1. African man suffocates anaconda in crushing grip.
2. Low-budget remake of Aliens.
3. (giggles) 'Your wonderful snake's tickling me down there!' (more giggles)
4. Dental floss gone wild.
5. (Late at night) "Wake up, dear. You're hissing in your sleep again."
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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.