All comics by bruised

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by bruised
1-16-03
Oh, my lack of lungs....
Hey, Nazareth?
Yes Barrabus?
How is it the scenery from the previous strip is identicale to the strip in here?
Because clip art moves for no one.
Ah. So, when do we start with a storyline and become extremely entertaining?

 

by bruised
1-16-03
Jesuses, I am displeased with the state of this world. I have destroyed it in only the most righteous of ways, for I am just.
So Kwan Yin, Siddhartha, and L. Ron Hubbard walk into a bar...
Oh shit, Gad's here!
I set you two here to inspire mankind to kiss my ass as willingly as you do, yet I am recieving no praise. So being the whiney crybaby I am, I'm killing you both. Again.
Ah, yes, you are truly wise to blow the shit out of creation. Kudos!
Always look on the bright side of life *whistles*
And now to reshape the earth into the greatness it was before I.. er, I mean Man fucked it up.
AAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!
Oh shit! There goes the planet.

 

by bruised
1-16-03
AWAKEN, MY CLAY PERSON OF CLAYNESS!
Yes, you are beautiful! I shall name you..
*stretch*
Bonk, the stupid boy who nails things to his head.
Ouch! *bonk* Ouch! *bonk*

 

by bruised
1-17-03
Bonk, behold! for I have made for unto you a woman that you may have kinky sex every night.
Booobeeeezzz
I'm so horny!
I name you Lillith. Be faithful and be docile.
Pooooooon *drool*
I call topside!
Topside? NO WOMAN SHALL EVER CALL TOPSIES! I BAN YOU LILLITH FROM MY PRESENCE! Go to Satan's brothel, where I don't have to look at you except on Sundays.
*bang* Ouch! *bang* Ouch!
Aw, dammit.

 

by bruised
1-17-03
Gad is so mean.
Yes, but I'm a sick pervert! No makelike a ewe and take it from farmer Pete!
Please be gentle *sob*
Hey, bitch! Where do you think you're going?
Now, Forget all about that what's-her-face. Here's Eve. Ain't she a fine chick?
*bonk* *bonk* Ouch!
Buck-cuck?

 

by bruised
1-18-03
Yeah, that's the dirty stuff I like...
Oh, uh, hello rare and infrequently frequentor of the painful Bruised Comic.
*shuffle shuffle* *turn* shuffle shuffle*
I wish to introduce myself. I am Bruised, your ever cheery creator of crap.
I have violent mood swings. I have low self esteem...
AND THERE'S A FUCKING RAT ON MY FOOT!!
*squeek!*

 

by bruised
1-18-03
Hey, I wasn't really gonna stab the little guy. I was just gonna cut off his tail..
Yeah. Just put the knife down Melia. And get a job. You're 23 for Christ's sake.
I'm Bruised! Melia is dead! You hear me? DEAD!
fucking oppressive bitch assed grumble mumble
Some time later...
Holy Mother of God! There's a hate message on the floor... spelled out in rat guts!!

 

by bruised
1-18-03
AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Ah, nothing like a scream to let one know Mother's found another mutilated rodent.
Back to me! Now, I know many of you think I'm a guy, what with this charming and manly image representing me.
Truth is, I'm a woman. A really ugly woman.
god life's a piece of shit

 

by bruised
1-18-03
"Her Life Will be Set to Music" is the best book ever!
Heh heh... Adam is such a loser...

 

by bruised
1-18-03
Bruised? Uh, when are you going to get back to the Garden of Eden/me in Hell thing?
It's just that I uh.. I get paid per word, and I have a family.... *eep!*

 

by bruised
1-29-03
I am a caring mother whose moral obligation is to buy the best morally uncorrupt products to stuff the gullets of my ungrateful stifling children.
That is why I buy only Jip brand goatmilk. Anyone who doesn't buy Jip is a.. um...
Anyone who doesn't buy Jip is little more than a fucker of Nazis and Muslim scum. You're not a muslim... are you?
I feel like a whore....
Worship me by drinking the juice that flows from my satanic teet.

 

by bruised
2-01-03
My you look lovely today./ The glow from your hair accentuates the curve of your ass just right./ Would you live to have a soda with me?
Yes, I'd love to-/ Wait, why are you walking to that other woman?/ Aren't I good enough?/ Aren't I feminine enough?/ Don't my breasts count for anything?/ I'm a fucking woman too, goddammit!
Where the hell is MY love?/ MY compliments?/ MY slaps to the fanny?/ Fuck you Ass!/ I deserve a bit of love and attention!/ I'M A WOMAN TOO!

 

by bruised
2-01-03
God *sob* I'm a woma-
Hey yo biz00z3d I got just what you nizeed to cizure that lil' ol cizase o' da uzigly.
I'm pretending to listen...
Yeah, allz you nizeed izez to give my your sizoul.
And the devil is burned again.
Sounds good. Just put it on the tab.
You're nizot very cizooperzizative.

