All comics by daddydoright

 

by daddydoright
11-29-05
I wonder what I should do today?
How's about getting off your ass and making some fucking money so we can have something to fucking eat around here!
Well I'm all set for job hunting again, but I don't have a college degree or any job skills, but I do have a criminal record, and a whole bunch of psychological problems!
Great than let's get you a free welfare check, free rent, free food, free utilities and free medical care!
Wow I get all that for doing nothing?! Why would I ever want to get a job if I can get everything for free?!
Now he's catching on!! Oh yah I almost forgot, they also pay you more for every kid you have, so let's get busy!

 

by daddydoright
12-03-05
He has gone to safe place
Wow the ocean sure is beautiful today and look at that amazing sky there must be every color of the rainbow.
He is coming out of it
Oh my! What has happened to the sky? and the waves and the beautiful sunrise? I'm feeling kinda woozy and have a terrible headache and that horrible pain in my bottom is back again!!
He is only half delusional
I feel like a sock puppet! That's being held down by super strong octopus arms!
That's right sunshine, You da sock puppet and we da octopus, now don't move or we gonna hit you again!!!

 

by daddydoright
12-03-05
I am so bored I wanted a double expresson mocha latte and my debit card refused my pin, my wireless internet provider is not down so my laptop is worthless!
well maybe you can masturbate again to your favorite episode of "Friends" just pop in the DVD.
No that's so yesterday, those bitches don't do anything for me anymore, I'm waiting for "Desperate Housewives" to come on out on DVD then I'd be gettin busy, ha!
Well what do I know what you want, when you can't even be honest with yourself, you have more sides than a Rubik's cube, try watchin something with more balls on satellite! I'm outta here!
Metamorphosis!
Whew! now I'm feeling more masculine!
"Today on L.A. Chopper biker makers we will show where to stash the meth in the gas tank without ruining it ..."

 

by daddydoright
12-03-05
First we were only good enough to work on your farms!
Then we were only good enough to work in your fast food restaurants!
Now we are taking over in your offices moving up the corportate ladder!
We finally now have the numbers to gain political clout so you better start respecting us! We will no longer be ignored!

 

by daddydoright
12-03-05
A conversation with Bill Cosby
"The way I see it the black race has got to start acting more white to make it in this world..."
I said that because I haven't been part of the mainstream black society since the early 70's and no longer can socially identify myself with the black culture which currently is being mass marketed.
"That was an interview with Doctor Bill Cosby on ABC's NightLine, Doctor Cosby made some comments that other leaders of black America are not to happy with!"
Whaaaahh!!!!
She turned the channel
CLICK!! "This week on Growing Up As Little Chris Rock Show, Chris at the age of five catches his mumma turning tricks in the apartment basement in return for crack"
"Don't worry little Jamaal, Momma done turned off dat bad man!"

 

"Yeah Lord I Love You, I can feel your Love go thru me like a number seven needle! My heart is full of joy like the first time I made sweet love to the pom pom cheerleader!
I don't think Kevin should try to do Christian metal until he's out of rehab and has been rebourn for at least a week.
by daddydoright, 12-03-05

 

by daddydoright
12-03-05
"It's reallly great to be here! We gotta great 'scheeww' for you tonight! I see we gotta a packed house so I hope all of you are ready to have a good time"
Let's give a great big Joe's coffin welcome tooooo..... THE FLYING ZUCHINNI BROTHERS!!!!
ROOOOTTAAAHHH!!!!! VOOOOOOOOTTAAAAHHHH!!! ZOOOOOOOT!!!
Thankyou! Thankyou very much!
"WOW! THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Who would have thought being dead would be so much fun!"
Hey you down front! SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!No comments from the Peanut Gallery!

 

by daddydoright
12-03-05
Singing on stage
Come as you were, as a friend, as I want you to be. Hurry up don't be late, the choice is yours..."
"Boy was I fucked up when I wrote these lyrics! I can't beleive I have to keep singing these songs all around the world, performing as a living freakshow, exposing all my problems for everyone to see"
"..memories, yahh! Memories! Yahhh!"
"Wow! That Kurt Kobain was really cool! His lyrics are so awesome and he looks cool too!"

