All comics by daddydoright

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
So..... I see your back from college. You look...??? Different.
Well...!! I been studying hard! Trying to learn alot!
Did you learn alot?
Oh man! Did I ever!! Whew!!!
What did you learn??=
I learned I like to party!! And I Love SEX!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
Hi there. I'm looking for a CD. Could you help me?
Ohhhh myyyy. There's no helping you honey!
I'm gona pretend I didn't hear that or I'm gonna end up pounding the shit out this pretensious little fag!
Do you know what you want??!! OR DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU??!!!
GOD Grant me the SiIRENITY to not stomp the guts out this motherfucker and the WISDOM to realize I don't want to go to jail and stand infront of a court having to explain why I lost it!
HELLO???!!!!!!!!!!!! He Must be having a FLASHBACK!! STEVEN!!! You've done enough drugs to fall into the hardrock catergory! Can you deal with 'THIS!'

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
WATER
CONSTANT. KNOWING.
MEDIUM OF SUCH FORCE, YET ITSELF THE ABSOLUTE IN MALABILITY.

 

by daddydoright
4-10-06
THIS IS.......ART!!!!!!
WHY?????
CAUSE........ '' I '' !!!!!! SAID SO!!!!!!!!
Okay? Wow! I see what you mean! How creative! How expressive! It's unique! It's a masterpiece! YOUR A 'GENIUS' !!

 
by daddydoright, 4-10-06

 
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by daddydoright, 4-10-06

 
by daddydoright, 4-10-06

 
by daddydoright, 4-10-06

 
by daddydoright, 4-10-06

 
by daddydoright, 4-10-06

 

by daddydoright
4-13-06
Well man. It's finally happened. Just like I been telling you it would all these years. Mark this day officially as the day I realized women took over the United States.
Oh Bro. Come on. What did you hear now? Another story in the news about 4 out of 5 college graduates are female again? What all the women taking all the midlevel management jobs again?
No man it's more than just that. It's cumulative! Over the past years, step by step women have been taking over the U.S. Women now doing all the jobs men used to do with no social stigma involved.
Yah, yah. You been saying that for years. And you know what? I 'agree' with you. You opened my eyes. But what was the one thing that made you 'officially' realize they took over?
Well...I was checking out at the grocery store. There was a young women who was my bagger. I started racing her bagging. Me having 'bagged' while I was in highschool. Well...? I...? She...??
HA!!!! HA!!!! HA!!!! SHE BEAT YOU!! YOU OLDMAN!! BEAT BY A GIRL!! NOW THAT'S FUNNY!!! HA! HA! HA!

 

by daddydoright
4-13-06
We're live outside BRET FAVRE'S childhood home in KILM, MISSISSIPPI! We're anxiously waiting on word whether he is going to play another season or retire!
Oh Brett please don't quit! We luv yuuu!!
We just got word from the FAVRE CAMP that they will send a smoke signal from the chimney declaring BRETT'S intentions! GREEN means 'YES!', he'll play another season! WHITE means "NO!", he's retired!
Hey wait a cotton pickin minute! Ain't that there what that Pope guy done did do?
EVERYBODY!! LOOK!! LOOK!!! THERE'S BLACK SMOKE!!!!!!!! THERE'S BLACK SMOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT BLACK SMOKE MEANS???!!
Yep. I do. It just means BRETT'S MUMMA done burned the bisquits again!

 

by daddydoright
4-14-06
Hey Padre how'z it going? Mine if I... like come in here and ask you a question?
Excuse me but... were closed right now! Come back during normal business hours! And 'you' really should call me Father NOT Padre!
Well..ha John Paul I haven't been Catholic in 20 + years! I ain't down for the whole hiearchy money thing! But that ain't why I'm here! I just wanna ask you about the whole GOSPEL OF JUDAS show I saw!
I SAID CALL ME FATHER! John Paul was our pope! Our new pope's name is Benedict thankyou! His position and 'THE CHURCHES' on such Judas matters hasn't changed!
I knew you'd say some shit like that! I thought maybe we could debate about the 30 some gospels 'cut out' of the BIBLE and why are they 'less important' than the other 4 that 'they' kept?
ON YOUR WAY OUT by the door you'll find a Yellow Pages. Take it! Look under 'churches'. Call one of them tell them your an ex-Catholic who wants to bash THE CHURCH! I'm sure they'd love to talk. BYE!

