Anyone got any strips featuring stupidly contrived puns? Ever since my losing entry in the Comic Cup, I've gotten a taste for them. Here's my latest:

Rage Against the Deus ex Machina by andydougan 10-08-01

What do you call it when an English explorer takes the number of his relatives to the nearest ten, whilst carrying al-Qaeda in a recaptacle in his clothing? I don't know, what *do* you call it when an English explorer takes the number of his relatives to the nearest ten, whilst carrying al-Qaeda in a recaptacle in his clothing? Raleigh rounds the family, with a pocketful of cells! Thankyuhverymuch. My kingdom for a "Jesus committing suicide" character...

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Anyone got any strips featuring stupidly contrived puns? Ever since my losing entry in the Comic Cup, I've gotten a taste for them. Here's my latest:

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None are a match for my mad contrivance skills!

Contrived Comic Contest. I Blame Andy. by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 10-08-01

My name is Helmut Bumpsadaisy.Have you ever met Anne ,my daughter. I sense where this is going. Or perhaps my Brother , Hans , who is very fond of his niece , Anne. I swear , ill never ask for a contrived comic contest again. In fact , she is Hans Niece Anne Bumpsadaisy. Must .......block......out........punchline.......from.......memory.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Heg Foot by kaufman 10-08-01

HI-YAAAA! Excellent. I think you're ready to move up to some tougher competition. You really think so, sensei? What would happen if I entered a celebrity tournament against Shelley Long, Arturs Irbe, Mel Torme, and Zorba the Greek? Hmmmm, in all honesty, I think the order of finish from top to bottom would be ... Holly, Irbe, Zorba, Long, Torme.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Well...it's stupid..
but it's mine

Repetetive stupidity by Mondlicht 10-08-01

I have big eyes Are you on some kind of mushroom? I have a big mouth Are you on some kind of mushroom? R'arr Do you have any mushrooms?

Okay, Andy, you asked for this, so don't go blaming me for the pain the following strips cause...

Attack Of The Killer Puns - three times the pain! by DexX 1-15-01

So, I hear you're engaged... Yes, I got a beautiful ring... I can't get the baby to go to sleep! Just rock it. Great! A re-run of Kojack. I just love Telly!

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Revenge of the Killer Puns - I'm terribly sorry by DexX 2-04-01

Is your significant other also an African-American? You are so P.C. Pleased to meet you, Michael. Oh please, just call me Mike. f you expect me to say something about "making a trunk call" then you have another thing coming... Awwww... please?

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The Return of the Killer Puns! (My sincere apologies) by DexX 3-18-01

Life sucks... I suck... everything sucks... I wish I were dead... Hey! Why so blue? Hello. Did you know that I like to eat the hard-shelled edible seeds of some trees? ...but that's just nuts! Hey! Could you lend me ten bucks, huh? Come on, I'll be your friend if you do. i promise I'll pay you back. Hey, what are you doing today? Can I hang around with you? Wanna see my infected toe? Stop bugging me!

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Lesser known sexual dysfunctions... by DexX 3-19-01

Premature exclamation... Oh yes! Yes! Oh... oh... oh... yes! Yes! YES, OH GOD, YES!!! I wish you wouldn't do that while we're visiting my parents. Importence... Well, I _would_ have sex with you, except that I am way, WAY too good for you. Oh... Gets lost easily... Is it in yet? Ow! That's my navel, you moron!

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Anyone got any strips featuring stupidly contrived puns? Ever since my losing entry in the Comic Cup, I've gotten a taste for them. Here's my latest:

Co... I mean, ANDY... I don't understand that strip at all. What's this about Raleigh etc?!? Please explain, somebody...

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Worldwide Front for Islamic Jihad against Jews, Crusaders and Naughty Monkeys

I almost took you off my favorite list for that "Why so blue" line, but I decided against it because of the "Sexual Dysfunctions" comic. I needed that reminder of why you were there.

BTW, Ariandildocompany... that one strip you don't get was the *only* one of the first few that I did get.

I take that back.

If I explain that one, it will deprive it of what little humour it had. Click here if you're really desperate. Oops, I mean here.

This one shouldn't require explanation for any of yew ...

Fir Ghoot by kaufman 10-09-01

Good news, Suzy, I've found a Christmas tree. You know my buddy Will? His Marine unit has a yew they don't need, and they said we could have it. Hold the thought, Art. I've got a lead on a fabulous fir that would be perfect for us. I'll just make a call and see if it'll come through. So we can have that fir tree? Absolutely. ARRRT! ABORT WILL'S CORPS NOEL YEW!!!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I tried, but I can't get any sense from that at all.

Gimme a clue?

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That is genious.

Argh... finally, after getting a helpful email from Ken, I worked it out. Ow. Brainhurty.

Here is my revenge...

Possibly the worst pun in the history of the world. by DexX 10-09-01

Next week on Ally McBeal... Excuse me, office boy. I need some cockroach baits. This place is invested! Could you go fetch me some, please? Sure thing, Miss McBeal. I'm looking for some cockroach baits. You seen any? Sorry, none left. I peeled the wrappers off all of them and used the goo inside to treat my haemmorhoids. Any luck? Ally, your baits are peeled onto arse.

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Kaufman , for those of us who clearly havent got a clue what youre talking about , would you care to explain your strips?

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

All of Kevin Keegans clues are belong to me...

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Kaufman , for those of us who clearly havent got a clue what youre talking about , would you care to explain your strips?

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Actually, I take that Back... I still can't figure out Kaufman's first strip... but I get the one about the christmas tree... it's terrible.

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Kaufman , for those of us who clearly havent got a clue what youre talking about , would you care to explain your strips?

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Just say his punchlines out loud repeatedly (it probably helps not to do so with a Scottish accent) and you'll probably figure out the joke. Then, send the bastard a mail bomb for making you go through all that effort for those punchlines.

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It probably helps if you realise that "Irbe" is pronounced "Ur-bay".

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Odd, considering that the punchline of my first one translates to the same punchline that DexX's last one had, save for it being in the first person singular, rather than plural.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com