All comics by kattheworld

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by kattheworld
9-12-04
Love blooms in a crappy pizza place.
I think this guy could be the one.
Golly gee, she sure is pretty.
How can I tell whether he's interested in me?
Why would someone like that ever talk to me? How can I tell she's not just fucking with me to break my poor heart?
...And then he grabbed my boob.
Yup. He's definitely the one.
You're saying you want me to come back to your dorm room with you? Alone? Like just the two of us alone? No GMs or anything?

 

by kattheworld
9-12-04
When you try to be yourself...and remember why you hate yourself.
You ever noticed how much guys like it when you grab their sack just before they come all over your face?
Um...what?
Oh God. He's never going to want to see me again. Why can't I ever just chitchat about normal things instead of sex?
Blowjobs are funny. This one time I was with this girl and...
Luckily he loves the parts you hate.
...and she said (chortle) "It's fine if you want to come there (snicker), but why is it green?" Oh, it was so embarassing! Ha ha haaaa!
Definitely the one.

 

by kattheworld
9-12-04
Why did I do this again?
I'll miss you so much.
Yeah. Come back soon. I mean, like, tomorrow, if you make enough money by then.
Goodbye, darling. I love you.
If you love me why are you leaving?
Welcome to London! Can I give you the flu, make you ruin your relationship with your boyfriend and your father, and spend all your hard-earned money for you today?
If I love him why am I staying?

 

by kattheworld
9-12-04
Never fall in love with a man married to GW.
Aren't you cold? The heater isn't working in our room.
Wow, new rules for 40K.
And there's no food in the house. What do you want for dinner?
I bet I could kick ass with my old army if I converted a few things.
And our housemate tried to murder me today to sell my kidneys on the black market for rent money. Can you talk to him please?
The heater seems to be making some kind of whiny rattle in here, honey. Can you turn it off?

 

by kattheworld
9-12-04
Communication with your lover is essential.
I was thinking we could try something different tonight.
Well, I am feeling like things have gotten sort of stagnant.
Time to unveil my freaky side!
Time to unveil my freaky side!
If you're just trying to impress each other in who's the weirdest, having sex together doesn't work.
Oh God no.
Next time I think we should discuss this first.

 

by kattheworld
9-12-04
Kneel, twist, and prepare for the sting.
I want to make love with you. Smooch smooch.
I'd really rather do something a bit more..."rough and tumble" tonight.
How rough?
Just get on your knees.
The next evening...
I never want to make love again. Get over here and do me like the little bitch I am! Ruff ruff! Raarrr!
I really want to make love to her.

 

by kattheworld
9-12-04
See you at 5:30, sweetie, I love you very much!
I'll miss you, honey, see you when you get home! I gotta go too.
Sad Girl is on the right in the next panel, Angry Man is on the left.
eight hours later...
A customer shot me and stole my wallet today. Aren't you going to tell me what a loser I am, you bitch?
Fuck that. I'm getting in the tub. Don't talk to me until you look like Brad Pitt.

 

by kattheworld
9-13-04
Why I should be doing his laundry every five days, and why all his clothes are gray instead of black.
Do you want me to wash any of your clothes since I'm going to the laundromat?
Yeah, I have four or five t-shirts that need doing. And a pair of jeans.
That's all the clothes you have.
Shut up.
Why can't I get him into Express Men for just FIVE MINUTES?

 

by kattheworld
9-13-04
It's not ALWAYS sex. Sometimes we fight, too.
WHY ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF SWIFFERING THE DAMN TV SCREEN EVERY DAY??
I just live here...
OOH! Oh, honey, YES! I LOVE you!
I just TRY to live here...
And, of course, living together includes the lost art of mooching off your roommates.
Mike! I need a cigarette in here! Just close your eyes when you open the door.
Dude, can I sleep on your basement floor tonight?...No, a little leak is fine. ...Mice? That's fine too.

