All comics by melonpolly

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by melonpolly
4-14-04
oh, man. i really have to pee.
I shouldn't have had that liter of pepsi.
ok, maybe if i cross my legs...
ugh, i forget about the stupid nails.
hmmm, well there's nobody around...ahhh much better.
AHHH, MY FEET! IT BURNS THE NAIL WOUNDS!

 

by melonpolly
4-14-04
hey whats up, jesus?
what?! this guy has some nerve. "what's up?' im nailed to a !@#$% cross!
you know what kind of nails these are? high quality stuff, limited edition rackaloader 3000 premiuim blend.
oh god, whats wrong with this guy?
Yeah, you must be a penny pincher. those nails you have, cheap low quality stuff.
please god, just kill me now.

 

by melonpolly
4-14-04
now, polly tell me why you have these urges.
because, dude. im a woman and women need lovin' just as much as men do.
thats not what i meant.
oh.
I was talking talking about your disregard to the holiness of jesus christ, your cartoons disturb me.
you know a therapist can help you with those disturbing thoughts.

 

by melonpolly
4-14-04
This is what i do at Wells college on a friday night.
Hey Nore lets go smoke some pot.
lets go.
This is what i do at Wells college on a saturday night.
hey nore wanna smoke some pot?
fuck yeah
This is what i do at Wells college on a sunday night.
hey wanna sm-
-im waaay ahead of you.

 

by melonpolly
4-14-04
I feel like Wells has divided me into two different people.
I like pretty things: lipstick, high heels, dresses...
Fuck society's standards for beauty.
yeah but i still like to buy makeup and shop for shoes and dress up.
Fuck consumerism.
Thanks Wells.
Cant i be girly and still be a feminist?
no

 

by melonpolly
4-14-04
Polly puts on a rare single by Nirvana called MV and turns it on full blast.
I prefer her to any other....Marijauna! Marijauna!
Her R.A. comes in.
Marij...oh, hi.
um, jesse. people are complaining about the noise. Nobody in the dorm wants to hear you scream marijuana over and over.
Better singing marijuana then smoking it in here.
compared with your singing id, rather have you smoke.

 

by melonpolly
4-14-04
hey, jesus. what do u think about about my comics of you.
I think you're sick ... but funny.
Yeah, i have a lot of time on my hands.
Dont you have an outline and bibliography due tomorrow for soc class?
(gasp) how did you know?
dumb bitch. im jesus, remember?

 

by melonpolly
4-15-04
Thoughtful narration
Introduction of topic.
response to topic.
Thoughtful narration
response to the response.
response to the response to the response
Thoughtful narration
witty comment.
sarcastic conclusion to topic.

 

by melonpolly
4-15-04
Polly finds an idiot
I dont like people who smoke pot. They are slaves to an addiction that will led them to become drugdealers or bums .
what the fuck?!
pot rots thier brains and makes them into zombies. they wont do thier work and end failing thier classes and get kicked out of college.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Now if you'll excuse me i have to procrastinate my homework by watching seven hours of mind numbing t.v.
Dumbass

 

by melonpolly
4-15-04
Zany Narration
Marijuana
Masterbation
Zany and bizarre Narration
Marijuana
Masterbation
Zany and bizarre and marijuana induced Narration
Marijuana
Masterbation

 

by melonpolly
4-15-04
Pay day on friday. hooray
I GET PAID TOMORROW. THEN I CAN BUY DRUGS AND SMOKE THEM!
I am very, very happy.
I hope noone is expecting this to be real comic.
Alas, this is what i do when im bored with no drugs or prostitutes.
but those things cost money and i have no money... wait a minute-
-I will have money tomorrow! hooray for pay day. marijuana and solicitations for illegal sexual acts, here i come.

 

by melonpolly
4-15-04
Are you poor? Are you bored? Is all of your college gone home for easter weekend (including your roomate and your friends)? if you answered yes to all of these things then follow these steps.
Step 1. Masterbate.
its free. its easy. it wastes time. and you'll have fun. trust me.
Step 2. Have lots of sex with a hot boy. preferably a boy who looks like this -->
..but if there are no cute boys around REFRAIN FROM HAVING SEX. Do not have sex with ugly boys. You'll wake up sick in the stomach.
Step 3. Do drugs. if you dont have drugs and no money then improvise. drink cough syrup. bum alcohol off the strange towns people. smoke spices from the kitchen.
Lastly if you are really bored, hitch hike to ithaca and moon the cornell boys. If you follow these steps you will pass the time away, trust me. Mwahahahaha. oh.um. goodbye.

 

by melonpolly
4-16-04
Frustrated with the stupidity of youth, polly seeks god... she couldnt find Her so she talks to jesus instead.
Jesus, why do kids think blink 182 is emo? it is not emo! it is corporate greed. Its immature frat boy jokes. Please tell me people are not as stupid as i think they are.
Well, i dont even know what emo is.
im from the middle of nowhere but i know emo is about emotion and beauty and intellegence and angst. Lyrics so good they could be poems. like afi or at the drive in.
never heard of them. me, im a garth brooks kind of guy.
What? did i say something stupid?
what the fuck, jesus?! This is why im not a christian.

