All comics by Boritom

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by Boritom
6-12-03
Are you me?
The real question is, are you ME?
Are we speaking transcendentally, or karmicly
hmm... Good question...
You can't kill me! We haven't answered this deep Quantum/ Philosophical conundrum yet!
I'm not gonna kill ya... Just gonna lop a few chunks off ya! Helps me think more clearly!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Neitze!
Kierkegaard
hmmm... Are you sure?
Yup.
I suck at this!
Yes, you do!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
There is in truth no thought that has never been thought before, no idea that is totally original...
...no joke that has never been told before, no invention that is completely unimagined...
...all that is new is old, and all that is yet to be, is already long gone...
Quit procrastinating, and cough up your share for the keg, Fuckstick!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Howdy there, little lady. What's a little girl like you doing way out here? Where are your parents?
I killed 'em and ate 'em.
Uhh... he he he... you're a precocious little thing, aren't ya.
I think you're damn sexy. Want me to toss your salad?
Where are these creepy kids coming from? I hope my HMO bennies are paid up!
I can smell your spicy brains!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Today, On the Larry Spunker Show; Ugly Bull-Dyke transsexual Dog Groomers in love with One-eyed, Black, Jewish midget eskimo porn stars with only three weeks to live because they have Leukemia!
You Stupid (beeeeep)ing (beep) Farmer. You keep yo (beep)ing (beep)(beep) in a (beep) house (beep) monkey, you (beep)ing (beep)stick!
AAAAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!
I don't blame it one bit.

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Ooooooooooo... I am the disembodied spirit of Nicolas T. Corblenenbury
Uh-huh... So?
I am here to avenge his death!
Look, asshole, I never heard of the guy! Just get the Hell outta my house
Show me your tits, first?
NO!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
OoooooooOooo... I died a painful, gruesome death!
Gee, What a coincidence! I died for your sins.
You sure know how to take the wind out of a guy's sails, don't you.
Yup.

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Boooooo... The night is cooooolllld and creeeepy!
The restless spirits haunt this dark, foreboding plaaaace... Oooooo...
Some people just aren't any good at this!
EEEEEEEEEEK!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
The History of Adam
Hi there, attractive blonde lady. My name is Adam. Wanna go out?
I would but I'm already seeing someone...
Hi there, attractive black lady. My name is Adam. Wanna go out?
I would but I don't date white guys.
To be continued...
Hi there, attractive brunette lady. My name is Adam. Wanna go out?
You just wanna look at my tits and debase me in front of your friends. You fucking Pig! I hate you!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Now, wait a minute! I was just asking you for a date! How can you just assume I'm some nihilistic sex freak?
*tsk*
You're right. I fear I may have deeply misjudged you. I'm terribly sorry. Of course I'll go out with you.
...and the legend continues.
Cool. I'll pick you up at eight. I'll make reservations at Chez Nous!
Great, and I'll make sure to put in my temperature-sensitive vibrating nipple rings.

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Wow... What a great evening! I can't beleive how smart, sweet and pretty you are. I hope I get to see you again!
Likewise. You're handsome, intelligent... a perfect gentleman.
Tsk, tsk...
Who are we fooling?
I know... Let's just get on with the animalistic fucking, so we can get on with our lives!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Damn... the sex was great too... I wonder what she'd do if I told her that I meant everything I said earlier?
He was so sweet, gentle... and What an ORGASM! I'd be a fool if I didn't hold on to this guy!
Linda... I... I just want to say...
Oh, no... I'm gonna blow it, I just know it... Keep calm... Don't panic!
Uh-Oh...
I... uh... that is... You are... uhhhh...
Maybe, if I flash my tits and grab his cock while I do it, I can tell him I love him...

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
When we last left our hero, he was about to make a startling revelation...
I... um... I love you.
Creep!
There are a million stories in the Naked City... Why the FUCK do I keep reliving the same one???
Damn!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Cameo-Appearance day!
Hey, Mike. How's Maritza.
Don't ask... I think she's gone off the deep end.
Why do you say that?
Couple days ago, she posted a strip with Roger and April together in bed. I think I'm scarred for life!
Oh, Christ! Dude, that's just wrong. By the way, did you dye your tentacle green?
No... just got back from dinner... Marsha cooked for me again.

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Hi there. We are the default characters that always show up when you first come to the "Create A Comic" page.
We're supposedly Asian, but I feel that's rather non-P.C.
Yes, within the asian community, there are several distinct cultures which are all very separate from one another.
Yes, Japanese, Chinese, Cantonese, Korean... The list goes on. It just so happens that we are both from Viet Nam!
Holy Christ... we did NOT just go there...
Me Love you long time.
Sucky-Sucky, Five Dollar!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
Oh my God... I am so terribly sorry about that last comic!
You SHOULD be, you disgusting, filthy little man!
It's just that, well, my real comic, Boritom, debuting in August, is supposed to be relatively clean, and...
Oh... I see, and you think you have to get all the filthy, perverse, racist crap out of your system, eh?
See? It's not so hard to understand...
It's not going to be hard to understand after I CUT YOUR TESTICLES OFF AND WEAR THEM AS A NECKLACE, Either!

