That's right, set phasers to geek because the theme of this competition is Star Trek!

I find it odd that since the site received Squids marvellous characters or the numerous nerds we have floating about here that we've yet to have this as a competition, so it falls on me to say 'make it so'.

No other rules, send up the show (any series), send up its fans, make a geeky pun, whatever.

I'll even accept oldies. 

Judgment will be in approximately 7 Standard Earth days.

And may the force be with you (see what I did there?)

Captain's Blog by HCRoyall 7-07-08

I surrender, Federaton swine. What are your terms? Look, I don't want to fight anyone, I just want to know where the green women are. They're... down on the planet's sruface... Sweet! Thanks! LET THE MATING COMMENCE! Damn Klingons...

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC394: The Full Body Project by fpd 7-07-08

Yoo hoo, Mr. Nimoy, you are my hero! That new book of yours helped me realize what a beautiful woman I really am. I am so glad to here it, Miss. It is such a shame that this culture has let rotund women think they're ugly. Um, Mr. Nimoy, Leonard, would you like to go where no man has gone before? Do you mean ...? Yes, YES, I want you to be the first to pon'far me. Sorry, I don't do fat chicks.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

oldie but a goodie...

Dr. Pembroke: Sexual Space Veternarian by AngryAmerican 8-29-06

Captain, I'm happy to announce that your tribble is going to be fine. She came through the surgery with flying colors! Thanks doc, that's a relief. But how can you tell if its a female or not? They appear to be nothing more than semi animate balls of fur. You have to lick teasingly in concentric circles all over the tribble in question. If after an hour or two there's no discharge, it's a female. ... Or you can attempt insertion.... Security team to bridge.

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Kill Whitey.

Porn far by mandingo 7-24-06

my nipples are hard for you, long ear no computer, this is incorrect. i said run Spockrotica Simulation 814. this is 812 ruff ruff! no computer, this is Spockrotica 840 not 814. let's never speak of it again. i said 814. eight. one. four. Spock, there you are! these damn computer glitches have had me running around the ship all day! stop playing around on the holodeck and take over for me on the bridge, i need to lay down awhile! thank you, computer. half illumination, tub of warm butter

Married to Spock by mandingo 10-25-05

that device over there seems to be trying to communicate with me. how exactly do i make first contact? i could interface with it using my tricorder. or perhaps a mindmeld. yes, that seems logical PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE!

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what if nigger meant kite

mandingo wins.  Contest over.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Before someone else does it... by El_Phen 7-08-08

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!! Yes sweetie? Don't forget to pick up some milk.

Star Trek II: The Grapes of Wrath of Kahn by John Steinbeck by christopher7murphy 7-08-08

So 'Admiral' Kirk, you never told anyone how you sent seventy of us into exile in this barren dustbowl with only the contents of this cargo bay to sustain us? You lie. On Ceti Alpha V there was life. Employment. A fair chance... THIS ...IS ....CETI ALPHA V. Oh? Well, then did you try to oppress migrant workers to your advantage? Are you kidding? Have you ever tried to breastfeed a Klingon?

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Insert Theme to Mannix here

Star Search Trek 1 by biped 7-08-08

Aw, come on, Spock! This "Amateur Night" thing will really beef up morale! And the crew would LOVE to hear you sing! REALLY! But, this is highly illogical, and--oh, all right. (sigh) Ahem..."If I were a carpenter... and you were a lady..." "...would you still--" HEY, LOOK EVERYBODY!!! SPOCK'S BEING A BIG, FUNNY ASSHOLE!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Star Search Trek 2 by biped 7-08-08

Captain, I must strenuously protest this blatant-- NOW, Scotty! Beam Mr. Spock into the ship's raw sewage compartment! SORRY, SPOCK!!! YOU GET THE HOOK!!! HA HA!!! Next, Ensign Chekov will display his greatest talent...screaming like a little girl. CHEKOV!!! THERE'S A GORN BEHIND YOU!!! YAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAA!!!!! And now for our grand finale! (ahem) "Picture yourself... in a boat...on a river..." HEY, COME BACK HERE!!! THAT'S AN ORDER!!!

