All comics by valuedan

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by valuedan
4-27-04
The theological implications of this situation are astounding. I mean, consider the fact that I am currently standing on the ground, and this small child in front of me is floating in the air.
Although, I suppose it might just be a perspective difference. I mean, I can imagine her standing on the ground behind me... although, that would mean that she is quite a bit larger than I am.
Perhaps I'm looking at this the wrong...
I'm the giant cowboy!

 

by valuedan
4-27-04
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
I'm so gay.

 

by valuedan
4-27-04
THIS IS THE DEFAULT PANEL
YOU ARE CORRECT

 

by valuedan
4-27-04
YOU ARE A FOOL BEETLE BAILEY
YOU CANNOT EAT AN ENTIRE BAR OF CHOCOLATE IN 30 SECONDS
I wish the Russians hadn't imprisoned me in their gulag.
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

 

by valuedan
4-27-04
Oh no, the canary is dead!
Run for your lives!
I'm so lonely

 

by valuedan
4-27-04
NO
BAD DOG
I'M REACHING INTO MY PANTS
Stop that!

 

by valuedan
4-27-04
Whoo, excuse ME!
Well, time to go.

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
This is Marlboro! I wanted Virginia Slims!
THE COOL GUY DOESN'T SMOKE! ARE YOU AS COOL AS HIM?
Despite my appearance, I don't actually care about cigarettes.

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
I'm winning!
You idiot! You're not even trying!
Ha, checkmate! How do you like me now?

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
I'm the real Jesus
How do you know?
Because
That's an extremely stupid reason
OH SNAP THAT'S HARSH
Yeah, well, I started an extremely stupid religion
Ooh, zing! Bet you didn't see that one coming!

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
SEA CANDY... OPEN IT UP
Open candy
THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ouch
THERE IS AN OCTOPUS THERE, BUT HE IS AN INCH WIDE AND INVISIBLE, SAVE FOR TWO OF HIS TENTACLES
I'm invisible

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
I'm wearing my "The voices tell me to burn things" shirt.
I'm so cool.
Hey, look, the White House.
This hotplate is burning my hands.

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
Oh no, a zombie!
Sorry.

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
Man, I'm glad URU Live is gone!
Yeah!
I mean, if I wanted to play a game where I ran around aimlessly for no reason while listening to people say idiotic things, I'd play...
WHOA SUPER HARSH DUDE
any multiplayer game.
Jesus you are just the harshest man alive

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
Get that microphone away from my crotch!
eeeeeeeeeeeee
My crotch isn't making that noise! Get that microphone away from my crotch!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
Quit it! Quit putting your hand in your pants!
GET OFF DA BALL AND I MIGHT QUIT IT
I can't!
AINT NOTHING GONNA GET MY HAND OUTTA MY PANTS
I'm leaving! I aint never coming back!

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
Gotta get away from that guy that keeps putting his hand in his pants.
Er... Jesus?
WHAT YOU DOING JESUS LAY INTO THAT DOG! DON'T BE A PUSSY
Yeah, who the fuck you think I... sorry I'm just in a bad mood.

 

by valuedan
4-28-04
So, why are you on a cross, Jesus?
WHY AINT YOU BEING A MAN JESUS YOU BEING A DAMN FOOL
WHY DO YOU THINK... sorry, sorry, just gots some things on my mind.
YOU AINT BUT ONE FOURTH OF A MAN JESUS
Now, that just aint true! Don't be saying that, Narrator!

 

by valuedan
4-29-04
DUDES THE DOG HAS TO GO
You didn't answer my question.
Yeah, well...
MIKEYG SEZ HE DON'T LIKE THE DOG ON THE BALL, SO HE GOTS TO GO
What? No I don't!
That MikeyG is a hater... a player hater. He is no good.
JESUS I APOLOGIZE FOR MY RUDENESS YOU ARE AGAIN THE MAN
Man, he is cold as ice!
Probably a communist, too, with one of those big hats.

 

by valuedan
4-29-04
I think you'd better leave, dog. Your popularity amongst the comic hardliners is wearing thin.
But... but... I've barely done anything yet!
They must have some kind of prejudice against you for no reason, and they seem to think that you're making the comic less funny.
OOH LOOK OUT JESUS THE DOG IS GAINING ON YOUR HARSHITUDE
What do they know? Their comics aren't funny at all!
That was liquid nitrogen cold, dog.

