All comics by boloboffin

Profile

 

by boloboffin
12-13-07
Mommy, why am I so "different" from the other little boys?
Who told you you were "different"?
All the other kids at school.
They're lying to you. You are the same as every other boy on this planet.
My mommy said I wasn't "different", so there!
AHAAHAHA, you loser little human!

 

by boloboffin
12-15-07
Mommy, why am I so "different" from the other little boys?
Don't all the other little boys dig up their mom's corpse and mount it in the kitchen?
Why, of course, Norman. Now be a good boy and light some more incense.

 

by boloboffin
12-17-07
Ahhh.

 

by boloboffin
12-21-07
Yay! You came back!
Hewwo, Mistuh Wivingstone!
Well, hello to you too, buddy! I'd like to go home now.
Him sucha good wittle puppity. Be good while Daddy goes and gets some CDs from that nice young man.
Um, come with?
*slam*

 

by boloboffin
12-21-07
All right, Mr. Punk Rocker Man, I've got the money for... Where did he go?
Wow. I didn't realize it was so late! I'll have to find him tomorrow.
Besides, I don't like walking around with all this money on me. Some unscrupulous person might try to take advantage of me.
Well, hello there, stranger.

 

by boloboffin
12-22-07
Well, hello, large-breasted nurse lady. Can I help you?
I'll bet you can. But first promise me you aren't one of those cuh-razy homosexuals.
I used to be, but praise Jesus, he took the gay away!
So you promise there are no more men in your life?
Jesus is the only man in my life and he never puts out.
Wonderful! Then I need you to reach out and massage my breasts to your heart's content.

 

by boloboffin
12-22-07
M-m-massage your breasts? Right here on the street?
Unless you have a better place to knead these knockers, stud muffin.
But I can't do that.
Can't do that? Or don't want to do that? It seems your Jesus didn't get all the gay out after all.
Don't you dare blaspheme against Jesus! He reached up inside me and fisted me full of his glory, bitch!
Then prove it, Mr. Ex-Gay! Get your mitts on my nipples and convince them they'll be home for Christmas!

 

And Tiny Tim said, "God bless us every one!"
And then what happened?
by boloboffin, 12-22-07

 

by boloboffin
12-31-07
All right then, I WILL grab your breasts.
You will?
Yes, ma'am! Right here on the street, in front of God and everybody!
Hallelujah!
Brace yourself.
WILL YOU JUST GRAB THEM AND GET ON WITH IT??

 

by boloboffin
12-31-07
OK, Ray-Ray, just grab'em. NNNNNGGGHH!
Come on, just lift your arms and grab'em! GGGRRNNNGGHHH!
By the sole descended testicle of St. Thomas, I can't do it! It's as if my arms are drawn to the side of my body!
Gay.

 

by boloboffin
12-31-07
I AM NOT GAY!!! It's just that I'm a little fondle-shy out here in public.
I see. Well, there must be some place private we can go. Mr. Ex-Gay.

 

by boloboffin
12-31-07
Like, for example, maybe your bedroom?
OH! Uh, yeah. I guess that would be private enough to honk your hooters.
Well, let's get going. My back is killing me.

 

by boloboffin
1-06-08
*slam*
You're home again!
HEWWO, MISTA WIVINGSTONE! Him da cootest wittle puppidy-duppity! I want oo to meet my wady fwiend, Ms...
Um, before I nestle your breasticles, what's your name again?
Umm, Nurse... Nurse... Hearse.
Nurse Hearse.
I get that a lot.

 

by boloboffin
1-06-08
Well, here we are, alone at last. I'll just lie down on the bed...
And I'll get the lights...
Now, come over here, Mr. Ex-Gay, and prove the gay has all gone away.
I got 'em , I got 'em! I'm touching your boobies!!
Ray-Ray, that's my ass.
Oh, yeah. That does seem really familiar.

 

by boloboffin
1-07-08
Come on, Ray-Ray. My girls are bobbing free here, ready for your calloused hands.
That's right. Just lie down there and... Oh! You're licking them!
Heaven, heaven! Your rough tongue on my breasts, my angel!
Hey, lady, when you get done, could you let me out the back door?

 

by boloboffin
1-07-08
Oh, Ray-Ray, I can't stand this ecstacy a moment longer! Let me turn on the light...
The fuck?
AHHHHHH!!!!
So that's a no on the back door?

 

by boloboffin
1-17-08
Building 7 was a inside job! It fell in under 6.5 seconds!
Actually, half of the building fell into itself 10 seconds before that, making it 16 seconds.
I'm talking about just that one part! You can plot it out and it drops at an acceleration rate of 9.1 m/s^2! That's freefall speed!
Uh, no, gravity is 9.8 m/s^2. That's not even close to freefall speed.
Don't you have any comics to make?
As soon as I come up with someone to mock.

