All comics by Ender2300

Profile

 

by Ender2300
2-17-03
Why, hello there little girl.
So, thiiis is why Mom wanted me to stay away from her funny little pills.

 

by Ender2300
2-17-03
Sooo.... Can I...
No.

 

by Ender2300
2-17-03
John Ritter in "Kangaroo Jack 2: Dinner party of Destruction.
Hey, try not to kill any of the guests, OK buddy? hehehe.
I wonder if a grenade will fit up his ass...
Jesus and Satan in the wacky college comedy "Diety U".
Oh! I failed my math test and was crucified by some Romans. I'm so mad that I could just... Satan did you leave this assault rifle on my bed?
Hehehe, I'm such a naughty little devil.
Fight Club 2
Let's get it on fat man.
Huh? You want a piece of me? Come get some, bitch!

 

by Ender2300
2-17-03
Eric, if I don't see some improvement around here in the next month, you're going to hear me say the following words...
YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!

 

by Ender2300
2-21-03
Ugh. Not again.
Hey baby! Want to turn my floppy drive into a hard disk?
I think your infected boot sector just suffered a fatal system error. Why don't you go and reformat your hard drive.
Oh no. My tears! They will rust my snazzy robot body. *Sniff*.

 

by Ender2300
2-21-03
So... Can I...
No.

 

by Ender2300
2-21-03
Hellloo. Gharbad the weak here. Are you tired of living in Hell? Do you want more out of life than to be killed by some wandering hero?
Iff sooo, then you should vote out the old president Diablo, the lord of terror, and vote for Gharbad the weak! No hurt Gharbad! Gharbad make gooood president.
"Paid for by Gharbad the weak, because Gharbad has no friends."
That.... little... BASTARD!!!

 

by Ender2300
2-22-03
Hello? Is there anyone home? I'm from the realtor, I'm here to show the apartment. Hellooo?
Shit.
CRUNCH! CHOMP! CRUNCH! GULP!

 

by Ender2300
2-22-03
Mr. Can I ask you a question?
Sure little girl. What is it?
Are prematurely born babies a result of premature ejaculation?

 

by Ender2300
2-22-03
So... Can I...
Uh... No...

 

by Ender2300
2-25-03
Bring your souls here! We exchange souls for wishes! Best rates in town!
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU"RE DOING!
I'm buying people's souls in exchange for their innermost desires. Why? Do you want to sell me your soul?
NO! Listen, don't you know who I am? This is my racket. You can't do this! I've been corrupting souls for the last six thousand years! Stop this right now!
What's the matter old man? Afraid of a little competition?
WHAT!

 

by Ender2300
2-25-03
Look, why don't we have a contest. Let's see who offers the best rates for souls.
You're on! You go first. Let's see if you've got what it takes.
Fine. If I go first, I get to pick out who my first customer is.
Alright, you can pick from anyone on this street.
Excuse me sir...

 

by Ender2300
2-25-03
So let me get this straight. If I give you my soul, you'll give me my innermost desire?
Yeah, that's the way it works.
You're on! Let me have what I most desire.
Just go down that alley over there.
Oh no! I've lost my glasses. I think they fell on the floor. I'll just have to bend down and look for them. Hope no one notices the rip in the back of my pants.
Oh yeah....

 

by Ender2300
2-25-03
WHAT?
You little bitch.

 

by Ender2300
2-25-03
Alright, old man, its your turn now.
Fine I'll pick someone and get their soul even cheaper than you did.
Cheaper than I did. Well, we'll see about that.
Hmph. Fine, here I go.
You there...

 

by Ender2300
2-25-03
So if I trade you my soul, I can have anything I want.
Yeah, that's right. What do you say?
Fine! I'm in.
Great. Now just go knock on that door and you'll get what you want.
Hello there!
This isn't what I wanted.

 

by Ender2300
2-25-03
Hey, you cheated me! I wanted a hot girl, not a penguin!
Yeah, well I am the prince of darkness you know.
Yeah, well the joke's on you! Robots don't have souls. Suckaaaa!
Shit.

 

by Ender2300
2-25-03
Looks like I win.
Whatever mortal. Wait a minute, what are YOU going to do with a bunch of souls?
Come with me and I'll show you.
Alright, but it better be good. I'm missing "CSI" for this.
Hello my girl! Did you bring me the souls I needed.
Sure did. Now, about my transformation...

 

by Ender2300
2-25-03
So what is she supposed to transform into?
I'm not sure. Let's throw the switch and find out.
Yes. It's working! It's WORKING!
Finally, my transformation is complete!
That's it. I quit.

