All comics by Trippingbillee

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by Trippingbillee
1-15-03
Hey Robot, why are you crying?
I am saddened by modern theories of identity. I have no soul or continuing stream of consciousness, so therefore I have no identity. The me that will exist tomorrow will be a different person.
Why is there a robot in my room?

 

by Trippingbillee
1-15-03
Now, I can go with my standard routine, or I can do the new topical one that I haven't tested out yet...
This audience looks pretty hip. I'll try the new one.
Who wants to see me eat dog shit? I found it outside my house.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-15-03
Don't you just love being a snowman during the holiday season?
Of course! We bring joy to children of all ages! Think of the memories!
I'm kind of cold now. And lonely.
I don't swing that way.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-15-03
Bleep. She just totally checked out my ass. Bleep.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-15-03
Hi. My name's Steve, and while I may not be funny, I like to think that I make some folks happy.
So I'm now here to tell you that when life has got you down, you don't need to fret!
Because we're all in this together!
He's right! Everybody hold hands!
I thought I killed you.
You think a lot of things.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-15-03
I have been given life.
Yet I am what many would call "the walking dead."
I would call my situation ironic, but I'm not entirely sure it would be a correct usage of the much overused literary concept "irony". I guess I will just scoff at my highly unusual predicament!

 

by Trippingbillee
1-15-03
You know what's cool about being a robot?
What?
We can't get cancer.
Well...I've been dreading this, but I guess I have to tell you. I have cancer.
How is that even possible?
Just kidding! I'd laugh, but I don't have a soul.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-15-03
Do the granny shuffle!

 

by Trippingbillee
1-16-03
Hey, keep your eye out for anything suspicious.
Why?
I just thought it might be important to have an eye on things.
Ok, I guess, but everything seems pretty normal.
So, Do you believe in "Eye for an Eye?"
I hate it when you get drunk.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-16-03
Sometimes I feel like I'm not even real. Like I'm just part of some horrible dream.
If that were true, then my life could end at any moment. My whole existence would be extinguished.
Ah! A manhole!

 

by Trippingbillee
1-16-03
I am a ghost!
My eyes are too big for my heart. Every time it pumps, I die a little bit more.
Is that true?
My body doesn't get the blood it needs fast enough to survive.
I know a great heart guy in New York. He was my roomate in college.
So, what's your deal, you just fly around? You know, you sorta look like an octopus. Now THAT's funny!

 

by Trippingbillee
1-16-03
Hi, welcome to the fuck support group. Have you been rapped?
yes, becuz i ma a bihc of a hoar!
Good costume
tahnks. now bned ovar!

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
I hate the way I look in the mirror. Hi, big butt me!
What are you talking about? Your butt looks good from here.
No, you're misunderstanding. My name is "Big Butt Me."
Oh.
My parents are weird.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
I wonder what will happen if I throw my whiskey on the fire?
Oh yeah. This isn't whiskey. It's my pee! Silly old me.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
I'm playing SimCity 4.
I hear it's pretty good. Keeps up the standards of the old games without changing the basics too much.
That's a pretty good assesment of the game. You wanna give it a spin?
I'm not even real, so I don't think i could.
I know.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
Who's laughing now?

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
Hey fuck, If I were to start a sentence with your name, would I capitalize it?
intareztin kweshtun. lemme consult mie bok of gramer.
says heer you nede a rappin.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
Daddy! Wanna hear a joke?
Ok. Go ahead, sweetie.
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
I don't know, honey. Why did that baby fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead!
Your mother told that joke all the time! Too bad I killed her.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
I make up for 75% of the hip-hop industry's target audience. I especially like DMX.
It's because I feel like he was just like me at his age, so I can relate to his music really well.
I also like those portable yogurt tubes. They also make them with Jell-O, but I got a reputation to protect.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
Hi! I'm Gregor Samsa!
And I'm Tyler Durden. And together, we are a very powerful metaphorical force!
I used the idea of a man's "metamorphosis" into a giant beetle to show the de-humanization of society during the industrial revolution.
I used a satirical setting and plot to get across my message of the de-humanization of modern society through consumerism.
But now I'm on Prozac and Paxil, so things are looking up!
Way up!

