The "Gud Book" Entry 1 by Makin_d_bacon 4-10-18

My take on John 2: 1-11 S'up? Your mom sent me to tell ya that they're out of wine at the wedding feast. So what am I supposed to do about it? You're the Son of God! She was kinda hoping for a....uh... a miracle! The next day... She said to tell ya "Thanks!" The wine you created was the very BEST! Hey, I know my mom and, trust me, "Manischewitz" wasn't THAT hard to top!

The "Gud Book" Entry 2 by Makin_d_bacon 4-11-18

My take on Matthew 2: 1-12 This is a cave! I thought you were born in a manger? Ya got my gifts? Gold? Frankincense? Myrrh? So ya got NOTHING, huh? I wouldn't say "nothing". I DO have a coupon for 50% off at the "Motel 6" near Bethlehem! Just great! Go get it while I break the news to Joseph. But Jesus...Mary & I got no idea where that dump is located! No problem! I understand... "they'll keep a light on for us".

The "Gud Book" Entry 3 by Makin_d_bacon 4-12-18

My take on Exodus 3:1-15 So, I vunder vy vas I beckoned here? *Ahem* Oy vey! Who are you & vhat do you vant? I am who I am! I have for you, two stone tablets with my "Ten Commandments" enscribed upon them! Stone tablets? How bout ya just email em to me, eh Buballa? And this lazy "Schmendrik" will wonder WHY I don't let him enter the "Promised Land"! HA!

The "Gud Book" Entry 4 by Makin_d_bacon 4-13-18

My take on Luke 10: 38-42 Come to check out the "help", have you Lord? Do I detect a note of displeasure, Martha? You show up at these feasts with a crowd in tow and "I'M" always the one who has to clean up after them all! I'll see what I can do about it. Moments later, in the main room...... More precious and extremely expensive perfume for your feet, Jesus? OK, but this has to be the last time for a while. And when you're done go help Martha scape plates, n'k?

The "Gud Book" Entry 5 by Makin_d_bacon 4-13-18

My take on Matthew 19:14 That hair makes you look like a girl, Mister! Nice dress, lady. But you could use a shave! What's with these kids, Pops? You know the drill, boy! "Suffer ye the little children". Emphasis on the word "Suffer"!

The "Gud Book" Entry 6 by Makin_d_bacon 4-14-18

My take on Luke 10:25-37 Can you assist me? Chen been assaulted! No way, you lousy chink. Die already! Me? Help YOU? HA!!! You non-kosher punk, you! *sigh* I gotta say...you clean up pretty good! So why you Samaritans only get "700 Club" on TV?

The "Gud Book" Entry 7 by Makin_d_bacon 4-15-18

My take on Jonah Chapt. 2 Did you see that whale swallow that guy? Yeah! It was horrible. Days later.... Don't look now but the whale just sneezed that dude out! He DID? Ok, I'll go...I'll GO! Now...how do I get to Ninevah from here? You swim Jonah....you SWIM! THEN call Triple A!

The "Gud Book" Entry 8 by Makin_d_bacon 4-16-18

My take on 1 Samuel 17 So yer Goliath, eh? You ain't so bad! Why David come to kill Goliath? What makes you think i wanna kill ya? Goliath not stupid! You got sling-shot in dat pocket or, you just happy to see me? Then, just moments later.... I dropped him like a bad habit, didn't I? Easy for YOU to say! Now WE gotta bury his fat carcass!

The "Gud Book" Entry 9 by Makin_d_bacon 4-17-18

My take on Mathew 3: 13-17 Yo! Johnny B....I need YOU to baptize ME now. But Master, tis I who should be baptized by you. Hang on. I don't want this to get ugly & you start FORCING things on people. Just do what I say, the way I say to do it... n'k? OK, ok. So I made a FEW folks offers they couldn't refuse! One of John the Baptist's prior efforts... So THIS is "Baptism", huh???

The "Gud Book" Entry 10 by Makin_d_bacon 4-18-18

My take on Matthew 14: 1-12 Listen here Salome, that dance you did at my bithday party was "the bomb"! Ask what you will & it's yours! ANYTHING? Diamonds? Pearls? Rubies, maybe? I know...an American Express "BLACK" card? I've already got THAT stuff. What I want is...... I wonder if Herod wants the "Baptist's" head gift-wrapped or not? I could sure go for some locusts & honey about now!

The "Gud Book" Entry 11 by Makin_d_bacon 4-19-18

My take on Luke 15:11-32 So son, you want to take your inheritance & just leave us? Yup! This place, you, my big bro...all of ya suck, big time! I got partying to do! And the boy squandered every penny! You been comin here for years and now you're broke..so beat it loser! You CAN'T cut ME off. I'll just go back home to my daddy! Which is just what he did! It looks like little bro is crawling back home, Pa! So I guess ya want I should kill the fatted calf, eh? Kill him? NO WAY! I want to welcome him home with a nice meal & all due respect! And you stop calling him FAT!

The "Gud Book" Entry 12 by Makin_d_bacon 4-20-18

My take on Daniel 6:1-28 Look Danny boy, you pray only to me or I'll throw ya to the ferocious beast! Go ahead. Hit me with yer best shot! Hey, aren't you gonna try to eat me? Nope! That would be stupid of me and everybody knows "I'm smarter than the Av-a-rage Bear"! What? Still ALIVE? What about the beast? I guess he wasn't hungry, sire. He claimed to have brought his own "Pic-a-nik" basket!

The "Gud Book" Entry 13 by Makin_d_bacon 4-21-18

My take on Exodus 14: 13-30 Oy vey, those darned Egyptians are getting closer! Yikes! Moses, how will we ever cross this Red Sea? How's about I ask God to open it up and we just walk across, Joshua? MORE walking? Is THAT the best ya can do? Once I drown those Egyptians I need to build up that Joshua's work ethic. Is he good at ANYTHING? I hear he blows a mean trumpet!