 

by daddydoright
12-17-05
ANOTHER REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE
Brrrr! Shit it's motherfucking cold! Maybe I should stop getting high and skipping outta school without taking my jacket first!
No big Gee! Your my hero and I do whatever you do and you could never be wrong!
Damm! Fuck! I'd go home but my mom would tell my dad and he'd kick the shit outta me again! Guess I gotta sit here and chill. Ha! I made a joke! Brrrr! So fuckin cold!
Yah big Gee! We'll chill and hang out and be cool! Me and you! Don't we look tough?
YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG
Shutup! Dumbass!
Yah your right! Tough guys don't talk! They just stand there looking mean, I get it!

 

by daddydoright
12-17-05
Pretending to be the 'good guy'
Our plan is almost complete! In a guise of Nationalism and a drive for reinstalled morallity, we now have the power! Religion and moral highground have allowed us to push captialism on the world!
What about the Liberals? Won't they stop you! Aren't they the conscience of the hippie babyboom generation?!!
Realization! And a division in the Republican Party
You fool! They have grown old and only worry about their 401K and portfolios! Money and retirement and the security of their investments are the only things they want! Religion is the way to get it!
What has happened to our country?! To our party?!!!! We had such noble ambitions!! Who???? Are?? You?!!!!!
An Uncertain Future! Who is a patriot?
Ahahahahah! You fool! Read your own book that you use so politically to advance your own adgendas! His name is the Beast and he shall be a false prophet! He Is The Anti-Christ!!
My Bush! My Bush! Why Have You Forsaken Me!! Oh Reagan! Please Help Us! And forgive Them! They Know Not What They Do!!!!!

 

by daddydoright
12-17-05
Hi welcome to BIG BUNNY'S Home of the HAPPY HEARTATTACK! Can I interest you in our Artery Buster Insane HDL combo meal?
No thanks sweetie. I'm just a gayman who just saw the movie BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN. I was wondering if you were interested in some casual rough cowboy sex?
Meet me in the Men's room bitch!
Yah hooh cowboy!!
he kills him in the bathroom
Another faggot who thinks he's an actor and besides he was wearing the wrong outfit!

 

by daddydoright
12-17-05
"bad boyz, bad boyz! What you gonna do when they come for you?"
So let me get this straight. You say that you were just minding your own business and that hooker stole your $20 and put that crack cocaine in your pocket?
Yes, officer! That's just how it happened! She accosted me! I was just going to Sunday school.
Uhhuh. Well today is Tuesday! She says you paid her $20 for a blowjob and to throw a pie in her face! I am going to book you on solicitation charges!
Okay you got me! I have a clown fetish! Are you going to play this tape on FOX? I gotta family! I'm a insurance salesman and I belong to a prominate businessman club!Oh ya and I have $400 in my sock.
I am always willing to give an honest citizen a second chance?
Can I write this bribe off on my taxes as a business expense?

 

by daddydoright
12-22-05
Love words sound like a song
I pledge my love to youuuuuu, my lovvvvvve, my eternal lovvvvvvve.
And iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, give all my lovvvvve to youuuuuuu, my heart beats knowing its truuuuuue, my lovvvve, my sweet, sweet lovvvvvve.
enjoy it while it lasts
Ohhhh and Iiiiiiiiiiii know you doooooo, and you know I feel that way toooooo, my lovvvvve, my only lovvvvvvve.
And when I look into your eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes, I feel how much you carrrrrrrrre, and Iiiiiiiiiiii love your long blond hairrrrrrrrr, my lovvvvvvvve, my 'only' lovvvvvvve.
cause all things must pass
HOLD ON!!!!!!!!!!WAIT A FUCKIN' MINUTE!!!!! WHO THE FUCK YOU SINGING ABOUT????!!!!!!!!! Jive ass motherfucker!
Oh shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Baby I didn't mean nothing by it.

 

by daddydoright
12-22-05
feed me, feeed me! FEED ME!!
feed me, feed me! FEED ME!!
WOULD SOMEBODY FUCKIN FEED 'EM ALREADY! GEEZ!!
FEEEED MEEE!!!
FEEEED MEEE!!!

 

by daddydoright
12-22-05
in heaven
Hi! I'm Jimmy! I died at a young age from my parents second hand smoke.
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! Jimmmm-mmmy!! I'm sorry you died! But just remember this.....cigarettes don't kill people! People kill people!
Yahhhhh..... I guess your right? It's lonely being dead anyway and I shure could use a friend.
Wanna hang out and smoke new pal?
Shure! New friend!