 

by boloboffin
1-18-08
And so I just snuck out to call you, Father Plucker. Should I tackle those titties or what?
Oh, I'm glad you called, Ray-Ray. Premarital sex is a sin in the eyes of the Lord.
But not as bad as gay sex, right?
Erm, yes, of course. But both will send you to the fiery pit of hell, Ray-Ray.
JESUS CHRIST! Isn't there any way to get laid in this damn religion?
Well, Ray-Ray, you could marry her.

 

by boloboffin
1-18-08
Marry Nurse Hearse?
Of course! If she's as generously endowed as you so, ahem, vividly described, there should be no problem with her enflaming your heterosexual feelings. None whatsoever...
And that would prove once and for all how really ex-gay I truly am!
Yes, yes. Now tell me again exactly how much of her breasts you could see from her uniform?
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Oh, heavens, what now?
I really should be getting off, anyway. The phone, that is. Getting off the phone...

 

by boloboffin
1-18-08
OH, RAY-RAY, HOW COULD YOU?????
How could I what? Where did you come from?
YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHERE!!! How could you let that dog in there?
Let that dog in where? Melody, you're talking crazy talk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, CRAZY TA--Melody? Did you call me Melody?
Yes. That's your name, isn't it?

 

by boloboffin
1-18-08
You see me as Melody?
Yes, that's my precious little ex-fag hag, right there in the flesh.
Ah. Well, I thought I'd just come over, talk about...
The wedding. You must be so excited. OOO! I've got an idea! Let's have a double wedding!
D- Double wedding?
Yes, you and Thorn, and me and Nurse Hearse! I call dibs on decorating the church!!!

 

by boloboffin
1-20-08
So you came back and the egg was gone?
That's right, officer! It happens every day around this time!
Every day?
Yes, the effort of making a new egg all the time is about to kill me.
Why do you keep leaving your egg all alone?
Well, that road isn't going to cross itself, buster.

 

More and more I find myself looking at pornography, thinking, "Get a room."
by boloboffin, 1-20-08

 

by boloboffin
1-20-08
I wasn't allowed to say "Babe, the Blue Ox" until I was twelve.
But blowing him was just fine and dandy!
Hey, Ma, I'm gonna go blow You-Know- Who again!
Well, hurry up, I'm making a pilaf.

 

by boloboffin
1-21-08
Monday, January 21st
As insurers for lenders go belly up, the Nikkei plunged 752 points today. What will happen when the markets open tommorrow?
Tuesday, January 22nd
Jesus Christ, the Dow dropped 2500 points in a day!
It's the end of the world!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 23rd
We thank the former United States for all the cheap land, and welcome you to the People's Republic of the World.
In Communist China, you buy lead paint on toys and like it.

 

by boloboffin
1-24-08
You're going to get married. To Nurse Hearse.
Yeppers.
Does she know anything about this?
No, not yet. I haven't even asked her.
Well, what makes you think she'll say yes?
Oh, Melody, just between you and me, this lady is BEGGING for it. She can't get enough of the old Ray-Ray!

 

by boloboffin
1-24-08
She can't get enough of the old Ray-Ray.
You know what they say about gay guys. We'd make the perfect husbands if we didn't succumb to our SSAD.
Uh-huh.
But now that I don't do that anymore, the ladies can hardly resist me! Even you want a little piece of this, don't you? Don't you?
Well, of course, seeing as how you're so selfless and humble and apt to put me on a pedestal and all.
EXACTLY!

 

by boloboffin
1-24-08
Well, I don't want to keep you from your soon-to-be fiancee.
Oh, right. I better get in there and get down on one knee. Wish me luck!
Good luck, Ray-Ray!
Because you're going to need it.

 

by boloboffin
1-24-08
Well, she's gone! Gracious. Mistuh Wivingstone, did you see where Nurse Hearse went?
Boy, the less said about that, the better.
My goodness, you seem all tense and fidgety.
Tense? You've locked me in this house and never even bothered to look at my tag. I think I'm being downright sociable!
Can I get my puppity-duppity anything to eat?
Actually, I've kinda got a taste for milk.

 

by boloboffin
1-25-08
Sir, I represent the FBI, please explain what you saw in the sky that night.
All right. I was tending the cows when this huge spaceship right out of "Close Encounter" comes sailing...
Sir, I represent the FBI, please explain what you saw in the sky that night. The sky that night. Sir, I represent --
What the hell's wrong with you?
***Damn it, the voice synth's fucked again. Beam him out for a memory wipe.***
911, this is Bobbyaa-diadj- dk;lkd----

 

by boloboffin
1-25-08
Reason #1: Good
I don't find that funny at all. *click*
Reason #2: Okay
That's funny, but is that as funny as "You've Got Cancer" or Humpenstein's "oversized T-shirt" comic? *click*
Reason #3: Bad
Looks like that idiot made another comic. Guys, you know what to do! *click click click click*

 

by boloboffin
1-28-08
Willy dinks it shore be sad how dat Heef Ledger fella just woke up ded one day.
Willy dinks dat if dat mass-age wuz paid fur alreddy, Heef woodunt mind if ol' Willy got it.
Dat's what Willy dinks.