 

by bruised
2-05-03
Bruised struggles again with the sense of failure within...
C'mon, you know your existance doesn't amount to shit. Just take the knife, trace your vein with it's lovely sharp blade, and stain your mother's carpet.
You die, she suffers. It's all good!
... only to give in to her passive-aggressive compulsions.
Hey, where are you going to, worthless pussy?!
I think I'll pay a visit to the hogfarm down the road.

 

by bruised
2-05-03
Meanwhile, at le Hogg Farm...
What are you looking at?
I'm looking at that cloud which resembles the happy thoughts of a carefree little bunny named Mortimer.
I like little bunnies.
Gosh I sure do hope some seriously depressed non-feminine woman with a knife comes along and brutally murders us in a fit of self-hatred.
you're silly.
Yeah. *giggle*

 

by bruised
2-05-03
Squeel piggies! Squeel! Scream and bleed for every ounce of suffering I've had to live with! Writhe with the hatred I couldn't voice! Die! Die!
Please Mister! Please stop stabbing us repeatedly!
I'm a WOMAN.
*bleed* *gurgle* *cry*
Honestly, why do I even bother?
*gasp* *die*

 

by bruised
2-06-03
wow, look at me spending 9 hours on mother's computer, drinking several beers and pretending to be drunk.
Are you drunk?
yes.
Cool. I'm drunk too.
I'm sure you are.
/me snifs Bruised's hair
right...

 

by bruised
2-06-03
Icant seem to te stright. Hehe that si so cool.
indeed it is.
So what do you want to do?
bring an end to my virginity.
Me too! /me carresses Bruised's milky thighs
yes, and /me soils her fingers in hopes of death through one-handed typing.

 

by bruised
2-06-03
You do realise none of the previous irc chat took place, right?
Of course. You think I can't differentiate between life and fantasy?
I'm just saying you seem to have some strong yearning for human companionship, and that you have trouble finding it. Ergo, you come to irc and stay on for hours until you grow tired of bot-sex.
How dare you point out my flaws.

 

by bruised
2-07-03
Hey, don't get pissed. Forget I said anything. /me hugs bruised
NOBODY HUGS BRUISED!
/me shits its computer pants

 

by bruised
2-07-03
Typical Bruised Comic
blah blah blah
blah blah i suck
blah blah blah blah blah!
blah blah you suck.
blah blah blah
blah blah DIE BITCH!!

 

by bruised
2-19-03
A few days ago...
damn...
I hate my life
...Bruised wrote a suicide note...
damn...
I hate living
...in haiku.
Damn 5-7-5 shit...
suicide notice

 

by bruised
2-19-03
*bonk*
Ouch!
*bonk*

 

by bruised
2-21-03
hmm, horizontal or diaganol...
Bruised!
damn, can't a person self-mutilate in peace?
Bruised! Stop being a lazy ass and get out here!
What, Mom?
I need to berate you to boost my own feeling of self worth.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Why the hell haven't you developed a drinking problem? Or drugs? Hell, bleach is an excellent tonic for losers like you.
You know food is my only vice.
If food is such a wonderful filler of voids, why then aren't you eating?

 

by bruised
2-21-03
You want to know why I won't eat? How about this little bit of info, then:
I'm fucking fat, moron. I've failed at everything. I dissapoint you, Dad, the girl. I disappoingt myself constantly.
Now what would be the benefit of fueling the vessel of failure?

 

by bruised
2-21-03
How can you be so stupid as to give up on things like this?
What, the current starvation phase? First off, it's not like I'm going to waste away- I'm bigger than Cartman, for christ's sake.
Second, who the hell are you to ask why life isn't worth living? Take a look out the window. What's there? Stupidity. God damned race doesn't know jack shit about humanity.
But, you could be the exception! You could be the one person in the world who knows and cares and does what she can to make others understand compassion.
Do you know what they do to people like that? They instituionalise them, kill them, arrest them... and ignore them. What's the point of bothering?

 

by bruised
2-21-03
But your family-
Fuck family. All I do is burden them. My death would be a blessing on their wallets.
But your art-
What art? I scribble crap anime and make cutesy clay dolls. How can that possibley enlighten anyone?
But, your soul-
Don't even try to pull religion into it, woman.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Look, it's simple: I find little reason to live outside pleasing other people's self-righteous egos.
A little thing like my death will not stop the world from spinning. Yes, the family will grieve. Yes it's not the most noble thing I could do. But I'm not a strong person.
Others can handle solitude and codependance. I can't. It drives me crazy. I want it over.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Look, it's simple: I find little reason to live outside pleasing other people's self-righteous egos.
A little thing like my death will not stop the world from spinning. Yes, the family will grieve. Yes it's not the most noble thing I could do. But I'm not a strong person.
Others can handle solitude and codependance. I can't. It drives me crazy. I want it over.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Look, it's simple: I find little reason to live outside pleasing other people's self-righteous egos.
A little thing like my death will not stop the world from spinning. Yes, the family will grieve. Yes it's not the most noble thing I could do. But I'm not a strong person.
Others can handle solitude and codependance. I can't. It drives me crazy. I want it over.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Note to self: Sometimes Stripmaker makes multple copies of a comic.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Anywho... Back to the rant!
But it just goes against our moral fibre.
No. It's goes against society's moral fibre, which isn't that moral to begin with.
But isn't there anything that could kill this cynical beast in you?
Yes, but I sure as hell aren't going to tell you what.
Damn...

 

by bruised
2-21-03
C'mon, tell me!
No.
Please! The mystery is eating me up inside!
GOOD! *slam*
Oh we all need, someone, we can lean on...
shut up, record player. You depress me.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Funny how in the previous comic my room looked like a hallway...
Hi.
Who are you, and what are you doing here?
In your longing for male companionship, you decided to create an imaginary friend to make you feel less lonely and to fulfill your romantic dreams.
The hell you say?

 

by bruised
2-21-03
So what should we do?
We could crank out crap comics to foil Devin's plot of overtaking the top 20 list.
On the main page?
Where else?
Yes, his contest entries are sickening me.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
You know, I don't think I actually want an imaginary friend.
Hey, no skin off my nose. Tell you the truth, I find you ugly, boring, whiney, shallow, egotistical-
Are you done yet?
No. fat, bitchy, morbid, moody, ugly, repetitive, monotonous...
Frankly, you suck.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
What's wrong?
I can't decide if I want to kill you or me.
My, you're in a cheery mood.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Seriously, what's wrong?
What, you expect me to open up in a crap comic thing?
You did yesterday.
Come on, it's not like you're going to cry and lament about your lack of penis penetration.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Ah, Peaches. How peachy.
Shut up. Now, I'm going to show you what the world would be like if you had never lived.
Oh good God, another cliche?
Hey, I'd like to see you come up with a better plot.
Alright... let's get this bullshit over with, then.
Right-o. Follow me.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Wow. Nice special effects, Peaches.
Look girly...
Either you shut the fuck up and go along with this...
Yes sir.
Or I'll condemn you to eternal life!

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Behold! your sisters.
Life is wonderful, isn't it?
Yes! I love that Mom and Dad have successful careers and can afford huge extravagent gifts for us.
Thank God there isn't a thrid, older sister who would spend our parents' money on books.
And hog the basement.
And the computer.
And get fat and never leave the house.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Behold! Your parents.
Oh, your peins is so massive and erect!
Yes. Thank god we don't have an adult child in our basement to kill our love of sex.
God, I can't get over your massiveness.
Right back at ya, love muffin.
Peaches, uh, I really don't want to see anymore of my parents...
Let's have sex right now!
Oh, how I love this woman!

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Behold! society.
I'm 12 years old and I've had sex 937 times. With my dad!
Big deal. I've had sex 938 times and I run my own drug ring.
I love pop music.
Yes. Let's waste our lives buying things and laughing at intelligence.
Dude, I can't wait til it's legal to marry your male first cousin.
Yep. Once the liberal goverment passes that law, we can be lovers without punishment.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
So, I bet you want to erase all thoughts of early death from your mind, right?
Let's see here.... My sisters lead a good life, my parents show no sign of past childhood trauma, and society continues its downward spiral regardless of my existance.
You really suck at this, Peaches.

 

by bruised
2-21-03
Look Peaches, while I appreciate your effort, I just don't see the reason to continue on when I lack the ability to cope.
Stubborn bitch...
I'm tired of the fatigue, I'm tired of the negative voices, I'm tired of being useless.
Lazy and ugly too...
Please just kill me. Enough is enough.
Heh, forget it. I'm sick of your bad attitude. You can rot in your misery for eternity cause frankly, I don't want to deal with you anymore.

 

by bruised
9-30-03
Hmm, stripcreator works in mozilla..
Cool, now I have a reason to come back here...
Unfortunately, the clone panel button has resulted in less than satisfactory performance
Did you miss me, my little clip-art-o-fun-tub?
*There is no Mozilla, there is only M$. You must assimilate. Nanu nanu*

 

by bruised
9-30-03
So baby, ready for a night of fun and romance?
I'm sorry, but I'm seeing this hot AppleIIgs in Anoka.
Older women are teh hott!
HOLY FUCK IT HURTS!!

 

by bruised
9-30-03
Hey, where'd my bedroom go?
And the walls are spinnging...
The hell...?

 

by bruised
10-01-03
Hey, where'd my bedroom go?
I am the magical pixie, Mary Jane.
No... no no no.... *walk walk*
Get your /HUGE/ ass back here bitch!!
The hell...?
YOU FUCKING CUNT LICKER!! DON'T MAKE ME CHASE YOU!!!1!

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