All comics by habnem

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by habnem
8-04-01
Either I'm going insane, or there's a raging fire right behind my back.
Oh my holy Jesus!
I knew I shouldn't eat those burritos last night.
What do you want, whore?

 

by habnem
8-04-01
Hey Joey, wanna go smoke some pot? It'll be great!
Yeah! Everyone I know says that smoking pot is great! I'm really excited to try it!
This comic strip brought to you by the American Coalition For Having Lots and Lots of Fun.

 

by habnem
8-04-01
Have you seen my dog?
I don't know. What does he look like?
He's a springer spaniel, about knee-high. He's brown, he has floppy ears...
And a 14-inch cock.
Umm... no. Why do you ask?

 

by habnem
8-05-01
Hey Jesus, I have a somewhat embarrassing, personal question for you.
Of course you can ask me anything, my child.
Will you smear apple butter on my ass?
God, I miss the '50s.

 

by habnem
8-05-01
Jesus continues to answer questions from his faithful...
Okay, Jesus, let me get this straight--since we are made in His image, we're all children of God, and you're His son, so we're all siblings--correct?
Yeah...
But after the Tribulation, you'll take the entire Church as your bride for all eternity, isn't that right?
Umm... yeah.
Wow... I sure hope you don't knock us up.
Don't worry, little girl--JC is all about the jimmy hats.

 

by habnem
8-05-01
Hi! I'm Irumo, and this is Fumiko.
We're here in purgatory to find out why people prefer the taste of Pepsi.
Uh... I don't think there's anyone here.
We probably should have researched this better.
. . .
Taxi?

 

by habnem
8-05-01
The Savior takes time out from answering questions to consider a request...
Hey Jesus, pull my finger!
. . .
You retard. My hands are nailed to a big fucking cross--can't you see that? I couldn't pull your finger if I wanted to, which I certainly do not.
Chill out, man! For the love of Christ!
Now that's just insensitive.

 

by habnem
8-05-01
Fourscore and seven years ago...
...It was 1972. That year RULED, man. I scored soooo much coke that year.
Umm... it was 1914, sir. You weren't born yet.
I'm the President, fool. You best check yo'self.
Sorry, Mr. President.

 

by habnem
8-06-01
I wonder if I locked the door this morning.

 

by habnem
8-06-01
Jesus? What are you doing here?!
I'm not here. You fell asleep, asshole.

 

by habnem
8-06-01
I fell asleep at work and I'm dreaming? Cool!
Yep. Watch me catch fire!
I'm a cowboy! Woo-hoo!
Go Jesus! Go Jesus! It's your birthday!
Umm... Can I make a payment?

 

by habnem
8-06-01
Excuse me--are you "I Am That I Am?"
Moses, take that ridiculous costume off right now.
Sorry, LORD. Just thought I'd lighten the mood a little.
Honestly. How do you expect to lead the Israelites with no biceps?

 

by habnem
8-18-01
Do you need a new Pokemon? I am Muliato, and I can shoot gouts of antimatter from my ass!
Wow! Let's see it!
. . .hold on a sec. . .
. . .
motherFUCKER!
Umm... I choose you again, Pikachu.

 

by habnem
8-18-01
Ya know what I haven't had for a while?
Cheez-Its.

 

by habnem
8-18-01
One time, I had to return an alarm clock to Wal-Mart.
It was defective, and when I set the alarm, it wouldn't go off. I missed a couple of days of work before I figured it out.
*sigh*

 

by habnem
8-18-01
My mom was a Nicaraguan hooker. One time, she almost sold me for crack, but the transaction was broken up by aliens from the planet Cluxxxor.
I hate that bitch. On my sixth birthday, I hatched an elaborate plan to kill her by putting a poison dart frog on her while she slept, but she woke up and stabbed me in the thigh.
Uhh... this is supposed to be "Boring Confessions."
I know! I didn't tell you the cool part!

 

by habnem
8-18-01
*Ahem* There once was a woman named Alice / who used dynamite as a phallus...
They found her vagina / in North Carolina...
And the rest of her body in Dallas. Thank you very much.

 

by habnem
8-22-01
ALL RIGHT, TOBOR APOLOGIZES FOR THROWING YOUR CAT ON THE ROOF. NOW, COME BACK HERE AND LET ME CORNHOLE YOU!

 

by habnem
8-23-01
In other news, the moon today inexplicably gave birth to twins...

 

by habnem
8-23-01
I've been giving this a lot of thought. Now, I know we only just met, but I can tell that you're everything I've ever wanted in a woman, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
What I mean is--Maura, will you marry m--wha?
I hate personal ads.
Shit--midnight already?

