All comics by MatthewEastaugh

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by MatthewEastaugh
3-01-01
Sam and Matthew are having an argument..
I hate you..
I hate you too..
..hmm..
..hmm..
Wanna get married?
Okay then!

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Matthew desperately wants to make a comic, but needs inspiration from Sam...
Erm.. Sam.... say something interesting...
Sam??
..time for a disappearing act...
Dammit. Why do girls always do that to me?
...blame ntl...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Keef and Laura felt left out, so they wanted to get married too...
What's my name?
Keef. What's my name?
Alice.
Correct.
Yay! We're married!
...i wish to dispute that...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Keef is forced to go to the marriage counsellor...
So... ALICE???
Really, I can explain...
Go on then.
It's Ducks fault. He's incompetent.
Ah, good point. That explains everything.
...indeed...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
The romantic engagement of Rew and Gretchie...
So do you wanna get hitched, luv?
YES YES YES! LOL!
Goodo. You seem a bit mad though...
No, YOU'RE the mad one! LMAO!
Maybe we're both mad, then. I can't remember you having green hair, tho...
Well, that's just Duck being crap again...... LOL!

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Keef and LAURA have finished their wedding. Time for the traditional bit.
Alan! Catch the flowers!
...eh?...
CATCH!!
...ah, i see. here goes...
Yay - you caught em! Now you're next to get married.
..married? oh cripes. no one told me that. i hate life...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Keef has a habit of strange questions...
34" chest, 29" waist, 32" legs. How big are they?
..hmmm....
Well?
Well.. y'see, Keef...
This big.
Hi! I'm Laura. I'm your wife.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Time for a few introductions, I think...
Hi, I'm Matthew. I'm normally very bored. And yes, I never smile. Get used to it. Still, I'm a nice chap. I think.
Hi, I'm Sam. I'm married to Matthew. Dunno why. I'm also bored. And I'm NOT A LESBIAN.
I'm Rew. I like my shirt, don't you? Dunno why I'm sitting on this bench. Hmm.
Hello, I'm Laura. You probably don't know me. I'm married to Keef, but he keeps forgetting my name. Stupid.
I'm Keef... and I didn't forget Laura's name. Matthew did. Cause he's incompetent. And a twat.
I'm Jesus, and I feel out of place here.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Sorry...
Hi, I'm Gretchen. Matthew forgot to put me in that last strip, damn him. LOL!
But anyway... erm... I'm great! LMAO!
..sigh..
...he forgot me too, but did anyone moan on my behalf? no. dammit. i really hate life...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Gretchen complained again, you know...
Gretch, we've been married a couple of weeks now, and I think it's time for our anniversary present...
Ooh! What is it? Tell me!
Plastic surgery.
ARGH! BLOODY FIRE! LMAO!
Any better?
Erm... no..... LOL!

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Duck, first I had green hair. Now I'm short. Can't you ever get anything right?
Nope. Sorry.
TAKE THAT!!!
There.
Ouch.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Quick, cause a distraction..
Ladies and gentlemen, following the problems with Gretchen, I feel it is time to divert your attention a bit.
What better way to do this than with the introduction of a new character? So, without further ado, here's my dog Nobby!
Woof.
Okay, so that didn't work quite as well as I thought it would.
..yes, but only cause you're crap, matthew...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Well, it worked for sex.com...
It has occured to us characters that we're not getting as many viewers as we would like...
So, here's a quick tactic to increas those hits... here goes. Now, Gretchen...
Okies...
I can't watch...
PANTIES!

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Time for a singsong, methinks.. (lyrics (c) Smokie, goodness knows when..)
I don't know why she's leaving, or where she's gonna go..
..I guess she's got her reasons, but I just don't wanna know...
...cause for the last couple of hours, I have been married to Alice...
ALICE? WHO THE F**K IS ALICE???
Sorry. My fault. As normal.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Following competition from 'Duckpond Comics', the budget on Pokemon fell even lower than before...
Squiromon, I CHOOSE YOU!
Squiromon!
SQUIROMON! Axe attack!
...squiromon?...
..oh shit..
SQUIROMON!!!!!

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
MPBT makes a crap comic strip...
..tappity tap tap..
.........
MPBT meets Matthew....
Hi there Mad Penguin Blo... I mean BIRD thing. Cripes, all these confusing names...
.........
MPBT meets Gretchen...
I have a lot of needless agression. TAKE THAT!!!
.........

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-17-01
Matthew gets it wrong again...
Okay, Gretchy darling, what have I done wrong now?
Well, you said I had lots of needless agression to let out, and I don't. I'm a calm person!
Sorry.. it just worked with the plot line, though. I didn't mean it. You're great.
Well, okay. You were partly right though...
..damn..
I like kicking your ass, LMAO!

