All comics by BeeJ

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by BeeJ
6-02-04
Why men and women go to different prisons.
Hmm... if I stand like this, he'll stare at me when I'm not looking!
"Step 1: Sharpen paintbrush. Step 2: Insert into closest available hole."
Um... Tim? Are you still there?
Eeeeeeeexcellent... Time draws near for my success! And crap!
Well, that was quick.
Be my valentine?

 

by BeeJ
6-02-04
Mayday, part 1.
Anthony Ray -- Yeah, we need a fire!
Jackie -- Okay, just don't burn my stuff.
Anthony Ray -- Hiller, light a stick and burn those army men!
Hiller -- Yeah! We won't hurt anyone, really!
Mr. W. -- ...Maybe I should've waited before stepping out here.
Jackie -- Mom, I swear it wasn't my fault this time!

 

by BeeJ
6-02-04
Dissention among the inanimate objects.
Pinata -- I'm the most popular toy here!
Soldier -- No, I'M the most popular toy here!
Even characters that aren't involved get into the story.
Microphone -- Shut up. People play with me the most.
Squirrel -- but I'm cute and cuddly! I'm played with the most!
Jane -- Shut up, squirrel. People do that to me, too.
Jake -- Hey, I'm horny. If you won't go for it, I'll go back to Tim's house and get hammered.

 

by BeeJ
6-02-04
Fun with Ladders.
What's BeeJ doing climbing up that ladder?
Chase -- I don't know. I'll go take him down!
Don't do it, Chase! I'm going for a Leg Drop!
Chase -- Here I come!!!
Jane -- Good job, Matt! Now we won't see BeeJ for weeks!
Chase -- It's okay. At least he won't have to come to Physics class.

 

by BeeJ
6-02-04
The almighty bonfire.
BeeJ -- Kassie, you look hot tonight! And it's not the fire!
Kassie -- Thanks, BeeJ! Give me a piggy-back ride!
Osama -- Man! Stephanie's looking hot tonight! I should show her my backseat.
Stephanie -- Man, BeeJ really needs to learn how to be "subtle." He's so obvious!
Johnny -- Yeah, I know. Well, at least he has a chance of getting some, unlike that viking on the other side of the fire.

 

by BeeJ
6-02-04
The Basement.
Game over, Bee-yotch!
Ken -- Damn! Screwed again!
BeeJ's family -- Stop giving us the cold shoulder. We have a right to exist in your life too, you know.
BeeJ -- Hey Lavik! Have you ever seen Lord of the Rings?
Editor's note: The part of Shelbie has been replaced by a murderous hockey player in this episode.
Lavik -- ARE YOU CRAZY??? OF COURSE I HAVE!!!!! IT'S MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!
Shelbie -- Hmm.... I think I finally know how to rid myself of this fool once and for all...

 

by BeeJ
6-02-04
How did BeeJ get through MHS?
BeeJ -- Just keep looking forward. Keep working on your paper. You CAN get through Junior year English!
Ms. Stuckey -- Brian! I just thought I'd let you know that I don't have any sympathy for your realization of my pointless assignments!
This past year...
BeeJ -- Shut up, Ramsey. You don't know how to teach.
Mr. Ramsey -- That's okay, because I like pro wrestling too.
And now...
BeeJ -- Hmm. So, in conclusion, if you just sit and do the same thing repeatedly, you'll eventually be allowed to do it at home?
Stuart -- Hey, can I have money for gas? I got fired again.

 

by BeeJ
6-03-04
The proactive students.
Doug -- We can take out these greedy bastard voters! Just flood every single one of them with love-mail from the students!
Andy -- I'll get right on it! They can send their hate-mail back to my house!
The reactive students.
Kassie -- Wanna go rally the troops at Wal-Mart?
BeeJ -- You're asking me out to Wal-Mart? Hell yeah!
The inactive students.
Van Boxel -- Hey Ramsey, wanna go play D&D on my new 25 GHz?
Ramsey -- Sure! Just give me a minute to go take a piss on my students' lab reports and tell Mr. Spiccia that I'm a "teacher."