 

by daddydoright
12-27-05
Bob Dole thinks maybe he oughtta been in the Whitehouse!
Bob Dole thinks that he has charisma! And if not for his numb hand he would have been able to use grand hand gestures which would have inspired the American electorate to vote for him!
Bob Dole also thinks that the chicks dig the groovey all expenses paid government pad! And if he would been president he would finally have gotten laid after all these years!

 

by daddydoright
12-27-05
the primal urge to mate
Yah sure your not a cop? Right! Ok hon! My name is Lisa. It'z $15 for some head! $30 for some pussy! Money first hon! Right?
There's thirty bucks on the nightstand! I'll give you another ten if you make it good.
the timeless ritual mating dance
I sure am horny baby!! I haven't had any pussy in a long, longgggg.... time!
Oh yah baby!!!! Come git then!!!!!! I'm already wet for you! You sure are a big guy! Now let's see that big cock of yours!!!!
sometimes unsuccessful the female will search for another suitor
Oh shit I almost forgot!! Would you like to make a political donation to the Republican party? And will that be cash, debitcard, Visa, Mastercard? If check, I need a state ID and a daytime phone #!
Aw fuck it! You just turned me off! I hate fucking election time!! I'll just go home and jack off watchin Daisy Duke on "The Dukes of Hazzard" with the sound turned off!

 

by daddydoright
1-01-06
Wowwww.. cool! Curt Kobain from Nirvana! Man! Like I'm a huge fan! It's so cool to meet you! I've always wanted to hang out and party with you! Your music is so cool and I really dig your cool lyrics.
Dude! For starters this is a dream! And for second! If it wasn't, I wouldn't be hanging out with a dick like you! Your just an ex-jock, alkeey, poser who wears blacks t-shirts to be cool!
I don't get it Curt?? You seem so cool in your videos? I bought all your CDs'! I know all the lyrics!!
How about this one! (Sings) "He knows all the words and likes to sing along, but don't know what I mean when I say yahhhhhh!!"
Huh? Oh yahhhh!!!!! I never really got that part! I thought you were joking. What does that mean anyway?!!
Jeez! Nevermind! (then whispers).. "How pathetic."

 

by daddydoright
1-01-06
Hi! Like welcome to StarBucks! Can I interest you in some pseudo organic sounding trendy named pastry which is really very bad for you along with my pretensious snobby condesending attitude?
No thank you fucking loser who is working in a fast food coffee shop and is probablly only making in one year what I make in 1 month, but has the odassity to treat me like I'm her lesser!
Alright! I can see you are bitch! So I will get corportate on your ass!
Oh she didn't! She tried to get corportate on me! This little skank bitch doesn't know that I am assistant to the assistant secretary at the prestigous firm of Old Aristorcratic stuffy sounding name!
Overly extreme polite conversation, that doesn't match my body language but my eyes are seething with hatred!
Overly extreme polite conversation, that is quite obvious to any passerbys that it means exactly the opposite of what I am really saying and my eyes are locked on hers filled with seething cat hatred!

 

by daddydoright
1-01-06
SUPER COOL MUSIC STORE on the left the clerk, on the right the customer
Oh fuckin great! Another factory neanderthal slob wanting to be cool so he comes into our temple of music.
Wow! I haven't been to a record store in along time! Is this what cool is now? I've been working so hard for that last dozen years I haven't spent any time or money on myself.
Oh geez! The fucking psycho is staring at me! Never make eye contact with a alpha gorilla they can get violet if they feel provoked!
Is this guy ignoring me being an asshole?! Or is he just so cool, being busy in his own thoughts of music that I don't know anything about because I've been so busy working trying to get ahead?
Yah! The old cold shoulder routine works everytime! Now he will buy a dozen CDs' to show he is not old and go home content not to come back here for a couple more years.
I know what I'll do!!! I will buy a shitload of music here! Even though the wife will be mad. And that way I will show this dude I'm still cool.

