For those of you who don't know, if you mail Netflix the wrong DVD (read: my $30 instructional 3-cushion billiard DVD) they don't even make the pretense of caring to mail it back to you. Which has prompted me to write this drunken diatribe to Danielle A., my randomly-generated customer service rep. Any here who 'feel' my cause may feel free to each her on their own. Any who do not may proceed directly to the Read My Damn Comics section of the forum and pick on someone else - I've already been beaten up enough today:

Dear Danielle A. (in response to Netflix's uncompromising position on returning my personal DVD which was accidentally mailed back to them):

I understand that your corporate policy precludes you from thinking you can help me in any real way. That is what corporate policies do; catch you at a point in your life where you need some miserable 8 or 9 dollar an hour wage so badly that you're forced to do things like tell people you can't mail them a disc when mailing discs is so clearly what your company does for a living. But I need you to listen to me here for just a second. I know you must get so many e-mails about people sending you back the wrong movies that we all start to seem the same to you, and I need you to remember that I am a person too. I'm tired of getting screwed over, just like you!

I've had the jobs like yours. I've been the pizza delivery guy who goes back to a family that says it got the wrong pizza, but couldn't refund their money because one bite was taken out of one slice, obviously before the customer realized the pie had the wrong toppings on it. I've been the guy who couldn't allow the shirt to be exchanged because the washing machine had washed a couple of digits of the store code on the recepit. I felt terrible every minute doing those awful things to normal, hard-working people for the sake of the corporation who paid my miserly wage, but I did it. But at least, Danielle, I told them I thought the policy was stupid. I acted like my hands were tied, I really made them believe it, maybe because I really did, and I would appreciate the same from you. If you have to screw me over on this DVD return, if you can't be so human as to pick up the phone and call the Ft. Lauderdale distribution center 30 minutes from my house and ask someone to hold the disc so that I may come pick it up from them...if you can't do that or won't do that then please have the decency to tell me you just don't care to do it, or convince me that you sincerely want to but are unable. Hell, tell me you're being held hostage! Something! As it stands no I have no choice but to consider you some glassy-eyed cog in the system. You clearly don't want that, Danielle. I know you're better than that. This canned e-mail about researching the issue and regretting the inconvenience is too much to stomach.

Although this request may seem strange, I would truly appreciate a response back from you so that I may feel I've actually been corresponding with a human, rather than some computer-generated e-mail responding robot script. I have to know that there is actually someone at Netflix who is personally willing to stand behind their idiotic credo of refusing to send me back my DVD. I have to know that. Write me back and tell me I'm not worth it. Write me back and tell me something. Even if it's not helpful. Or funny.


Thanks,

Jason W***

561-***-****

why did you send the wrong disc then you fucking retard

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Batman created by Bob Kane

I bet you they never respond. I bet you a $30 instructional 3-curtain billiard DVD.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

C-4 can be shaped like a DVD. it can be detonated by a simple mercury switch affixed to a small watch battery. you can even put your return address on it because its just gonna get vaporized like everything else within the 20' blast radius.

if a couple of wage slaves have to die, so be it. it'll make you feel better. and maybe they'll amend their corporate return policies.

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Kill Whitey.

Is that the same Danielle A. who's selling an instructional billiard DVD on E-bay for $50?

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

  I hope the letter made you feel better.  Because if I were Danielle, I would've stopped reading after the first quarter of the first paragraph.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

In an attempt to keep things fair I must say I have received a reply. It's from another person in customer service and offers to credit my account a certain amount for a few months or something. And while I'm not usually such a bean counter that I jump all over discounts and reparations when they are offered, I just might this time because I consider it egregious that they won't let me pick up the damn DVD up from them. I'm not even asking to have it mailed. Anyone who doesn't think that's stupid should pick up an application from Netflix - I hear they're hiring.

I'd say it's easy to mail the wrong DVD. For example, you're a bit high/drunk/ADDled/otherwise distracted by the two manwhores performing an interpretive dance set to Swedish massage music when you press/click the Open button on your DVD player, look at the disc, read "Feeling Minnesota" as the title instead of "Minnesota Fats' 3-Jane-Curtain-Ballbag Blanket Bingo Instructional Foray" and pop that bad boy into a Netflix mailer. Easily done.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Their DVD fulfillment process must be completely automated so there's probably a robot somewhere who took your DVD home and is watching it.

[Click to view comic: 'Tobor Will Put His Balls in Your Pocket']

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

not_Scyess

s/paragraph/sentence;

Shorter attention span.

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