 

by BeeJ
6-03-04
We immediately sent word to the voters!
Dear Mr. Schefft...
Please help the students!
We ask that you support us...
...by voting YES on Issue 2.
Thank you!
-- Miles, The Ecology Club

 

by BeeJ
6-05-04
Bob's speech.
Bob -- Hi. Have fun with life.
Ollie's speech.
Ollie -- So today, before I leave, I'd like to entice you with my full philosophy of life, as well as suck as much attention out from you for my own greedy purposes as possible, blah blah blah.....
Dr. Hoynes' speech.
Hoynes -- We must have strength to move on! For you, it's moving onto college. For me, it's moving through my career, knowing full well that everyone in Mentor hates me. Congratulations, The Class!

 

by BeeJ
6-05-04
Matt Strickland! Cum Laude, Senior Project.
Amanda Kozelvich! Magna Cum Laude, Senior Project, Community Service.
Christopher J. Olp! Summa Cum Laude, Senior Project.
Lindsay Wyatt! Summa Cum Laude, Senior Project, Community Service.
Really sucks to be this last guy, doesn't it?
Andy Yeh! Summa Cum Laude, Senior Project.
Sam Magri.

 

by BeeJ
6-07-04
The evolution of a defense mechanism.
Life -- You will lose everything that you currently care about!!!
BeeJ -- I'm a kickass warrior! And I have a sword! Bring the pain!!!
The next day...
BeeJ -- Aaghh!!! Alright!!! I give up!!! I'm NOT a warrior! I CAN'T take this heat!! I'm so alone...
Festering emotions -- You see? You can't do anything to escape.
And so, a temporary solution is found.
BeeJ -- Well, I guess I'll make a comic strip about it.
Festering emotions -- Damn! He's good. I'm going to get reinforcements: REALITY!!

 

by BeeJ
6-09-04
The Final Battle.
Festering emotions -- Yes... Excellent! With you on my side, Reality, we can take down BeeJ FOREVER!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
Reality -- Actually, I have something to tell you, BeeJ's inner regrets....
Festering emotions -- No!!!!! Reality turned you back into a kickass warrior-type! Thing!
BeeJ -- That's right, baby! I'm back and better than ever!! Now eat my Stone Cold Sword Stunner (tm)!!!!!
BeeJ -- Thanks, Reality! I guess you really were on my side all along! You sly trickster, you!
Reality -- Uh... yeah. Sure. You..you caught me good..? I'm, um.. I'm gonna go now.

 

by BeeJ
6-15-04
Friday night.
Hiller - BeeJ! It's midnight! What are you doing in a grocery store at this time of night?
BeeJ - Dude, I'm getting my mack on.
Sunday night.
Val - BeeJ, it's 5 in the morning. What are you still doing at my house?
BeeJ - Dude, I'm getting my mack on.
Any night after a Top 25 concert.
Police - Dr. Touchton, the concert's over. What are you doing with all these kids at your house?
Touchton - Dude, I'm getting my mack on.

 

by BeeJ
6-21-04
Someone was telling me that they wanted to be in a comic strip.
But I can't remember who it was.
So I'll just pretend I know, and pop in any random person.
This should be good.
...Or not.
Luoma - Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles pass the speed Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles Beatles

 

by BeeJ
6-22-04
Score: Luoma - 0, Huggett - 0
Luoma - Are you coming to the party?
Huggett - No. I'm gay. And stuff. So bye.
Score: Val - 0, Huggett - 0
Val - Don't fuck with my friends! I hate you!
Huggett - Dude. Calm down. At least it wasn't like what happened with Fox.
Score: Fox - 0, Hugg-- ahh, forget it.
Fox - Ha! Just kidding! It was me the whole time! Ha, I'm sweet!
Huggett - .....Ok..? Good for you. Back to Halo.

 

by BeeJ
7-01-04
This is why teamwork doesn't work.
Link - Hey BeeJ, want to team up? I have a sword.
BeeJ - But I already have one of those....
BeeJ - Sure, let's team up. I have a hotty!
Link - I already have one of those...
And this is why comic strips don't work when you're trying to come up with one at 1 in the morning.
Link - Just kidding. I don't really have a sword.
BeeJ - Just kidding. I don't really have a hotty.