 

by kattheworld
9-13-04
Why natural leaders should always get to be natural managers.
I want you to be focusing more on refiling than sorting. Mm-hmm.
But then sorting will fall behind.
Just do what I want. Mm-hm.
Didn't you put me in charge of this project last week?
Three weeks later...
Why are we so far behind on sorting? I want you to focus on sorting. Just look at the mess around here! Mm-hmmmmmm!
I don't have a witty retort for this, and even if I did, I don't want to get fired. Fuck.

 

by kattheworld
9-14-04
007-1556-00
Now, the way we sort is by SEVENTH digit and then SECOND digit. Got it? Seventh-second.
Okay.
007-1556-00
So, sorting by seventh-second with this account number, where would you put it?
Umm....zero-seven?
IT'S SIX-ZERO YOU FUCKING TROGLODYTE!
No wait, I got it...zero-one!
Am I really that much smarter than everybody else?

 

by kattheworld
9-14-04
In case you can't tell, I'm a file clerk.
I need 87 files pulled by 4:00. If you can't find any one of them, look through 600,000 unfiled documents for the single unmarked page that I need or I'll have you fired.
*You have new mail.*
...A file clerk for about 50 underwriters, all of whom think they're the only one I help.
What are you waiting for? Get going!
I'm waiting for a few MORE underwriters to tell me what to do before I climb in the bell tower.

 

by kattheworld
9-15-04
7:36 AM
OK, got my keys, got my wallet...ready to go. I just need to kiss Angry Man goodbye.
SNNNNRK.... honnnnnk
7:41 AM
Any second I'll be ready to go over there and kiss him.
AAH! SPIDERS! ...snnnrk
7:49 AM
I need to get a job that involves sleeping later than him, not the other way around.
...HONNNNNK...Mom, is that you?

 

by kattheworld
9-15-04
I love you, Mike. Joking is fun. SAY HOW FUCKING FUN IT IS.
So, why DID you mistake me for Angry Girl instead of Sad Girl? Do I seem overangry to you? Huh? Do I?
I mean, you must've made that mistake for a reason. You don't just MESS UP on something important like that for no apparent reason.
Search user justanothercow for my roomie's strip and all will be clear.
I mean, it's not like you're some kind of FUCKUP, who can't remember my COMIC NAME, ARE you? You fucking idiot?
Hey, Sad Girl, you're very pretty! Look at your pretty face!

 

by kattheworld
9-16-04
It's amazing what happens when a culture grows too used to something.
What do you want to do tonight?
There's nothing on TV.
Well, maybe we could do something that doesn't involve TV...or the internet.
...
...Especially when that something is a veritable brainwasher.
You mean there are other things to do?
Forget I said that.

 

by kattheworld
9-16-04
We were on the phone during this conversation, but there's no pose for me on the phone.
So how much more will you be making?
Let's see...my salary should just about double.
OH MY GOD! OH, ALL OUR PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED! OH THANK JESUS!
!!
We're not in THAT much financial trouble, are we?
Define "trouble".....if it means you get invoices saying some guys are coming to break your thumbs, then...yes.

 

by kattheworld
9-18-04
At Ballbuster
Do you have any Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movies?
Ginger who? CHECK OUT OUR NEW RELEASES!
At Hollyweird Video
You know, like Top Hat? Swing Time?
We have SwingERS. CHECK OUT OUR NEW RELEASES!
Back home, angered ever more by the total nullification of anything more than thirty years old in this disposable, hateful culture.
Why don't video stores know shit about movies?
So did you get a new release?

 

by kattheworld
9-18-04
I'm having a digestive issue, so I'm on a fruit/juice/water fast this weekend.
Want to go out to dinner with me tonight?
I can't, honey, I'm on a fast, remember?
...but I love food.
Hey, Sad Girl, I got you some of that kielbasa that you like. Want me to cook it up for you?
Thanks, Moo, but I'm on a fast. It sounds so delicious, though...
And due to my high metabolism, I rarely have to deny myself whatever kind of food I like.
Sad Girl, you've got to help me get rid of all this leftover Chinese food and donuts.
The God of Digestion is testing me...he's testing me...

