All comics by crabby

Profile

 

by crabby
11-07-02
FART JOKE?
NEVER!

 

by crabby
11-08-02
HI!....I... just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Steve! I thought maybe you'd be interested in a cup of coffee some time?
I'm a married duck!
Let me just log onto the internet and seek some advice on this situation.
Lame ass! I'm married and your ten years to young I need someone with a steady job who looks respectable!
Hi! Call me Jack!
I'm a married duck damn you!

 

by crabby
11-09-02
Can I help you?
I smell that you've been having problems with fire. I think I may be able to help. I run a corporation that puts out fires!
Like the fire department?
NO! I'll send my boys over next week.
But the fires are going on now!
NEXT WEEK ASSHOLE!

 

by crabby
11-09-02
Can I help you?
I'mma herea to starta your fire!
But I don't want a fire started.
Thena we gotsa problema heres.
Can't you guys just leave me alone?
Heya I'mma nota ina chargea the advertising assaholeio!

 

by crabby
11-09-02
Can I help you?
I'mma herea to starta your fire!
But I don't want a fire started.
Thena we gotsa problema heres.
Can't you guys just leave me alone?
Heya I'mma nota ina chargea the advertising assaholeio!

 

by crabby
11-09-02
Are you planning on lighting my cat on fire?
Yesa!
That'll teach that asshole to mess with me! Nothings worse than the door slam!
***KNOCK KNOCK*** Land shark!
Land shark? I better....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't like fires huh!

 

by crabby
11-09-02
Yeah boss?
Wait didn't the land shark just steal you?
No, that color blind fuck stole the telephone!
Well thats not good either!
BOSS! He didn't want us to start a fire so I stole his cat.
You color blind bastard thats his telephone! Excellent work now we have him right where we want him!

 

by crabby
11-09-02
This phone isn't even plugged in! It's obviously possessed by some sort of demon. I'm going to have to melt it down and create a new soldier with it. Dr. Spells melt down this phone!
I melted it you spoiled fuck!
Send in the new soldier!
Hey this is way better than being an ugly bald guys phone! How much does this job pay?
7 souls every two weeks!

 

by crabby
11-09-02
What the fuck do you want?
Well Sir I just put out that fire. So you owe me 10 bucks.
Now I have a burn mark in my house and no phone thanks alot here's your ten bucks asshole!
Thank you very much Sir! We are honored to have your buisness.
I qould never let them hurt you beautiful!

 

by crabby
11-09-02
Oh my god! I just ate my one true love. I don't even know who I am anymore. I need to just leave for about 14 panels to think about this a little bit.
The cops say I crashed my car because I noly have one eye. But if having one eye is so bad how did I pass my driving exam?
Bribery?
Your right. I'm being put on trial in three days think you can help me out?
I'll send someone over next week to help you out.

 

by crabby
11-09-02
I'm looking for Fred Lookinglass.
We let him out earlier today.
Then why did he order a lawyer?
I don't know. We're very busy here I need to get back to work.
Busy huh? I'll send someone over in a week.
What?

 

by crabby
11-09-02
I hear your having problems with your wife. She was going to leave you.
Your my wife you dumb bitch! And you did leave me. I wish you were dead!
You want me dead I'll send someone over next week.
You dumb bitch you.
ONE WEEK LATER...........
Dude, killed your wife.
Cool.

 

by crabby
11-09-02
Hey I hear your gonna die you fat fuck!
Your fat as well. And I don't want to die I want you to die first.
You want me dead? I'll send someone over in a week.
Ok.
Killed the fat guy.
Cool.

 

by crabby
11-09-02
Great now I'm stuck in jail.
ONE WEEK LATER......
I'm here to get you out of jail.
Yeah well he just locked you in. How about some mating while we're stuck in here?
Sure I'll send someone over in a week.
***SiGh*** I'm really getting tired of hearing that!

 

by crabby
11-10-02
So you ready for this?
I've waited my whole life for this. Everything has been leading up to this moment.
This isn't like clown college this is the real thing!
I'm pumped!
Got you guns lets go in their and rob this shit!
HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-10-02
If your not ready for this I know a whole lot of clowns back at the tent who are. Just let me know.
We're not really clowns though. This is just our disguises.
FUCK YOU MAN! I'm gonna go home and build my own clown!
Your sick!
Alright Laugh-Bot lets go rob this place!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

by crabby
11-10-02
I sold Laugh-Bot to a Matador for some serious cash. Maybe I don't have to rob that bank after all. I wonder what that Matador is doing with Laugh-Bot?
Your ROBO laugh is music to my ears!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I need Laugh-Bot back! I need to form a clown army and storm that Matador's castle! I'M COMING TO GET YOU LAUGH-BOT!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-10-02
Look the last clown who crossed me is sleeping with the fishes! So don't fuck with me!
This isn't so bad really.
I'm going to eat this man!
So tell me are you Pro Matador?