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Sometimes, Matthew dreams of being at work in Roys...
Hi there, can I help you?
Hi, can I have a price check on this thing please?
No. You can't. Do it your blooming self. I hate you, and you have a stupid beard. And you smell of wee.
PARDON??
Nothing. I'm dreaming. I didn't really say that to a loyal customer such as yourself.
Ah, that's okay then.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Matthew has some trouble with his imagination...
Hmm. Bored again...
Same here. I think I'll take a shower.. think of me!
Don't worry... I will....
...dammit... can't do nudity in these blooming comics....
Okay, why a squirrel? You're worrying me, Matt...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
The pressure starts to get to Matthew.. thanks to Gretchen..
Make more cartoons Matt, or else. You know what I'll do. LOL!
Erm.. okay Gretch.
Hmm. Ideas. I need ideas... AH-HA! Why mess with a successful formula...
...tap tappity tap...
Panties!
Woof.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Time to complete the Beryl line-up, methinks...
Hi, I'm Chris... yet another new character.
..hmm..
..hmm..
I loike biscuits!
Okay, now even by my standards, that's pathetic...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Joke number one..
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other....
HOW DO WE DRIVE THIS THING!!!!
Pathetic.
Sorry.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Yet more problems for the amateur cartoonist...
So, what you're saying basically...
Yeah...
..is that because I've used so many people, I can't have any more characters now?
That's about the size of it.
Damn. I'll have to use the phone for everyone else then, won't I Sarah?
Seems like it.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Arguments start about the strangest things...
Fruit loaf rules!
Biscuits rule!
Cheesecake rules!
Rabbit food rules!
I RULE.
Again, I have to take exception to all this. In fact... chocolate hobnobs rule.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
The conclusion of Keef's least favourite ever discussion...
So Rew...
Yup.
This inferno sauce of yours.. can't be as hot as you say, surely?
Well, try some and see... here...
BLIMEY.
See what I mean?

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
#1 - Duck's rule of pub going...
Duck! Go to the pub!
Nah.
Duck! Go to the pub!
Nah.
Hi Duck, it's Sarah and Toni here. Wanna go to the pub.
I'm on my way.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
The relationship of Matthew and Rew... in a nutshell.
...
...
...
...
Hi Duck.
Hi Rew.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Sunday, 7.51pm....
Sam, how far is Tamworth?
Ask Matthew.
Duck, how far is Tamworth?
About 150 miles..
Wow.. that's... loike... 150 miles or something.
...collective sigh...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Matthew returns from the pub, and pops on the net for a chat...
Hey guys! Sorry for leaving so suddenly, but I'm back from the pub now! What's happening?
...
Guys? Where are you? Stop hiding.. I wanna chat!
...
Oh dear.
...we hate you...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Joke number two - a classic!
My turn! Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!! HA!
Oh, shut up. Couldn't you at least have pretended to not know?
Sorry. Should you tell the chicken or should I?
And so he had to break the bad news to the chicken..
And so I went and ruined the joke, and hence didn't need an illustration. I'm really sorry.
Don't worry, I know when I'm not wanted. I'll just go. And we had the ambulances on standby too... sigh.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Nobby goes for a walk...
Woof.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
#2 - Duck's rule of love...
Look, Duck, just tell the girl you love her! If she's really your friend, it won't make any difference...
Oh, okay. I suppose you're right...
I don't even know you that well, my neck doesn't work, yet I STILL think you should just tell her!
Right, I'll tell her next time I see her...
So, I hear you have something to tell me, Matthew. What is it...?
Shit, look at the time. Bye...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Gretchen hears about the death of Matthew, and decides to take action..
Keef, it has come to my attention that you killed Matthew in your own comic strips.
Yeah, so? What are you gonna do about it?
THIS!
ARGH!
Ermm.. Gretch? Thanks for resurrecting me and everything.. but why did Keef just run off screaming about seeing your panties?
Are you saying there's something wrong with them, or what? Huh?

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
Gretchen introduces Matthew to a new net friend - Jen..
Hello Duck, nice to meet you.
Hello Jen, nice to meet you! Can you say something amusing, please?
Umm... are you talking to the wall?!?!?
????
That's for Gretchen. I am waving at the wall!
Blimey. Someone stranger than Gretchen... never thought I'd see that.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-18-01
#2 - Duck's rule of love - continued...
Matthew! Phone for you!
Coming, mum!
Hello?
Hi! It's me. What was it you had to tell me again? You ran off before, y'see...
Oh shit..
Pardon? Hello? Matthew? Where've you gone?? HELLO?