 

by BeeJ
7-01-04
Doug goes to Washington!
Doug - So, I hear you're my supervisor or something while I learn more about how to screw an entire coun--- I mean, politics!
Supervisor - That's right! I suck, and everyone knows it!
Doug looks for help!
Doug - I don't like my supervisor! I'll find a way to take him down!
BeeJ's comics - Make fun of him, dickwad.
Doug becomes popular with other ass-kissers!
Supervisor - The hell?? Who put these funny drawings of me humping Bush on the chalkboard??
Young angry politicians - We did! Burn in hell! Doug's cool!

 

by BeeJ
7-08-04
Spider-Man 2
Look out, Spiderman! It's Doc Ock!
Hey, he survived the first one. He'll be fine.
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
Look out, Scooby! It's the Black Knight!
Hey, he survived the first one. He'll be fine.
Bowling for Columbine 2: Fahrenheit 9/11 (Well, it's basically a sequel)
Look out, Michael! It's the G.O.P!
Oh. He's screwed.

 

by BeeJ
8-11-04
Open Mic Night at Lindsay Wyatt's house.
Hallen -- Testing, is this thing on? I'd like to make some funny noises that represent my inner nerviosity.
Huggett -- Wait a minute, why am I here? I'm not allowed to be within 10 kilometers of you guys anymore, or so I thought..
..Yeah, it's been a little while since I've done this.
Andy -- BeeJ, what the hell is with this comic? I mean, it's one thing to make more comics to please your friends, but you need to have some material first! Gosh, why are people such douches?

 

by BeeJ
9-07-04
What will he be like?
Hi, I'm Kyle. I just want you to know that I requested they get rid of my bed, so we can share at night.
Get the hell away from me. I have a sword, dammit!
They COULD pull a Eurotrip and accidentally room me with a girl...
Hi, I'm Kyle. Why the hell do I have to wear a uniform to college?
I just want you to know I requested they get rid of my bed.
Or he could just be a total nerd.
Only 58 more levels until I unlock Gandalf's Secret Sword of HTML Editing!
Dude, BeeJ, get off your lazy ass and come get smashed for once.

 

by BeeJ
9-19-04
High School.
Hi, I'm The BeeJ.
Mentorites -- Hail BeeJ!
Summer.
Hi, I'm The BeeJ.
[insert cricket noises]
College.
Hi, I'm The BeeJ.
Mentorites -- Hail BeeJ!

 

by BeeJ
9-22-04
One bright Fall morning, at about 7:30...
Doug -- Man! Why the hell did I ever take "Ethics"? I just can't understand it...
Student -- Shut up, I'm trying to drink and pay attention at the same time.
Two hours later...
Haroon -- This is no fun. Where's my controller?
Student -- That's what I brought my cat for. No, I'm really not creepy.
Meanwhile...
BeeJ -- I have to get up already?? But I don't have class for another four hours!
Wanna try to beat all 27 teams in NBA Jam before Calculus?

 

by BeeJ
10-04-04
At the business library...
BeeJ -- Hi, everyone. I'm working at my new job.

 

by BeeJ
10-04-04

 

by BeeJ
10-04-04

 

by BeeJ
10-04-04
You've got mail!

 

by BeeJ
10-04-04

 

by BeeJ
10-04-04
Finally, 3 hours later...
BeeJ -- Man, this job is killing me! See you tomorrow, guys.

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
BeeJ -- Hey, Haroon, I'll bet I'm a better dancer than you.
Haroon -- You're probably right. I don't like dancing.
BeeJ -- Oh, so you're saying that it's not even important enough to care about?
Haroon -- No, I'm just saying that I personally don't dance.
BeeJ -- I can't believe I'm being insulted like this!
Haroon -- Insulted like what?

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
BeeJ -- You know, you're taking the one thing that I'm good at and spitting it in the face.
Haroon -- What are you talking about? I just said---
BeeJ -- No, Haroon! I'm not taking this anymore! I'm going to prove that I'm better than you at something once and for all!
Haroon -- Oh, no..
BeeJ -- Hey, everyone! Haroon and I are going to have a DANCE COMPETITION!
Haroon -- And he wonders why I have more friends than he does....

