The J-O-B I by Spankling 5-25-05

What are your career goals? To work for a company where I wake up and say, "Thank god for another day!" So, of course you fired off a resume to our little corner of paradise? That's the general idea. You're hired. Now let me explain a little something about our company culture. Is this part of the drug test?

The J-O-B II by Spankling 5-25-05

Sit in this bleak space and process crap from the left to the right. And? And what? Training's over, slacker. Oh. It must be that the system is so intuitive. Fresh meat!

The J-O-B III by Spankling 5-25-05

Hidden functions! Cryptic abbreviations! Acronyms from hell! Big fat, useless help systems! Who's yer daddy! Please computer! I need this job! We all need a "job" boy! You know what to do! Actually... I don't. Oh... right. This being cryptic can be a 2-edged sword.

The J-O-B IV by Spankling 5-25-05

So what do you want of me? I'll do anything! You can start by rubbing that space bar. Like this? Harder! Yeah.... That's the input! Much later... What the hell is going on here? He.. she... it asked for it! I never touch the space bar! Please don't fire me!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

The J-O-B V by Spankling 5-25-05

These reports are great! You caught on fast! Thanks sir. You seem to have a way with processing crap! I would rather not talk about it. Too bad, cuz you're signed up to train the rest of the mouth-breathers to do things your way. In front of people? Can I keep my cloths on?

The J-O-B VI by Spankling 5-25-05

Your first trainee is Jenny. Frankly, if she didn't have a black belt in lap-snake wrestling I would have sacked her ages ago. Lap-snake wrestling? sir, I'm not sure this is such a... Make her as productive in a chair as she is on her back. Any questions? Sigh... no sir. Today we'll learn how to process crap from the left to the right using our belligerent in-house system. Any questions? When am I supposed to get naked?

The J-O-B VII by Spankling 5-25-05

Maybe I can put this in terms you'll understand, Jenny. Think of the space bar as the system's erogenous zone. Question? Euro-genius what? You know, what you do when you make the boss scream like a monkey? Sure! Do that to the spacebar. Isn't this a shared system? It may have viruses!

The J-O-B VIII by Spankling 5-25-05

Zounds! Jenny is a lean, mean, computing machine! Nice work new guy! Thanks sir! It's Jon, sir. Now take a hike, new guy. You're fired. NOOOO! Can you believe it? What did I ever see in you? Move on, I think Jenny's coming back!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

The J-O-B IX by Spankling 5-25-05

Oh computer! You're insatiable! And so warm! I'm over-clocked, baby! Let's computate baby! Jenny! What are you doing with those cables?!? Going above and beyond, boss! I've got this thing doing multiple printouts! So you thought you could take her from me! Now calm down boss! Don't blow a circuit!

The J-O-B X by Spankling 5-25-05

I can't believe I trashed the system! Now we're gonna have big piles of crap on the left and none on the right! Not to mention a big gaping hole in my Friday night. Hurry up boss, I'm still on the clock! Hold on! I never glued a spacebar to my privates before!

The J-O-B XI by Spankling 5-25-05

Boss! What are you doing here? Trying to forget what I've just been through. What are you doing here? Trying to decide on my next career move. How are Jenny and the company treating you? The company is defunct and Jenny has gone hand-on cyber. Come again? Not with this thing on my crank.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

I think that might be your finest work.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

You mean beter than... I mean there is... Than...

Thank you.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Great JORB, spankling.

Good JAERB Spanks. I'm impressed.

Hamstray.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.