All comics by Speez

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by Speez
5-10-03
Hey Misty, I was reading this interesting artical...
OH MY GOD, YOU READ SOMETHING! I thought you were illiterate! Let me call the papers!
Ha, ha, very funny joke.
The next day Denza is reading the paper that looks like a letter.
Today's top story, "Denza Reads: This is classified as a sign of the end of the world."

 

by Speez
5-16-03
So TAS, how was your day?
Well, my hands are still glued to my face. Ace tricked me into a cardboard box and throw me out of a moving car. Then a bunch of squirrels attack me while I was on the ground bleeding.
Man, this is akward.
So, how bout that sky? Still blue, huh?
Then I lost my pants to a poker match to twelve midgets. They then covered me in paste and glued me to a big piece of paper. Then came the nuns.

 

by Speez
5-16-03
Yep, two years have passed since I started the UBCS comic, and ironically, this is the 500th comic. What do I have planned?
Let's just take a minute to reflect back on the greatness of the comic.
Is a minute up, I want to beat your ass in UT2003.
Well, it has been two seconds. Close enough

 

by Speez
5-17-03
You look like you have something on your mind. Penny for your thoughts?
I just had a really really long day. It all started when I got lost trying to go to the bathroom.
Crud, I forgot never to ask Denza how his day went.
The next thing I knew I was dangling upside down out a window by Michael Jackson. He lost his grip and I plunged six stories onto a pack of wild geese.
Oh shoot, look at the time. I think I am needed in...
Needless to say the geese were pissed. I had to take them down Matrix style, but I kinda tripped instead and squashed the geese leader.

 

by Speez
5-22-03
Hey TAS, did you hear we have to go back to the temp board for the third time?
OH GOD NO! Not the horror of the temp board!
Uhh...
Why must we be forced to go back to that piece of dung that is the temp board! Why is god mocking us?
TAS! You weren't around when we last went to the temp board.
...I was just trying to fit in so maybe you can unglue my hands from my face.

 

by Speez
5-28-03
One night, a random ezboard user stumbles upon UBCS durring temp board time...
Man, I just raised 500 bucks to renew my ezboard for gold. It was long and hard, but it was worth it.
What the deuce? This board has made a temp board to go to while the real board's price for Gold drops! That an amazing idea!
That I wished I taught of two months ago! Well, I am going to make their life an living hell for being so darn smart!

 

by Speez
5-28-03
The random ezboard user, whose name is Bob, confronts CP.
So, nice temp board you got here.
Yeah, it's nothing speical. Half our members did go blind from trying to read the small print in the banner.
Bummer...
Yeah, but I got this idea to do the temp board about a year and a half ago. This is the third time we have used it.
YOU ARE CHEATING EZBOARD OUT OF MONEY IT DESERVES. YOU WILL FEEL THE GRAPES OF MY WRAIT!
Grapes of what now?

 

by Speez
5-28-03
Bob tells other ezboard members about CP's "illegal" message board.
And to lower the costs, they made a temp board to post on so no one would visit the real board.
Whoa, that is an excellent idea!
I know, they have found a loophole that will save them in the end about 20 bucks, but that is 20 bucks never the less!
Man, why can't we think of such great ideas?
Because we are complete morons.
Oh right, I keep forgetting that.

 

by Speez
5-28-03
CP and Speez are watching the debate rage about the temp board by other ezboard users.
Wow, look at them go.
Don't worry CP. They are all stupid people who are spitting out garbage in a vain attempt to grasp the point.
I concur.

 

by Speez
6-09-03
Bob tells the Ezboard cop of UBCS "crimes".
So, you should arrest them, and maybe beat them down with your stick thingy.
Well, they aren't doing anything wrong?
WHAT! THEY ARE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG!
It might not be ethical, but they aren't doing anything wrong.
YOU SUCK.
Hmm, maybe I should just beat him with my stick thingy...

