I was wondering what would happen if the wizard in this month's big film was replaced with a certain other wizard that features in several of my comic series:

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 1 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

You wanted to see me, Uncle Bilbo? Yes, Frodo. I have a very important task for you. You must take this ring to the top of Mt Doom. The wizard will guide you. The Wizard? Yes. The fate of Middle Earth rests in your hands. Now I must leave before the wizard gets here. Later... Are you the wizard? Damn right I'm the fucking wizard! Now give me that fucking ring, I'm off to the pawn shop!

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 2 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

I don't understand. If you hate everything so much, why are you helping me save the world? I want this film to do better than that cunt Potter's. So I figured I'd hijack it. I kidnapped that beardy twat Gandalf and took his place. You mean you're not Gandalf? Hell no. Gandalf was supposed to take you up some boring fucking mountain. I figured this film'd be better if I took you to titty bars and blew shit up. But the fate of Middle Earth is at stake! Listen, shortarse, I'm getting sick of your fucking moaning? You'd rather save the world than see tits? Are you some kind of fucking homo faggot boy?

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 3 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

I'm so glad that shortarse fucked off. He was beginning to really annoy me Grr! I want your ring! What the fuck? I'm not giving no brown love to any motherfucker, especially some green little shit like you. Fuck off, you nancy boy homo faggot. No, I meant the magic ring. Oh. Although I was going to ask if you wanted some anal, but I'm guessing the answer is 'no'.

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 4 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

What the fuck are you, anyway? I'm an Orc! Grr! An Orc? Like Mork from Orc? I fucking hated that guy. He had all these alien powers, and he never once made that chick's clothes disappear. Plus I saw that other film where he dressed up as a fucking woman. What kind of fucking weird shit is that?

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 5 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

(Puff puff), Master Javier! Finally I have caught up with you! Fuck. Midget boy's found me. I've been told the Dark Lord has hired another wizard to take the ring off you! He's supposed to be just ahead! I'm not scared of a fucking wizard. Is he an old fucker with a beard wearing a dress? I bet it fucking is. I meant to ask that. All wizards are supposed to have beards. Why don't you have one? Um... McDonalds don't allow facial hair on employees. Now shut the fuck up.

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 6 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

So anyway. We are the fellowship of the ring. Fellowship? That sounds so fucking gay. We're going to be a fucking gang. The Gang of the Ring? Yeah. And we'll all have fucking gats and a secret hand symbol. I don't think you're quite grasping the importance of our mission. Fuck you! Don't fuck with me and my gang.

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 7 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

The evil wizard is up here, apparently. I see a little fat fuck up ahead. It must be him. I have heard this wizard has powers beyond your comprehension. Yeah yeah yeah. I went to fucking Hogwarts. There's nothing I can't fucking handle. You! Potter! Try and upstage my film, will you Javier? Well, you will pay!

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 8 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

I see you no longer have a goatee, and have lost some weight. Yes. New art has been added to the Stripcreator since our last meeting, so I no longer have to use the Dexx character. Ha ha ha! What the fuck are you talking about?

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 9 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

You've got a baby. That means you must have shagged someone. That is correct. I bet she was a fucking minger. Was she a fucking minger? Or I bet it was your mum. She's so fat and ugly. She'll fuck anyone. Actually it was Cameron Diaz. I met her at the premiere of my film. We're getting married in June. So you've had sex? What's it like?

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 10 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-12-01

You've got a baby. Are you going to molest it? I bet you are. Fucking child molester. Errrr, no. Yes you fucking are. You're going to fondle its little fucking arse and lick and do all kinds of obscene stuff to it, you sick fucker. Actually this child is destined to be the most powerful wizard ever, and unite the entire world in peace and love. Fucking kiddy fiddler.

Chhee chhee chhee. I like that wizard.

Funny fucking stuff.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

*laugh*

Top-quality strip silliness. Thanks for that, kvk. :)

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Javier , as ever , rocks my fucking world.

Now , all we need is a Javier v Surly Dragon crossover , and i think ill probably cum.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

This is some of the best stuff I have ever read at stripcreator. Hilarious.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

I made a few more, but kind of lost interest:

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 11 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-13-01

So who else is in our gang? Well, there's the two of us, and my friends Sam, Pippin and Merry. Merry? What the fuck kind of name is Merry? I'm not having anyone with a fucking gay name like that in MY gang. Actually Merry is just his nickname. His real name is Frobisher Dangletramp of Twindlewood. Fuck that! He's not getting in MY fucking gang unless he changes his name to H-Doggg. And he has to provide his own fucking gat, and it better not be painted pink!

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 12 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-13-01

What the fuck? This isn't the fucking titty bar, this is some fucking cave or some shit! Shhh! This is the cave of the dragon! We have to get past it if we are to reach mount Doom and destroy the ring. I'm not scared of no fucking dragon. I'll go on ahead and kick its arse. Okay, but I must warn you.They say it's very bad tempered... So, you must be the fucking dragon. Get the fuck out of my way. Fuck off.

Lord of the Fucking Rings - Part 13 by kramer_vs_kramer 12-13-01

I mean it, lizard-boy. Get the fuck out my way or I'll turn you into a big bucket of shit or something. Fuck you. I'd like to see you try. I- I think I love you.