Twas The Day After Christmas 1 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

'Twas the day after Christmas, when all through the discount store/few creatures were stirring, just clerks and a manager. It's 3am, can I go home yet? No. The stockings, which had been hung by yours truly on the peg hooks with the utmost care/were scattered with the tree skirts, ornaments, and pretty much everywhere. @$%^%^$%*!! The customers were being held back by some bouncers named Jed/while I wondered if I could escape without banging my head. Back off, lady. But I want bargains!

Twas The Day After Christmas 2 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

And Mel in her antlers, and I in my vest/were praying we'd get just a moment of rest. How 'bout now? Give it up. When from the front doors there arose such a clatter/I snuck around some display pallets to see what was the matter. The Ninja Employee must investigate! I crept to the front as stealthlike as a ninja/peered through the door, and then I did crinja. Egads!

More when I come back from work.

Twas The Day After Christmas 3 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

The sodium lights on the breast of the black pavement/gave a hideous dead sheen to a lot no longer vacant, Egads! when, what to my terrified eyes should appear/but a throng of demented soccer moms and their screaming progeniture. We want sales! WWAAAAHHH!!!! Led by their Chosen One, so demanding and arrogant/I knew in an instant humanity was kaput. We want sales! We want sales!

Twas The Day After Christmas 4 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

More rabid than wolves, their chants they came/and they bellowed and roared and screamed brand names: Open up or I'll kill you! You have two minutes! "Now Levi! Now Reebok!/Now, Phillips and Sony!/Oh, Lysol! Oh, Swiffer!/My kid wants a pony! A pink one! WWAAAAHHH!!!! To the Isle of Clearance!/To the Bargain Wall!/Now open up! Open up!/Open up all!" I want a pile of useless crap I don't need! If it's one cent higher, I'll complain!

Twas The Day After Christmas 5 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

As clearanced electronics that before the wild nerd fly/when they meet with an obstacle, they just shoved it aside RAHR! so through the store's doors the courses they surged/with purses full of money, and a buttload of returns. RAHR! WWAAAAHHH!!!! And then, in an instant, I heard a massive boom/the pounding and scuffling of each Dockers shoe. RAHR!

Twas The Day After Christmas 6 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

As I recoiled in fear and was turning around/the Mob From Hell towards me swelled with a bound. ARGH! Wait! They were dressed impeccably, from their head to their feet/and their clothes were all tarnished with names of the elite. I say! Indeed! A bundle of cash they waved in my face/and I felt as if I were a bookie in a demented horse race. GAH! Get away! Dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba!

Twas The Day After Christmas 7 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

Their eyes--how they spat fire! Their brows, how strained!/Their tans were like suede, Their noses inflamed! Eek! Their vengeful mouths were drawn up in a sneer/and the hair straight from Friends made me shiver in fear. Like, oh my god! *whimper* A clump of an unlucky opponent's hair held tight in their nails/and the blood it spewed amidst the howls and the wails. *snarl* Bring it on, bitch!

Twas The Day After Christmas 8 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

They had SUVs, PDAs, and a little round cell phone/that played obnoxious tunes, which made others groan. Jabber jabber jabber jabber jibber jabber... Ack! Suburbia invades! They were toned and tan, obvious Cosmo readers/and I laughed when I saw them, (especially at the bleeders). *snicker* Grabs of delicately manicured nails, and twists of perfectly coiffed heads/soon gave me to know I had everything to dread. Like, oh my god! $20 for a toaster! ARGH!

Twas The Day After Christmas 9 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

They spoke not a word, but in unintelligable howls OOOiiiOOOeee! EEEooooIIIIuuu! and filled their shopping carts, then fled with an ocean of scowls. *snarl* And throwing their credit cards at the much-abused clerks/left us in peace, while we muttered "Jerks!". Jackasses... EEEEEiiiiUUUUaaaa!

Twas The Day After Christmas 10 by ivytheplant 12-27-04

They rushed to their cars, to their kids gave a screech/And away they all flew like a tsunami leaving the beach. OOOiiiOOOeee! But I heard them exclaim, before they drove out of sight,. This can't be good. "Let's come back tomorrow morning and tomorrow night!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Moore!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com