 

by kattheworld
9-18-04
The Vagina Monologues was on HBO earlier this week.
They make sprays that smell like FLOWERS! GARDENS! RAIN! It's not supposed to smell like RAIN, it's supposed to smell like PUSSY!
(quietly) Right on, sister.
Hey, Sad Girl, we're home.
What're you watching?
But I live with three men.
(flips channel quickly)
Uhhh...X-Men 2.

 

by kattheworld
9-22-04
It takes about 3 hours to do a bucket.
8:07 AM:
So how's the sorting coming along?
Still got about three buckets to go.
8:09 AM:
...How about now? How's the sorting coming along?
...Still, about THREE BUCKETS to go.
8:12 AM:
...So how's the sorting coming along?
Is there a glitch in the Matrix?

 

by kattheworld
9-22-04
I wanted to make sure that everyone knew how much I actually like my direct supervisor, who appeared in the last comic. She's very friendly and nice.
She was, however, stopping by every 20 minutes that day to ask me about a job that was going to take two days. Which was annoying.
But I can understand how pressure from above makes you pressure those beneath you. By which I mean, GET TO WORK, YOU LAZYASS TEMPS!
So how's the sorting coming along?

 

by kattheworld
10-01-04
4/18/04
I will send you a money order, you can send the CDs.
That's great, but my address has changed. Please note my address change.
5/10/04
Where are my CDs? I sent the money order to the address eBay provided.
I told you twice that my address has changed, and my mail wasn't forwarded, so I never got the money order.
6/4/04
Why haven't my CDs arrived yet?
I never thought I'd do this, but to be continued...

 

by kattheworld
10-01-04
6/20/04
I thought you said you were going to send them when you got my money order.
I DIDN'T GET your money order, because you sent it to the wrong address.
7/8/04
Why haven't you sent my CDs yet?
BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET YOUR MONEY ORDER, I TOLD YOU THE CORRECT ADDRESS AND YOU DIDN'T SEND IT THERE.
8/11/04
JUST SEND MY FUCKING CDS YOU FUCKING BITCH.
Yes, we're still continuing...

 

by kattheworld
10-01-04
9/4/04
SEND ME THE GODDAMN CDs.
Look, I don't want to send you something I haven't been paid for, and you feel that you paid for it. Can't we work something out?
...
Maybe she's forgotten and gone away...
10/1/04
JUST SEND ME THE GODDAMN CDs.
Should I not send them and say I must've sent them to the wrong address? Would God call that a sin?

 

by kattheworld
10-25-04
I'm trying for an agent, not a publisher.
My novel is very well-written. I'm looking forward to people enjoying it.
Thank you for your submission. We feel the manuscript is not for us.
But no matter what approach I try...
My novel appeals to a large audience. I think a lot of publishers will be interested.
Thank you for your submission. We feel the manuscript is not for us.
...I always seem to come up against a brick wall.
THIS BOOK WILL MAKE A SHITLOAD OF MONEY, YO.
Thank you for your submission. We feel the manuscript is not for us.

 

by kattheworld
10-30-04
No comments necessary.
So you're going to leave your job if you hate it so much, right?
Mom, I don't hate it that much, and besides there aren't that many--
And what do you need a job for? I thought you were going to be this great writer, right? Why can't you get any agents to give you a second look?
I'm trying as hard as I can, Mom, it's just really hard to--
Are you smoking? Did I just hear you smoking? Why can't you just quit? I did it when I got pregnant with you, and it was easy. But it seems like my effort to make you a smart girl was wasted.
Would I have anything to say that would make her stop, even if she DIDN'T keep interrupting me?

