This series originally began in CC148, but remained unfinished. As promised, the remainder of the story will unfold here in this very thread! Here's the tale so far ...

Retard of Oz, Part 1A by Namgubed 10-16-02

Meanwhile, back at the ranch ... Arf! LITTLE ANNOYING DOG CLOSELY RESEMBLES FOOTBALL! TIME FOR FIELD GOAL!! Good thing I had the drop on that bucket of bolts with my handy vat of sulfuric acid! Thanks for saving my dog Supertramp, Auntie Em! Say, what's that funnel-shaped cloud over yonder? * WHOOSH!! * I suggested we move out of that trailer park, but nooooo! Rorothy! Relp!

Retard of Oz, Part 1B by Namgubed 10-16-02

* KA-THUMP!! * Woof! Look, Supertramp! Our house landed in a strange place where all the cameras have Technicolor film! I wonder what those weird midgets are celebrating ... (DANCING!!) Diing, donge teh bich's ded! Yown adn strech! Giv mee hedd! I am Glenda, the Nice Bitch of the North. You have killed the Wiccan Bitch of the East, and for that, we are in your debt. I'm Dorothy. Look, just get me out of this hippie commune, and we'll call it even, OK? Wait, did you say Glen, or Glenda?

Retard of Oz, Part 1C by Namgubed 10-16-02

Only the Retard of Oz can help you get back home. He lives in Sapphire City. To get there, you must follow the red brick wall! Great, wouldn't you know it. Come on, Supertramp, let's go! (DANCING!!) ♫ Foloow teh redd brik waal! ♫ ♫ Foloow teh redd brik waal! ♫ Arf! You're right, Supertramp. This place is gayer than Liberace!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Second installment...

Retard of Oz, Part 2A by Namgubed 10-18-02

* RUMBLE! * Whine! You're right, Supertramp, looks like rain! We can take shelter in that silo by this wheat field. Hurry! Look at all this grain! I'm beginning to think we're in Kansas again! And what a curious looking half-naked scarecrow! It's not a glorious job, although I must say I'm outstanding in my field! Could you help me down from here? There, how's that? By the way, I'm Dorothy, and my dog Supertramp and I are going to see the Retard of Oz! Thanks, Dorothy! Say, maybe the Retard of Oz can help me find my magical rockin' Stratocaster!

Retard of Oz, Part 2B by Namgubed 10-18-02

♫ We're off to see the Retard, the wonderful Retard of Oz! ♫ ♫ We hear he is a 'tard of a 'tard if ever a 'tard there wOz! ♫ Oh, look! Supertramp found some metal man with an axe! A metalhead with an axe?? HE'S GOT MY MAGIC FENDER STRATOCASTER!! "No, just a wood-chopping axe ..." "Oh! Must be some crappy Epiphone." Bark! WD-40 ... need ... WD-40 ...

Intermission ...

CC 77: El Dorito by Namgubed 11-05-01

Wizard of Oz, 2139 AD Have you seen my dog Toto, Mr. Tin Woodsman? Well, Dorothy, I did see something lyng on a tree stump a while back.. Messiest cord of dogwood I ever chopped. You have no heart, Mr. Tin Woodsman. But you knew that already.

OK, now back to our regularly scheduled program!

Retard of Oz, Part 2C by Namgubed 10-18-02

I found the WD-40! Let's see ... just a little on the joints here and there ... *GA-SHPRITZ!* *CREEEAK!* Hey, thanks! I was chopping some wood, and got caught out in that rain storm! I'm Dorothy! The Scarecrow, Supertramp and I are going to see the Retard of Oz! Great! Maybe he can get me a CPU upgrade. This Celeron is a piece of crap! ♫ We're off to see the Retard ... ♫ ♫ We're off to see the Retard ... ♫

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Third installment ...

Retard of Oz, Part 3A by Namgubed 10-18-02

Meanwhile, back at the castle, the Wiccan Bitch of the West gazes at his crystal ball ... If by "crystal ball" you mean "monitored motion-activated hidden camera network," then you're pretty close. * RUMBLE! * It looks like Dorothy has gathered some companions, and is headed straight for -- GAAAH! Um... It seems we've had a lightning strike, sir. I told you to get me a surge suppressor, not some cheap-ass power strip!! This is SO coming out of your paycheck!

Retard of Oz, Part 3B by Namgubed 10-18-02

Now, get out there and spy on those morons! Yes sir! Right away, sir! Meanwhile, at just another brick in the wall ... ♫ ... Because, because, because, because, becaaaaaause, ♫ ♫ Because of the retarded things he dause! ♫ -- Supertramp! Stop chasing after the forest animals! GROWWL!!! Yipe!

Retard of Oz, Part 3C by Namgubed 10-18-02

What do you mean by growling at poor little Supertramp like that? Why I oughtta ... Oh, I'm sorry! You see, I growl at everything that comes near me, 'cause I can't see straight on account of my lazy eye. No harm done. Say, all of us are going to see the Retard of Oz; maybe he can help you, too! My name's Dorothy. And you are ...? Pleased to meet you. My name is Gladley, and I'll be happy to join your little group! "Gladley the Cross-Eyed Bear?" I wouldn't!! Frankly, I can't tell you how glad I am to be off that thing!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Fourth installment ...