 

by Boritom
6-13-03
I really should know better...
Say, Butch, according to my Personal Death Clock, I'm going to die on July 27, 2043. Isn't that interesting?
Hmm...?
You do realize that date is negotiable!
Okay... well... I gotta run!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
So... I got 5 minutes before I get off of work to make a really funny comic here... Any ideas?
Draw a fish with Tuberculosis, hacking his lungs out, bleeding and dying.
That... uhh, that's not very funny...
No, it isn't.
Then why did you say it?
Because I'm an evil bitch and I just wanted to see you fall flat on your face! Now c'mere and put your tongue in my mouth!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Stupid girl... You have made a foolish error!
What the Hell are you talking about?
You have rejected the man that was destined to be your salvation.
I just made out with him for six hours... I don't exactly call that "rejecting" him.
To Be Continued...
Oh, you have given of the body... sure... but you keep your soul apart from him. You will not admit to him that you love him!
You have little gray hairs in your ears... Do you have any idea how gross that is?

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Listen to me girl... If you ever want to meet your true destiny... You Must... Open your heart to him!
I... I can't...
Why not? It is your destiny... Why do you resist?
I've just been hurt so many times... I'm a fraid of getting hurt again...
HURT?!? Lemme tell you about Hurt! I'm a disembodied fucking head,for chrissakes... Do you know how much that stings?
Come to think of it... no!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
I spoke to your lady fair for you...
Really? What did she say?
...Well?!?
You do realize she's not exactly playing with a full deck...
Look who's talking!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Thanks for coming over, Diane. I'm going nuts over this thing with Linda.
What can I do?
Just... talk to her... Try to find out what's bothering her. I know she feels something for me, but she won't express it...
Kinda like you were, when WE were dating.
Uhhh... >gulp< yeah... kinda like that...
Don't worry. I'm on it. I just like to watch you sweat!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
So... Linda...
So... Diane...
How's things?
Just peachy.
You hurt him, and I'll fucking rip your tits off and suffocate you with them.
~whimper~

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Adam, I don't think you have a thing to worry about.
Excellent, Diane. I really owe you one!
How 'bout a quickie?
NO!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Jerry, I have something to tell you, and I don't want you to get upset.
Sure, Babe. What is it?
I can't see you anymore. I'm in love with someone very special, and I want to be with him exclusively.
Uh-huh... Riiiight!
I'm serious, Jerry. We're through!
No, he's through. Any bits of him you want me to keep for you as a souvenier?

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Jerry, this is Bullshit. Linda doesn't want you anymore, and I sure as hell don't wanna catch you laying a finger on my Ex!
Oh, really? Who's gonna stop me?
I am, you shit-slurping, baby's-ass-licking, ignorant fuckstick!
Damn... this bitch is Fine!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
So, you're Linda's ex, Jerry, right?
Right.
You were gonna kick my ass, but now you're dating my ex?
Right.
You're not much on the talking thing, are you...
Right.

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Adam... There's something I've been wanting to tell you...
Really? er, I mean, uh... Okay... I'm here for you...
Adam... I... uh... that is to say, you... uh...
It's okay, sweety... what is it?
I'm a bionic agent for a top-secret government agency...
Lies make baby Jesus cry, Linda.

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
I don't know what's wrong with me... I just can't say it... I can't tell you how I truly feel about you...
My analyst says that I throw up barriers when I'm confronted by deep, sincere emotion.
Oh, God...
That, and I over sexualize everything. I don't feel fully free unless there's sex involved.
Would it help if I fondled your titties a little bit?

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Oh, God.. Oh God YEsss... Yes, Adam, Yessss!
You like that huh?
Oh yess... Oooooohhhh.... Adam... I Love You!!! I totally LOVE YOU!
Really? My God, Linda, I love you too...
Well, now that I finally got that out of my system, let's go get some tacos! I'm starving.
Shit!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Death is kewl, death is fun...
I'm gonna assrape a cheribum!
Chewin' up some little girls, feasting on souls.
I need some tee-pee fo' my bung-y bung holes!
Bob, you are so not gellin'!
I sowwy!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Pudding Pops: So many flavors!
Vanilla
Butterscotch
Chocolate
Peanut Butter
Mung!
Eeeewww!!!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Girls should know better...
Adam, do you like my breasts?
Are you kidding? Of course I do. I think you have the sweetest, perky boobies I've ever seen!
You don't think they... that they're too, well... small, do you?
Hell no! Besides, as I always say, "It ain't what you got, it's what you let me do with 'em."
Shit... I should've stopped with "Hell No."

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Adam, why did Linda just run past me crying?
Because I'm a moron. She was asking me about her breasts, and I was trying to tell her how much I liked them.
You used the "not what you got" line on her, didn't you.
Just kill me now.