 

by habnem
8-23-01
Did you know that an adult vulture can projectile vomit up to 13 feet?
Do it for me, baby.
I'm not a vulture.
...Momomoto, a famous Japanese man, can swallow his own nose?
PICTURE NOT AVAILABLE
Damn it!
...And when he was 14, Habnem onced jerked off 10 times in one day?
It was Christmas, too!
Gross! You are SOOO disqualified.

 

by habnem
8-25-01
Habnem, a lowly newbie, has been referenced twice by genuine Stripcreator celebrities!
Umm... I'll take Oxymorons for 500 please, Alex.
He celebrated by single-handedly putting away 5 six-packs of Hornsby's Draft Cider!
I'm a cowboy!! Wooooo!
*Sigh* He always gets this way.
Then he took your mother anally!
...unitl I lost my erection. Damn, I wish I was 14 again.
Believe it or he'll come for you next!

 

by habnem
8-25-01
Believe it or bite me: Habnem looks just like Brad Pitt!
YEAH I do!
. . .
What?!
Believe it or... bite me?

 

by habnem
9-01-01
In the future, you'll want to be connected everywhere you go. By the web, by voice, by two-way messaging; you'll want instant communication.
I am much vexed! Someone connect me!
In the future, you'll want all your friends to be on the same digital network--a universal standard of wireless quality.
You don't wanna go with Sprint, do ya? They sacrifice newborns to Ba-al.
Welcome to the new Verizon, where the future is now.
Join in... Or we'll kill you.

 

by habnem
9-05-01
Wow! That sure was a close call, wasn't it, Bob?
I thought for sure that 23-legged sea serpent with Janet Reno's face would drag us to our watery graves, but it didn't!
...Umm--Bob?
O death, how I long for your sweet embrace...

 

by habnem
9-09-01
The day ObiJo left the bunker where he makes his comics...
RAAARR! I TOBOR, FROM BUREAU OF DONKEY SODOMY! I ARREST OBIJO! RAAARR!
...at least he didn't say anything about cornholing.
Don't worry, loyal StripCreators!
Obi was taken to a happy place!
Meanwhile...
Suck harder, maggot!
God, I wish I'd never left.

 

by habnem
9-11-01
A fateful August day.
Hmm... I've finished reading the entire works of Ibsen for tomorrow's class... what to do?
psst... if you make it, they will come.
How's that? Stripcreator.com? I guess I'll give it a shot...
ASIAN GIRL 1: "I like to rape donkeys!"
Hey, this kid catches on fast!
Congratulations, Hab old boy. TOBOR will be along shortly to... umm... welcome you.

 

by habnem
9-12-01
RAAARR!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!
What? You just cornholed me!
REALLY?
Yeah. It really hurt.
SORRY. WANT TO PLAY MONOPOLY?
Sure. May I be the car?

 

by habnem
9-14-01
Oh no! I lost Rose, and now I'm stuck at the bottom of the north Atlantic!
But at least I'm still alive. I guess this isn't really so bad after all...
I'M THE KING OF THE SEA! Heh heh.

 

by habnem
9-14-01
Right on! I had to eat everyone else on this life raft, but I'm still alive, goddammit!
Yessir, any minute now the Coast Guard will be along to rescue me, and I'll be proclaimed a hero!
Should we tell him the raft is leaking?
Nah... They taste better when they die surprised.

 

by habnem
9-14-01
Say something funny.
Your uncle gave me rectal warts.

 

by habnem
9-14-01
Dagnabbit, I've pooped myself again!

 

by habnem
9-14-01
Oooh, yeah, Terri--GIVE it to me!
What?! Who's Terri?!
Umm... a pink donkey?
Is that the best excuse you can come up with? I'm gone!
I'm here, Gabe. Who's this bitch?

 

by habnem
9-14-01
Sorry 'bout that, bud.

 

by habnem
9-14-01
I'm gay.

 

by habnem
9-15-01
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
. . .
Back off, fucker.

 

by habnem
9-16-01
Hi there MENBAH. I'm Crabby!
Crappy?
Don't call me that, MENBAH!
How's that, Crappy?
Three hours later...
WASH AND WASH MENBAH WASH!!!
ALL YOUR CRAPPY ARE BELONG TO US!!!

 

by habnem
9-16-01
Hi! I'm here for the Church of Arse worship service. Where can I sit?
Dear LORD, for these blessings we are about to receive may we be truly thankful...

 

by habnem
9-16-01
MWA-HA! The time of the prophecies has come! Soon, I shall leave my watery fortress to possess an unwitting human!
Some time later...
Wha...?
COWER IN FEAR, MORTALS! I, THE ELDER GOD, SHALL DEVOUR YOUR SOULS!
This might not be so bad... Where's Deisel?
This sounds like a job for... ATTITUDECHICKA!

