All comics by ObiJo

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by ObiJo
10-15-01

 

by ObiJo
10-15-01

 

by ObiJo
10-15-01
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.
Knot me.
Not me.
Alright, who tied my shoelaces together?

 

by ObiJo
10-15-01
There is an old Indian saying that goes, "He who knows not where he started will never know where he is or where he is going and therefore need not a car or bus fare."
No there isn't.
There should be.

 

by ObiJo
10-15-01
Sometimes when we've been out on the trail for weeks on end with no civilization or lady folk, you start to look good.
How good?
Real good.
I was thinking the same thing about you.
Well, let's do something about it then.
Okay!

 

by ObiJo
10-15-01
The devil went down to Georgia, he was lookin' for a soul to steal.
He was in a bind, cause he was way behind, and he was willin' to make a deal.
Refill?
Deal!

 

by ObiJo
10-15-01
The cow says...
Moo.
The chicken says...
Cluck.
The madman says...
Meow.

 

by ObiJo
10-16-01
A crystal ship filled with a million diamonds could not hope to glitter as bright as you, my sweet.
You're one shiny bitch.

 

by ObiJo
10-17-01

 

by ObiJo
10-17-01
Welcome to another edition of Where are They Now, Hell if I Know, Let's find out and Mock Them. So, where are you now?
Hell if I know.
Loser.

 

by ObiJo
10-17-01
Welcome to Where are They Now, Hell if I Know, Let's find out and Mock Them. Today's guest, the Sodomizer 5000. So, S5K, where are you now?
Marty's Meat Market. I'm the one that puts those white bits into your summer sausage!
Wanker.

 

by ObiJo
10-17-01
Welcome to Where are They Now, Hell if I Know, Let's find out and Mock Them. Today's guest, Jimmy Hoffa. So, Jimmy, where are you now?
Mute.

 

by ObiJo
10-17-01
Welcome to Where are They Now, Hell if I Know, Let's find out and Mock Them. Today's guest, the 2000 Los Alamos Fire. So, LAF, where are you now?
Who knows. Every time the wind changes direction, so do I.
Murderer.

 

by ObiJo
10-19-01
You know, there's only one thing I like better than anal probing.
Advanced anal probing?
Oral probing.
Sounds boring.
I still enter through the anus.
I just got goosebumps!

 

by ObiJo
10-19-01
We are gathered here, in the sight of God, to join this man, Strom Thurmond, and this woman...
....WHO BLEW THE WHOLE DAMN SUPREME COURT IN CHAMBERS LAST SATURDAY!....

 

by ObiJo
10-19-01
... ... ...
No time to talk! I'm off to join the Marines and kick a little terrorist butt! Semper Fi and goodbye!
... ... ...
... ... ...
Donkeys need not apply.

 

by ObiJo
10-23-01
Hewwo.

 

by ObiJo
10-23-01
Retreat!

 

by ObiJo
10-24-01
So what's the rocket for, Edwin?
None of your business.

 

by ObiJo
10-24-01
These are some kickass shrooms. Where'd you get them?
Some guy was growing them under his insole and gave me a couple.
Goddamnit, what did I tell you about accepting shrooms from strangers?
To.
Did I?
You said it was the only way to tie in the title.

 

by ObiJo
10-26-01
I'm out of here.
Where ya going?
To a place where no one is judged. Where you're accepted for who you are. A place where people laugh and smile and are happy to see you.
Where brave men don't suffer under the will of a tyrant. Where commitment to self is seen as a virtue. To the top of the mountain from the lowest valley!
Leave-the-Toilet-Seat-Down Land?

 

by ObiJo
10-27-01
Sweety? Mr. Jones from next door is here and he's not too happy.
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
...and you're getting hair and bone all over my yard. Not to ment...
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by ObiJo
10-27-01
Oh no, honey! The house's on fire!
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by ObiJo
10-27-01
I just got off the phone with Sue. Jim Brown got hit by a car today. Doctors say there isn't much they can do.
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
What the hey?
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by ObiJo
10-27-01
Dad? Mom says we have to go to church today, but I was wondering if you could just...you know...uh...
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
I can see my house.
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by ObiJo
10-27-01
Daaad. Mom's watching the Lifetime Channel again.
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
Sloan, you have to believe me! I didn't know he was your brother when I cheated on you with him!
Dad?
Shut up, boy. Can't you see she's tearing Sloan apart?

 

by ObiJo
10-27-01
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
Damned mouse.
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by ObiJo
10-27-01
Hey, Rog. Did you see my cat wander over...oh! There's my wittle wuvvy duvvy. Did pooddin woodin get wost?
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
Body shield!
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by ObiJo
10-27-01
How's it hanging, pops? Your daughter around? Me and her have a date with destiny. If you call the backseat of my Citation destiny. Hey, let me ask you...
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
...does she like it in the...
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by ObiJo
10-27-01
Hey, Dad? What's for dinner?
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
Gobble?
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by ObiJo
10-28-01
We'll shoot at the same time, okay Dan?
You got it, Obi. Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
Macarooni, Top Roomen, Burgeroos, Burrootos, Roost Beef, Prootzels, Brooded Shroomp, Butterood Shroomp, Shroomp Scampi...
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by ObiJo
10-30-01
Alone in a dim room with bright people. Sweaty palms. Looking, hoping, wanting. Something to grasp. Someone to handle. Needing kneaded skin.
I'm off duty, assmunchers.