 

by boloboffin
1-28-08
Willy dinks he members dat Jake Gillagunhal fella died firstest in dat Brukebak Mountin movie.
Willy dinks dat Gillagunhal fella gon feel real wiert at Heef's foonaral.
Dat's what Willy dinks.

 

by boloboffin
1-28-08
There you are! How did you get into here?
Never mind that, how did that DOG get into THERE?
Into where?
Into that dark bedroom! The rat bastard had its dog tongue all over these bodacious tatas!
Ewwww.
EWWWW IS RIGHT, SONNY BOY! THESE TITS ARE A HUMAN-ONLY ZONE!

 

by boloboffin
1-28-08
I'm sorry he musta slipped in when i...
SORRY DON'T GET IT, SONNY BOY!
MY FURY KNOWS NO BOUNDS! HOW CAN I MAKE YOU SUFFER LONG ENOUGH TO ERASE THIS STAIN ON MY MEMORY??
Will you marry me?
I thought you'd never ask! *teehee*

 

by boloboffin
1-31-08
my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?
Ugggg...
Your deal.
Wait. There's something I'm forsaking.

 

by boloboffin
2-09-08
Hey, Shippie, I wrote my new rap! Wanta hear it?
Not really. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I say, you feel out here for an eel! Cuz he swimmin' all day for a little bit of pay...
Man, that sucks. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, I suppose you can do better.
I ain sayin she a iceberg! But if you bump her, you be submerged. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

by boloboffin
2-16-08
Heath Ledger? Is that really you?
Yes, it's me.
So you finally commited suicide?
Accidental overdose. I had a little girl, everything to look forward to.
Boy, I thought I was pissed off about missing the new Batman!
rrrrrrr

 

by boloboffin
2-20-08
Hey, did you hear that Michelle Obama said it was the first time she'd ever been proud of this country?
She said that it was the first time in her adult lifetime.
You really think that justifies not being proud of this country?
She is proud of this country. She just said that she was.
I mean before!
That reminds me. Bill O'Reilly called and asked you to check out rope prices at Home Depot.

 

by boloboffin
2-26-08
Well, Texas has its primary next week, and I finally have my candidate: Barack Obama.
It all came down to his being man enough to do what Bill Clinton hasn't done for years.
Screw Hillary.

 

I hate it
when people anthropomorphize me.
by boloboffin, 3-16-08

 

by boloboffin
3-27-08
For the women exchanged a natural act for an unnatural act.
Honey, I don't want a baby. Why don't you put it in the butt?
We can put it in the butt?!
And men then exchanged women for each other, men with men, doing unseemly things...
We can put it in the butt!
We can put it in the butt!
...and they recieved inside themselves the natural penalty for their mistake.
That's what you get for putting it in the butt. Enjoy hell!
Why did those damn women give us the forbidden fruit instead of life? Now I've died of an STD and gone to HELL!!!!!!

 

by boloboffin
4-06-08
What did you think when you heard about Charlton Heston dying?
Another part of my youth flying away...
I thought he died ages ago!
Hey, free gun!

 

by boloboffin
4-07-08

 

by boloboffin
4-11-08
Well. I could take a break or I could call a meeting and demand my team redo the quarterly.
Aaaaaaaand a break it is.

 

by boloboffin
4-12-08
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!
HE'S GETTING MARRIED!!!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!! YAY!!!
*slam*
Wait, where are you going?
I get that a lot.

 

by boloboffin
4-12-08
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!
Who are you?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!
That's totally awesome, dude.
Did they make gay marriage legal?
I think that was back in the Carter Administration...

 

by boloboffin
4-12-08
I'M GETTING MA-muh-muh...
...me my money for those CDs I burned for you! I waited here for hours!
You did? Stanley, I came back last night with the money but you were already gone. I thought you'd forgotten.
You came back? You really came back for me?
*swoon*
*swoon*

 

by boloboffin
4-15-08
AHHHHH!!!!!!!
AHHHHH!!!!!!!
Hooray! John McCain is President!
And when I get finished with Iran, it'll look like Denver!

 

by boloboffin
4-16-08
It is said that when travellers in the desert are in dire need, a Randomly Appearing Snowman will come to their assistance.
Hmmm, is this the way to Amarillo?
Well. I guess that's just not true.
Of course not. If I showed up when you expected, I wouldn't be a Randomly Appearing Snowman, now, would I?
AHHHHH!!!!

Showing page 10.

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