 

by valuedan
4-29-04
HEY GIANT COWBOY! WHAT YOU DOING OVER THERE?
Contemplating suicide.
OH YEAH? THEN WHY DID I JUST PUT MY HAND IN MY PANTS?
Would you quit pointing at my crotch and yelling? You're making this the worst thanatopsis ever!

 

by valuedan
4-29-04
Hey folks, welcome to the Laff Shack! Who here is from Hawaii?
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Dammit, fucking microphones!
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE
NO FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT

 

by valuedan
4-29-04
Man, you won't believe what happened to me earlier today.
What happened?
Well, I was just strolling down the sidewalk, when this priest comes along, and I thought he was gonna be cool, you know, but he was all like...
Wow, you look just like Jesus, except you're tiny!
THAT STORY WASN'T THAT GREAT JESUS
Fuck you, man!
Don't be hatin' Narrator man, or you'll be hatin' how much your ass hurts when I put my foot in it

 

by valuedan
4-30-04
RAAAAAR! TOBOR COME TO CORNHOLE!!!!
Holy Powdered Hyena Semen! How'd you get in here?
TOBOR SPELLED "WELCOME" WRONG! LETS SEE IF ANYONE NOTICES
TOBOR FIND KEY UNDER WLECOME MAT. HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF TOBOR, THE RED ROBOT RUMP RAPIST?
I don't believe I have.
THEN HAVE YOU HEARD OF TOBOR THE LONELY SOCIOPATH THAT IS JUST LOOKING FOR SOME ATTENTION BECAUSE HE IS SO VERY VERY DEPRESSED, AND IS OBVIOUSLY MAKING A CRY FOR HELP?
I think they have drugs for that. Well, for suicide, anyway.

 

by valuedan
4-30-04
1.
Did you know that, on average, farmers tend to be poorer than the rest of the population?
2.
Did you know that, statistically, farmers have lower IQs than non-farmers?
3.
Where am I standing?
According to the Census for Human Development, farmers are not technically humans, and need to be rounded up and sent to concentration camps, lest they intermingle with our pure, non-farmer race.

 

by valuedan
4-30-04
My truck!
YEAH I CRASHED INTO IT
I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE IF I DRANK A BUNCH OF BOOZE AND STOLE AN AMBULANCE THAT IT WOULD IMPROVE MY ABILITY TO DRIVE
That's okay. I thought that if I put this saddle on the ground and sat on it, it would improve my ability to make love.
MAN YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID

 

by valuedan
5-02-04
Man, it's a good thing I got out of that Russian gulag, but now I'm in one of the dungeons from Doom II!
Oh no, one of those floating heads that runs into you and is on fire!
Unless I'm still in the gulag...
Âîçìîæíî åñëè âû áåæèòå â ñòåíó è ïûòàåòåñü ðàñêðûòü èõ, òî, âû íàéäåòå âòèõîìîëêó äâåðü!

 

by valuedan
5-04-04
I are President Bush! Dah! I be smort! ME LOVES AMERICO!
YOU AREN'T PRESIDENT BUSH! LIAR!
WHOOPS, MY BAD.
Oh. I think the cartoonist was looking for the "monkey" character, and he found "monk," and he was too lazy to do anything about it.
CARTOONIST... MONKEY?

 

by valuedan
5-04-04
Oh no, a zombie!
Yes, a mindless zombie.

 

by valuedan
5-04-04
Ice cream truck! Ice cream truck!
Wait, that's no ice cream truck! There's two large, sweaty, naked men inside, holding ice cream cones!
But I want some ice cream!
Well, they just started rubbing their nipples with the ice cream, so you'd better go get it before it's all gone!
Shortly...
"They'll never know the difference!" Great plan, Einstein!

 

by valuedan
5-05-04
I AM THE JUDGE
THE JURY WILL NOW DELIBERATE!
Look, man, I paid you to kill my wife last Friday. Are you gonna do it, or do I have to put a bullet in your fucking skull?
OVERRULED!