 

by Speez
6-14-03
Welcome back to the real UBCS everyone! We have redesigned it so it looks totaly different.
Really?
Umm, it looks the same.
Yeah...but maybe the dumb ones will believe it.
Makes sense.

 

by Speez
6-18-03
Man, I really got to go the bathroom, but I dunno where I am at because my hands are glued over my eyes.
I have to use my memory to remember where the bathroom is.
I think this is it. Now, I just lean back and golden arches.
Is it raining?

 

by Speez
6-18-03
Man, that felt good.
Why the hell are you peeing on me.
Oh, I am sorry I had my hands over my eyes.
Why are you standing out here with your hands over you face, you pants to the ground an peeing on an officer of the law. Why are your hands on your face?
Because they are glued there.
Are you retarded?

 

by Speez
6-18-03
No, I am not mentally challenge and my hands are on my face because this guy Ace glued them on.
How can this man sleep at night after abusing a speical needs person like you.
Dude, I am not handicapped.
I am sure I can send this Ace guy to jail for this.
Jail? Oh yeah, I am retarded. Don't get more retarded than me.

 

by Speez
6-18-03
Ace, you are under arrest!
What is the charge?
Being abusive to a mentally challenged person.
And who is that person?
TAS.
He's not mentally challenged, he is just an idoit.

 

by Speez
6-20-03
TAS, we all know your a not mentally challenge, so why send Ace to jail over it?
No way, that cop is my friend. He unglued my hands from my face, which were glued there by Ace.
But the cop is going to figure out sometime you are lying.
Officer Bob, this guy was abusing me too!
Not to long later, in jail.
Uhhh, so....what are you hear for?
I eat people.

 

by Speez
6-20-03
CP, you better make me an admin at UBCS.
Hell no. You suck ass and smell.
We you just abusing that mentally challenge boy.
No sir, just pointing out the obvious.
Well, if he complains to me one more time about you, you will joining the others in the slammer.
This has become a dilly of a pickle.

 

by Speez
6-20-03
TAS is drunk on power and throwing people into jail that don't deserve it. He won't listen to reason from any of us.
But you two were friends, so maybe you can talk some sense into him. I hate to say this but you are our only hope...
...Ian.
Will this mission have any chance of me being forced to do sexual pleasures aganist my will?

 

by Speez
6-22-03
Ian goes to confront TAS...
Ha, I finanlly did what you could not, I outsmarted Ace! Hahaha!
Yeah, about that, maybe you should tell the cop you are not retarted.
But...I beat Ace...
Yeah, but you are taking down UBCS with you. That is not what the Anti-Ace club was about.
Screw you, I will have the cop throw you in jail too.
Err, I mean...you are doing fine tiger.

 

by Speez
6-22-03
Later, in jail...
The guard said I was getting a jail mate today.
I wonder who it could be.
Your my jailmate Ace! Happy dance! Happy Dance!
Guard! Can I have the death penatly instead?

 

by Speez
6-28-03
TAS is drunk on power...
And I want a big candy bar, a leather strap, the keys to the moon and a hot woman!
Actually, make that five hot chicks.
Dude, you wouldn't know what to do with more than one chick.
Chicks are like Voltron. The more you hook up, the better it gets.

 

by Speez
6-28-03
Man, we need to come up with an idea to stop TAS.
I have an idea!
Still need an idea...that would work.
Ha, ha.

 

by Speez
6-28-03
Ok, I will hear your idea.
Ok, it involves a microphone, a banana and a talking monkey!
Go hammer a nail into your head or something.
YES SIR!

 

by Speez
6-28-03
Back in jail...
You better not take advantage of me in this cell.
For the last time, I will not take advantage of you!

 

by Speez
6-28-03
Ok Denza, I decided to use your plan!
Woo!
Why did you change your mind?
Either your plan works, or you will probably go to jail. Either way, I win.

 

by Speez
6-30-03
Ok Monkeyking, this is the plan...
That banana you are holding has a mic in it. Your job is to get TAS to reveal his plan and we will record it and show it to the cop.
This banana looks tasty.
Great. You ate the banana. I should have saw that one coming.

