All comics by boloboffin

Profile

 

by boloboffin
4-18-08
As God is my witness, I shall never go hungry again!

 

by boloboffin
4-18-08
If you get butterflies in your tummy when you're speaking to the class, just think of how beautiful those butterflies are.
I don't know. It always helped me.

 

by boloboffin
4-19-08
But, Doc, traveling in time could be dangerous!
We've got no choice, Marty! Into the Delorean!
WHIZZAM!
*choke* Where are we, Doc?
Oh, no! *choke* I was so busy thinking about time, *choke*, I forgot that the Earth is continually hurtling through SPACE!!

 

by boloboffin
4-19-08
You crazy kid. You're always trying to kill yourself.
I can't help it. I'm in love with Death.
Hey, you're still a virgin, aren't you?
*gulp* Yeah.
Master Andy! Please accept this offering to your Satanic majesty!
YIIIIYYIII!!!!!!!

 

Seriously.
Nobody is that funny.
by boloboffin, 4-22-08

 

by boloboffin
5-02-08
Hey , wanna know why Jesus weeped?
Why did Jesus weep?
BECAZ I NAIL'D THA FCUKIN BITCH!!!
AAIIII!!! IT'S THEOCIDE!
That was sexually satisfiying.
He's OK. He liked it really.

 

by boloboffin
5-07-08
Some people believe in psychic phenomena, like thinking about someone, and then they call. That's not all that reliable.
Like yesterday. I was thinking about Brad Pitt and how happy I could make him if he'd just leave Angelina Jolie, and the phone rang!
But it was only my mom, and I can never make her happy.
It's called "grandkids."

 

by boloboffin
5-07-08
So, are you hungry? Yeah. You want Mexican? No. How about Boston... Boston...
Boston Square. Not Square. Market Square. Boston Market. Square. You want Boston Market? No.
There's that Mexican place. Ew. Yeah. You want Wendy's? No.
Hey, that Mexican place is like a Mexican grill. Maybe that means it's good. Maybe. And there's a McDonald's if you want to bail.
You know, I'm talking to myself. Yeah, but it's OK. Yeah? Yeah, I'm not spooky doing it. Oh, so I'm good at it. Yeah.
I'm like -- entertaining.

 

by boloboffin
5-09-08
Well, *blush*, here's the money I owe you for the CDs.
Ah, well, I sorta threw them away last night.
Now why'd you go and do something like that?
Bad day all around. The gig got cancelled, I thought you'd skipped out on the CDs, and to top it all off, my SO abandoned me last night.
Significant other? Umm, was it of the feminine or masculine variety?
The canine variety. He just ran away.

 

by boloboffin
5-09-08
Your significant other was a dog?
Yeah. Kind of lame, isn't it?
But you didn't -- you didn't -- um -- have "relations" --
What? Oh, God, no!
Oh, I'm sorry...
What do I look like, some kind of perv?

 

by boloboffin
5-09-08
No, you don't look like a perv, no, not at all, I'm sorry, I just, you said significant other, I didn't --
Jesus Fucking Christ, it was a goddamn ironic comment on my sad social life!
Please don't take the name of my Lord and Savior in vain, Mr. Can't- Keep-Up-With-A- Silly Dog.
OLLIE WAS NOT SILLY! And take the what of the what what what? Are you shitting me?
No, I am not S-H-I-T-ing you, Mr. Nipple-Name- Tattoo! I'll have you know Jesus is just all right with me!
*gasp* Nobody quotes the Doobie Brothers to me and gets away with it!

 

by boloboffin
5-11-08
Man, what's that smell?
Fridge socks.
Fridge socks? What's that?
They power the fridge. You don't have fridge socks? Your fridge must be killing your power bill. Take them all.
Wow, thanks, dude. You sure you don't need any to get by?
Nah, I got plenty more where those came from.

 

by boloboffin
5-13-08
Well, obviously we don't have a single thing to say to each other, so goodbye, Mr. God-Forsaken Blasphemer!!!
Fine, you fruity square! See if I care!
AND WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE DOOBIE BROTHERS, ANYWAY?!?

 

by boloboffin
5-14-08
Try not to struggle, strange creature from Earth. Resistance will only make this painful.
Wow, great set. I thought they did this with digital these days.
Do you like what you see?
Oh, shit, is that his cock? I'm in a PORNO???
What would make you feel more comfortable? Perhaps some Barry White?
Hey, how did I get to the studio anyway?

 

by boloboffin
5-17-08
Willy dinks dat today is his birfday.
Willy dinks dat a peesa nookie would be a mighty nice birfday present.
Dat's what Willy dinks.

 

by boloboffin
5-18-08
Willy dinks his birfday is ova, and he didn't get no peesa nookie.
Willy dinks he woulda settled for a package of Funyuns.
Dat's what Willy dinks.

