My mom was a Nicaraguan hooker. One time, she almost sold me for crack, but the transaction was broken up by aliens from the planet Cluxxxor.
I hate that bitch. On my sixth birthday, I hatched an elaborate plan to kill her by putting a poison dart frog on her while she slept, but she woke up and stabbed me in the thigh.
Uhh... this is supposed to be "Boring Confessions."