 

by kattheworld
11-02-04
This woman is far more annoying than a mere cartoon can express.
So no more temps, huh? I guess that project wasn't so good. My daughter's doing a project right now that's not going so well. And I see you're working 8 to 5 again, huh? Why'd you switch back?
>working< My bosses asked me to.
And yes, she will stand and talk and ask you stupid questions for hours if you let her.
I like working in the early morning, but you seemed to really like the afternoon. How come those temps left? Do you like this shift better or what? My dog likes the early morning a lot better.
>working< I like the afternoon.
And no, I don't have the guts to tell her to go the fuck away.
...And so that was how my third son got conceived. I guess that was a pretty terrible thing, huh? Do you have any children? I like dogs better. Say, what are you working so hard at anyway?
>working< Ignoring you.

 

by kattheworld
11-07-04
This year, instead of voting for a candidate I didn't believe in, I chose not to vote at all.
I admit I'm ashamed of myself because of all the Revolutionaries who died for my right to vote.
And the suffragettes, many of whom attended my alma mater, who fought so hard for so long.
But I believe that were those people alive today, they wouldn't want to vote either.
Being saddled with a terrible choice like that, the best thing to do really is to abstain.
You're the reason Bushitler won, you apolitical parasite.

 

by kattheworld
11-07-04
*Political Conscience.
P.C.!* I...didn't think you were listening.
You should be ashamed of yourself. Even a vote for the country's biggest cipher is still a vote against Bush.
But I was following Gandhi's passive resistance model.
Don't pawn your inaction off on Gandhi. You were just too wishy-washy to come down on one side or the other.
Uh...an abstention has as much merit as a raised voice!
You're not even fooling yourself, Sad Girl. But I have been unused in this country for so long that this exertion has made me close to death...I will say...no...more...VIVA CANADA! *choke*

 

by kattheworld
11-27-04
...snnrk...aggh...hello?
HELLO DARLING! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Jeez, Mom, thanks, but I'm still sleepi--
I just wanted to let you know that it's 100% OK that you didn't come to see me this year. I mean, it's not like Thanksgiving ever meant anything in our family, right? And it's not like I'm alone.
You told me you didn't want me to come.
And hell, it's not like Thanksgiving is a family holiday anyway. And not like I gave birth to you. So I hear you're going to Angry Man's parents' house. Do you owe THEM as much as you owe ME?

 

by kattheworld
11-27-04
They live in Vermont, that's the reason for the background.
Hi, Mrs. Angry Man, I'm glad to see you again.
Oh, Sad Girl, it's so good to have you here for the holiday.
Wh--what do you mean by that?
I mean it's nice to have you here. We enjoy your company.
That's it? There's nothing beneath that statement? No guilt trip, no silent bitterness?
Oh, honey. You can call me Mom, okay?

 

by kattheworld
11-27-04
This is always the conversation we have on the ride home from Vermont.
So do you REALLY think they liked me?
Yes. I do. I think they liked you last time, I think they liked you this time.
Do you really?
YES.
And I think he's getting a bit tired of it.
...Really?
....yes....really.

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
Introducing Goat-on-a-Stool: That little voice of reason inside Sad Girl's head.
I'm really unhappy with my life. Maybe I should attempt to change it by taking a class, or writing more proactively.
You don't really have enough money to go back to school right now. And you also risk overloading yourself.
Maybe I should get a job that I like more, or a part-time job so I really can focus on my writing.
Money again. And you risk losing the job you have, and being broke along with being unhappy.
Everyone tells me I should try to do what I want to do with my life. And what I really want to do is write full-time.
Is this thing on? MONEY, idiot!

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
You decided to WHAT?
Fake my own death. I figure that way my books will be more appealing to publishers, since I killed myself because I couldn't get published.
There are so many problems with this idea that I don't know where to start.
What are you talking about? It'll work great! Now I just need you to take a few pictures of me with this rope around my neck.
You want me to go ALONG with this?
Hell, you're going to be my agent in two weeks' time!

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
Well, you've got the pictures. Now what?
Now we compose a heartfelt yet tangy query letter that you'll sign and we'll start writing to publishers.
I really believe this must somehow be ethically or legally BAD, in the Ghostbusters sense.
You are just too paranoid. How do you like the phrase "tender bud of genius snipped before its ripeness"?
I think the bud of genius had a few potato bugs on it before it got snipped.
Fine, I'll write it without you.