 

by Speez
6-30-03
Ok, you got the plan. And don't eat this banana!
Jesus, I eat one mic and you get all pissy.
Oh, and if the plan fails, the code word is "eggsauce".
Eggsauce? Where the hell you pull that from?
I don't have time to explain every little thing!
You really are an idoit, aren't you?

 

by Speez
6-30-03
Hey TAS, how is the plan to take over UBCS going? And could you reply into this banana.
Hey, is that one of those bananas that has a mic in it so you can record me telling you my plan and you will reveal it to that cop.
Uhhh....ummm....
I was just kidding man.
EGGSAUCE! EGGSAUCE! SWEET JESUS, EGGSAUCE!
Eggsauce? Where?

 

by Speez
6-30-03
So, being in jail is hard, huh? Being away from all those hot chicks and being stuck with all these men.
Yeah, I miss my porno too.
It could almost change a man....
What is your point?
Have you gone the gay way yet?
For what feels like the 525th time, I will not turn gay.

 

by Speez
7-04-03
So, you tried to trick me into revealing that I am not mentally challenge, but just an idoit, into that mic in the banana!
Yep.
You stupid monkey, that idoit cop will never find out about this. He couldn't find his way out of a paper bag!
Hey TAS, look behind you.
Idiot cop, huh?
Did I say idoit? I meant to say "extremely good looking".

 

by Speez
7-04-03
The cop frees Ian and Ace from jail.
I am sorry about the misunderstanding. Well, I am going to haul TAS to jail now.
How bout you just give me a sack of doorknob and twenty minutes alone with TAS.
Well, that would get me out of alot of paper work. Consider it done.
Ownage.
Twenty-one minutes later.
So, is he still alive?
Only the parts that are still connected together

 

by Speez
7-04-03
Well, now that TAS doesn't have power anymore, UBCS can get back to normal.
Yeah, but I have a feeling we forgot something.
Yeah, I was thinking we forgot something too.
Oh well, it can't be that important.
Back in jail...
I also like to touch people...
I must be strong. I know the UBCS peeps are doing everything in their power to save me.

 

by Speez
7-04-03
Hey TAS.
AHH! DON'T KILL ME ACE!
I just wanted to say that me and you always try to outdo one another with our tricks, and you won this one. Give me five man.
Wow, I was expecting this. Ok, here a big high five.
Hey tAS, there is a big bug on your face!
GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! Let me guess, my hands are glued to my face again...

 

by Speez
7-05-03
Hey Denza, how is it going?
Dude CP, I have the munchies for cheese in a bad way. It hurts not to have cheese.
So I think I will answers those munchies by eating two pounds of cheese.
When people ask me how my day went I just reply "nothing out of the ordinary."

 

by Speez
7-05-03
Here is the new song by Black Rap Artist "Wanted Z"
YO, it's hard living in the ghetto dog when your are living in the ghetto. Yo, forshillze da nizzle.
In da ghetto we musta fight our brotha to live in the ghetto! Cops hatin' all us brothers dog!
I can't believe this song is up for a grammy.
WHITE PEOPLE DIE!

 

by Speez
7-05-03
So I was thinking if we add some pink to UBCS it will really bring out the blue.
I dunno, I think it clashes with...I dunno...the non gayness UBCS has.
I think pink would be great! Excellent idea!
What the... Where did this Australian come from!
Maybe if we ignore him, he will go away.
I doubt it Speez...

 

by Speez
7-05-03
This pannel edited by The Great Speez.
Hello! My name is Whack and visted my board at *link edited out*
Dude this isn't the Big Happy Welcome Place, it is video games. And what kind of name is whack?
A cool one....DUDE!
Is it short for whacking off in the shed to gay porno.
...uhh....no!
Whack isn't a good name. You are now known as Caboose.