 

by boloboffin
5-26-08
Oh, my God, I can't get out! *whack whack whack whack whack*
This is the police. We've got the place surrounded.
I can't go back to prison! *whack whack whack whack whack*
Come out with your hands where we can see them.
WATCH OUT, YOU FUCKERS!! I GOT A BOMB AND I'LL BLOW THIS PLACE SKY-HIGH!!
*whack whack whack whack whack*

 

by boloboffin
6-02-08
Thank God Al Gore created the Internet! Now humankind is limited only by its own imagination!
Now we can cure cancer, heal the strifes of war, jam all night playing Wii with people from Zimbabwe, and post comics from clipart and...

 

by boloboffin
6-02-08
DAY ONE
What the... Stripcreator is down???
OMG! What am I going to do? Breathe, breathe, OMG, OMG, OMFuckingG!
DAY TWO
What is that huge ball of fire in the sky? The sun? OMG, I forgot about the sun!
Oh, God, it's wonderful to be alive! Smell the air, feel the breeze! Hello, beautiful world!
DAY THREE
I forgot I always wanted to be an astronaut. Now I can! I'm alive, I'm full of purpose and... What's that?
Stripcreator's back up! LOL WUT BUTTSECKS...

 

by boloboffin
6-04-08
Yes, we can! Yes, we can! Yes, we can!
Yes, weekend! Yes, weekend! Yes, weekend!
That's not what we're saying?
No. It's "Yes, we can."
Well, what about my needs? Ah, fuck it, I'm outa.

 

by boloboffin
6-08-08
AHA! It is I, Office Vampire, here to suck your blood!
OK, so we've already had Office Zombie and Office Skull.
Do you really think Office Vampire can be funnier than those two strips?
Work with me. I need the insurance.
Well, that answers that question, now, doesn't it?

 

by boloboffin
6-10-08
You voted for Obama?
Yes, I actually worship him like a Messiah.
Now I can lay eggs, photosynthesize, and use echolocation to hunt my prey.

 

by boloboffin
6-14-08
OMG, is that really Tim Russert?
Yes.
The host of "Meet The Press" for 20 years?
Well, actually that was 18, but...
Bet you wished you'd pressed a little less meat between your lips every morning at breakfast!
rrrrrrrrr

 

by boloboffin
6-20-08
Hey, it's the dude getting married!
OUTA MY WAY, YOU BIG MR. HIPPY!
Hey, whoever-you-are, don't talk to my friend like that.
Oh, he's your "FRIEND." I guess that means you want to hug him and kiss him and... and... WHAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa...
Shit, that guy's got a primo diaphragm in him.
I thought gay dudes only needed condoms...

 

by boloboffin
6-21-08
...aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Well, that crazy shapeshifting lady left. How the heck am I ever gonna get... What's that sound?
AAA - MISTAH WIVINGSTONE!!!!!
Yipe!
Oh, my goodness, it's been a very cuddle-with-the- poochie day.
Ah. Cuddle in your world means "yank doggie's head around like rag doll." Good to know.

 

by boloboffin
6-23-08
George Carlin? Is that really you?
Yes, it really is me.
Mr. Conductor is dead?
Well, let me check. Yep, dead. The heart finally stopped its choo-chooing.
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits!
I couldn't agree more.

 

by boloboffin
7-06-08
Dear Caligula, I took your advice about my son. The neighbors caught me and now I'm in jail for the rest of my life. What would you do?
First things first.
Are your son's ears still nailed to that bench?

 

by boloboffin
7-12-08
Willy dinks dat Star Trekly shore was a pretty nifty show.
Willy dinks iffn he had one of dem der replicamators, he'd be sittin down to some Jim Beam and Totino's Pizza Rolls right about now.
Dat's what Willy dinks.

 

by boloboffin
7-12-08
Willy dinks dat one a dem Star Trekly episodes wuz sposed to have a vetren from Verdun in it.
Willy dinks mebbe one day evebody will amember Verdun.
Dat's what Willy dinks.

 

by boloboffin
8-09-08
*cough cough*
Wait one second... *pat pat pat pat* There you go. All better?
Yeah, thanks, Santa!
That's all right. Now you can help Santa out by reaching up and popping his back zits.
EWWWWW!!
Hurry now, or it'll be two dead kitties instead of just the one in your stocking.

 

by boloboffin
8-26-08
Hello, and welcome to "My Name is Asher Heimerman." My name is Asher Heimmerman.
If you ever need to know what my name, Asher Heimerman, is, you can read this comic, "My Name is Asher Heimerman."
It will tell you that my name is Asher Heimerman. Does anyone have any questions about my name, which is Asher Heimerman?
Yes, could you post your business card right here so that I'm sure I won't forget?

 

by boloboffin
8-27-08
Allow me, Asher Heimerman, to introduce myself. I am Asher Heimerman.
As Asher Heimerman would be expected to have, I, Asher Heimerman, have many opinions about life which you can find at my website...
Let me guess. Is it crazyobsessivekid.com?
No. It's asherheimerman.com.
I'm surprised it was available.