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
As very, very much as I don't want this to be true, your book was accepted.
There were even tearstains on the acceptance letter. Your plan worked.
Aren't you going to say anything?
...ACCEPTED?....*snap*

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
Look at what they're saying about you in the NYT Book Review. "A thrilling new talent that sadly we will see no more of."
A proud day when my writing leads a NYT book reviewer to end a sentence with a preposition.
The more I think about it, the more I think this might not have been such a bad idea.
Oh, just wait. It's almost time for Phase II of my plan.
Does Phase II involve real death? Because that I can provide, if I have to keep going along with your plans.
Uh...what else does that article say about me?

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
OH MY GOD MY DAUGHTER'S DEAD?? OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
No, Dr. Sad Girl, she's not dead, she's faking the whole thing to get her book published.
...
I'm gonna fucking kill her. Why didn't she tell me anything about this? Why didn't she ask my opinion? That girl, she just can't listen to good advice...
I'll have to call you back. There are other homicidal impulses in this house right now that I need to take care of.

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
So what's the plan now, O bud of talent?
Well, now I'm going to publish a book detailing my experiences of having faked my own death in order to publish my fiction.
At first I imagined it as a beacon unto other unpublished writers, a sort of how-to, but instead I wrote it as a self-glorifying memoir.
You are simply amazing.
I know! Can you imagine how big my advance will be?

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
*blink blink*
Are you OK?
I just had the weirdest dream about getting published.
It didn't involve faking your own death, did it? Because that's really a desperate move to make just to see your name in print, and it'd also never work.
Actually, it did work.
Well, whatever it takes to make you happy, I'll help you with it...

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
HALO 2
My God, the Messiah has returned!...In videogame form, that is.

 

by kattheworld
11-29-04
The mike is a radio, okay?
I'm dreaming of a white christmas...
*working*
...rockin' around the christmas tree, have a happy holiday...
*driving*
...Grandma got run over by a reindeer...
OKAY THAT'S IT, I'M FUCKING KILLING EVERYTHING THAT HAS RED OR GREEN OR TINSEL ON IT FOR THE NEXT MONTH!!!

 

by kattheworld
12-03-04
October 2002. Over the phone.
I really miss you.
I really miss you t--what was that? Are you watching TV?
How did you know?
I CAN HEAR THE VOICE OF SATAN!
How on earth could you recognize a Bob's Discount Furniture commercial from across the Atlantic Ocean?
Once you experience the incarnate evil of Bob, you never forget.

 

by kattheworld
12-03-04
So I understand you're considering taking a retail job.
Yes. Part-time, as long as I get to sit down, something low-key and non-Nazi-ish.
You fucking hate retail.
I know, but I desperately need to do something other than what I'm doing now. I almost had to go to the hospital last night, just from exhaustion.
And how is a retail job going to reap the benefits of the four years you spent working your ass off at that expensive college you attended?
Why do you always have to make me cry?

 

by kattheworld
12-03-04
Don't you feel like you could be doing better at finding work that's meaningful and mentally challenging?
I feel like I've tried as hard as I can.
What about all those Saturdays you just stayed in bed? Or evenings when you screwed around online for hours and hours, instead of calling places back and putting in more resumes?
Look, that's sort of irrelevant...that time is gone, now, and I'm looking at the future.
Does looking at the future include an hour on Stripcreator?
Do you want to be a part of my comics or not?

 

by kattheworld
12-08-04
Hello kids. I'm the admissions director of Harvard University.
And I'm Bill Gates.
We just wanted to let you know that there's been a change in the "you can do anything" attitude fed to the youth of the early nineties.
Yeah. I'm not letting you anywhere near my precious buggy programs, and Mr. Harvard here isn't letting you anywhere near Cambridge.
(that lame four notes of music in the background)
We hope this has been informative. Enjoy your lives, you futureless suckers.
...The More You Know...

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