 

by daddydoright
4-14-06
Hi there I'm JUNE POINTER from the POINTER SISTERS. In the spirit of comedy and song parodys I like to do a new version of our song 'NEUTRON DANCE'. The funny parody is called 'DO THE LIBERAL DANCE!'
Is he trying to make us beleive that JUNE POINTER of the POINTER SISTERS would'a liked this??!! She just died!! Ain't that kinda disrespectful??!!
I'M JUST DOIN THE LIBERAL DANCE!!! I'M JUST DOIN THE LIBERAL DANCE!!!OUUUUU!! WHOOO!! OUUUUU!! WHOOO!!
Hey that kinda works with the NEUTRON DANCE music playing in the background!
I DON'T THINK I AGREE WITH YOU!!! BUT THERE'S NOTHIN IN THE WORLD I'M GONNA DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OUUUUU!! WHOOO!! OUUUUU!! WHOOO!! I'M JUST DOIN THE LIBERAL DANCE!!! I'M JUST DOIN THE LIBERAL DANCE!!
Yah and it is kinda funny! True that! True that! He did write R.I.P. JUNE POINTER so I guess he's alright then!

 

by daddydoright
4-14-06
Excuse me but do you know where there's a store that sells beer around here?
Bethamy! Git in thern house! And fetch'in tha boyz! No tellin what this here city slicker Yankee heathen is up'n to do!
HEY! I don't want no trouble! I'm just traveling thru and I just stopped looking for a place to buy some beer!
STRAW!! Boyz! You keepz a sharp eye on this here'n DAMM YANKEE! ELIJAH!! FETCH MY SHOTGUN! You other boyz don't mind nut'n he sayz! Prob-lee start cussin, talkin devils talk bad mouthin the Prezidint!
"Farz as I canz see he deedn't leave'n Daddy no choice!"
Ezekial did 'un Daddy really had'da keel that thar stranger?
He up'pin started speak'n devil's tongue right thar 'fore my own eyes! Spout'n some tin like muth-ar fock-n, si-cot-ick, stew-pid-ass, siv-all war, bi-ball nut fockz! That'z wharn Daddy put 'em down!

 

by daddydoright
4-14-06
I don't get it! The whole world has gone fuckin nutz! Christians! Muslims! Jews! Their all always fuckin killing eachother! And for what???!!
Yah your right they are nutz! The whole religion thing is stupid anyway! Just another way for the powers that be to control the masses and make tons of money in the process!
Fuck yah!! Telling them what they 'can' and 'can't do!' Telling them what 'to' and 'not to' think! It's just'a big scam based on old fables to control people's minds! Trillion dollar corporations!
Yah, yah! Your so right! We see things the same way don't we?!! How'z about me and you leavin here and go have some meaningless sex!
And put your filthy heathen penis in me?!! I DON'T THINK SO!! I only date clean cut hardcore religious boyz! I can only 'cum' when I truley hate the man! Besides heathens are usually to broke for me!
I could make you hate me!!!! Really!!! Wait!!!!! I 'll become a Christian?!!!!!!!!!!! A Muslim??!!!!!!!!!!!! A Jew???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll get a job!!! Really!!! Comeback!!!

 

I just love fast food. I'd eat more but it seems I'm not as hungry since I started smoking.
Yah I love fast food too. But I'm not as hungry since I started drinking gallons of coffee.
by daddydoright, 4-15-06

 

by daddydoright
4-16-06
I had a dream that I woke up and I was wearing this ratty worn out t-shirt. You see 'I'.. had stopped caring about looking presentable. I quit caring what 'other'.. people thought.
I stopped caring about myself. I no longer cared about what I said or did. I no longer cared about what other people said about what I said or did.
I cared about myself so 'little' that I became addicted to alchol and mind altering drugs. I walked and talked with little regard for what words I used. I cared little for how the world perceived me.
I cared so little for myself I kept company with others whose lack of thought made them act as I did. Not caring about the concequences of my actions and of who I might hurt... even it was myself.
I did whatever came to mind. People got hurt and my reputation in this world became that of the most despised criminal.
Eventually I died or was killed by someone who shared my lack of regard for the world and self. And my name was no longer mentioned. And if it was it was with curses. Thank GOD it was ONLY a bad dream

 

by daddydoright
4-16-06
We're here live in Oak Creek Wisconsin for the 4th annual Redneck Olympics! We have with us Lester 'Stash' Kazowski gold medal winner of the 'Biggest Poopey' Event!
Hi Chuck. Great to be here. I'm still a little worn out from the last competition though.
Tell us Stash how does one prepare for the Big Poopey Event?
Well Chuck there's alot of age old time passed family secrets which I don't wanna disclose for competitive reasons. But basically after the prep-work is done it comes down to 'PATIENCE'.
I've heard that before "Don't try to rush thing" being the maxim. Is it true about the rumor that your team uses athletic performance enhancing drugs such as supositories?
No comment Chuck! I 'really' gotta go!

 

by daddydoright
4-17-06
at the medical surgical clinic
Are you sure you don't want to have anymore kids honey? It's not to late back out you know! You don't have to do this if you don't want to!
I'M POSITIVE! I don't want anymore babies! Getting my tubes tied is really what I want! Any pain this causes is nothing compared to having kids!
I'm the pre-surgery nurse. The operating surgeon will be right in. Your girlfriend is in the pre-op room. The surgery will take about an hour. She will be in recovery for 2 hours. Any questions?
Nope. GIT! 'HER'! DONE!
Hi yah Doc! I just have one question for you. CAN! WE! 'FIX'! HER?!!
YES! WE! CAN!

 

by daddydoright
4-18-06
another morning and in a dirty boarding house room. lying still on the bed staring at roaches chasing flies and not knowing which team to root for
tchtchtchtchtchtchtchtchtchtchtchtch
szszszszszszszszszszszszszszszsszsz
night comes only to find a barstool under his ass. Same crowd only different like a deck of cards the faces never really change they just rearrange
sleep come unwillingly for when it does it shares darkness. death constant companion spoons close and vyes for warmth. old lover with passionate embrace holds on and patiently waits

 

by daddydoright
4-18-06
Hi folks! We're live here in Greenfield Wisconsin live at the 4th annual Redneck Olympics! We have with us the goldmedal winner of the BOOGER FLINGING EVENT Mickey "The Flick" Rasmussen!
Great to be here Chuck! Pardon the cotton up the schnoz I had to 'dig deep' in the last competition to win!
Mickey I'm shure our younger fans will want to know. What is more important in getting the desired distance. The 'flick' or the 'consistency' of the booger?!
Well Chuck that's a tough question! I'd say it's a little bit of both! But given a choice I'd say it comes down to 'the technique' of the flick. Yes a good 'flicker' can make any kind of booger work!
There you have it folks!! Straight from Mickey 'The Flick'. "It's not the pick but the flick!" The Flick defeating The Nose today with a 36 foot 3 inch flick. Any last words for your fans?
Yep! Just keep on pickin and flickin!

 

by daddydoright
4-18-06
Ok I did like you said and took off work to go with you and the kid to his appointment. But comeon don't you think this is just a little silly? A baby having a theraphist?
NO IT'S NOT SILLY! What's wrong is the baby having a father who doesn't care about baby's feelings! Now you just pay attention what the theraphist does with baby!
Bam! Bam! Rahhhhhh!!! No!!! Whahhhh! Whahhhhh!!!
No,no baby. We don't hit things. No,no baby we don't throw things. No,no I'm going to have to take that away now baby. What's that you want it back now? Say please,please?
WOW! WAS SHE GREAT! THAT'S HOW YOUR SUPPOSE TO ACT WITH BABY! UNDERSTAND?! UNDERSTAND??!
Yah! You want me to act like a combination "NANNY 911" and a 'Kindergarden teacher'. I thought the baby already had a mother? He doesn't need another!

 

by daddydoright
4-19-06
Hyped! Blood cursing thru my veins. Poised ready for the Ultimate in possibilites. I'm alllllllllmost there!!
The world is my oyster and I'm about ready to do some serious schucking!! Where to land to begin the processies? To Unleash the wonderful-awful torrent? But first I need just a littttttle more fuel!!!
HI! I need another triple expresso latte STAT!! I'mmmm losing my creativity!!!
Give a caffeine maniac a pen and suddenly he's Jack Fucking Kerouac! Every idea original and holy important. Like some kind of divine revelation, totally majickal! Why doesn't he just go jerkoff?!

 

by daddydoright
4-19-06
Daddy is there really an Easter Bunny?
Well.....??? What do you think?
I don't know? Maybe the Mom's and the Dad's just buy the baskets and the candy from the store but I'm not to shure?
Well maybe 'some' Mommys and Daddys do that.
That's what I thought too! There's way to many kids for the Easter Bunny to get to everybody's house so they 'help him'!
Yah....that must be it.

 

by daddydoright
4-19-06
American woman she gonna mess with your mind!
My father used to beat me and treat me like shit! So I subconsciously choze my first couple of boyfriends who were like him! Now I want a 'nice guy' but I have no respect for them as 'real men'!
Ohhhhh!!! American woman she gonna mess up your mind!!
I want a sensitive caring man to talk to and spend quality time with! Just not in the bedroom though!!
say Aaaa! say Mmmm! say Eeee! say Rrrr! say Iiii! say Cccc! say Aaaa! say Nnnn! Ohh! American woman she gonna mess with your mind!
So many men have used me and treated me like shit! I'm gonna be a mega-bitch and get payback on all other men now!!

 

by daddydoright
4-19-06
It's time to put on makeup!
It's time to get it right!
It's time for the most inspirational!
Celebrational!
This is what we call....
....The Muppet Show!!!!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-19-06
Dis my country. I come here as little girl. I no afraid though. Poppa he say, "America good country!" He say, " Work hard, save money and everything be okay!"
I come here with nothing! 7 years I work! I bring family! 3 stores I now own! America is GREAT Country!!
Job I want! I no afraid hard work! My country I love! But jobs no pay good there! I come America make monies for family!

 

by daddydoright
4-19-06
Your father is here to see you! Remember this Shithead! We can hear 'EVERYTHING' you say!
Yah. I figured as much.
I always knew he'd turn out like this!! He used to sass back as a baby! I'd tell his mother, "THAT BOY IS NO GOOD!" She was cheating around on me! We got divorced! I don't even think the punk is mine!
You know he's just around the corner! He can hear you! Not that it matters!
Hi ya son! You know I love you so much it hurts me real bad to see you in here! Did they hurt you? Did they?? Cause... so help me if those fuckin' bastards did!!
You can cut the act Pop! I heard you talking to the cop before! And guess what they can hear you right now too!

 

by daddydoright
4-19-06
You won't find the answers to your problems in a BOOK!
Welcome to Late 20th Century American Literature! Now class open your text books to the chapter 'HIPSTER BEATNIK CRIMINAL DEVIANTS'!
Hipster Beatnick Criminial Deviants?? Did he say CRIMINAL DEVIANTS?? I thought those guys were SO... fuckin' Cool! Did I not get it?? Have I been living my life wrong? Is that all they were???
You won't find the answer to your problems in a BOTTLE!
Hey bud! I know it's none of my bizness BUT...! Everyday you come in here you don't talk to nobody and end up getting so shitface you can't hardly walk. What's your story?? What gives??
Guess it's time to find a new bar!
You won't find the answer to your problems in a PUSSY!
Oh you fucking sex machine! We already did it 3 times today! Your gonna wear me out!
Somebody said, "The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom baby!" Or was it? "The Love you Take is Equal to the Love You Make?" Aw screw it! LET'S FUCK!

 

by daddydoright
4-19-06
All you have to do is stand here and hold this SLOW sign!
ALL DAY??!! I GOTTA HOLD A SIGN ALL DAY??!! I DON'T KNOW IF THIS JOB PAYS ENUFF TO DO THAT!
We got a real easy job for you! All you gotta do is stand by this SLOW sign.
DO I GET A CHAIR??!!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU DAMM KIDS TODAY!! WE PAY YOU TOP DOLLAR UNION WAGES TO JUST STAND BY A FRICKIN' "SLOW" SIGN AND NOT ONE OF YOU LAZY KIDS WILL EVEN DO IT!!
IF IT'S SO FUCKIN' EASY WHY DON'T YOU DO IT??!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-19-06
Oh Wow! Look it's one of those Goth chicks! I always wanted to fuck one of them! If they go to such extremes in how they look you know they gotta be really freakey in bed!
Yo bro! Your really fuckin drunk! Leave it alone she's a skank! You'd probably end up catchy something!
I really like how you look! All the black clothes and white makeup really turns me on!
Then let's go back to my place stud!
Next night
Sooo...bro what was it like fucking the goth skank? Was it all that?
FUCK NO! It wasn't freakey it was just plain weird! When I didn't have any drugs she pretended to be dead while I fucked her!

 

by daddydoright
4-20-06
Oh don't mind me grandson! I just finished! Go right ahead!
Grandma you forgot to flush! Holy Cow! Grandma what big turds you have!
Oh I'm sorry! Sometimes I forget things!
Wow that's weird! I somehow feel like I 'know' you better now!

 

by daddydoright
4-21-06
Hi can I have your bathroom key please.
Here you go. Please turn off the light and return the key when you are done!
Oh what's this here? Someone left a porno magazine. Might as well take care of some 'other bizness' since I'm here!
later on
Here's your keyback.
Oh my God, do not think that I am queer! But this job got a whole lot more interesting since I installed a bathroom 2 way mirror!

 

by daddydoright
4-21-06
Aw fuck! I hate gas station bathrooms! I gotta take a shit and some asshole pissed on the damm seat!
Awww I don't believe it! There out of toilet paper too! Fuck!! And there's no paper towels either! FUCK IT! I CAN'T WAIT! I GOTTA GO NOW!!
Excuse me. The bathroom has no toilet paper or paper towels! Do you have any I can use?
I'm sorry but I am the only one here and I canot leave the register unattended. You will have to go somewheres else Mister Shitty Smelling Piss Ass.

 

by daddydoright
4-21-06
WAYSIDE TRUCK STOP
Hey Bud you know how many hours to Chicago from here?
About 3, 3 and half hours depending on traffic!
Aww shit. That's about what I figured. Then I gotta pickup a load and bring it all the way back. That's gonna make for a long frickin day and I gotta get home.
Geez a 'real truck driver' wouldn't care!
Yah and a 'real truck driver' would go home once in awhile and sleep in his own bed and fuck his own wife rather than have some other guy do it for him!
I suppose your right. I already done had 3 divorces on the account of my wives cheating on me cause I was 'on the road' and never home.

 

by daddydoright
4-21-06
The bathroom is all yours grandson.
Grandma! You didn't flush again! I find it hard to believe you keep forgetting to flush! SO WHAT IS IT?! Do you want 'me' to see your poop?!
NO! Alright I'll tell you! Your grandfather doesn't let us flush but once a day! He says it saves money on the waterbill!
That's gross! What a cheap bastard! Grandma you have to finally standup to him!
Grandson you know your right! I've been taking his abuse for over 50 years! I'm going to tell him! I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!
You Go Grandma! FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO FLUSH! But don't forget to flush here first though! Grandma? Grandma??!

 

by daddydoright
4-21-06
THE WHITEHOUSE
Mr. President this just came in! We have reports that Iran now has nuclear weapons and is planing on lauching an attack on Israel with the backing of ex-Iraqi pro-Saddam loyalists!
Get me Rumsfeld! Give me The Joint Chiefs of Staff stat! It's my call 'OPERATION BLACK EARTH' NOW!! Make it look like an accident! Get our best A.P. guys on it!
somewhere in a secret missle silo
MARCEC LEVEL 6!! CODE RED!! OPERATION BLACK EARTH!!! PRESIDENTIAL APPROVAL CODE ALPHA CHARLIE ECHO ZULU NINER NINER SIX!! SECONDARY SAFE CODE CONFIRMATION 'RUMSFELD 1'!!
YES SIR!!! PRESIDENTIAL SECURITY CLEARANCE CODE CONFIRMED!! OPENING SECONDARY CODES!! CODES ENTERED!! WE ARE A GO!! PRIMARY IGNITION BAYS 2-13!! WE HAVE LAUNCH!! OPERATION BLACK EARTH IS A GO!!
1 HOUR LATER 'FIRES OVER BABYLON'

 

by daddydoright
4-21-06
And............. Iiiiiiiiiiii!!!Iiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhh!!!!
Willllllllllllllllllhhhhhh!!!!! Allllllllllllllhhh!!!!!!!!!! Wayssssszzzzz!!!
DAMMITT WHITNEY!! YOU DONE LOST YOUR FUCKIN MIND SMOKIN' ALL THAT CRACK??!! FLUSH THE MOTHER FUCKIN' TOILET AND QUIT SINGING TO YOUR SHIT!!
LOOOOVVVVVVVVE!!!! YOUUUUUUHOOOH!!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-21-06
And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!Iiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhhh!!!
Willlllllllllllllllhhhhhhh!!! Alllllllllllllllhhhhh!!!!! Wayyyyysssszzzzz!!!
LOOOVVVvvvvvvee!!! YOUuuuuuuHHHhhh!!!!
DAMMITT WOMAN!!! YOU DONE LOST YOUR MOTHA-FUCKIN' MIND!!!! YOU DONE FLUSHED ALL OUR CRACK DOWN THE TOILET??!! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THAT SHIT!! NOWZ I GOTTA GO GIT SOME MO!!

 

by daddydoright
4-21-06
KNOCK!! KNOCK!! KNOCK!!
CAN'T A MAN TAKE A SHIT IN PEACE AROUND HERE??!!
FALSE ALARM EVERYBODY!!! NO NEED TO WORRY HE'S ALRIGHT!!
Father Donovan!! What are you doing here??!!
I came right over when I heard that "Someone died" in your bathroom!
Hey father since your already here....wanna hear my confession???!!

 

by daddydoright
4-21-06
WOOOAAHHH!!! THAT TURD IS HUGGGGE!!!!!!! Seems a shame to flush it without showing someone first!
HONEY!! HONEY!! COME HERE THERE'S SOMETHING I GOT TO SHOW YOU!!!
I'm coming!!! Calm down already!!
LOOK! LOOK! ISN'T IT HUGE??!!
YOU BROUGHT ME IN HEAR TO SEE YOUR FUCKIN SHIT??!!! WHAT ARE YOU GODDAMM 2 YEARS OLD??!!

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