 

by boloboffin
9-05-08
That Sarah Palin, what a hottie.
Lord Jesus.
I'd like to mount her on the desk of the librarian she just fired.
Not me.
Why not?
TOO MUCH POOOOOORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by boloboffin
9-12-08
And he could suck his own dick? Is that even possible?
Hell, yes. Craziest thing I ever saw in college.
Hell, I don't think I could even reach.
Oh, shit...
*ulp*
Hey, I heard about you. You were a Kappa Alpha pledge, right?

 

by boloboffin
9-24-08
So I says, "Those senators ain't going to generate a bailout plan by themselves!"
Ha, ha!
Get to the fucking debate, John.

 

by boloboffin
9-25-08
Hey, is that Washington Mutual up there?
Yep.
So they finally Chase'd you down, huh?
Very funny.
Hey, come on. It's not like there was $700 billion about to be on the table...
rrrrrrrrr

 

by boloboffin
10-02-08
Some people feel the need to keep posting No. 2 porn at Stripcreator.
No. 2, as in porn involving poo-poo as a prop.
The pun being unavoidable, we just don't want to look at that crap.
That's right. We have standards.
So whoever you are, shove off already.
Now back to the manrape.

 

by boloboffin
10-03-08
So the House rejected the bailout bill last Thursday and the stock market fell 777 points.
gimme
Then they passed the bailout bill today and the stock market closed 40 points lower than last Thursday.
gimmegimme gimmegimme
It's like they panicked because we didn't trust them, then they panicked because we did.
sucka

 

by boloboffin
10-05-08
oops
CENSORED
I don't even want to know.

 

by boloboffin
10-21-08
*inspired by a crabby rant
Also, Ringo Starr, soon to be the last living Beatle. To avoid this, Ringo should go ahead and die.
Isn't it too late for that?
No, Paul could go at any minute.
But did you hear that last album of his?
Good point. Ringo IS the last one living with a modicum of talent already. The damage is done.
Your heart was in the right place, though.

 

by boloboffin
10-21-08
I see. The vast reach of that starry expanse does negate all of our longing in the end.
Exactly! So why not indulge the passions we find in the flesh?
What breasts we find, we should bring to our lips!
I sense a problem with your argument.
Checkmate!

 

by boloboffin
10-21-08
ELLIOT
Hide in there so nobody finds you.
NO FIND E.T.!!!
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
OH, MY GOD!!!! MY SISTER, MY SISTER!!!!
FEED ME, ELLIOT

 

by boloboffin
10-24-08
Talking bout FREEEEEEEEEE CREDIT REPORT DOT COM, I should have seen it coming at me like an atom bomb
More crab legs, dipshit!

 

by boloboffin
10-24-08
But I already finished that report, Mr. Wastba!
Did you include the figures from '07? Did you? No.
So you have to do it... Um, Melvin?
Cannonball of Pootulance in three, two...
Are you listening to me at all?

 

by boloboffin
10-30-08
Well, this Saturday night is the end of Daylight Savings Time. Don't forget to set your clocks back an hour.
Just think of it: one extra hour to make comics here at Stripcreator!
Might as well get a head start.
Beat the rush.

 

by boloboffin
11-02-08
So about replacing your kidney with a baked potato, there's good news and bad news.
I think I need the good news first.
No more chance of kidney stones!
Oh, good. Whats the bad news?
Potato bugs go the other way.

 

by boloboffin
11-07-08
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/ SavageLove?oid=742427
Blue, I can't believe you won't go down on me when it helps me get off.
Well, Maura, I can't believe you're asking me to do something against my moral code.
MORAL CODE???? I stick a finger up your ass when I blow you!
If you loved me, you wouldn't question my moral code.
Later...
Don't be startled. I've tied you to the bed. And as you can see, Little Blue has a question or two for your moral code.
*gulp*

 

by boloboffin
11-07-08
Hi, I'm from the Baptist church down the road...
Sorry, I'm an atheist.
You don't believe in the One True God???
No, I just believe in one less god than you do. When you know why you don't believe in all the other gods, you'll know why I don't believe in yours.
You just said a whole lot of words that I really didn't pay attention to, heathen.
Look, all I know is that there may be a God, but it ain't that one!

 
by boloboffin, 11-13-08

 

by boloboffin
11-16-08
OK, I'm sick of this, Ray-Ray.
OMG, Mistuh Wivingstone, you can speak!
Uh, dude, not me.
No, Ray-Ray, over here.
Who's talking to me in that deliciously deep yet sensitive voice in my bedroom?
It's...
JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *happy dance* *happy dance*
Yes, it is I, your Messiah, and I command you to stop the happy dance.

Showing page 11.

« Previous Next »