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
BeeJ -- Okay, Haroon, you go first.
Haroon -- I already told you, I don't dance.
BeeJ -- Now, you listen to me. You are NOT going to call me out and then back down at the last minute! We are going to do this right now!
Haroon -- But you called me out...
BeeJ -- Okay, fine I see where you're going with this. I'm dancing first now! Watch me!!
Haroon -- Fine. Whatever. I'm leaving.

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
"Watch me dance," says The BeeJ.

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
"I'm doing the moonwalk!" says The BeeJ.

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
BeeJ -- *Phew!* That was tiring. Your turn, Haroon. ...Haroon?
Everyone -- He left because you suck.
BeeJ -- Hmm... He left because I danced and he knew he couldn't win.. HAHA!
Everyone -- No, he.... Never mind.

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
And so, BeeJ sets off to find Haroon and gloat in his face.
BeeJ -- Hey, have you seen Haroon?
Loma -- No! Have you seen any John Lennon nail clippings anywhere? I need to finish my collection.
BeeJ -- Any idea where Haroon is?
Kuper -- Well, I thought he'd be next door, but I'm too high to pay attention.
BeeJ -- Where's Haroon?
Mouse -- I'm just a mouse, how should I know?

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
Haroon -- ..And I'm like, "That's not a stick of dynamite, that's my coc---
BeeJ -- Haroon! I've finally found you!
Haroon -- BeeJ, what are you doing here? I don't want you around me anymore.
BeeJ -- You're just saying that because you're pissed off at me because I outdanced you because you didn't dance because you didn't want to because I'm a better dancer than you because I'm better a...
Haroon -- Please. Just leave me alone. I don't even care about the dancing. You win, okay?
BeeJ -- Damn straight I do! Because I'm the best at dancing! Haha! And you suck! You loser! I won and you lost! Booyah! Suck it, Haroon! Suck it long and suck it hard!

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
BeeJ -- Did you see that? I so whipped Haroon's ass!
Brent -- Okay, BeeJ.
BeeJ -- I'm so much better at dancing than he is!
Aladdin -- That's great, but this is the scene where the Genie saves me and then I go reveal that Jafar's a bad guy.
BeeJ -- Haroon can't outdance me!
Vicky -- Who cares? He's still smarter than you.

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
"He's still smarter than you are."
BeeJ -- No, he can't be smarter than me... he can't be..!
Imagined version of Haroon -- BeeJ.. I know the exact value of 38.29pi, despite its lack of rationality...
BeeJ -- I'm smarter than you are, dammit!!
Imagined version of Haroon -- I know how to quantify the exact validity of mathetmatical theorems and proportions!
BeeJ -- Stop it! Stop!!!!
Imagined version of Haroon -- I actually understood Mission: Impossible the first time I saw it!

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
Haroon -- And I say, "That's not my cock, that's a stick of dyn---
BeeJ -- Haroon! Let's settle this once and for all! I am WAY smarter than you ever will be!
Haroon -- Once and for all? When did we ever even bring this up before?
BeeJ -- Oh, don't give me that. I know you and your Tom Cruise-type ways!
Haroon -- Tom Cruise? What, is he here?
BeeJ -- You don't know? And you actually admit it? Ha! Admittance is the first step towards defeat! Feel the wrath of my mind!

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
Haroon -- You know, BeeJ, based on what's been happening with you lately, I'm guessing that I actually AM smarter than you.
Ha! Prove it! I'll bet you're not THAT smart.
Haroon -- Actually, I probably am.
BeeJ -- Then tell me, Mr. SmartyPants, what am I thinking about right now?
Haroon -- Wrestling.
BeeJ -- Damn.

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
BeeJ -- Okay, so you might be smarter than me, but I'm still a better dancer. You can't beat what I did earlier!
Haroon -- Oh, really? Watch this.
Haroon -- Okay, I'm done.
Everyone -- Hail Haroon! That was the most amazing display of footwork I've -- err, we've ever seen!

