I don't know why I got off on a tangent here, but I did a little biblical series and thought I'd post it here, even though my comics as of late have been rather crap. Oh, well.

Even Hemmingway had his off days. Like when he wrote "Vampire Sorority Virgins from Mars VII." He almost never lived that one down.

Random Comic! Untold Religious Stories by Scyess 6-11-02

Now go forth, Moses, and free your people from bondage. Yes Lord! I will do as you command. Hey, Gary! Weren't you just supposed to tell him to change his socks more often? I got carried away -- I think it was that stupid goatee.

Random Comic! Untold Religious Stories ][ by Scyess 6-20-02

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And then God found a website whereupon he could use stock art to make comic strips, and all real creation ceased as God fucked around with it for a few dozen eons. Look! The squirrel caught fire! Hehe!

Random Comic! Untold Religious Stories ]|[ by Scyess 6-20-02

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. And God said, Let there be lite beer: and that one didn't go over quite so well. Dude! This tastes like ass! No shit! Who makes this crap, anyway?

Random Comic! Untold Religious Stories |V by Scyess 6-20-02

And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters... "Firmament" means "ground," by the way. Right! Sorry.

Random Comic! Untold Religious Stories V by Scyess 6-22-02

And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs... Hey, wait a second! What? I'm in the middle of a story here... You told me in the last comic that "firmament" meant "ground!" It really means "the sky!" So? That's what you get for being too lazy to look it up yourself. Serves you right. YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANT EITHER, DID YOU?

[Click to view comic: 'Random Comic! Untold Religious Stories V|']

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"Old" is the old new.

I salute you good sir.

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Dad was flammable

Continued (at Kajun's request):

Random Comic! Untold Religious Stories V|| by Scyess 6-23-02

And God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." Fuck.

Untold Religious Stories V||| by Scyess 6-23-02

The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him. And I'll call you... Reginald! Jerk. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; RRRIIIIIPPPP!!! AAIIYYIIIEEE!!!! Ow ow ow! OW! Medic! And the LORD God, "Sorry, buddy... you were supposed to sleep through that bit." Could YOU sleep while someone was ripping your ribcage apart? I DIDN'T THINK SO!!!!

Untold Religious Stories |X by Scyess 6-23-02

and the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Here ya go... Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." Actually, I'd prefer "Womyn." And the eternal cycle began. Dammit, girl, I had to have a rib ripped out just to make you, so don't cross me. Ha! If that's the most pain you ever get of this relationship you'll be a lucky Man.

The End!

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"Old" is the old new.

Thou smitest us!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com