 

by daddydoright
1-01-06
Any meat market pickup bar
Hey baby! If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
That line is so old! My dad said he used it on my mom when they met in high school! That turns me on! Lets hook up in the parking lot!
Hey baby! (singing) "What you gonna do with all that junk? All that junk! In that trunk!"
(singing), "I'm gonna make you scream! Make you scream!" Meet me in the lady's room stall for some freaky-deeky!
Hey mother! You want another?
Sure what the hell! You can't be anyworse than my other baby's father!

 

by daddydoright
1-01-06
Goodevening! And welcome to channel 3 action news! Where if it bleeds, it leads, is our motto. We don't use the power of the media to strengthen our city but to build fear and hatred.
We at channel 3 news believe if we keep feeding you the viewers doom and gloom that it will brainwash you into eventually destroying eachother.
No ad libbing! Just keep reading the telepromter earthling!
Just kidding folks! Have a good night and better tommorows! You stay classy Big City Name.

 

by daddydoright
1-02-06
Dang nab it! Now where did I leave my darn cow! She was smack dab right over there just a plumb second ago!
Damm hillybilly is drunk again! No more moonshine for him!! I'm gonna smash that still to bits!
Moo?

 

by daddydoright
1-02-06
Naaah! What's up Doc?
There is a hunter lurking around the farm so I'm not gonna be part of any ones dinner! It's every duck for himself!
Watch out Doc! He's coming up right behind you! Run!
Oh I get it! You want me to turn around so that you can hit me in the back of the head and knock me out! Then the hunter would be able to easily get me! I wasn't born yesterday buster!
Then Bugs runs off
Your disssspickable!
Heh-woah Mister duck! I got-chew now! You are gonna be frickazeed! I wanted rabbit stew but roast duck will do!

 

by daddydoright
1-02-06
Hi! Welcome to HAPPY HEART ATTACK home of the world's greasy-est burgers! Can I take your order please?
Yahh. Hey! Wait a minute! Anyone ever tell you that you look alot like Curt Kobain from NIRVANA?
Yaah! I get that alot! But didn't he mysteriously die in an apparent suicide from a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head which apparently didn't have much blood found at the scene!
And didn't they say that they found a handwriting sample in Courtney Love's possesion that showed she had been practicing how to forge Curt's handwriting for the suicide note?
Yaah! But he forgot to take his bank book with him which would make him very, very broke just about now. So he would have to take any job he could find.
I'll take a number seven and keep the change Curt!

 

by daddydoright
1-02-06
Somewhere in Afghanastan the world's most hunted man makes plans to try and save his ass
Hassid! Go back to America and revitalize the anti-war peace movement! It is my only hope! The Americans are getting to close here!
Ok! Boss we did like you said! We infilitrated that Cindy Sheehans camp in Texas poseing as Liberals and had her plastered all over the American media berating the President!
a few months later
Excellent Hassid! But her 15 minutes are up! The Americans have short attenion spans! Time for Plan B! Try splitting up the Republican party by berating the President's Supreme Court candidates!
Yes my imperlious leader! That plan is even more genius than the last! It cannot fail! It will surely demoralize the Americans!
And a few weeks later
Well boss that didn't work either! Same as last time !At first they go for it, then they wise up and regroup. What should I do now?
I know! I will stick with what works! Does that Monica Lewinsky have a sister?!

 

Makin' bacon
Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by daddydoright, 1-02-06

 

Dammit!! Margerie???? How Many Frickin Times I Gotta Tell You!!!! Quit Buying That Tidey Bowl Shit! I thought I was fucking dying here! I thought I was pissing and shitting blue!!
by daddydoright, 1-02-06

 

get it?
by daddydoright, 1-02-06

 

by daddydoright
1-02-06

 

Ahh! Fresh air!
by daddydoright, 1-02-06

 

Sensei. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
The world may never know my son.
by daddydoright, 1-02-06

 

by daddydoright
1-03-06
I am so unhappy with life! What should I do teacher?
Life is what you make of it.
Teacher to be wise do I have to be old and Asian?
It shure doesn't hurt.

 

by daddydoright
1-03-06
Hey Tim what 'cha doing?
I'm on my way to work.
But your homeless! And you just stand on the off ramp begging for change all day.
And your point is?
You don't have a job!
OhHHHHH!!! DON'T I?????

 

by daddydoright
1-03-06
I remember when I was the king and the people worshiped me with their unending adoration.
ALL HAIL THE KING! HAHAHA!!
From infancy to senility I held them in rapture always vying for my attention.
THE KING IS DEAD!! HAHAHA!
Forgive them for they know not what they do.
Still holding on to that Creationism theory 'eh?

