All comics by APPOLEAPO

 

by APPOLEAPO
12-15-17
You sure look stupid!
ME??? How about you???
We may think alike, but we sure don't look alike.
Thank goodness for that! Let's get out of these costumes.
Whew!
I'm never doin' that again.

 

by APPOLEAPO
1-01-18
Things your brother says really hurts my feelings.
Gimme a 'for instance'.
*sniffle sniffle... snort!!!* Okay, just a minute. I'M thinking.
If I remember correctly he called you a 'bagwretch'. Did that hurt your feelings?
Yes, yes it did! It sure did! Thank you so much, my memory is getting so bad.
You're welcome, but I meant gimme an example that wasn't true!

 

by APPOLEAPO
1-01-18
Just a minute there you wannabe French floozy!!! Did you just insult me?
No, I don't remember insulting you.
Well...
I think you did.

 

by APPOLEAPO
1-01-18
It's so wonerful that you've moved here to Davis. Now we can tell each other all of our secrets in person!
Yeh, like the lawsuit against my doltish brother that will require him to spend his inheritance from our mother whether we win or lose.
Oh Glory be and he'll never know about it because we're the only two people in the whole wide world that do know about it!
Well, I know I didn't tell him about it.
You just did in the first frame and that's whatcha' get for it!

 

by APPOLEAPO
1-01-18
I've come over today to register a formal complaint about having been shat on twice by you.
I truly regret both times knowing full well that the 2nd shatting served only to rub the 1st shatting in, and thus enhancing my inscrutable pleasure.
I regret to inform you that 'shatting" is not even a real word Furthermore, 'inscrutable' is not ordinarily associated with one's pleasures.
Well, you just got through using the word 'shat', so...
NOOO!!! I never ever used the word 'shat' in my life, and I wanna' know where my apology is for having been number 2'd on twice.
Wait! I just got word that the apology is hitching a ride with the number 3 number 2!

 

by APPOLEAPO
1-01-18
Would you mind changing places with me?
You see, the carpet on that side's already stained.
Hold on a minute!
59... 60... Your minute's up! *KA-KA-KA-KA-KA-SPLOOIE-LOUIE*
This is totally unacceptable.

 

by APPOLEAPO
1-27-18
Truth hides in silence...
Always is not true...
Darkness falls upon the eyes...
Time takes all... leaves you begging...
Ironic glasses.
Need hurt... will grovel...

 

by APPOLEAPO
1-27-18
Just two steps away...
*tap tap... step* Where are you?
I'm right here dim-wit!
Pain waits to be left behind...
*tap tap... step* Are you here? Am I warm?
I thought you were, but I guess I was wrong!
Pain! Please!!! Wait for me...
AAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!
Relax!!! I'm 'D.Junior'. Dad puts me in charge of those who only aspire to be warm, aka the 'One-Steppers'.

 

by APPOLEAPO
2-13-18
We're here live with the infamous 'Thief of Portsmouth'.
WELL!!! Glory be!!! It's 'bout time you changed yer doggone toon!
Meaning what?
You've called me stupid. A loser! A 'big city chicken hock'! A suffragette of 'yumi-crapshoot syndrome'...
And how has that changed?
You just got through callin' me 'famous' you Mr. Wannabe Smarty pants!

 

by APPOLEAPO
2-17-18
No, I called you 'infamous'. You know what that means?
Of course I know what it means!
Give me an example of how you would use it.
I'd be happy to..."According to you, I am infamous, just like many movie stars."
Did you guys hear that?
HA!!! Gotcha' again didn't I?

 

by APPOLEAPO
2-21-18
Don't walk away yet. The crew isn't satisfied with your use of the word. Give us another example.
One more and you'll be satisfied?
Yes, absolutely!
Okay... "If it wasn't for infamy, I wouldn't have any fame at all."
OMG!!! Does she or doesn't she?
I really don't know. I'm gonna' have to talk to her hair dresser.

 

by APPOLEAPO
2-27-18

 

by APPOLEAPO
4-16-18
How dare he call me a 'chickenshit'! The next time he does I'm gonna'... I'm gonna'...
'Sup chickenshit?
I'm gonna'... and that makes three! Yeh baby!!!