 

by crabby
11-10-02
Look maybe I said I loved you but I'm not in love with you.
You hippies are all the same! I save you from an orc in the desert of no return and then you all come over here to fuck the Matador! Well go right in he's an awful lay!
Look I don't want to fuck you. I just want Laugh-Bot.
Pleasure me orally and then you may have him!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I really hate you Laugh-Bot!

 

by crabby
11-10-02
We totally robbed that old lady!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
No thanks to you. You laughity mclaugh bastard!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
If you love to have sex with men then laugh.
HAHAHA------- Wait a second. Laugh-Bot not programmed to love.

 

by crabby
11-16-02
I am the mayor. I only do what is right and hate evil. I am an outsider in my political party.
That mayor is ruining our plans! He must die!
I've sent the assasin he will be dead at noon.
11:59 A.M. Inside the mind of the mayor

 

by crabby
11-16-02
Where should we start?
Let's get some nazi costumes!
Let me go on the internet and order some.
Where did you get the money for that?
Stole your mom's credit card!
EVIL!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-16-02
Alright I'm gonna bring the blueprints up on this computer screen.
Wait isn't your dad a plumber?
Yeah.
Those are blueprints for a bathroom thats going to be built on the military base.
Whats your point asshole?
I think we're going to need some more help in this. Lets go get Chaz he's a computer nerd.

 

by crabby
11-16-02
Hey buddy come check out this porn.
You fucking idiot. We ask you to help us do something evil and all you can think about is porn!
But it's hot. I'm sure someone would find this evil.
These are just drawings of naked chicks!
It's anime.
I'm going to kill you.

 

by crabby
11-17-02
Excuse me guard. Do you mind if I distract you while my friends sneak into the military base?
Dear god my prayers have been answered. This is a lonely job and I've been waiting for you.
Big Sailor Moon fan?
No, but I love transvestite boys!
I'm getting the hell out of here screw the plan!
COCK TEASE!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-24-02
Alright now little man I want you to remember that we won't be paying you any money.
I have lots of advertising jobs lined up. Companies threw themselves at my feet when they found out I had the part in this movie.
let's here that catchphrase baby!
raaaarrrrr! tobor will cornhole you!
Hey star how about a quick screw?
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD TOBOR'S LIFE IS RUINED!!!!!!! RAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-24-02
Alright bitch I broke your door down. Give me the car.
I don't have it.
Give me the car bitch or I dig up your dead husband and clone him into an evil man to come eat your food.
I don't know what the fuck your talking about.
Turns out the neighbor is retarded. But I know where we can get you a quality whore! Lets go.
RAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-24-02
Where's my money?
I got no money. But I got some sweet robocock! Interested?
No.
Fine I will be your slave bot then. I will serve you forever to pay off my debt.
RRRAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!! TOBOR JUST ROBBED A BUM AT WHITE CASTLES AND ATE HIS 30 STACK!!!!!!! WHU DO THEY CALL THESE SLIDERS...........OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-24-02
I SEE NO BULL! WAIT ARE YOU TRYING TO LURE ME INTO HOMOSEXUAL SEX?
Interested.
So your telling me you stuck your hand so far up this guys ass that he died on the spot?
RAAARRRR!!!! IN A NUTSHELL! WHY YOU WANT TOBOR HANDLE YOUR ASS?
No no not at all. But I know this guy and he owes me some money think you can handle it?
RAAAARRRR!!!!!! I HOPE HE'S HIDING THE MONEY UP HIS ASS!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-24-02
So you happy you got your wife back?
No, shes mangled after 4 years and 4 months in your stomach.
She killed my child.
I know but I can make it better. She's been melted to half her original size. She looks and thinks like a child take her and raise her to her death as your own!
Your magnificent and I love you my child!
Didn't I kill your child when he took up to much space in your stomach for me to live father?

 

by crabby
11-25-02
You've really been slacking off around the office. You haven't shown up in a week and you've been drinking. Alot.
It's just that I need the alcohol to live but I need money from you for the alcohol. What do you expect me to do?
Well, we won't fire you. But we want you to quit. If you quit we'll put in a good word for you with your next employer.
But you won't fire me? Then why quit?
To tell you the truth we don't have the balls to fire you. And you only have two days to live!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-25-02
Yeah she's totally a man. I've fucked her trust me. Your gay!
Wait, you fucked a man? Doesn't that make you gay?
No, I'm really a woman.
Well.......I've been checking out your ass for the last three months. So I'm not really gay.
Actually I lied your girlfriend is a woman. I just wanted you to admit to checking out my ass you homo.
DAMN!

 

by crabby
12-28-02
Eh , Gringo. What are you doing down here in Old Mexico. We dont need no stinking pirates.
GARRRRRRR!!!!!!!! Where is El Mariachi he stole my pirate booty and ate my son?
WE DONT NEED NO STEENKING PIRATES!
They say he be on Iron Chef using me treasure as a skillet.
Did you used to be dressed as a cop?
Yes.

