I totally missed my 4-year anniversary yesterday. I'll never forgive myself.

To celebrate, albeit belatedly, here are 5 of my comics from this month which suck the least.

Home by Scyess 2-02-05

I'm home! I'M HOME!!!! Whadda ya want? A medal? I wonder if this is what they mean by a "non-supportive" relationship? Don't you have somewhere to be or something?

Loves by Scyess 2-02-05

I heard the key to making money is to take what you love and make it profitable. Naw. I'd have to start writing ransom notes to the parents, and things just get messy from there. Maybe it doesn't apply to people who love what you love. I like to think of it as more of a "passion."

Mettle by Scyess 2-02-05

They must've met with a lot of mettle to meddle with a metal like uranium. It must take a lot of mettle to muddle through the middle of mottled "mettle" matters. Or maybe we're just dorks. "We?"

Lifestyles Not Required by Scyess 2-04-05

Welcome to my home, Clarice! Um, you have a pink cow chained to your closet. Hey. I don't criticize your lifestyle. *sigh* I guess I'm just doomed with women. Maybe you should stop referring to me as a "lifestyle."

Jon & Sanna In: Men & Women V]|[ by Scyess 2-06-05

Dammit! When you check the mailbox, put mail for me where I can find it, okay? You're one to talk. When's the last time you cleaned the bathroom? Geez... listen to us. We're bickering like married people. Yeah, you're right. It's kind of scary. I guess this means we should have sex. No, I think it means you should clean the fucking bathroom.

Plenty more where that comes from! Read and collect all 1055! Trade with your friends.

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"Old" is the old new.

By contrast, here are 5 of my comics from February 2001 which don't suck:

Bova by Scyess 2-24-01

Jon, I want you to meet my sister, Bova. I hope you two have a nice time on your date. Um... hi. Moo. The sad part is, this is the most promising date I've had in the last 6 years.

The Date by Scyess 2-24-01

So I graduated from the Super Dave Community College with a degree in the lacunar sciences in '98. Well, almost graduated, anyway... Moo. Ha ha! But I've been talking about my self all evening. Why don't you tell me something about yourself. Moo. You're not much for small talk, I guess. What part of "moo" don't you understand?

The Date Continues by Scyess 2-24-01

... later that evening ... Gosh, I've never brought a date to my place before. I want you to meet Cowdjinn. He's the pink cow I keep chained in my closet just to have someone to talk to. Moo. Hello, Bova! I'm very happy to make your acquaintence. I look forward to an evening in the presence of such a beautiful and fascinating woman. Moo. She's not much for words, but DAMN is this chick hot. Of course, I mean "moo" in the most coruscating possible sense, if you'll pardon the hyperbole.

Takaki no Okaasan by Scyess 2-25-01

This is my mom. She secretes flesh-disintegrating acid from her facial tenticles. Mom, this is Jon. *snarl* *gurgle* *spit* J-O-N!! *drool* *growl* *smack* ... uh... Jon? Hi, there, Samantha. Long time no see. You two KNOW each other?? What? You think you're the first girl to try to pass off a demonic sub-creature as her mother just to get me to go away?

Jon's Love Life by Scyess 2-26-01

So when a girl wants to kiss you, that means there's a remote chance in the distant future that she will want to have sex with you. Right. And when a girl agrees to go out with you, that means that she has considered the possibility of letting you kiss her. Precicely. ...so that means that I've never been considered for the possibility of being allowed to have a remote chance of having sex with someone in the distant future! I could let you go on, but the strip only has three panels.

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"Old" is the old new.

Congrats.

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dcomposed:11-06-05: If I was a viking invading your village, you'd be the first to get raped.
Crabby: 10/5/06: i would love to feed you fresh fruit while bathing you.

It makes sense that people find you to be funny.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

This went over so well last month (two whole people read it!) I decided to do it again. Here are five comics from this month so far that I like:

This Actually Happened V by Scyess 3-03-05

Hey! I bought some organic tangerines at the store! Of course they're organic. All fruits are composed of compounds of carbon, oxygen, and hydrogen. That's not what "organic" means anymore. Oh, yeah? Let's see what the dictionary has to say about that. "organic - adj - costing $1.50 extra per pound" Hey! I got some organic toilet paper on sale!

More Going On by Scyess 3-04-05

I have no nose and no ears. But on the bright side, I would be perfectly happy in a room full of people endlessly letting loose bullhorn burrito farts. And in an early decision, the 2005 What the Fuck Award goes to...

Hypochondria by Scyess 3-07-05

Doc! You gotta help me! I have a horrible case of hypochondria! Really? What feels bad? Nothing. I'm perfectly healthy except for my hypochondria. But you can't have hypochondria unless you feel sick when nothing's wrong. I do! I feel like I have hypochondria! I think I'm going to perscribe you some cyanide.

Trapped by Scyess 3-09-05

So there I was, caught in a bear trap. I had no choice but to gnaw off my own foot to escape. When I had finally chewed it off, I realized my mistake. Then I had to gnaw off the foot that was actually stuck in the trap. Imagine my embarassment when I remembered that it was only a virtual reality simulation of being caught in a bear trap. It's a good thing it's anatomically impossible to gnaw out your own eyes.

Iran, North Korea, Sanna by Scyess 3-11-05

If you had nuclear missiles, do you think you'd cave into pressure from the world's leading powers to get rid of them? Or would you risk keeping them in hopes that by doing so, you could influence the world in favor of yourself, your beliefs, and your way of life? You know what? Never mind. Don't get me a birthday present. Or if you had a Borders gift card...

...so hard to pick just five.

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"Old" is the old new.

And from March 2001, my picks are

Love through a Translator by Scyess 3-01-01

Cowdjinn: "My dearest Bova, darling, the magic and romance of this evening have been augmented more every time I look at you: the stunning vision of pulchritude I see before me." Moo. Bova: "You flatter me, sir. All evening have your words enveloped me like an irredescent cloud, pulling me up beyond the boundries of where I imagined romance could go." Moo. Cowdjinn: "Come, then, my sweet little heifer. We shall make Sampson himself envious of the way we move the rafters this evening." Bova: "I am yours, Cowdjinn. Take me!" Moo. Moo.

Jon's Skills by Scyess 3-01-01

I feel lustful! What can I do to curb my desire for a man? Hi there! Thanks. All right! This sounds like a great time to ask her out!

A Slice of Life by Scyess 3-09-01

*ding dong* I'll get it. I have come to bring to you your Eternal Piece AAAHH! No! Not me! I'm still so young! Show me mercy! Please!! Um, that's the Eternal Piece of Pizza you ordered. Just cough up the $12.35. Man, I hate these theme restaurants.

Jim's Hobby by Scyess 3-12-01

Oh, hi, Jim. What've you been up to? Well, Jon, I've been thinkin'. This is supposed to be a "free" nation, but are any of us really free? When we vote, does it really matter? Can we park where we want to? Freedom, Jon, is just an illusion in America. Hhmmmm... an interesting point. I take it, Jim, that this means you've decided not to let that little girl out of your basement? Well, Jon, ain't it better to keep her locked up honestly and keep her from America's lies? 'sides, I ain't done with her yet.

Old Flames by Scyess 3-24-01

Oh, shit. Hey, Michelle! It's me, Jon! Do you remember me? We went out once, remember? C'mon, you have to remember. Don't I look even a little familiar? (Sorry, Mister. I may look like Michelle, but I'm only a park statue. Better move along...) You DO remember!

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"Old" is the old new.

I prefer reading these to wallowing in Indonesian feces.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.