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
If you like pina coladas...
Something something something rain..
I'm a music lover.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-17-03
Dude, Phish's new tour is totally sold out! How are we gonna get tickets?
Why did you say "dude'? I'm your girlfriend.
The vernacular's a-changin'. Using the word "dude" in certain contexts doesn't actually mean YOU are one. It's just a way of talking relevant to my generation.
I'm not sure if "Dude" qualifies for that category. I would understood if you used the expression, "man". "Dude" feels far too masculine to adress a woman with.
Little do our characters know that we are slowly pushing them below the floor!
Isn't that funny? The most masculine word of all has lost all of its masculinity in certain contexts! How they would laugh centuries ago if they heard a man adress a woman with "man"!
No. They would merely be confused. Societies change over time.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-19-03
Everybody in this place seems so lost.
It IS a prison, little duck.
I know. But I feel as though love can penetrate all things.
These walls are pretty thick, little duck.
Another day, another dream.
If only you knew my dreams, little duck. Because in them, I have sex with you.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-19-03
You remember that time you fell in the cafeteria? Every one laughed so hard!
Of course I do. Do you remember that time you knocked over that globe in history class when you were trying to point out africa?
That was SO embarassing.
How about the time you wouldn't be friends with me, because I'm black?

 

by Trippingbillee
1-20-03
Dude, I just took a shower.
Good.
I was naked.
It was totally hot.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-20-03
I just downloaded an emulator. I never realized how great Sonic 2 is. And I found this new way to play it that makes it so much better.
How can you do that? It's a pretty straightfoward game.
Well, now whenever Tails comes onscreen, I say "Here comes Tizz-ails!"
Putting "izz" in the middle of words make life better.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-20-03
Did you see "Adaptation"?
Yeah. It was great! Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze make a great team. Better than "Being John Malkovich."
Really?
Of course! Nicolas Cage was great as the Kaufman twins, too! Great moviemaking all around.
No, I mean, did you really see it? Because we live in this field. I've never seen you leave.
Of course not! Goats can't even talk.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-21-03
Wanna get some Indian food?
Indian food makes me gassy.
Ok. So how about Chinese?
That sounds alright.
I like that new pink sweater you got.
Thanks, it was on sale at the Gap.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-21-03
It says here you're dead.
Am not.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-21-03
Anxiety.
Sadness.
Despair.
Fear.
Pain.
Zoloft. Setraline HCL. Pfizer.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-23-03
Hello Missy! Would you like me to make you a balloon? Happy clowns make happy balloons!
No, thanks.
Why not?
Because I sense your undying sadness.
Alas. My soul is aflame.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-27-03
Hello, Mr. Bug.
Hello, young man.
Say, Mr. Bug. Do you have any Gray Poupon?
No, but my anus is bleeding. And my blood is grey. So, feasibly, I could poop on my blood. "Gray Poop-on." Get it?
Do you even have an anus?
Its the same thing as my mouth.

 

by Trippingbillee
1-28-03
Quite a blizzard, eh?

 

by Trippingbillee
1-29-03
I just got my PhD!
For what? I've never seen you go to school.
It's a PhD in Secrecy, so I can't tell you.
You just told me it was in Secrecy.
Whoa, you know when you see a word a lot it stops feeling like a word? That just happened to me with the word "Secrecy."
Can you even hear yourself talk?