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
~sniff~ Go away... I don't want to talk to you.
Linda, look, I don't know why I was cracking jokes. I think you have a great body, and hot, sexy breasts.
You don't mean that. You want me to get implants...
IMPLANTS?!? Who the fuck said anything about implants? Why would you want to ruin perfectly good breasts by filling them with toxic waste and sandwich bags?
Do you really mean that?
Of course I do! Your breasts are absolutely perfect! Now, your ass, on the other hand...

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
...in the Hospital? What the fuck happened?
I don't know, Diane. One minute, he was making me feel so good about myself, and saying he loved my breasts, then...
He said something about your ass, didn't he.
How did you know?
He was in intensive care for two weeks once, while WE were dating.
Geez... I just broke his foot!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
EEEK! You're one of the weird, alien anal-probe guys they're always talking about on Art Bell's talk radio show! I'm calling the FBI!
AAAAAAAAAaaaaa- aaaaauuuuuuugh!
I'm hurting!
Silence is golden, Fuckstick!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
A nice sweet strip about kids :-)
Wow, Linnie, we're gonna be in the same class together at school this year, isn't that neato?
It sure is! We'll get to have recess together, and play games and everything. Then you can come over after school and we can watch TV!
Yup...
Cool...
So... you gonna suck my cock, or what?
Not until after it comes back outta my asshole, beeotch!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
I would like to take a moment to say just how repugnant and disgusting it is to use drawings of innocent little girls to make perverted sex jokes.
Yes. We find such behavior thoroughly reprehensible, and I for one am completely disgusted by it.
I once pulled a puppy's head open and ate his spicy brains!
Kitten vertebrae are so sweet and crunchy!

 

by Boritom
6-14-03
Beware... little one... Beeewaare!
OMG... Beware what?
Beware the Ides of March!!
It's June, Fuckstick!
Oh.... my bad!
Douchebag!

 

by Boritom
6-15-03
Hi, I'm Emiko Tsuburaya!
And my name is Fumiko Ifukube!
We are very happy in the make-believe land of the Strip Creator.
Yes, it is a wonderous land, full of mystery and adventure.
We went to Rotten.com and saw a picture of a guy eating a baby.
Yes. It made my nether regions all tingly and moist!

 

by Boritom
6-15-03
Oh no... You again!
I don't need to shave... down there!
Please leave me alone, little girl.
Ahhh... You know you want it, cock ranger!
My God... You're just a little girl. How did you turn out to be so perverse and bizarre?
My daddy is an organizer for the Democratic National Convention!

 

by Boritom
6-15-03
Okay... That's thirty-two orders of fries, and a jamoca shake. Anything else?
Yeah... show me your cock, assface
I most certainly will not! I think you should leave this establishment immediately!
I think you're repressed, and should show me your cock!
This could go on all night!
Look, do you want your food, or not?
Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock!

 

by Boritom
6-15-03
I cannot wait until I grow up and become a woman!
Neither can I.
Then, I can take my panties off for handsome men any time I want to, and not worry about them getting arrested.
You don't worry about that now, Slut!
Yeah, Titties!
And, I'll have nice, pouty little titties!
Okay, the titties thing is something I can get behind!

 

by Boritom
6-15-03
Oh my God... I've died and gone to Hell! Oh, the torment... The Agony...
Quit whining, Pussy! Before you died, you lived in Arizona!
Okay... I see your point.
Word!

 

by Boritom
6-16-03
Who the Fark are you?
I am an angel of the Lord
The shizzle you say?
I have come to deliver you to the promised land.
You're taking me to heaven?
Nope... Las Vegas. I hear Celine Dion's left tit keeps popping out of her dress when she sings the Titanic song.

 

by Boritom
6-16-03
Hey, kids, it's really great to be here, but I gotta tell ya; It's tough being a Television Stand-Up Comic! Hahahaaaa
Course, I guess it coulda been worse... At least I'm not a clock radio!
Sad, isn't it...
Uhhh... You guys can start laughing, now... Anytime... pleeeaasse?

 

by Boritom
6-16-03
Happy Birthday, Fumiko! How old are you today?
I'm not answering any questions, you sick bastard. You dragged me out here to the middle of the desert to do terrible things to me!
No I didn't... really... Look, I'll make you a baloon animal. What would you like, a doggie, a giraffe, a platypus...?
Can the crap, Sparky! It's not even my fucking birthday!
I... I guess that was kinda a big giveaway...
That, and when you forced me to dig my own grave at gunpoint, yeah!

 

by Boritom
6-16-03
Hi there again, mister cowboy man.
Well, hello. You seem a lot nicer today.
My daddy found out how I was behaving and punished me.
Well, I'm sorry you got punished, but you were not behaving very nice.
He took away all my German Scheitza(sp?) videos, and my Snoopy vibrator.
Holy shit, I could go to prison just for being in the same state as this kid!

 

by Boritom
6-16-03
Could we hurry this up?
Mellow out, nutmonger, I'm almost done...
AUGH!
There... How do you feel?
Much better... Thanks!
That'll be $50... and I'd suggest you quit pissing off Willow Rosenberg from here on out!

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