 

by Ender2300
2-28-03
And now for the international debate between the world leaders.
Saddam, I know you've got them there weapons of mass destruction. Get rid of them or we're gonna havta come in there and butcher you and your family and your Axis of Evil you damn commie, hippie punk.
(You stupid capitalst pig-dog. I have no idea what weapons you are talking about. The secret bunker located next to the dairy queen down the street only contains, uh, puppies. Cute fluffy puppies.
Damn it Saddam, I'm startin' ta feel like Martin Sheen in "The Dead Zone". If you push me anymore I'll nuke your ass.
(I am unimpressed with your bravado, you American pig-dog. I display my middle finger for your approval.)
We've just recieved word that Presidential hopeful "Gharbad the Weak" will also join the debate.
Pleeease. No hurt Gharbad. No kill. Gharbad make you something goooood.
Oh. It's all sparkley and stuff...

 

by Ender2300
2-28-03
"Gharbad the Weak" and Saddam debate over the nature of "Something goooood".
If you no hurt Gharbad, Gharbad make you something gooood.
(Infereior fool! I can not be bought off with beads and trinkets like your American President. Give me something of value!)
What you want?
(I require many wepaons of mass destruction that I may turn against foriegn enemies. And when I say foriegn enemies, I mean you and your capitolist pig-dog country.)
......No.

 

by Ender2300
2-28-03
Son! What do you think you're doing? You've got that debate with Saddam now! Shouldn't you be at the debate?
Look dad. A goat man gave me some beads. Aren't they sparkly and stuff.
Wow. They sure are sparkly, ain't they boy?
And how.

 

by Ender2300
2-28-03

 

by Ender2300
2-28-03
Heeeey. Those stuuupid world leaders are distracted by those beeeeads. Maybe now Gharbad can sneak up behind them and kick their aaaaaasses!
Damn! Gharbad forgot that Gharbad was live from satellite.

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Hey man. Have you seen that movie "The Ring" yet?
Yeah. I saw the original Japanese version too. Creepy.
I'm just glad there aren't any creepy undead girls on stripcreator.
Amen to that.

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Long ago in a land very far away there lived an eccentric millionare who dedicated his life to food.
I am indeed eccentric.
So the eccentric millionare dedicated his fortune to building a stadium where chef's could do battle against each other in search of culinary bliss.
Mmm... bliss....
Unfortunately, when he got the bill he realized that he would have to televise the whole thing to pay off his debts.
Doh!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
If memory serves me correctly, I need to find a chef that will put up token resistance to my Titanium Chef. I believe that I remember some kid standing outside the building that might work out well.
"YES! That young man standing out front will make the perfect competitor for my Titanium chef!"
Hey look at the wacko dressed up in the frilly outfit. Hahahahaha! What a fag!
And in the likely event that he loses I can use him for our theme ingredient next week. YES!!!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
SO YOUNG MAN! Are you ready to pit your skills against my Titanium Chef?
Screw that! I'm here for the beer and the bitches.
You only get those if you win.
Damn. Oh well, what have I got to lose? Let's do it!
I SUMMON THE TITANIUM CHEF!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Yes! The Titanium Chef! The ultimate culinary master and war machine! Here he is: You Titanium Chef!!!
...... Uh.......
Oh yeah! Forgot my cue. Sorry.

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
So gentlemen are you prepared to put your culinary skills and your lives on the line!
Your goin' down bitch!
Bitch? Who you callin' a bitch? Lets do it, iron ass! I'm gonna... wait, this is to the death?
Hehehe.
Oh shit!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
And now, TODAY'S THEME INGREDIENT IS....
*Dramatic and suspensful music goes here.*
"CHILDREN!!!!"
Help! Let us go! This isn't funny!
Just like the last five comics. Heeeeelp!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Let's get ready to Rumb..... Uh, I mean, ALL IS CUISINE!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Welcome to another exciting episode of "Titanium Chef". I'm your announcer, Cornelious. And this is my hallucinatory friend, Tyler Durden.
Yo.
So, Tyler, what do you think of today's competition?
I think that we should all seek enlightenment through the rejection of conventional society and commercialism.
.....Ookay.....
Did you know that urine is sterile? You can drink it.

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Let's take a look at the challenger.
Yeah, the challenger seems to be having some trouble with the stove.
Damn, I can't seem to get this to light. Hey, hold still.
Please don't do this. I don't want to die. Help me!
Oh, there's the switch.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
And now let's look at the Titanium Chef's side.
Alright little girl, lets do this the easy way. Get in the pot.
Fuck you!
Thet's not nice. Don't make me get my friend in here. He'll change your mind.
Yeah right. Like I'd every willingly jump into a pot of boiling water.
Hello little girl. Would you make me closer to god?
OH SHIT! I choose the pot. The pot! PLEASE put me in the pot!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Well looks like the cooking is over! Lets meet our panel of judges.
Judges? What gives them the right to jugde us! We cannot be judged by the contents of our wallets or how much money we make. Take this!
Behold. A single frame of pornography.
Bad girl.
Uhhh.
Judges for the FOOD!
I knew that. I just needed an excuse for the porn.

