4.5 years?!? Stop whining! Took me 7 cause I switched majors halfway through!
But seriously congratulations and since you will soon be a graduate, I feel it is my duty to tell you the secret.
As every kid grows up they have an inkling that their parents aren't telling them something major about the world. In college, this is amplified, but still no one guesses it. However, every college graduate gets to know. So here you go: feel behind your left ear. Feel that bump? Yes, I know you never realized it was there before, none do. It is a sign denoting our true heritage, the last remnants of horns. Yes, we evolved from goats. And every hallow's eve the college graduates of the world go out and feast on the blood of chickens. Pretty disgusting practice really, but no cover charge. Now you know.
---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.