 

by habnem
9-17-01
*grunt* I'll show them. When my preparations are complete, those Church of Arse bastards will never cornhole me!
*ahem* HELLO! I HAVE A DELIVERY FOR ONE ROGER STICKMAN.
Yes?--HEY!
RAAAAARR!!
Make it stop!! MAKE IT STO-HOP!!
TOBOR CONVERT YOU REAL GOOD, BITCH!

 

by habnem
9-18-01
After his thorough debriefing of Veronica Del'ass, our intrepid Captain faces his next nefarious henchman...
Oh--you mean me?
I can't believe he's even making scale...
BEHOLD, Captain Rosannadanna, I give you your worst nightmare--THE ASSINATOR!
Egad!
I AM ASSINATOR. I WILL... umm... line?
CUT! I can't work under these conditions!

 

by habnem
9-18-01
We now interrupt "Family Matters: The Movie" for a late-breaking news update.
As the influx of newbies into the StripCreator forums continues to mount, we're left with one question: When will this all end?
For some insight into the situation, we welcome Forums regular Habnem...
Hab, what sense can you make of all this?
I, for one, have to wonder how all these wretched newbies are getting through security. We may need to go so far as to close off our borders entirely.
Wait!! Shut off the cameras! This poser knob has only been around since CC 54!
Zounds! My newbiastic secret's been revealed!

 

by habnem
9-22-01
FUCK YOU, YOU MONKEY COCK SUCKING, REPUBLICAN-VOTING RECTALNAUT!
BACKATCHA, YOU DONKEY SHIT-SMEARED PURVEYOR OF SYPHILIS!
KIRK WAS TOO A BETTER CAPTAIN THAN PICARD! DON'T GIVE ME YOUR SHIT!
AND I TOLD YOU, I'VE NEVER SEEN EITHER SHOW IN MY LIFE, AND I DON'T CARE!
umm... oh yeah.
FUCKIN' Trekkies.

 

by habnem
9-22-01
Live, from around the globe--the Fabulous StripCreator Disaster Relief Telethon!
I DON'T SUCK DICK, and either did the thousands of people trapped in the World Trade Center.
The men of the Fire Department of New York are true heroes. This cleavage is for you, FDNY!
Some of the people in those towers owned donkeys, and now those donkeys have no one to... err... feed them.
And let's not forget New York's many fetish shops, which could be crippled by the flagging economy.
Once, when I was fourteen, I masturbated ten times in...
Focus, Hab. We've got an hour and a half to go.

 

by habnem
9-23-01
Exeunt all but AsianGirl1.
Oh, that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew...
Mark me.
Gah! What are you doing here?!
I'm AsianGirl2's ghost. I'm here to tell you that your uncle killed me by pouring poison in my ear.
And then stuffed you in a microwave?! Perhaps this isn't such an honest ghost...
All right, maybe not. I didn't read the play that carefully, to tell the truth.

 

by habnem
9-23-01
Be sure to affix all 2,000 labels in ZIP-code order, or they won't be mailed properly.
Right, Jo.
Oh--and Xerox the labels first. We have to have copies for our files.
Right, Jo.
The next week.
Did you remember to enclose the Address Quality form when you mailed those fliers?
FUCK you, Jo.

 

by habnem
9-24-01
Hey Satan! Jesus is offering me eternal salvation. I'm thinkin' about taking it.
Fine. But if I find you before you die, I will unleash a thousand demons to cornhole you with their barbed schlongs of unimaginable pain!
Sounds great! Do I get that if I stay with you?
Jesus wept.

 

by habnem
9-26-01
9/11/01 - 9:00 am - SnoGlobe Inc. (across the river from the WTC)
I know you liked the snow globe factory, hon, but we ran out of money for fake snow to put inside.
Umm... Mommy? Look behind you.
Holy mother of pearl! Get the wheelbarrow, baby!
Yes ma'am.

 

by habnem
9-27-01
M3NB4|-| A|3O\/\/+ +4 G3+Z |-||Z
I refuse to enter this contest. I'll not lower myself to do it.
G3+ |=UXX+ NOOB!!!!!!1!11!!!
\/\/4|+ |=O|2 I+
Now, I say! What's with the background? And who are you?
| OW|\|Z JOO |=4GNU+Z!!!!1!!1!!WTF
O\/\/|\|3D!!!!/11?!!!LOL
Now I'm on fire! What the fuck?
I havne fet for eers! Whipee!!11!!!

 

by habnem
10-02-01
Muuuuuuuuuuuu-
UGHHHHH!
Ahhh....

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