Star Search Trek 3 by biped 7-08-08

Scotty, beam Spock back onstage. OH, MY GOD!!! PEEEE-YEEEEEW!!! My father warned me against joining Starfleet. I'm resigning my commission. Aw, come on, Spock! It was all in good fun. I can't believe you're having me court-martialed. Shove it, Captain. Drop me off at Deep Space 9 in all haste. Oh, and kiss my warty Vulcan butt cheeks. "Shove it, Captain... deep...in...my warty, Vulcan butt cheeks...in all haste." See, Admiral? That's why Spock's being such a bitch--cuz he's a fag.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

But Does He Still Like to Be on Top? by crowspeaker 7-08-08

What the--? Who the hell are you? I'm your evil twin from the Mirror Universe. I'm here because of a transporter accident. Damn, I look pretty fine. Want to go make out? No. In my universe I am heterosexual. You really are evil.

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Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

New Comic Physics by Humpenstein 7-09-08

One day on the voyager... Quick spock! Go into the engine room and rotate the rotor turbines, the gravitrons must be generated in order for the force field to operate. Yes, captain. What the fuck are they talking about?

Please, Captain. Call Me Janus VI. by christopher7murphy 7-11-08

Commander Spock, it's the Horta. She's not protecting her eggs anymore, but she's raping the miners. This calls for another Vulcan mind-meld. -Hssssss!- "OoOoOoHhHh! The pain! Indignity! He used me! Never called me back. Whoa is I!" Really, Captain? The Horta? Hey..she seduced me! Besides, once I found the hole....

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Insert Theme to Mannix here

I'm sorry.

 

Star days of our Trek lives (1) by El_Phen 7-11-08

Now Spock, after we traverse the nebula I want you to scan for any life forms. That beast wont get away this time! I would captain but I must confess. My scanning skills are no longer at the level they once were. Why ever is that Spock? You seemed to scan that asteroid belt fine and... You don't understand sir, I am no longer able to reach the console to perform the scanning operations because.....I'm pregnant. And Ensign Ricky is the father! Duh-Duh-Duuuuuhhh

Star Days of our Trek Lives (2) by El_Phen 7-11-08

But Spock! Ensign Ricky is...and you're...how? You see Captain, about three months ago I was servicing the sensor array and found Ensign Ricky in the adjacent section. At first I thought his interest in the scanning hyper-spanner was good natured. However, as soon as my back was turned he struck me on the head and proceeded to ravish my unconscious body. Mercilessly pounding my aching anus until he was spent. Three weeks later I became very ill in the mornings, upon recieving medical attention from Bones I learned that I was with child and what's worse, it's neither human nor Vulcan but Klingon! Duh-duh-duuuuh

Star Days of our Trek Lives (3) by El_Phen 7-11-08

Why have you not mentioned this sooner? How is the baby a Klingon? How did you become pregnant!? In answer to your last question, males of my kind cannot under normal mating circumstances become pregnant. Only a violent mating with another species, notably only Human and Klingon can do this. Well, you said that Ensign Ricky is the father, as far as I know he's human. Well, yes, or so it would appear. I have learned that he is a genetically modified Klingon spy sent to kill us by raping us to death! And your first question, I did not tell you because... I love you! Duh-duh-duuuuh!

Star Trek Goodfellas by christopher7murphy 7-11-08

Crap, Spock! We're in trouble now! There was way too much power behind that phaser and we obliterated the entire cast of 'Get Smart!' I have a solution, Captain. We just have to make it look like another popular television show from the 1960's is responsible. ...er...I mean, "Holy Shit, Batman!"

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Insert Theme to Mannix here

Because I love it and it has dropped out of my personal top rated list:

Fitting In by attitudechicka 2-17-06

There's an "engage" button on my antivirus program! Ha ha ha! Ha ha! My doctor's name is Dr. Bones. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. I fell in love with my sister. That's Star WARS, you moron. Get out.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

You all belong in the circus, not a starship. Right next to the dog face boy! 