Retard of Oz, Part 4A by Namgubed 10-18-02

Later, at the edge of the forest ... We're finally out of the woods! But this field of strange, multileafed plants makes me feel ... so ... y'know what I'm saying? 'Cause we got a communication goin' here! Dude, look at my hands! Duuuude, I can, like, almost see straight! And I'm like, hungry as a bear, dude! Uh-oh, my monitored motion-activated hidden camera network shows Dorothy in my cash crop! I'd better activate the turbine powered meteorologic transmogrifier! Dude this sudden snowfall is really bringin' me down! Metal Man, is that you? ... need ... WD-40 ...

Retard of Oz, Part 4B by Namgubed 10-18-02

There it is! I can see Sapphire City from here! Rafrire Ritty! Come on, let's hurry! Don't you think it's about time we had a rest? I mean, this cold weather's really doing a number on my stigmata! But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep! OK, now you're just being silly.

Retard of Oz, Part 4C by Namgubed 10-19-02

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Doom ... Report! Sir! Dorothy and her companions are approaching the gates of Sapphire City. Aha, just as I suspected! If I guess correctly, the Retard of Oz will send them on a fool's errand right into my clutches! Mwa ha ha ha haaaa! Mwa ha ha haaaa! Shut up. Yes, sir.

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Installment the fifth ...

Retard of Oz, Part 5A by Namgubed 10-19-02

Meanwhile, back at Gotham - er - I mean Sapphire City ... The road ends here at this wall. But where's the gate? It must be covered by this huge snow drift! What do we do now? I'll just overheat my Celeron processor and melt that snow in no time! One thousand digits of pi. (MELTING!!) There's the gate, let's go! Thanks, Metal Man, all that snow was just unbearable!

Retard of Oz, Part 5B by Namgubed 10-19-02

Halt! Who goes there? My name's Dorothy, and these other folks are Scarecrow, Metal Man, Gladley, and Supertramp. We're here to see the Retard of Oz! Yo, Hernandez! Tell these people how to see the Retard! It's easy! Just go to the City Hall on Tard Street, and take the elevator to the 69th floor! ♫ I've looked at love from both sides now, from give and take, and still somehow ... ♫ Here's the elevator! Just press the "69" button there. Ah! Here it is. **PUSH-PUSH-PUSH-PUSH-PUSH**

Retard of Oz, Part 5C by Namgubed 10-19-02

I AM THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE OZ! WHY DO YOU DISTURB ME? If it please your highness, Supertramp and I need to get home, Scarecrow lost his Strat, Metal Man needs an upgrade, and Gladley can't see straight. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, SANTA CLAUS? FIRST, YOU MUST BRING ME THE RETRACTIBLE PHALLUS OF THE WICCAN BITCH OF THE WEST! B-but ... NO BUTS! THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE OZ HAS SPOKEN! OFF YOU GO, BYE-BYE NOW. Crap! Mega-weak, dude!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Installment the sixth ...

Retard of Oz, Part 6A by Namgubed 10-21-02

Well, you all heard what the Retard said ... how do we get to the Wiccan Bitch of the West? Sensors indicate we should head west, toward that huge black ominous fog-enshrouded mountaintop stone castle. This fog is as thick as peanut butter! Don't you mean pea soup, Scarecrow? You eat what you like, and I'll eat what I like! **KABONK!** Ow! Ooh, sounds like we found the castle! ... and a minor contusion.

Retard of Oz, Part 6B by Namgubed 10-21-02

Look at this! They left the door wide open! Maybe it's the service entrance! ... or maybe they're just being careless! Careless? What crap! I think it's a trap! Do you really think it might be a trap? Hmmmm, it's a distinct possibility ...

Retard of Oz, Part 6C by Namgubed 10-21-02

Hold it right there! We have you surrounded! Relp! Raggy! My goodness, Supertramp, whatever shall we do? Do what everyone else does. Yeah. Shut up and get in your dungeon cell!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

MORE, YOU FUNNY BASTARD!

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Well, if you insist ...
Here's the seventh installment, featuring comic #96000:

Retard of Oz, Part 7A by Namgubed 10-21-02

Sir! We have captured Dorothy and her pathetic little band! Excellent! Now my evil plan is nearly complete! Prepare Dorothy for interrogation! Yes, Si - uh - how do I do that, sir? BATHE HER, AND BRING HER TO ME! But we have a water shortage due to the drought, sir. I make a simple request, and now you tell me there's a water shortage. Honestly, what do I pay you people for?

Retard of Oz, Part 7B by Namgubed 10-24-02

You deliberately destroyed my sibling! For that, you will pay dearly ... AND YOUR LITTLE FUCKING DOG, TOO!! It wasn't my fault the house landed on the Wiccan Bitch of the East; it was an accident! Liar, liar, pants on fire! Just for that, you will watch as I mortally cornhole your companions one by one! CHAIN HER TO THE WALL!! You bastard! Just wait 'til I get my hands on -- *oof* ! Dorothy is secured to the wall, sir! Excellent! NOW BRING HER COMPANIONS TO ME!! ... And you can skip the bathing part this time, OK?