 

by APPOLEAPO
4-16-18
That son-of-a-bitch!!! He called you a chickenshit??? Again??? That makes me real mad!!! I'm gonna'... I'm gonna'...
Tell me how mad???
That makes me just about as mad as a horsefly on a horses' butt that's clean as a whistle with nary nay no poop whatsoever to eat on it at all!!!
So you're saying you're a very angry horsefly 'cus the horse has got no poop on it's butt that you can eat? Even nary nay no nibblesworth? Can't you just get some off the ground?
Sure I could, but us horseflies like it to be as fresh... as possible. That's the reason I'm so angry! 'Cus I can't get any of the fresh stuff!!!See where I'm comin' from?
Oh yes, yes indeed! Thank you so much for clearing that up. I simply wasn't looking at it from a horsefly's perspective. Thanks again! Bye!

 

by APPOLEAPO
4-17-18
Before I go, would you take the goldfish bowl off my head for me?
But the goldfish bowl isn't on your head.
Yes it is. I put it there to practice becoming a very graceful woman.
I get it! You're testing me to see if I'm as smart as I pretend to be, right?
Right, and you're still the smartest horsefly I ever met.

 

by APPOLEAPO
4-17-18
Thank you for that compliment, and in return I'd like you to know that you already look more graceful than ever with that bowl on your head.
But the bowl isn't on my head, so your rating in the horsefly world just plummeted.
So you're content to be the mother of a plummeted horsefly?
Just kidding.
Bitch.
Hum! There's some food for thought. Can I get back to you on that?

 

by APPOLEAPO
5-11-18
After 5 tries I finally figured out what it was in the marriage contract that I didn't really like.
Don't get me wrong, I truly loved many aspects of it. I just couldn't understand what the...
... obligatory man part was all about.

 

by APPOLEAPO
5-11-18
I didn't come here to berate men, so I'm not going to...
...and please understand, I don't regard men as all being the same. They are part of a special group created by God!
The most foul malignant creatures on earth!

 

by APPOLEAPO
5-11-18
Check this out... my last husband chose to drink himself to sleep every day instead of staying awake to participate with me in a stimulating, kind of 'pretend argument ' format conversation style.
But I never EVER (now let me think... uhhh... yes... no... yes that's right), never EVER got bitter. One thing I could never do... is carry a grudge.
And that's even though I'm trying as hard as I can.

 

by APPOLEAPO
5-11-18
Now I will reveal an inner truth that I've had to come to grips with, and it;s not been easy!
...I am an abject failure...totally unable to succ... succ... suc...cessfully...
...even for one single night, (carry a grudge that is).

 

by APPOLEAPO
5-11-18
You know, I miss my former 'life forever and ever' partner so much, and this is true because I'm not bitter and don't carry a grudge. I'm always positive.
He was doing me a favor by allowing me to remain in the company of his bloated snoring carcass while he checked out of a fun conversation with me. He was preparing me to be alone... talking to myself.
Thanks a whole lot dude, I appreciate it.

 

by APPOLEAPO
6-05-18
I've got your daughters in my camp!!! HA!!!
Don't you mean Mein Kampf???
Of course I do!
I was speaking in 'VolksEnglish'!
Thanks! It went right over my head!

 

by APPOLEAPO
6-05-18
KRAVEN when a cape and 5-sock codpiece were in vogue.
A little more tilt in the pelvis... uh-oh, now I need my wide angle!
When pious took the lead.
Try and take the sway out of your back... a little more... say CHEESE!!!
When jacking off won the race.
No really! This beats the horse-fly look hands down... say WHATEVER!!!

 

by APPOLEAPO
8-15-18
Teach the children well.
"Shit on him, but never tell!"
And they will... oh well.

 

by APPOLEAPO
8-15-18
Questions?
You said a dirty word. Why didn't you say "ca-ca"?
What would you do to Johnny if he took your candy?
Go ca-ca on him?
That's right! Very good, but I don't feel your inspiration. Try again
Ummm... I'm gonna' shit on Johnny 'till his face turns blue?

 

by APPOLEAPO
8-15-18
You are so bright.
You're funny.
Thank you. Is it my Haiku that makes you laugh?
Maybe a little...
What else would it be?