 

by daddydoright
1-04-06
Oh baby! You were incredible! Same time next week? Please! Oh Please!
Yah, sure! I think I can work you in! See-yah later babe.
Sorry for listening Tim. But geeze man you always got hot babes coming and going! What's your secret dude?
Since I'm partially paralyzed I had a steel rod inserted into my penis for sex.
Can they really do that?
OOOOOHHHHH YAAAAAAAH! And the ladies they love it!!!!

 

by daddydoright
1-04-06
She is your baby's mother's sister! You can't fuck her!
But she is blonde, and she has nice tits and bangin ass!
But what if she tells? Then the whole family will hate you! And my son will grow up saying I fucked his aunt!
Don't worry! She's a ho! She wants it! That's why she flirts with you!
I know she wants it! But the price is to high! I'll just keep fantasizing.
This was a test of the Emergency Broadcast System! Had this been an actual emergency you would have been fucked!

 

by daddydoright
1-04-06
BELEIVE IT!
You know what I like best about the country?
No what?
OR NOT!!
The fresh air!
(cough!) "Me too!" (cough!)

 

by daddydoright
1-04-06
So son! Do you have any questions about sex?
Yah Dad! Can I ask you a question and you won't get mad and you will give me an honest answer?
Of course son! I promise.
Dad when you'z a young stud, what did you like fuckin better white pussy or black pussy?
Son when I was a kid pussy didn't have a face!
Yah! I dig where your coming from!!

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
In my dream I see a snail crawling on the edge of a straight razor.
A snail crawling on the edge of a straight razor. That is my dream. That is my nightmare.
The horror. The horror!

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Your going over to your fucking brothers' again to git drunk tommorow aren't you?
Yah!
It's one of the two only things I do other than fucking work!
So what's the other fucking thing?
Listen to you bitch!
Asshole!

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Little Zach 7th grade
For show and tell today, I would like to sing some lyrics from a song I wrote.
Fuck you! I won't do what you tell me! Fuck You! I won't do what you tell me! FUCK YOU!! I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!! I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TOLD ME!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!!
Teacher's report
Zach likes to particapate in school activites! Especially music class! He is highly creative, especially verbally. He can tend to be a bit agressive and has strong authority issues.

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Clarice meets her cybersex partner for the first time in person
Okay cyberstud69 can I open my eyes now?
Go ahead nympho#1alwyzREDDEE
But? But? Your a robot! Okay! Now your turn! You close your eyes and I will give YOU a Big surprise!
Allright baby! I am ready to do some serious interfacing! I will show you the true meaning of hard drive!
Damm! No software for me! I guess I'll be downloading myself again tonight!

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Hey man can I have some money for some coffee?
Sure here's a buck. Have a good one dude.
A buck! I need $5 for a coffee!
Are you crazy? Where in the world does a cup of coffee cost $5?
"StarBucks"! Are you a fuckin farmer?
Well I don't know what galaxy planet StarBucks is in? But here on planet Earth coffee only costs less than a buck!

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Ah....a fresh canvas!
Voila!!!!
La' magnifi'cete'!

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Dear John! I am writing to tell you that I am ending our relationship! Since you moved away I have gotten involved with the garbage man. Best of luck to you! Sincerely, Mary Rottencrotch
Oh how can she do this to me! I am so upset! I am sad, and now I am mad!
Wow that didn't take long to get over her! I wonder if the mail lady is single?

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Too black!
Too Yellow!
Too bad!

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Friends and family finally stopped calling
RINGGGG! RINGGGG! RINGGG!
SHIT! WHY DON'T PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
Loved ones finally stopped vying for attention
Hi? Hello?? Anybody in there? Fine! I can take a hint!
Now everyone is gone for good!
Shit! The computer crashed! Where the fuck is everybody?!
asshole!

 

by daddydoright
1-07-06
Every night he drank
All I want is more beer!
Year after year
More! Beer!
At the funeral
Hi! I'm Boris the funeral director. I am sorry for your loss. Are you family of the deceased?
Yes. I am his father.

 

SCREAMING BACON IN DEATH VALLEY
I'M COOKING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
by daddydoright, 1-07-06

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