So check this out. My girlfriend tells me that I have no ambition. I told her that's not true. I told her that I want to become a Samurai. I want to be a high-ranking Samurai in the navy of the pharaoh of Canada. The Pharaoh is an immortal vampire type thing whose tomb is guarded by fierce penguins and undead pirates. If you go down into his tomb and awaken him from his 1,000 year sleep he will grant you one wish before he destroys the world. That's when I get to become a Samurai.

So I tell my girlfriend all this and she just kind of backs away slowly and then jumps out a window. I haven't seen her since. All I can figure is that the bitch must be a lesbian.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Wow. You really are a cunt.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

gabe_billingsThat's why he wears the bear suit. Duh.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Because I am so receptive and bring pleasure to so many people?

Or is it the goatee? I've been thinking about losing that.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

I wear bear suits all the time to comermorate the USSR and communism and I'm not a cunt, well, at least I don't have one.

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction