All comics by umfumdisi

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by umfumdisi
1-13-03
10:15 On A Saturday Night
SIGH. (click)
what is the problem? (query)
10:17 On A Saturday Night
no one pays attention to me anymore. (click)
don't worry, T, it's just a phase. (enter)
10:20 On A Saturday Night
yeah, sure...that's what i told the record player. (click)
told the WHAT??? (abort)

 

by umfumdisi
1-13-03
"Dear Sir:

We have millions of customers worldwide, but we have chosen only one, you, to receive the following survey.
This customer satisfaction survey is therefore quite important, and we ask that you consider each question carefully and answer each question honestly.
We don't want to put too much pressure on you, but your answers to this survey will affect how we do business with every single entity on the planet.
So, for the purposes of this survey, YOU are our customers. You are Southwestern truck drivers, Northeastern politicians, Westnorthern gloomy teenagers,
Eastsouthern dog groomers, and good-old, Mid-American meateaters! Be proud, sir, for you are UNITED AIRLINES, INC.!"
Shit.

 

by umfumdisi
1-14-03
Greetings, fellow mechanoid, your outward appearance is pleasing to my ocular receptors.
I copy and paste said sentiment. What is the welfare of your reciprocal life-unit?
Positive...yet, my domestic companion stated that she required an evening of lubrication with her like-gendered labor partners.
Creationistic utopias! My life-unit provided me that exact communication. Let's optimistically expect that they are not seeking alternative input!
Fatal Exception at: 030506 030566 033661 035224
Stack Dump.

 

by umfumdisi
1-14-03
say that's a nice bench. wouldn't mind if i join ya? sure is a swell bench. only if you don't mind of course. don't mind a new friend, eh?
wow, this is cool, huh? me and you on the bench, huh? just a coupla pals sittin' on a bench.

***Looks around***

Say, KID, you need some NUTS?
Squirrels--why does it always have to be about the nuts?

 

by umfumdisi
1-15-03
We're
here.
So
now
what?
Dammit, I specifically ordered CLONES.

 

by umfumdisi
1-15-03
POCKETS!!
POUCHES!!

 

by umfumdisi
1-16-03
Lookey here, son, y'all oughta try some of this.
What IS IT, man?
It's a pinch of snuff. It'll put hair on y'alls chin.
Must have worked; you're only two years old.
Now where did I leave my SPIT CUP?
Dude, in this mother of a universe, you are the afterbirth dangling from the great cosmic snatch.

 

by umfumdisi
1-20-03
Don King? Shaq? Morgan Freeman? Venus and Serena? Denzel Washington? Gloria Naylor? Jesse Jackson? Mike Vick? Condi Rice?
Check.
Rasheed Wallace? Oprah? Bill Cosby? Wayne Shorter? Maya Angelou? Prince? Colin Powell? Barry Bonds? Muhammad Ali? Tyra Banks?
Yep, still alive.
Strom Thurmond?
Barely, but I'm going to stop by and scare the hell out of him.

 

by umfumdisi
1-20-03
Hey, "Neuromancer."
Yes, "Enemy Mine?"
Wanna take a "Star Trek?"
To the "Twilight Zone?"
Or...we could have "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."
Sure, "Earth Girls Are Easy."

 

by umfumdisi
1-21-03
Say, Jesus, you got $10 I can BORROW 'til payday?
I am sorry, young man, but I'm flat BROKE.
But EVERYBODY always told me, "Jesus Saves."
Well, I used to be a CARPENTER, but even I never made $19,000.
So you never saved ANY money?
Hell, I had to pawn my sandals for these two boards--luckily, they threw in the NAILS for free.

 

by umfumdisi
1-21-03
The first rule of Ducks Only Club is...No Monkeys!
Quack!
Quack!
the second rule of Ducks Only Club is...No Monkeys!
Quack, quack!
My name is Robert Paulson?

 

by umfumdisi
1-27-03
My anus is bleeding.
Ducks got anuses??
Hey, everybody! Ducks got anuses!

 

by umfumdisi
1-27-03
Hey, Brad?
What?
Why aren't there any pig characters to choose from here at stripcreator?
You mean besides the forumusers?
Did we just rip ourselves?
Yeah, my anus is bleeding.

 

by umfumdisi
2-05-03
so...where have you been?
uh, making cookies.
for 9 months?
okay, a lot of cookies.
have you gained weight?
damn you and your infernal questions! i was having your baby.

 

by umfumdisi
2-05-03
Greetings reiterated, mechanoid with whom I transmit information.
Salutation acknowledged and squared.
I have obtained two rectangular paper confirmations of viewing privileges in exchange for currency.
What is the production?
Moving pictures with sound entitled, "3001: A Sex Odyssey."
Excellent, I will supply the WD-40.

 

by umfumdisi
2-06-03
Calamitive euphemisms of joy!
I can not compute the input from my visual receptors.
As a robot, I note that you can recall the CC 168 of 02/02-08/03.
It is negatively fortunate that I can not delete some minutae. I recall it as an exercise in self-indulgent, self-referential flagellation by the regulars.
True. And yet Unknown Eric won for 122559--a comic with 0.000 words.
Ironic.

 

by umfumdisi
2-06-03
Hey, Legs, have you seen those two geeky robots around. You know, the ones who RAP like bad 1950s automatrons?
Yeah, Hover, I saw THEM around the other day, but don't ask me what the hell they were talking about.
I hate that crap, man. Whoever wrote their speech-synthesizing program is so FLESHIST.
True. Their programmer must have been an Alloy-hating Luddite.
Further, it proves symptomatic of the basic human fear of technology. As long a man controls his tools he's smug and self-satisfied, but what happens when his tools control him?
What the hell are WE talking about?

 

by umfumdisi
2-06-03
Sadly, We Have Joined These Girls At A Moment When They Are Not Speaking To Each Other Because Of An Argument.
Lazy-Ass
Pot-Stirrer
Now, We See Only The Aftermath.
Homebody
Deserter
Perhaps We Can Glean A Clue...
Xenophobic Rice-Farmer
Seal-Kissing Dogsledder.

 

by umfumdisi
2-06-03
Damn, nothing to cut down out here in desert3.
Shit, a valley is close, but I need something better.
At last, the true Killing Field.
I think I'll be leaving now.

 

by umfumdisi
2-06-03
Hey, it's great to be back here in Jersey. What? That's not short for Jerusalem?
Well...anyway...it's great to be here in New Jerusalem.
I just came back from the dead, and, boy, are my arms tired!

 

by umfumdisi
2-18-03
Oh, Santa, I wish Joe Millionaire would pick me.
Well, since you've been a good girl and not appeared in any bondage films with Spankling, I'll grant your wish!
Zora, even though I'm a big, lumbering doofus with no redeeming qualities other than my (nudge) $50 million inheritance, I choose YOU.
And, uh, one more thing, I don't have $50 million. I barely have $50.
I need to change my pants.

 

by umfumdisi
2-19-03
H
U
M
O
R
?

 

by umfumdisi
2-19-03
I can't believe my son PAID for an ice cream cone.
Here we go.
Have you no REGARD for lawlessness? Have you learned nothing from my beat...uh...teachings?
The same old sphiel.
It puts the ice cream in the bin, or else it gets the whip again.
Some whipped cream would be nice...

 

by umfumdisi
2-19-03
I wish I was a chicken.

 

by umfumdisi
2-19-03
I wish I was different.

 

by umfumdisi
2-19-03
I wish it was "wabbit season."

 

by umfumdisi
2-19-03
I wish I had another banana.

 

by umfumdisi
2-19-03
I wish I had a stapler!

 

by umfumdisi
2-20-03
Greetings, little one, I am the Permanently Invisible Genieswine.
Oh, you're a PIG!?!
Exactly--a non-opaque, wish-granting, cloven-hoofed PIG.
Are you Kosher?
No--ha, ha, ha. You are so cute and clever! I hereby grant you one WISH.
Thanks. I wish people would use me more on stripcreator!

 

by umfumdisi
2-21-03
Ah, nice to warm myself by the fire.
I AM THE MYSTICAL FLAME OF DESIRE. What is your wish?
Augh! I Make a Wish for a Potato.
Holy Modal Rounders! What kind of wish is that?
Where's my potato?

 

by umfumdisi
2-21-03
As the MYSTICAL FLAME OF DESIRE, I suggest you make a better wish than a potato.
But I really do want a potato.
Don't you DESIRE wealth, power, or immortality?
Nah, I have all that.
But you're just a hand puppet.
Sigh. I'd settle for a marshmellow at this point.

 

by umfumdisi
2-21-03
Fine, the MYSTICAL FLAME OF DESIRE will grant your wish for a potato.
You still want your potato, right?
Yes! I was just waiting.
Baked or Fried?
Hmmm. I hadn't thought about that.

 

by umfumdisi
2-21-03
The MFOD awaits your decision, oh tuber-tasting one.
I would like my potato cut into strips and fried, please.
This will take a few minutes. Do not be alarmed by changes in yourself or the surroundings.
Okey-dokey.
A...la...
yikes

 

by umfumdisi
2-21-03
...peanut...butter...
whoa
...sandwiches!!!
sweet
I am spent. My flame will not burn again for a thousand years. Enjoy your fries.
I wish I had some ketchup.

 

by umfumdisi
2-23-03
pain creates the mask
one thousand teardrops later
a smile emerges

 

by umfumdisi
2-24-03
Ned Kelly-beep, beep-the Constable's after you. Ned Kelly-beep, beep-if he catches you you're through! Ned Kelly and his gang got away with a lot of loot. Ned Kelly, Ned Kelly made him an armour suit.
Hidin' out in the bush is his idea of having fun. Other than stealing and shooting and robbing he never bothered anyone! Still the police want Ned Kelly dead. It's like they want to forever BAN NED.
Well, the police they finally took Ned down. They sent him to the meanest judge in town. Judge said, "Hang that man from the highest tree!" Now Ned Kelly lives on in infamy.

 

by umfumdisi
2-25-03
Snow in Jerusalem. Who could imagine?
Hey, nice snowman!
Palestinians and Israelis making identical snowmen and throwing snowballs at each other instead of rocks or grenades.
Yeah, you too.
The Quietness of snow descends upon the land, and a spirit of Peace fills the air.
I should have thought of this sooner.

 

by umfumdisi
2-26-03
Rum...
Sodomy...
& The Lash!
~\ I'm Not Your
Stepping Stone /~
Where's the damned White Out when you need it?

 

by umfumdisi
2-28-03
ANOTHER FINE EVENING......................
.........................AT THE.......................
Where's my banana?
..............................DUCKS ONLY CLUB

 

by umfumdisi
2-28-03
Wow, I can't believe Brad changed the default characters.
Zowie, me neither.
And I really can't believe that he chose us!
It IS quite an honor.
I just don't know why we have to wear these costumes.
People like the status quo. At least the asiangirl "INSULTS MAY BE ENDING."

 

by umfumdisi
3-03-03
EAT LAMB
WEAR WOOL
FUCK SHEEP

 

by umfumdisi
3-06-03
Heaving,
Grunting,
Groaning,
Gasping,
and Quivering....
are just a few of the words found in the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. Buy one today!

 

by umfumdisi
3-06-03
Ooh, baby, give it ALL to me!
I don't think you can handle ALL that, girl.
Just put it in--NOW!
Here you go, girl, I know how you like it--warm and tender.
Mmmmmm--so lean. More, more, more. Mmmmm--juicy.
PORK: The Other White Meat

 

by umfumdisi
3-07-03
Peacocks are such SHOWOFFS.

 

by umfumdisi
3-09-03
I am PARIS, an important guy. I'm going to take thee, fairest HELEN, back to my homeland of TROY
Sure, I've always wanted to do PARIS.
Look y'all, them GREEKS done fled in their ships and left us this cool HORSE. Let's bring it inside the walls and get drunk and stupid on the sweet ambrosia of VICTORY!
Ha! No protection for these TROJANS!
I, ACHILLES, crazy with rage and ephedra, will kill all these TROJANS and defile their bodies as I did HECTOR's.
I, PRIAM, King of Troy, wish to ransom the body of HECTOR and end this bloody conflagration. Please stop, ACHILLES. Don't be such a "HEEL."

 

by umfumdisi
3-14-03
OVERTURE
ENTR'ACT
BEYOND THE INFINITE?

 

by umfumdisi
3-14-03
I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar...that much is true.
But even then I knew I'd find a much better place...either with or without you.
The five years we have had have been such good times--I still love you! But now I think it's time I lived my life on my own; I guess it's just what I must do.
Don't You Want Me, Baby?

 

by umfumdisi
3-18-03
Yikes!

 

by umfumdisi
3-18-03
Yikes!

 

by umfumdisi
3-21-03
Duuuuh, look, George, a cute little pink bunny rabbit!
Nyah, I ain't pink, Doc.
I will name him Mengigo, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him...
Sheesh, where's Speedy when you need him?
...and pat him and pet him and rub him and caress him and he will be my best friend!
Mengigo...rub...caress? I could get used to that.

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