronounced us knight and mare. Now it's time to pucker up and kiss your bride!

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

11-13-04 6:23pm (new)
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