 

by melonpolly
4-18-04
After reading comics about emo, polly changes her mind.
like oh my god. i was wrong about music actually having passion. i should burn all my emo, punk, etc. music because life is a pop song.
A pop song?
yes, life is ALWAYS cheery and theres always a happy ending, and nobody dies. catchy, happy, sappy, shallow love lyrics.
but life ISNT like that!
The puppet figures out polly's sense of humor.
that doesnt matter. music shouldnt reflect life.
you were being sarcastic, werent you?

 

by melonpolly
4-18-04
An hour before fight club, polly and Nore hang out.
I dont want to punch you, man. im a peaceful hippy. Ive never been violent in my life.
JUST PUNCH ME, BITCH!
The beginning of fight club.
You sure i wont hurt you?
JUST PUNCH ME, BITCH!
After fight club.
NO, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WE AINT DONE FIGHTING, BITCH! I WANT YOU FUCKING PUNCH ME IN THE FACE! I WANT WAR WOUNDS! I WANT BLOOD AND BRUISES!
Whoa. polly, you kinda scare me.

 

by melonpolly
4-19-04
Polly is a complicated person. she likes emo but she LOVES PUNK ROCK! She really loves Anti-Flag's song emo sucks because she has a wierd sense of humor.
indie sux, hard-line sux, emo sux,you sux!
but what about punk rock?
WHAT ABOUT PUNK ROCK?!! HA HA HA HA HA
all they ever do is cry, did something get caught in their eyes? i just can't understand it all, even i don't always bawl.. boohoohoo.. my girlfriend dumped me and i'm really, really hurt.
i suck. hahahahaha
indie sux, hard-line sux, emo sux, you suck! indie sux, hard-line sux, emo sux, you suck!
they sux! you suck! they sux! you suck! they sux! you suck! they sux! you suck! they sux! YOU SUCK!

 

by melonpolly
4-20-04
Never Make a Comic When You're Stoned. When You're Stoned.
Never make a comic when you're stoned.Never Make a comic stoned.
Never Make a Comic When You're Stoned. When You're Stoned.
Never make a comic when you're stoned.Never Make a comic stoned.
Never Make a Comic When You're Stoned. When You're Stoned.
Never make a comic when you're stoned.Never Make a comic stoned.

 

by melonpolly
6-13-04
Polly has nothing to do in small hick town.
fuck, im bored. What should i do, mythical creature that lives in my closet?
make a comic.
About what? i don't know what to make the comic about.
make the comic about how you don't know what to make the comic about.
Very creative, polly.
okay.
and it looks something like this. ha ha ha.

 

by melonpolly
6-23-04
Boredom takes its toll
hours and hours of mind numbing boredom for the past month?.... hmmm. the total comes up to 25 cents.
do you still take special toll coins?
Why yes we do.
here you go.
what?! this is just a peice of paper with the cent symbol drawn on it.
maybe i should have paid attention in counterfieting class.

 

by melonpolly
10-16-04
So i have noticed my comics have three topics: weed, sex, and making fun of jesus
this not the only things i think of. I could do my comics on other topics.. like...
umm...hmm..lets see...other things i think about...um
oh..um..hmmm...um....
oh fuck it! lets go some pot
right ahead of you, pot pixie!

 

by melonpolly
10-16-04
he spent fifteen years getting loaded
fifteen years til his liver exploded..
whats bob gonna do now that he cant drink?
doctor said what were you thinking?
bob said thats the point i wasnt thinking about nothing
to pass the time he went and shaved his head. new identity...mumble mmble... something about a scooter...to all my friends i feel fine... will he ever walk the line?

 

by melonpolly
10-16-04
Why getting drunk is not fun
ok. im drinking... drinking...drinking..nothing is happening...
so anyway he was like you know, whatever...blah blah blah blah
30 minutes later
drinking... drinking...drinking..nothing is happening...
(charlie brown teacher voice) wah wah wah wah
1 hour later
ok.nothing is happening. im still drinking... drinking...drinking..WABLAM! DRUNK for 5 mintues.then
PUKE.puke.puke.puke. fall asleep. the end.

 

by melonpolly
10-29-04
whos that u speak of?
Nah Myester-y?
in dreams and ghosts
of fragmented pasts
of demented self and watching sins
tabulation of niches and marks, a spiderweb of souls. so who then is the fat spider?

 

by melonpolly
10-29-04
addicts! they say! addicts! addiction, addiction.
i say sugar. i say tv. i say you goddamn mall addicts.
i say my dug is your drug....
in different form.
me: deviance. you: conformist. but you must know, no matter if society approves of your escape or not,
ALL addictions are for sale. Are for sale. ALL addictions are for sale.

 

by melonpolly
10-31-04
We are but fireflies in a circle.
Shall you catch us in jars?
And we become stars?
then, hang us up
next to the eclipsing full moon.