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Our first Judge comes to us from the United States and the pits of Hell. Please welcome Gharbad the Weak.
Gharbad loooooves food.
Our second judge hails from the US, but is currently pretending to be a French culinary master. Please welcome esuarez27!
I am ze judge! Prepare for ze judgement! I am fired, no?
And our final judge, our Lord and Saviour: Jesus Christ.
I came for the beer and the bitches.

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
First up are the challenger's dishes.
Mmmm... Gharbad likes the crunchy child flesh.
My tastebuds are being overpowered by this childflesh. It's like there are Germans marching all over my mouth!
Uhh. I need a little help here. Can't get my hands free. Hello? Anybody?

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
And now the Titanium Chef's dish.
Gharbad can taste the fear in this dish. Mmmm.... Fear....
This iz piss. Take it awahy from me. I am no really French, but who can tell through mah outrageous accen', no?
Uh. Still stuck here guys. Hello? A little help here?

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
The challenger, a punk ass kid who was tricked into betting his life...
The champion: A robotic cooking machine...
Who takes it! Whose cuisine reigns supreme!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
And the challenger wins it!
YES!
NO!
I win the beer and the bitches!
Hi there.
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Uhhh.... no?

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Let's see what the judges had to say.
Gharbad liked boooth dishes. But Gharbad had to vote for the huuuman. Rooobots can't voooote.
I know nozing of ze cuisine. Ha I've been fooling you all this time. I'm actually here in diguise to screw things up! Hahahaha. I ruined your comic Ender! Take that!
Uh. I didn't get to try it. And I'm still stuck. Hello? Would someone PLEASE come and get your savior down!

 

by Ender2300
3-05-03
Robots never get any lovin'. *Sniff*

 

by Ender2300
3-08-03
Are you tired of never getting laid because you're always playing videogames?
And how! Man, I'm hor... uh lonely!
Now you too can have a girlfriend with the new "Virtuagirl" from Squarehard. She does everything (and we do mean EVERYTHING) that a real girlfriend does.
WOO-HOO! Lets get it on baby!
Sure.
Why are you just standing there. Do something.
Sorry, I have to wait for my action bar to fill up. I'm turn based, you know.

 

by Ender2300
3-11-03
Young man I wish to return this bottle of wine! I served it at a dinner party and it was horrible. It ruined my dinner party!
Sir, this bottle has been opened, and half of the wine is gone. I can't give you your money back.
But you ruined my dinner party! I demand retribution for my guests!
Oh, all right! Its only three dollars, I'll give you the money alright? Will you leave me alone now?
Three dollars! My dinner party was ruined! What will you give me.... FOR MY SHAME!!!
I'm sorry sir. We don't give refunds for shame in this store.

 

by Ender2300
3-12-03
"Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars..."
"Let me see what things are like on Jupiter and Mars!"
"In other words, please be true."
"In other words, I love you!"
And the funniest home video in America this week is: Diablo sings in the shower!
WHO HAD MY CAMERA!!!

 

by Ender2300
3-12-03
Hey, wanna go see that new movie with the secret government device that makes secret government earthquakes? I think it looks really cool.
No its not! Its ridiculous! How can you have a secret earthquake?
Well, you just... Uh, you... uh...
You're really no fun you know that.

 

by Ender2300
3-12-03
My angst is but a characteristic of my discontentment with my own integration into society. Society is not at fault, but nor am I for my non-conformist attitude.
I like cheese. I like ice cream too. Lets put them together.
The nail prevents my brains from falling out.
My anus! It bleeds with FURY!!!
What the HELL was that.
I think it was an advanced case of writer's block. You know what they say, if you can't get the idea's out of your head, pull them out of your ass.

 

by Ender2300
3-12-03
Wow, that last comic was awful.
You said it. This new author is slipping.
I heard that he never uses a character to represent himself.
I heard it was all the gas fumes he inhales at work, coupled with several incidents of traumatic head injury.
I guess we'll never know.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah.... Wait, what the fuck?

 

by Ender2300
3-15-03
Gharbad the weak announces his running mate for the upcoming election.
Gharbad would like to introduuuce his running mate for elllection. Pleeease welcome Ms. Debbie. You may already know her from Daaallas.
I would like to put my past behind me and concentrate on the issues.
Show us your tits! Show us your tits! Show us your tits! Show us your tits! Show us your tits!
Show us your tits! Show us your tits! Show us your tits! Show us your tits! Show us your tits!
Gharbad thinks that you should take heeed of public issues.
Oh god, please don't let this freak think that he's the next Clinton.

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