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
BeeJ -- Oh, come on now! My dance took up two strips! Yours was only one panel!
Haroon -- It's all about quality, not quantity, BeeJ.
BeeJ -- Quality?? You just switched directions! That was barely even dancing!!!!! COME ON NOW!!
Luke -- Temper, temper. We only said that he did better to piss you off.
BeeJ -- Yeah, well, you did a good job!! GET OVER HERE!!!!!!!
Luke -- Uh-oh.

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
As BeeJ beats up Luke..
BeeJ -- Modified sleeper hold!
Pat -- Hey! Stop! That's my boyfriend you're hurting.
...Pat ends up gets pulled into the fight as well...
BeeJ -- Running tornado DDT into enziguri!
Ramsey -- Hey, guys, just thought I'd stop by to see how everyone was doing.
...And finally BeeJ performs a beatdown that makes everyone happy.
BeeJ -- These bloodstains will go nicely with the grass stains that are already in your pocket!
Van Boxel -- Hey Tom, you there? I'm destroying your encampment as if your orcs have only been upgraded to level 3.

 

by BeeJ
11-02-04
Later...
BeeJ -- Man, did that ever feel good.
Everyone -- Yay BeeJ! That was frickin' awesome! Layin' the smackethdown on Ramsey's candy ass!
Haroon -- BeeJ, I may be smarter, a better dancer, and better-looking than you, but you could beat the living hell outta me if you wanted to! For that, you have my respect.
BeeJ -- Thanks, Haroon. You're a great pimp.
The End. Yeah, that's right, I'm ending on part 16. Why? Because "a 16-parter!" just sounds weird. And yeah, I'm ending with a cheesy innuendo. Deal with it.
BeeJ -- Well, I'm sure glad that's over. Now I just want to go to bed.
Jessi -- Well, I'm coming too. I want to try "lighting your stick of dynamite."

 

by BeeJ
11-11-04
One day..
BeeJ -- Ah! Destruction!
Explosion
BeeJ -- I need to assemble the REALLY POWERFUL PEOPLE!
Yeah, you take over. I'm going to get a ham sandwich.
BeeJ -- REALLY POWERFUL PEOPLE.... ASSEMBLE!!!!!!!
Geek with a videogame controller -- Okay.

 

by BeeJ
11-11-04
BeeJ transforms into Miko!
AAaaaaaaaaaaaaa......
...........hhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Kass transforms into Hopper!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........
..........hhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
A brainless pile of ashes transforms into Keanu Reeves!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa...............
.................hhhhhhhh!!!

 

by BeeJ
11-11-04
The Really Powerful People get to work.
Miko -- Let's lay the smackdown on that villain!
Hopper -- I'm going! I'm going!
Keanu Reeves -- Stop, I'll hurt you.
Evil villain -- You can't stop me! I have hordes of henchmen behind me!
Erroneus Henchman #1 -- You can't stop me! I'm supernatural!
Erroneus Henchman #2 -- And I'm Sara Brewer!

 

by BeeJ
11-11-04
Um, yeah. The airplane fell to the ground, which is why they're there now. On the ground.
Hopper -- Let's go, right now!
Henchman -- Well, okay. But be gentle.
Evil villain -- See if you can destroy me now! Haha!
Miko -- I will bite you in the anus, anus.
Keanu Reeves -- I know kung fu! I know kung fu! Yaaaay.
Henchman -- Hold that thought, I gotta hit the can.

 

by BeeJ
11-11-04
Theme song: Really powerful people... Don't mess with the RPP!
Miko -- How do you like deez nuts?
Erroneus Henchman -- Why the hell am I so erroneus, anyway?
Theme song: They're kind of the opposite of feeble... They call themselves the RPP!
Villain -- I'm a dog on a ball!
Hopper -- This fight scene sure is geographic.
With powers and hours of using their powers, and ours are powers, our hours, they're ours... We're the RPP!
Henchman -- I gotta go to the bathroom.
Keanu Reeves -- Again? Wait, if you're over there, then who the hell am I fighting?

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