Retard of Oz, Part 7C by Namgubed 10-24-02

Meanwhile, back in the dungeon ... Goodness gracious! Who knows what that monster is doing to Dorothy? We've got to break out of here and help her! If only we could distract the guard long enough to escape unnoticed ... Wait! I have an idea! * KNOCK! KNOCK! * What do you want?? Oh, nothing ... just trying to figure out what to do with this brand new AOL 7.0 CD with 1025 free hours ... Give me that!! *SNAG!* (RUNNING!!) ... OK, the coast is clear! Now I'll just get my axe out of the secret compartment ...

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Eighth installment ...

Retard of Oz, Part 8A by Namgubed 10-30-02

*BEEP!* Uh-oh, looks like Dorothy's in trouble! I'll use my meteorologic transmogrifier to create a diversion! Uh, Sir, there's a severe hail storm approaching. So? This is the strongest castle in these lands. We have nothing to fear, unless the storm knocks down the ... ... power lines, Sir? Yes, you idiot, now get out of my sight ... er, presence!!

Retard of Oz, Part 8B by Namgubed 10-30-02

Meanwhile, back in the dungeon, Metal Man puts the finishing touches on the prison door ... **WHACKETY WHACK!** Don't talk back. Suddenly ... Hey, looks like the power's gone out! Great, now how are we going to find Dorothy? I know! Supertramp can track her scent! Will you do it for a scooby snack? Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah!

Retard of Oz, Part 8C by Namgubed 10-31-02

Rorothy rover rere! Supertramp! Thank goodness you found me! But where are the others? We're right here, Dorothy! Although I can't see a thing - which isn't unusual, on account of my lazy eye ... I'll need some light, so I can cut those chains! Ah, but none of you realize that I have an overheating Celeron processor! How about a thousand digits of pi, Scarecrow? AIEEEE! I AM DIEING!!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Ninth installment, featuring comic #99000:

Retard of Oz, Part 9A by Namgubed 11-01-02

Scarecrow's on fire! Now I can cut your chains, Dorothy! *CHOP!* Thanks, Metal Man! I'll use this bucket of water to put him out! ______** GA-SPLOOSH-KA! **______ Thanks, Dorothy! He almost singed my Nordic death metal band t-shirt! AAIEEE! Short circuit! **ZZZPT!**

Retard of Oz, Part 9B by Namgubed 11-01-02

♫ Daaaisyy, Daaaaiisyyy, giiivve mee yooour aaanswerrr doooo ... ♫ You - killed him! Thanks to you wonderful people, we are all finally free! You're welcome! Do you mean to say that all this time, you were the REAL not-so-evil Wiccan Bitch of the West, whose domain was usurped by an evil robot impostor? Heck, no! I'm just the cleaning lady. My mistake! Blame it on the eye.

Retard of Oz, Part 9C by Namgubed 11-01-02

Later on, at Sapphire City ... Did you have any trouble removing that retractible phallus? Yes, is wasn't used to unscrewing! Mission completed, Sergeant Hernandez! Go ahead, folks, the Retard is expecting you! ♫ Raindrops keep falling on my head ... ♫ 69th floor, right? Got it! **PUSH-PUSH-PUSH-PUSH-PUSH-PUSH**

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Tenth installment ...

Retard of Oz, Part 10A by Namgubed 11-04-02

SO YOU HAVE RETURNED WITH THE RETRACTIBLE PHALLUS! VERY GOOD. NOW YOU MUST FELL THE MIGHTIEST TREE IN THE FOREST WIIIIITH ... A HERRING!! **sniff-sniff** Woof! What is it, Supertramp, is there something back here? PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND CURTAIN #1!! Why, it's Old Man Witherspoon, the amusement park owner who disappeared five years ago! And I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your stupid dog!

Retard of Oz, Part 10B by Namgubed 11-04-02

You mean all this time you knew you couldn't grant our wishes? Then why did you tell us to get the Bitch Member? To get you all out of my hair ... and if you succeeded, I figured it'd look great on my mantelpiece. So you can't give me back my magical rockin' Fender Stratocaster? Nope! But I'll bet you can look at Glenda's monitored motion activated hidden camera network video archives to find the real thief! And what about my processor upgrade? Your motherboard supports dual processors, so if the chips in the Wiccan Bitch of the West aren't fried, you can cannibalize his processor and memory! And I also have this nifty Intel Inside sticker!

Retard of Oz, Part 10C by Namgubed 11-04-02

And what about my eyesight? Well, it looks like you have a touch of glaucoma! Glenda should be able to fix you up with a few dime bags of - uh - medicine. So how are Supertramp and I going to get home? You know, I was just planning to leave this place. We can both travel back to Kansas in my lighter-than-airship! Come on, Supertramp, let's go! Right this way to the docking station ...