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
Boredom strikes.
Dammit. You win..
..ha. i rule at staring out people..

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
Sunday, 7.10pm
Well, that's Popstars finished. Better start revising now..
Sunday, 7.18pm
Right.. question one.. oh, look! Sam's online. Wonder what she's up to..
Monday, 12:32am
Bye Sam. Right, what's the time? Hmm... ah. Shit.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
#2 - Duck's rule of love - continued further...
Hi Matt.. wanna speak to me yet?
..oh damn, she's back..
Hello?
..maybe if I just ignore her, she'll go away..
Okay, don't speak then. Bye.
:-(

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
Presenting, in their finally complete line-up... BERYL!
..hmm. 150 miles. that's far..
..who is that jason haden imposter, anyway?..
Yaai-im.
Hey, guys? Why am I stuck all the way over here?

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
The Doc gets another visitor..
So, Matthew, what appears to be the problem?
Well, I really want to start revising for my A Levels.. but I keep making cartoons instead. What can I do?
Aah.. that's easy!
It is?
Yes. Do an A level in 'Rubbish Cartooning'. You'll pass with flying colours!
Wow! Cheers doc - that's a great.. erm.. hang on a sec.. oh dear.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
People say the strangest things sometimes..
Erm.. hi again Matthew!
..oh dammit - her again..
Just wondering, I've got the house all to myself on Sunday, and I'll be a bit lonely. Wanna come round and so something?
Yeah!
Great! We'll sort something out this week. See ya!
..what have i done??..

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
Some explanations are need..
Matthew, who is this girl you keep speaking to in those other comics? I am your wife, remember!
Erm.. well.. I can explain Sammy darling...
Go on then..
Well, she's real. And we're not really married. And besides, you only wanted me for my surname..
I HATE YOU!!!
..hmm.. that went better than i thought it would..

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
Needless agression can be useful!
Gretchie, I don't like this bench anymore. Can you do me a favour please?
Sure!
(insert big crashing noise here)
HIIII.....
...YAHHH!
Ta muchly.
Don't mention it! LOL!

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
Is this the end of Alan?
..'dear alan'...
..'following a review of duckpond comics, and noting the fact you only communicate via thoughts, we have decided you are no longer required'..
..'you are hereby replaced by the comedy jason haden (cough) lookalike'...
Yaai - im.

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-19-01
The sacking of Alan brought huge numbers of people to complain to Matthew. Well, five anyway.
Okay, so why do you think I should reinstate Alan?
No reason really. I just like disagreeing with everything you say. You twat.
..well, i liked having someone who seemed more depressed than me in these things..
Yaai - im.
..i just wanna show i can argue without agression - and then hit someone - lol!..
..hmm, why's everyone lining up here? should've brought me biscuits..

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-21-01
#1 - Dancing is impossible...
..mmm...
Oi, get yer hands of me arse...
#2 - Drinking is impossible...
Hiccup.
Oi weally love you. Yer me bestest mate. Hic.
#3 - Lack of correct atmosphere...
Ooh! Ooh! The Macarena! I love this one!
..sigh.. no one wants to dance with me. i hate life...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-21-01
Laura says bye bye to a net chat...
Well, sorry for boring you Laura.. hope we weren't too bad...
Nah, that's okay. You're as exciting as peaches! Bye! LOL!
Peaches? Eh?
Meanwhile, in their top secret underground bunker...
Well, I confused the life out of him, like you asked me too...
Good word, Laura. Soon, our madness will help us take over the world! Muhahahahaha! LMAO!

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-23-01
Matthew tracks down Alan in his new home...
Erm... Alan... it's hard for me to say this... but..
We were wrong. The comic isn't the same without you. PLEASE come back...
Okay.
Just get out of that bin, will you? There's a nice chap.
...shit... i'm stuck. damn big arse...

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-25-01
7:39pm - Zero drinks.
Do you want to dance later then?
Yeah, why not?
8:41pm - Three drinks.
Ahr you still sure you wanna darnce, loike?
Erm, maybe.
11:34pm - Eight drinks.
Slooow soing! Yah! Toooime fah a... ang oorn...?
Blimey, look at the time. See ya later!

 

by MatthewEastaugh
3-25-01
Things you never thought you'd see in a Duckpond comic!
I have pubic sideburns.
Oim a farmer.
I'm Jason, and I speak normally now. Woo-hoo.
Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy...
Hmm... the brownian motion of the particles would indicate that, indeed, the theory of matter is correct..
I loike cheesecake.

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