The "Gud Book" Entry 14 by Makin_d_bacon 4-22-18

My take on Matthew 4: 1-11 I'm AM a tad hungry! Tough turds! Turn some rocks into bread! That would be tacky! Then jump off this mountain! I wanna see yer angels snatch ya outta thin air! Also tacky! I suppose next you're gonna offer to give me everything I can see from here, correct? NUTS! Him knowing the questions before I even ask em, takes all the fun outta this job!

The "Gud Book" Entry 15 by Makin_d_bacon 4-23-18

My take on...Mark 11:1 -11 I got a job for ya! I want ya to carry my boy into Jerusalem on the Sunday before he's killed! I can handle that. It'll be known in years to come as "Palm Sunday"! The crowds will bow down to him. Cool! I better get down there. You're supposed to be a king. THAT'S not kingly! I don't ride in a crowd without head protection!

The "Gud Book" Entry 16 by Makin_d_bacon 4-24-18

My take on Luke 2: 41-52 ...anything else yous Temple guys wanna know, Rabbi Ezrah? How did a carpenter's son get so scripturally wise? Vas it "The Torah For Dummies", maybe? Oh, oh! Oy vey...yer in for it now, Jesus boy! Here comes Mary & Joseph! He ran off saying he was here doing a job for his dad! So tell me, wha's up with THAT? Look Mary, I'm just the step-dad, remember?

The "Gud Book" Entry 17 by Makin_d_bacon 4-25-18

My take on Matthew 24: 36-37 Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird. It's a plane! NO! It's...."The Second Coming"! So pops, IS it time? What part of "It's a secret!" don't you GET?

The "Gud Book" Entry 18 by Makin_d_bacon 4-26-18

My take on Genesis 6: 9-22 You want me to build a "what"? An "Ark"? What's an "Ark"? It's a huge boat to keep you from dying in the flood! To keep me from dying in a "what"? A "Flood"? What's a "Flood"? It's what will happen after I cause it to rain for a long, long time! You're gonna cause it to "what"? To "Rain"? What's "Rain"? Look Shem, just forget I even mentioned it and go get me your dad, Noah!

The "Gud Book" Entry 19 by Makin_d_bacon 4-27-18

My take on Luke 9: 12-17 Look Jesus, we got 5000 guys here, not to mention the women and kids! But you have 2 or 3 fish and a loaf of bread or two, right? So go FEED em, already, and don't forget to bring back the leftovers! Oy veys mir! Leftovers? Ha! That'll be the day! Just do it...chop, chop! I got a big speech to give. Later on, after the speech & meal.... Yo, Jesus! Nice speech! But I can't believe we got 12 baskets of food left! Looky here...I don't wanna be an "I told ya so" BUT........

The "Gud Book" Entry 20 by Makin_d_bacon 4-28-18

My take on John 21: 1-10 Ahoy! Catch anything, you guys? Nah! We been out here all night & we got zilch! Try throwin the net out one last time over the OTHER side of the boat! What? That's NUTS! Well OK, if you say so! Throw it over, dudes! A short time later...... S'up there, Jesus? Whatcha need? Can ya do me a solid & give Peter & those sons of Zebedee a hand? Their boat is kinda sinking from the 153 huge fish they just caught!

The "Gud Book" Entry 21 by Makin_d_bacon 4-29-18

My take on Matthew 27: 11-26 Let's see now...Jesus or Barabas? Jesus or Barabas? Descisions, decisions! C'mon Pontias Pilate, who gets the prize? I don't know that I'd call it a PRIZE there, Barabas old boy! Such a day we got planned for you, Jesus! So Pilate, give us this long haired trouble maker already you "Schmedlik" you! Many hours later...... Guess I won, huh? Man does 2nd prize suck, or what? Yeah...or WHAT?

The "Gud Book" Entry 22 by Makin_d_bacon 4-30-18

My take on Exodus 14: 21 -29 Tell the people to run faster, Joshua! I can't hold the Red Sea apart forever! OK Moses, but only if you let me watch you drown the Egyptian Army!

The "Gud Book" Entry 23 by Makin_d_bacon 5-01-18

My take on Genisis 22: 1-10 So Father Abraham, where you takin me? Mt. Moriah Isaac. Now pipe down, I'm thinkin. Whatcha gonna do when we get up there? God told me to make a sacrifice of sorts! Apparantly, God knows nothin about animal habitats cuz I don't see "Diddley Squat" to sacrifice up here! Let's give it 5 more minutes cuz I'm hoping for a change in the game plan!

The "Gud Book" Entry 24 by Makin_d_bacon 5-02-18

My take on Acts 7: 57-60 Yo Stephan...you better beat it. An angry mob is lookin to stone you & mess you up, big time! I don't sweat them! They ain't so bad Here they come dude, and that Saul guy is with em, carrying rocks. They look ticked! Who cares? I'm gonna just go over here and lay down for a bit. Those morons are clueless, I tell ya! They got NO IDEA what their doing! ...but "stone him" they DID! See? I told ya, Stephen. Stephen? STEPHEN? Wake up, dude! *zzz* *ZZZ* *zzz*

The "Gud Book" Entry 25 by Makin_d_bacon 5-03-18

My take on Matthew 2: 16 Vy are you here? I'm here to to slay all the males under 2 years of age. Vee got nobody like zat here! I'll be the judge of THAT. LET ME IN! AHA! And how old are YOU, boy? I'll be 83 on my next birthday. My legs are just kinda short for this walker. Now, would I lie to YOU?