 

by valuedan
5-05-04
If this comic had another character, it would be funny.
I guess I'll have to be the other character.
Hey man, what's up?
I AINT GAY, ASSHOLE

 

by valuedan
4-24-05
Hey, remember that one chat client where people could make little cartoons out of their chat windows and such?
No
Really? I mean, I was one of the characters on it, and...
Shut up
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Actually, keep talking. The room is too quiet now, and I've got that weird ringing in my ears.

 

by valuedan
4-24-05
When people smoke me, it makes me have to go to the bathroom

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
So, yesterday, my boss calls me up, and tells me that I have to go to work on fucking Sunday. Not only that, he says I have to buy a box of donuts.
Jesus.
Yeah, and you just know that the only ones there are going to be me and him... or just me. I don't know if he's even showing up.
Your job sounds like a piece of shit.
TARGETS ELIMINATED, MR. PRESIDENT
Oh, hey, are we supposed to be standing outside the White HouARRRRRRRR GGGGGGGGGHHHH HHHHHHHHH!!!!

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
There was a fatal train crash in Japan today, killing 50 people and injuring over 300.
Damn liberal media!
Why can't they report on the GOOD aspects of train crashes?
Meanwhile, in Japan...

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
We are going... to the... clothes star. Store. Clothes store.
Who is this guy, William F. Cromley?
What are. We doing... here?
Ha ha! This guy is almost as bad as Vanessa Q. Badrich!
Stop, Sam... Sammarino!
Quick, drop the name of another vague actor no one's ever heard of!

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
Hey man... got any weed, man?
What you think I have weed just because I'm black?
That's racism, and I'm not going to stand for it.
No, that's like my thing. I randomly walk around asking people for weed because I'm a stereotypical hippie.
Oh, well in that case, a bag costs $12.

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
LOL WTF OMGFHEKIN
What is this devil machine? It's speaking in tounges!
LMAO FOOBAR THQFA
Uhh... lawl... homg? Luh-maow?
LOLOLOLOLOLOL

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
FART
FART
FAR... whoa, is that guy dead?

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
Aw man, this happened last year. Santa is such a douche.

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
Scritcha scritch
What? No, I don't want to buy any cookies.
Scritca scritch
I don't care if you have any "Mint Mavericks," I'm not going to buy them.
Scritcha Scritch

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
hey my name is gloria what do you think about water coolers i think thay are pretty dum :P
I don't know how I know, but you spelled "they" and "dumb" wrong. Also, I'm pretty sure you can't pronounce an emoticon.
wtf fuk u faggot im gona find out where u live and kick ur ass HAHAHAHAHA I JUST HAX)RD UR COPUTER
Oh dear.

 

by valuedan
4-25-05
Man, I just ate an entire bag of dog food.
Oh man, lucky.
Yeah, and before that, I jumped up on the bed and got hair all over it.
Oh man, you are just living the high life.
You know, this comic would probably be a lot funnier if we were dogs and not people.
No it wouldn't.

 

by valuedan
4-26-05
Man, I sure hope Ted brings those donuts like I asked him to. I want some fucking donuts.
Yeah, I know. Working on fucking Sunday, shit. Need some donu...
Why you you have a fish head? When the hell did that happen?
Okay, first of all, it's a lizard head, and second of all, I don't think you're appropriately dressed for work yourself, so you'd best shut your mouth.
I'm sorry that you don't like my sepia leisure suit, Fred, but you don't need to get all on my case about it. Shit.

 

by valuedan
4-26-05
Bfx3
So, uh, what's going on, Mr. Chess Set? Selling any good... hamburgers lately? Cuz I like them hamburgers...
Be3
Yup.
Qe4
WHY WON'T YOU SELL ME A HAMBURGER? AM I BEING TOO SUBTLE FOR YOU OR SOMETHING?

 

by valuedan
9-03-06
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Who licks tootsie roll pops? People suck on them. That's why they're called "suckers" and not "lickers."
Man I could go for a licker right about now.
I don't want to hear about it, perv.

 

by valuedan
9-03-06
Hey I have mail for this TV set.
Oh wait.

 

by valuedan
9-03-06
Look out, Jack Bauer
Man, good thing he got away

 

by valuedan
2-06-07
I'm thinking of starting a rap group called "2 Xprezz Bonerz"
Wow
It will have lyrics about black on black crime and also drug use
What about bitches will there be lyrics about bitches
You had better believe there will be lyrics about bitches

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