 Or in other words, judging will be in approximately 24 earth hours.  

back to the future by dcomposed 7-08-08

Dad, I've decided what I'm going to do with my life. I'm going to be a Star Trek nerd. Son, you know damn well our family is Back to the Future nerds. Back to the Future is stupid! Why would you go back in time when you can go forward?!! I've never heard a more disappointing line of dialogue in my life. What about in BACK TO THE FUTURE PART III !!!!? I have no son.

back to the future part II by dcomposed 7-08-08

Dad, I'm sorry about what I said about Back to the Future yesterday. Don't worry about it, son. It's all in the past. The beautiful, glorious past... FUCK YOU!!! Back to the Future sucks! Enjoy your future, son. You won't be spending it with us.

back to the future part III by dcomposed 7-08-08

Well if that's all you have to say I'm off to the Star Trek convention. You won't be seeing me again. Good. Marty McFly is a faggot!!!!

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Batman created by Bob Kane

RCD 15: The Gaping Gornhole by biped 2-18-08

Crewman Leslie to Captain Kirk. I've entered the Gorn mating chamber. Good, good. Just go on in and capture their leader, then. He's the big one. Do you think it's safe? Oh, of course. What possible danger could there be in interrupting a bunch of Gorns fucking? They'll probably just be really scared. Oh, my god...I'm wearing a red shirt. You'll get a commendation for this.

Amuck Time by biped 7-14-08

Captain, my 7-year Vulcan...err, sexual cycle...uhh, thing... anyway, I request immediate leave on my home planet-- No need, Spock! I've anticipated this and secured the services of an experienced professional. PON FARR, YEAH! WOO HOO! Uh, no weird "grips", mind melds, or anal. Well, Spock? Get your ashes hauled? Not now, Captain. Dr. McCoy is replicating some "penicillin" for me.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Cannae tek ne more capt'n (hon mentions)

Pop Quiz by Seanator

The Alternative Factor by Seanator

New Comic Physics by Humpenstein

Star days of our Trek Lives by El_Phen

Star Trek Goodfellas by Christopher7Murphy

Spocks Brain with added raised eyebrow(runner up)

 Married to Spock by Mandingo

Boldly going where no man has gone before (hosting Comic Comp 395)  

Before someone else does it... by El_Phen 7-08-08

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!! Yes sweetie? Don't forget to pick up some milk.

Congrats El_Phen, great comic.  

Dammit Jim Im a stripcreator not a doctor (Special lifetime achievement award) ;

Now it all makes sense! by fuzzyman 10-18-01

You know, when you used that anti-gravity generator to walk across the water, that was great! Uh... thanks, but... And when you used the portable replicator to produce those loaves and fishes... that was brilliant! Yes, I know, but... Congratulations, Commander Riker! You've restored the timeline! Dammit, Geordi, get me down from here!

 

in an ideal world i would always be runner up. that way i know someone liked my comic but i don't have to be arsed to run a contest. also, being an ideal world, i'd be fully adorned with donut jewelry

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what if nigger meant kite

mandingo

Ahh but under the Comic Code, rule 32, section b, sub paragraph ii;  the responsibilities of being runner up also include the possibility of running the competition should the winner forfeit or not show up; Lets give El_Phen till sunday, but destiny may be calling mr Mandingo, will you take the call?  

Muchos grassy-ass Mr. TheGoverner. Personally I too would have given 'dingo the win but I'm wrong about many things. New contest is now up 'n' running. I'd have given me 'til Monday though, I know I'm lazy.

It was too close to call between your entry and mandingo's tbh, the flashback I got to Wrath of Khan and the wry chuckle it evoked was what flipped it for me, though thats taking nothing away from 'dingos which was hilarious.

Captain Pike Meets Tobor by kaufman 7-18-08

whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... RAAAAAAAR!!!! BOOP-BOOP! BOOP-BOOP!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com