You know that reality show on cable called "Deadliest Catch", where they follow crab boats around the North Pacific? Kinda boring, right?

Well, I was thinking that into every promo they should insert a staged scene of a crewman with a large crab attached parasitically to his face. He'd be writhing on the deck and screaming, "get it off, get it off" while a big guy with an ax prepares to perform a mercy killing on the poor schlub. Then the next scene would just be some mundane shot of crab pots being rigged or something.

The parasite crab would not appear in any actual episode, but would generate huge ratings nonetheless.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

I think the entire marketing scheme should be of warriors on the sea fighting against the parasite crab menace.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I think they should have call-in voting, and the crewman who gets the least votes gets thrown overboard.

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What others say about boorite!

A friend of mine enjoyed watching that show last year because "people actually died!!!"

And I'd watch just for the parasitic crabs, Zaster.

boorite

That gives me an idea. How about a show where people phone in to have the person they like least die? No real point, just a bunch of people who are going to die. Perhaps a seperate line for the method too?

Imagine "I'm sorry Steve YOU'RE the first to die. Now the audience has to choose the method. This weeks selection includes, an angry midget with a golf club, some rabid squirrals, Pee-Wee Herman or That gold-cutting laser thing from 'Gold Finger'.

This is the greatest idea ever. But couldn't you also add different shots into the promos? Like a giant crab attacking the boat from the ice floes, or the captain exploding in a shower of tiny parasitic crab.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

Crab attacks are no laughing matters.