 

by crabby
12-28-02
I don't know what the fuck that was all about.

 

by crabby
12-28-02
I don't know what the fuck that was all about?

 

by crabby
1-16-03
What the fuck is this? I think it might be a turtle.
It looks like it definetly lays eggs. Can't be a mammal.
It's a chair, fag.

 

by crabby
1-16-03
Van Hammer Von Winkleman. My alias. One among many, for in my head........I AM A SUPERSTAR!
In reality I am just a humble picture framer. I hang picture frames.
I have an ordinary family. Average looking wife, a son I think might be gay and a daughter I'm almost sure is a whore. But in my head.......

 

by crabby
1-16-03
How are you Honey? Feeling well?
My uterus aches for the love of another man. You need to talk to our son. His teacher called he's in danger of failing PHYS. ED.
Son I hear your in danger of failing PHYS. ED. Why don't we go out back and run some laps to make a man out of you?
I can't run laps! I'm to busy emailing members of The Cure begging for them to perform a concert at my high school.
Have you ever seen our son with a woman?
I once saw him with a very skinny man.

 

by crabby
1-16-03
MY SON IS GAY!!!!!! But I have no proof. Perhaps if I go to an underground gay club in disguise I'll be able to find out some information!
That night at the trendiest underground gay bar in town. THE SKINNY STAR.........
ARGGHHHHHH!!!!! Does ye be knowin a young lad named Chuck.
Oh man. A pirate that is sooo hot. Call me matey!
Just answer ye question matey!
SAY AHOY!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
1-23-03
The next morning......
Dear God.........My head aches and I'm holding a knife. Covered in blood and urine. And from the taste of it this is the urine of another man.
What did I do last night? The last thing I remember is leaving that gay club with that gay man. OH MY GOD! It couldn't be.
Upon closer inspection my cock smells like male asshole.

 

by crabby
1-23-03
Honey, I'm worried. I found a dead male hanging in our washroom. I think our son might have something to do with it.
Yeah I'm going to have a talk with him about it.
**KNOCK KNOCK**
Ma'am we got some calls from your neighbors. They reported hearing some noise over here last night and just saw your husband running down the alley covered in blood.
Hmmmmmmm...........

 

by crabby
1-23-03
WHAT THE FUCK! I killed a gay man. I obviously made love to him first. And now I'm on the run from the law.
I've never killed before. I may never kill again. I need to find direction. I need to get away from this madness.
Do you have any idea where he might run away too?
Well he has a brother. He lives in Mexico. I'm almost certain you'll be able to find him their.

 

by crabby
1-23-03
Fools they will never be able to devour us both.
Fools they will never be able to devour us both.
So we finished off a whole lot of shrimp.
I don't think that was shrimp. Are we enlightened yet?
Yes.
What do you know your a cowboy. We need to head North!

 

by crabby
1-23-03
So where's the firewood?
Uhmm....what?
The wood! You said you had wood here!
Oh thats ummmm.....right just let me get these trousers off.
Moments later...........
So are you enlightened?
I don't wanna talk about it. But I have a sudden urge to go to Colorado.

 

by crabby
1-23-03
I don't see what the big deal is.
Give it a second.
One second later...........
I'm FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck I just had an out of body experience.
Actually you just had a dog in you experience. Lets go to Paris!

 

by crabby
1-23-03
So where did we land?
Looks like Germany.
Dude its totally Spain!
There are no trees in SPAIN!
What the fuck gives you that idea!
You ever see a tree in Spain?

 

by crabby
1-30-03
Well what did you think?
Was you mother right? Am I as hung as she said?
Now I know the first anal is hard.............
MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!

 

by crabby
1-30-03
So your father thinks he raped me and then murdered me huh?
Yeah, I drugged him after you got him drunk. Rubbed cat shit all over his cock and pissed on him. Now he's hiding out at his brothers house in Mexico?
How do you explain the blood he was covered in?
Well I am a practicing vampire so I have a healthy supply...
What did you use for a fake body?
JACK-O-LANTERN!

 

by crabby
1-30-03
Honey, I need to talk to you. Your father is on the run from the law. He raped and killed a gay man. The body is still in the bathroom.
Mom maybe you should go look at that body.
Holy fuck that's a JACK-O-LANTERN! That means Van Hammer is innocent. I need to get ahold of him in Mexico!
Meanwhile in Mexico.......
So I raped and killed a gay man I met at a gay bar while spying on my son who I think might be gay so now I'm on the run from the cops!
QUE?

 

by crabby
1-30-03
Son we have to go find your father in Mexico before the police get him.
Mom, I'm a vampire! You know I can't leave the house.
I know that! You inherited that trait from me don't forget. We just need to find someway for us to venture into the sun!
Mother I've been keeping a secret from you. I've designed a suit of armor which allows me to go out into the sun light. You can wear my spare suit and we'll go find dad.
Good job son! The suits a little snug but it should get the job done.
To Mexico!

Showing page 11.

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