 

by ObiJo
10-30-01
I'll try to put my scream into a bubble like they do in cartoons. It's my only hope for rescue!
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
I think I done found my fishing spot.

 

by ObiJo
10-30-01
Done near broke my rod! Damn thing must be a marlin. It's'n about to surface!
Splosh!
THANK YOU!
What in dee hell?
Just then an improbable occurrence, with odds against its happening of 9,637,249,118 to 1, happened. Two bleacher bums were sucked into a spatial rift at Wrigley and spit out onto the boat.
Throw it back!
Throw it back!

 

by ObiJo
10-31-01
PHILLIP! THIS IS YOUR GOD!
Yyyes, God?
SING PRAISE UNTO MY NAME LEST I SMITE THEE!
This little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine...
Haha, er...NOW HOP ON ONE LEG AND FLAP YOUR ARMS LIKE A BIRD.
You're in the attic, aren't you, Jon?

 

by ObiJo
11-01-01
Every rose has its thorn.
Just like every night has its dawn.
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song.
Lou, Lou, skip to my Lou! Lou, Lou, skip to my Lou! Lou, Lou, skip to my Lou!
You fucked up the strip, Edward.

 

by ObiJo
11-02-01
Sweet Jesus and all things right with the world! You morphed into Brad Pitt! Quick, take off your pants before you shift again!
Not so fast, sister. If I look like Brad Pitt, I'm not hanging around here with you. I'm gonna go roll the dice with that cute blonde down the street.
What? But I'm your wife!
Wife or not, I'm out of your league now.
Are you sure that's your stance?
Don't try to stop me.

 

by ObiJo
11-02-01
Props out to the big city. Where no one cares if you act like a jerk. City life, that's for me. None other comes close.
When i grow up I want to be as deluded as you. Give me three reasons city life is better. To me, living in a city is like living a life in hell.
For starters, there aren't all these damn goats running around. Also, dumbasses aren't always bending over to pick up something as worthless as a penny. Arcades! How could I forget arcades?
No way. City air smells like diesel. Sweeties sell their bodies on the corner. Population is exploding. Dogs have to poop on sidewalks. The list goes on.
There's nothing to do here! Everyone plays Plinko. Fight Club was outlawed for "being on the devil's side." XXX movies would make these people's heads explode.
Country life is REAL life. People talk in person, not on some forum. Users of Black Magic abound, sure, but that's to be expected with all the heroin use.

 

by ObiJo
11-03-01
A black and white world? I'm scared, Russ. Hold me.
Lighten up, lil guy. That vortex behind us is bringing all the color back to this joint. So just sit back, relax, and smoke some magenta with me.
Look at it all flow back. Like some polluted river. Guess we're back to being second-class citizens around here.
I HATE HUEBIES!

 

by ObiJo
11-03-01
I was asked to take a moment and share some handy advice about riding Phoenix's public transit system.
Don't.

 

by ObiJo
11-04-01
Jael! Where ya been all this time?
Getting in touch with my inner Zen self. Realizing my oneness with everything and learning to live in the moment. So what's new around here?
Did wirthling suck when you left?
Ya.
Then nothing really.

 

by ObiJo
11-05-01
They told me if I pass this centrifuge test, I'd be accepted as the first AIstronaut!

 

by ObiJo
11-05-01
Welcome to Science Talk. Today's topic is NPN transistors.
In an NPN transistor, the P base is triggered high, allowing current to flow from the N emitter to the P base, which in turn allows a larger current to flow from the N emitter to the N collector.
And that concludes another episode of Science Talk. Join us next week when we do our darndest to disprove Joey Lawrence's existence.

 

by ObiJo
11-05-01

 

by ObiJo
11-05-01
I just saw a two-legged three-tittied 12-foot-tall hooker who shot flames out her eyes and missiles out her arse!
Two-legged?

 

by ObiJo
11-05-01
So, what's new around here?
We have all accepted Jesus Christ as our lord and savior. The way. The light.
That's cool. I mean, I guess.
Glorious! We felt so strongly about it, we protested till Brad took the Jesus character off the site. We also added a potty-mouth program to boot the undesirables.
Really?
No, I'm just fucking with you man. The only real change is that bowl of Cheetoz right there next to Jackhammer Jesus.

 

by ObiJo
11-06-01
DexXbot gave me twenty-to-one odds I couldn't win this comic contest by myself and background-less.
I am such an asshole.

 

by ObiJo
11-07-01

 

by ObiJo
11-07-01

 

by ObiJo
11-07-01

Showing page 11.

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