 

by Speez
7-05-03
Hey, you look like that Lightitup1337 guy.
He is my twin brother. But I am better than him!
I am WHACK, the annoying guy!
You mean Caboose.
Seriously, this Caboose thing isn't funny.

 

by Speez
7-05-03
Ace, you have to help me. Speez keeps calling me...
What does he keep calling you, Caboose?
NOOOOOOOOOOO! My name is Whack damnit!
Do you shave you legs? They look...very...feminine.
Well, I do have a bottle of lotion for that.
F*cktard.

 

by Speez
7-05-03
Ok Speez...I can't take this Caboose thing no more. You win! You are da man! I am just a peon to you.
Hmm, I dunno.
WAIT! I admitt it, "Whack" is short for "whacking off in the trailer to pictures of cows"!
But I said...errr...never mind. Ok, you are no longer Caboose.
Yes! The Whack attack is back!
Your are now known as Jennifer.

 

by Speez
7-05-03
CP, I have a problem, and you are the only one I think I can turn too.
What is the matter Jen?
It's just that Ace and Speez have been getting on my nerves with the name callings, beating with sacks of doorknobs and putting webbos in my food.
I am so sad to her that Jennifer. I think I will go talk with them now.
Wait...you have been calling me Jennifer this whole time.
Not the brightest bulb are you Jen?

 

by Speez
7-05-03
That it, I am going to get you banned from UBCS!
Wait! Your are going to ban me...from the board I own! Your serious! HAHAHAHAHA!
...
HEY ACE, YOU HAVE TO HEAR THIS!
Come back here CP! I am going to get your ass ban!
You know what. Your mom.

 

by Speez
7-10-03
Go head, get me banned from my own board!
I think I will!
So, what is taking you so long!
Jesus, give me a minute.
7 hours later...
Ok, this isn't funny no more...
Hold on, almost had it. Wait, wait! No, that was a fart.

 

by Speez
7-10-03
So, I can't ban CP from UBCS.
Maybe I should stop being an asshole and become a contributing member to UBCS.
Or, I can make a site that looks exactly like UBCS and banned him from there! I are teh man!

 

by Speez
7-10-03
Hey, we got an email from Jennifer to see his new board.
Hell, let's go and make fun of it.
Are you sure this is a shortcut.
...I never said it was a shortcut.
Here we are...back at UBCS?
I dunno, it seems to suck more than usual.

 

by Speez
7-12-03
Welcome Captain Pringle!
MY GAWD! IT'S JEN!
Stop calling me Jen. Never mind, welcome to my board "Ultimate Bored of Cool Stuff".
My gawd, it is just like my board!
I know I am sooooooo clever.
But you spelled the title wrong...

 

by Speez
7-12-03
I couldn't ban you from your board, so I made a board that looks like yours and I will ban you from that!
That doesn't make any sense Jen.
Haha, prepared to be banned! Ummm, fudge packer, where do I go to ban? Is it under Community Settings.
That's funny, you can't find where you go to ban me.
Hold on, give me a second. I think I got it. Great, Inter Explore preformed an illegal operation.
Wait, why should I care again?

 

by Speez
7-12-03
Just outside Jen's messageboard.
Well, let's get back to UBCS. I have an idea to stop Jen and his stupid plans.
Hold on, let me do something.
I wish I could see the look on Jen's face when he finds a big steaming dump in his mailbox.
And I had tacos earlier today...

 

by Speez
7-12-03
Back at the real UBCS.
So what is your plan?
Well...
TO GET JENNIFER GLOBALLY BANNED FROM EZBOARDS!
Jesus christ, did you have to scream it. My ears are going to be ringing for weeks.
Sorry, it was for effect.

 

by Speez
7-12-03
CP meets with Steve DeMello, a big shot Ezboard guy.
So that's the story, this guy we call Jennifer stole our design and even admitts to it.
Hmmm...
He's not the brightest bulb is he.
SCORE! YOU FLAMED JEN!
Uh sure, go me or something.

Showing page 11.

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