This is a set i've been working on for a few weeks, with varying levels of success. Its a collection of true (if slightly augmented) stories from my life as a barman.

Here are some of the better installments:

Swatting the Barflies - True stories from behind the bar by lima 12-30-05

Why, the fuck won't you serve me I don't need to give you a reason, but i will. You're drunk, and you're abusing my staff Fuck off I'd like you to leave please Fuck off. Do you think you're better than me just because you've got long hair and a crap beard No sir, i'm pretty sure thats just a coincidence

Swatting the Barflies II - True stories from behind the bar by lima 12-30-05

Oi! This fuckin' gambling machine has stolen my fuckin' money! I won fifteen quid off this machine and it won't give me it! Would that be the same fifteen quid that you asked me to change into coins for you, not ten minutes ago? No! I won fifteen quid too! You'd better re-imburse me 'cos i can't pay for my train otherwise I can't do that, company policy. Also, if you've gambled away your train fare and believe that hitting the machine in various places will help get it back... Then i have to assume that you're too stupid to tell if you'd won or not.

Swatting the Barflies III - True stories from behind the bar by lima 12-30-05

Black coffee please OK, is that a large coffee? Sugar? No thankyou OK, is that a large coffee? I said NO milk, i want it black, i'll be sitting over here ...HOW THE FUCK DID WE JUST HAVE A CONVERSATION

Swatting the Barflies VI - True stories from behind the bar by lima 12-30-05

Hey, you're too young and pretty to remember, but Hot Chocolate wrote a song about you I feel sick Aw, want me to rub your chest for you? Ugh! I think B-Wing are gonna be writing songs about you dude

Swatting the Barflies VII - True stories from behind the bar by lima 1-03-06

I.. er.. *hic* umm.. not durnk, gimmie anov dirnk No. Could you leave please Jush.. jush half an alcohol then Half... half an alcohol... you just want an 'alco' then? Thats fine, i can give you an 'alco' GET THE FUCK ALCO MY PUB

Also, anyone familiar with my Sort of like Iron series might like these two comics.

Sort of like Iron XI / Swatting the Barflies X by lima 1-19-06

Gah, i've just had to read a whole load of Ezra Pound to research my essay. I hate how he feels he has to reference every single book in the world. Tsh, i know, i hate intertextuality. You'd never catch me doing something like that So i sais to that guy i sais 'You can't talk to me like that, and you know what i did? I kicked him out of the pub, that'll teach him Hwuh... did somebody just say 'CLUMP' ?

Sort of like Iron XII by lima 1-19-06

Irony Kid! I think i've saved you! I've bought you an 'irony detector' Wow, I didn't know they even existed Oh hell yeah, they exist. A load of American scientists created it. ...an irony detector... made by Americans? Oh yeah... hey it didn't register that one... MY LEGS, MY LEGS!

Although of course, if you show any semblance of sentient activity, you might not. Meh.

I like one and two, and the rest were mediocre.

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

I just realized that I can post in this forum now! Cheers!

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8===D