 

So Johnny, was the candy good?
by APPOLEAPO, 8-15-18

 

by APPOLEAPO
7-15-19
I'm not into elaborate word play, so debate is out.
I am born rock solid into lying.
Your belief is not required.

 

by APPOLEAPO
7-15-19
Speaking with someome I don't like, and who doesn't like me makes NO sense!!!
So now you know.

 

by APPOLEAPO
7-15-19
I can go this way...
...or I can go this way. It doesn't matter which way I go.
It only matters that things go my way.

 

by APPOLEAPO
7-15-19
I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, but not anymore.
It's all dried up.

 

by APPOLEAPO
7-15-19
Killing someone is easy.
What requires a lot of thought is...
...getting someone else to kill them for you.

 

by APPOLEAPO
7-15-19
If we want someone to become emotionally vulnerable, what do we give them?
Booze?
YES!!! Good job! What reward would you like?
I like coffee.
You little coffee drinker , you!!! Let me order it for you. KRAVEN!!! ONE WHITE RUSSIAN, 2X THE COFFEE!
I like 2x coffee!

 

by APPOLEAPO
8-06-19
Honey, before we get married, I have an important ques...
Did you say "before"?
OMG!!! That's exactly what I love the mostus about you.
The 'mostus'?
You're the 'mostus bestus'!!!
Oh!!! Like a Little Caesars pizza!

 

by APPOLEAPO
9-03-19
I've tidied up some of our loose ends! The 1st iddy-biddy tighty-whitey decision is that I wear the pants in this relationship.
Oh! You know I was...
SHHH!!! I'm not finished! I'm the racehorse and you're my clydesdale! I order the pizza and you...
I deliver??? Did I get it right? Wait... I delivered already... 9 months ago???
Bidda-bing... Bidda-bong...Our baby girl has come along!
Did you decide on her caliber yet?

 

by APPOLEAPO
9-05-19
I'm an 'inventor' at heart and thus yearned and yawned, yea non-stop and even continuously, with a hope to come upon some dude (I guess), with similar inner thoughts indwelling...
...and when my hope of finding one had zenithed upon the summit of it's very tallest, way highest and most hoity toity & pointy peak of all, 'twas then there came a knocking... knocking... knocking...
...'twas then with force quite shocking... Mr. Poop came knocking... as if some pugilistic electrician had come knocking (left hook-right cross), at my somewhat virginal (at best), chamber door.

 

by APPOLEAPO
9-05-19
So Kraven, give me todays self prognosis.
Bu.. bu...
C'mon already!!! Spit it out you Cabbage Patch monkey spawn!!!
I'm trying, but you always tell me first, then I know what to say!!!
Then STUPID it is!
Thank you Mother for offering this edifying moment in the traditional and kind Overby way!

 

by APPOLEAPO
9-11-19
Yes, it's a Life Plan that's both innovative and expedient and it's called 'How To Be Comfortable While Causing Discomfort'.
Hmmm... a curious title. Can you give us an example of what you teach?
My pleasure. Crouch down with your head between your knees, eyes closed and nose pinched.
Okay, but why the pinched nose?
WHAT??? You can't breathe through your mouth for 10 lousy seconds??? No... Not... for... ta...
Don't stop now!!! Your tusks are startin' to come out!!!

 

by APPOLEAPO
9-21-19
Hello Family, I'm announcing a new family business which will be run by myself, my sister and our mother. I suppose you've all heard of the T.V. show 'SCARED STRAIGHT'?
Our business is called 'SCARED SEXLESS'. We have (honest to God), purely fictional stories to share with you, built upon a seed of truth. Thus we are entertainers of the cheapest kind...
Oh GOSH!!! Did I just say "the cheapest kind"? I think I meant "affordable", so I would change the words "cheapest kind" to the "most tawdry kind." Does that make sense?
It sure does. Hey! Tell us something scary and tawdry?

 

by APPOLEAPO
9-30-19
Do you know how easy it is to start a Traveling Family Circus Show?
Me, my mom and my sister have our own show. We call it "SCARED SEXLESS".
Your family can use the same name. All you have to do is give us credit.
It's like a circus because at the end I become a tap-dancing animal trainer in drag... here's a teaser...
**tippity tappity... WINGS! BIPPITY BAPPITY... RUNNING MAN* Do the polka or I'm gonna' whip you!!!

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