 

by melonpolly
10-31-04
oi
pimp rockstar background to a stoner movie
ann witchollo. i heart co-education. cackle cackle.
oi
Courtney love kicking ass
escape bloody giraffe in red glitter dress
word. snaps beatnik fingers
dead evenliner. green team go!
im the story editor that connects them all. mwhahaha. man, arent we just sick and twisted in our creativity?

 

by melonpolly
10-31-04
Are you gonna eat that?

 

by melonpolly
11-14-04
polly dies and goes to the pearly gates. her sins are wieghed against her good deeds as God the Ninja reads a book of her life.
now sin #414,003 when you blah blah bl---
not a sin, that deviance is culturally constructed. it doesnt count for someone not of that culture by which i mean me.
okay i wont count that one, how about sin #414,004---
that doesnt count either. culturally constructed.
not fair! you have been saying that for each sin!
im anthropologist! this is what i do!

 

by melonpolly
11-22-04
I know god hates me beacause of the following evidence
Number 1, im not gettin any.
Number 2, all my past boyfriends were assholes.
number 3, the vending machines never work when i have the munchies.
Number 4, sexist cornell boys
how about i make it up to u with hot hippy/punk/goth/nerdy boys?

 

by melonpolly
11-28-04
Dont you mean goth GIRLS? wink, wink.
*blinks*
*winks*
*blinks*
Lameness causes two types of eye twitch.
*winks*
okay your all women's college jokes are getting REALLY old.

 

by melonpolly
12-03-04
mad caddies and drinking
step one get mad crazy drunk.
step two. thrust out fist.
less then jake and drinking
step three. kick foot. repeat steps one through three while jumping up and down, crazily.
step four. get even more mad crazy! yell. stomp. yell again. stomp. then yell some more.
suicide machines, ramones, rancid, nofx, anti-flag drinking
not to be confused with "easy skanking" by bob marley.
easy skanking, skanking it slow, easy skanking, skanking it slooooow...

 

by melonpolly
3-31-05
i search for words
that dont exist
just as i search for worlds
that dont exist
i search for god in his last stage of writer's block
and i wonder why his creativity is waning

 

by melonpolly
7-01-05
a very sexy capture.
I have you now, with in my sexy ninja clutches
u may have my sexy body.. but you will NEVER have my soul!
its plundering time!
well thats all i want, your sexy, sexy pirate booty.
u really think im sexy?
sexy yet pathetic porn music plays
oh sure, honey. u have such sexy eyes
i have one eye, you fucking asshole.

 

by melonpolly
7-01-05
oh new theories!
helga! helga! i have a new theory on the creation of the universe that combines both relegion and science!
oh really? what is it?
oh you crazy scientists!
god fucked mother nature! and mother nature birthed the universe!
what the fuck have u been smokin?
oh my god!
i call it the big boss's big bang!
great! the jesus freaks are still pissed off at us for darwinism. and now i bet they'll go ape shit over this!

 

by melonpolly
7-02-05
little stoned timmy likes to watch...
oh yeah, oh yeah
You are watching weed wacker.
...two hot boys having a threesome with mary jane.
oh yeah, oh yeah
moan cough cough moan
nothin like smokin pot and jerkin off!
oh weed wacker! now i get it!
he's too high to notice that its gay porn.

 

by melonpolly
7-02-05
tonight on channel 9 news, the big boss's big bang controversy.
is it scientific innovation or blasphemy?
so far, the theory has raised many complex philosophical questions.
like what does God say when He comes?
blink blink
in other news, Susie the anchor was fired today for having a godless sense of humor.

 

by melonpolly
7-02-05
a lonely tumbleweed tumbles by.
tumble, tumble.
5 minutes after marijuana is legalized globally, a meterorite strikes earth, causing dramatic climate changes. the world is one gaint desert. all forms of life are gone except for a few humans.
nearby two burnt-out hippies weep bitterly. God is laughing.
No drug dealers! No weed! No supermarkets for the munchies!
God has a sick sense of humor, man.

 

by melonpolly
7-02-05
You have purchased the adventures of fagman and dykegirl!
hello my name is brad stevenson and i play fagman.
and im janet leppard, otherwise known as dyke girl. we're interrupting your porn to educate you on the stereotypes of homosexuals.
tv, movies, and porn like to portray gay men as feminine, fashionable boys who speak with lisps and say things like "super" and "probe my ass with your laserbeam, honey"
furthermore, they portray dykes as ugly and masculine bitches who hate all men and yet have threesomes with thier girlfriend and some random man. ironically, brad and i are gay in real life.
oh polly! why arent you a women's study major?
and yet our porn characters are far from representing who we are. i must say im a very masculine guy who loves his football and cindy here is more girly then most straight chicks i know.
But obeying gender roles has nothing to do with one's sexuality. i hope you see our characters are stereotypes and not real representations of the homosexual community. thanks and enjoy your porn.

 

by melonpolly
7-28-06
Every twenty eight days women bleed.
Unless they get too much of your seed.
But men gotta flush themselves out, too.
But it's always sexual when they do.
You women, You just stick some pad inside.
Men gotta practically fall in fucking love.

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