A series about a guy and a mobile phone. It could have ended better, but I'm endrunkerised on absinthe and also tired. The one with the cigarette is the best one I reckon.

Feedback welcome please.

Bling-bling! It's for you! (an introduction) by jes_lawson 6-27-03

What can you show me in the latest mobile phones? It depends what you're looking for sir. I want the blingingest phone you have. I want people to see it and say "That man, is the King of Da Bling" This experimental WAP phone has Firewire, video messaging and polyphonic ringtone spree! And it makes martinis. Sold. But there's not quite enough bling yet... I'll get the rhinestone encrusted dollar symbol for you now, sir.

King of Da Ring-tone Bling (intro+1) by jes_lawson 6-27-03

"King of Da Bling! King of Da Bling! Born to be King of Da Bling!" "I'll show you my thing! King of the..." Hey Bryan! Yo Roger my man! What's happening? Check out this amazing new phone I just bought! Take it out of the sunlight! It's blinding me! AAGH!

Bling blang blong (intro+2) by jes_lawson 6-27-03

Hey! Let's go down to the beach and take some photo messages Yeah! This thing not only does that... ...but it Photoshops them while you send the message! Are we going to digitally remove bikinis and post the results to the Internet? I've got alt.pictures.nakedgirls programmed into the speeddial

Polyphonic Ringtones. by jes_lawson 6-27-03

What's with all of them? Someone's trying to call my mobile. It's got that new "Polyphonic Spree Ringtone" technology. o| Hanging A-round again! You're hanging around again! o| o| Hanging A-round again! You're hanging around again! o| o| Hanging A-round again! You're hanging around again! o| o| Hanging A-round again! You're hanging around again! o|

192.109.92.BLING )( 56.6k by jes_lawson 6-27-03

OK dude! There's Maura on the other side of the shore! Take a photo and let's see the goodies! No problemo! [Click] Upload man! Upload! I...I'm having trouble connecting, this wireless connections a bit slow... Here's your answer! Somebody's already WarChalked your phone! You can't even take a quiet piss anymore, without some bandwidth bandit sniffing around your insecure areas...

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Shiny things in the drink by jes_lawson 6-27-03

OK, it looks like it's working... Hot dog! Nudity here we come...OH DAMN! I've dropped it! You! Ever dive for pennies at your local swimming pool? Well, yeah once, but... And don't come back up until you've found it! Glub!

Blingin' close to a soggy end by jes_lawson 6-27-03

*splutter*! Here's your phone back! Thanks! I'm giving you an extra ten pence for the way you held onto that cat while you were underwater! Is it OK? I think so...lemme test the mobile refridgerator... Looks like it's working. I could use a drink. Let's hit a bar and see what else this baby can do.

Bling it on... by jes_lawson 7-05-03

Ok man, let's have a couple of beers and dial us up some Russian hookers! Can do! *dials* I gotta take a leak, I'll be back in a minute... Oh man, I can't wait for some hot, smokin' ass... Whew! Whatta run that was! Somebody call for a rushin' hookah? Uh-oh...

Emblingerize your lifestyle. Call 1-800-BLING by jes_lawson 7-05-03

This club is strictly no smoking. You two and the giant fag are gonna have to go! But...but... Psst! I think he's talking to you! Well shit, I've NEVER heard that one before!

There's a bling in here somewhere... by jes_lawson 7-05-03

Damn! Kicked out of the club, and I think some saltwater's messed up my phone! Forget that! How are we supposed to get rid of a 6 foot tall reefer?   !     !   Oh man! This year's Glastonbury is going to be the best ever! LOL! Hey! Why are you looking at me like that?

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Shiny things in the drink by jes_lawson 6-27-03

OK, it looks like it's working... Hot dog! Nudity here we come...OH DAMN! I've dropped it! You! Ever dive for pennies at your local swimming pool? Well, yeah once, but... And don't come back up until you've found it! Glub!

Blingin' close to a soggy end by jes_lawson 6-27-03

*splutter*! Here's your phone back! Thanks! I'm giving you an extra ten pence for the way you held onto that cat while you were underwater! Is it OK? I think so...lemme test the mobile refridgerator... Looks like it's working. I could use a drink. Let's hit a bar and see what else this baby can do.

Bling it on... by jes_lawson 7-05-03

Ok man, let's have a couple of beers and dial us up some Russian hookers! Can do! *dials* I gotta take a leak, I'll be back in a minute... Oh man, I can't wait for some hot, smokin' ass... Whew! Whatta run that was! Somebody call for a rushin' hookah? Uh-oh...

Emblingerize your lifestyle. Call 1-800-BLING by jes_lawson 7-05-03

This club is strictly no smoking. You two and the giant fag are gonna have to go! But...but... Psst! I think he's talking to you! Well shit, I've NEVER heard that one before!

There's a bling in here somewhere... by jes_lawson 7-05-03

Damn! Kicked out of the club, and I think some saltwater's messed up my phone! Forget that! How are we supposed to get rid of a 6 foot tall reefer?   !     !   Oh man! This year's Glastonbury is going to be the best ever! LOL! Hey! Why are you looking at me like that?

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Badda Bling Badda Boom I'm (almost) done by jes_lawson 7-17-03

Dude! Is that your phone ringing? Looks like the ringtone's screwed as well! That's it! I'm going to Carphone Warehouse! RAAARRRGH! SATAN SPAWNED THE CACODAEMON! RAAARRRGH! SATAN SPAWNED THE CACODAEMON RAAARRRGH! SATAN SPAWNED THE CACODAEMON RAAARRRGH! SATAN SPAWNED THE CACODAEMON

No Liability for your bling-bling accepted by jes_lawson 7-17-03

Listen, mate, about that phone you sold me! No refunds sir, but if you could demonstrate the fault I can... Fine, here's the phone. I'll be outside in the phone box across the road. RAAARRRGH! SATAN SPAWNED THE CACODAEMON! Suddenly I wish I was working those 18 hour call centre shifts for Sprint again...

Badda Bling Badda Boom I'm done. by jes_lawson 7-17-03

Well that was a waste of money... Why should we try and impress birds with flashy phones? We only need to use one thing! Totally! Let's pick up women the old fashioned way! Doing any business darlin'? Looks like I am now, big boy!

I can never finish series.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I can never finish series either. Don't worry, it's something all strippers suffer from sometimes. Some day they'll make a pill for it. Until then, just make funny series with missing/premature endings like these and hope it's good enough for the donkey in your life.

Satan spawned the cacodemon, child.

The Glastonbury line got me laughin' like a retarded hyena. Good stuff.

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I has a flavor!

"I'm giving you an extra ten pence for the way you held onto that cat while you were underwater!"

Freaking classic.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I tried changing my style a bit for this series - I don't usually do visual jokes but the "mobile refridgerator snowscape" and roger remarking on Kaufman's amazing cat handling ability just seemed natural.

Glad the reaction's been positive.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

That giant fag joke was hilarious...

wait a minute.

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Dad was flammable