 

by Trippingbillee
1-31-03
Dad, I'm doing a research project on Sophocles for my Psych class.
Sounds interesting.
It is, but I'm having trouble understanding "Oedipus Rex." Why is Oedipus blamed for what happened? What's wrong with sleeping with your mother if you didn't know it?
I have no problem sleeping with your mother.
No, no, I mean like if I slept with Mom.
Say that again and I'll cut your balls off.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-02-03
Hi, Kids! I'm "Quest", the new nicotine-free cigarrette.
No nicotine? Why, that sounds great! What did the FDA say?
They didn't. We're not being marketed as a way to quit smoking. We're merely nicotine-free!
So you have all the health risks of smoking attached, but not the benefits? What's the selling point?
Wonderful, refreshing, "fill-your-lungs-with-mucus!" cancer.
Wow! Cancer! After AIDS, that's the coolest fatal illness!

 

by Trippingbillee
2-02-03
I have grown weary over these long years.
Ha, ha!
I can feel Death seeping into my soul.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-02-03
You wanna see some fucked up, crazy-ass shit?
What just happened?
I turned sideways.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-02-03
Dude, you are so phallocentric!
Penis.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-03-03
And though my identity was destroyed, my body remains.
What a sad story.
If there is a "God", I will search for him for the rest of my eternal existence!
I bid you luck in your quest, sad creature.
Who am I kidding? I fool myself into thinking I have a purpose. Alas, it is the lack of a soul that will comsume me in the fiery bowels of endless misery.
So are we gonna fuck or what?

 

by Trippingbillee
2-05-03
Oh my God! I've been drafted! I have to fly to Iraq the day after tomorrow.
Think about it this way. We're doing something important over there.
But if its so important, how come there is little foreign support, even after Powell's presentation to the UN?
Because we have big american penises! Look how big they are! Oooooh! So big!
I have to tape mine to my leg when I play basketball!

 

by Trippingbillee
2-05-03
There would be a reunion, but everyone in the motherfucking world is just blowing themselves up because of their inability to chill the fuck out.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-06-03
So this is the planet Earth, huh? We've finally arrived. But where are the Hu-mon's?
Based on our research, they are either watching "Tele-vision" or "Master-baiting."
But I see nothing. Our last signs of them were from 2003 by their Earth years. It is now 2025 by their earth years.
We should find their leader. Then we should ask him where the Hu-mon's are.
Hold on, I don't understand. We can speak english, but we don't understand how to pronounce a selection of the words? Where is the logic in that?
We sound more alien-er if we say "Hu-mon."

 

by Trippingbillee
2-06-03
Hello, Hu-mon.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-06-03
So, how went the intelligence gathering mission?
Not so good. The Hu-mon walked away. But I saw where he went.
It was called "Adult Bookshop." They had many models of your eye stem in the window.
I would imagine the Hu-mon's use them for vaginal stimulation, as we do.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-06-03
My leader. We have returned. And we have learned much of the Hu-mons.
Excellent. They have no idea we've secretly put replacement troops on stripcreator. In due time, we shall release them upon the world.
Sucky Suck....*BRRRRR*!*WIZZANG*!*POP*
RAAR! Costume itched Tobor! Tobor have sensitive skin!
Me love you long time.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-09-03
My favorite book is "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller.
But how can it be your favorite book? Isn't that a catch-22?
No. That's not what a catch-22 is. A catch-22 is like a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. Liking a book is just liking a book.
Oh. So then how is Catch-22 your favorite book?
I just like it because it's a good book.
I've read a book. But it was dead.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-12-03
Hi, Satan. I got a problem I need to get off my chest.
Ok, old buddy. Let's talk it through.
My balls are on fire all the time from this whole "everburning flames" thing.
Sounds like somebody needs a hug.
Will the hug set my balls on fire again?
Yes.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-12-03
Hey, I got a joke for you. What do you get when you cross crippling alcoholism with walking in on your wife fucking the mailman?
Aw, shucks, hell if I know! What do you get.
Gut wrenching sadness.
Oh, and a lot of crying. I forgot, but then I found all these tear stains on my clothes. You know, because of all that crying.

 

by Trippingbillee
2-12-03
Love and friendship.
While you were looking over here, that guy started furiously masturbating.

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