All comics by LuckyGuess

Profile

 

by LuckyGuess
8-02-06
Zzzzzz
*sniff* *cough*
Huh? What's wrong?
That smell... turn on the light.
STINKAWYF!

 

by LuckyGuess
8-02-06
I'm going to go lie on the beach. Wake me up if I fall asleep.
Will do, good buddy!
I'm already really nervous about trusting you with such a mundane task.
Come on! This is me we're talking about here!
One hour later.
Jeez, it smells like charred skin over here. Well, he looks peaceful. Better put some rope around his neck, take a few abu-ghraib photos and go back to camp.
Zzzzz.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-02-06
Do we have any more danishes?
Um, where's Jared?
Jared? Um... wait... I was supposed to do something related to him... uh...
Weren't you supposed to wake him up if he fell asleep on the beach? We don't have sunscreen, remember?
Once my skin stops falling off I'm going to kick your ass.
So do we have any more danishes? I want another Berry Horn.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-03-06
Did Jeremy pay for the trip yet?
No.
Oh.
He's eating all the snacks, you know.
I try not to think about these things.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-03-06
SEX BOMB SEX BOMB YOUR MY SEX BOMB
So goooooood!
I'm trying to take a dump here. Can you at least turn off the iPod speakers until I'm done?
YOU CAN GIVE IT TO WHEN I NEED TO COME ALONG SEX BOMB SEX BOMB YOUR MY SEX BOMB
But it's so gooooood!
We're in a state park. I'm trying to enjoy nature, and right now a healthy BM. Turn off the speakers.
AND BABY YOU CAN TURN ME ON
Okay, you can pick the next song. But don't think it's because I feel sorry for you.
Let me take it into the stall then. I promise I won't shit in the battery pack.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-03-06
We're going to hike Half-Dome in an hour. Get all your stuff together by then.
Okay.
And make sure to bring an iPod.
I don't have an iPod.
Everybody else has iPods.
Nature. NA-TURE.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-03-06
bitch bitch complain bitch whine bitch whine complain bitch complain whine bitch bitch whine complain bitch whine bitch bitch
And I wish Jeremy would stop playing the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, because I want to listen to the river while we hike.
I'd like to do that as well, but your constant bitching is preventing me from hearing anything at all.
OH SURE BE LIKE THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN bitch whine bitch bitch complain bitch whine whine bitch bitch bitch
When we get to the next slippery rocks I'm pulling my groin. You can go on ahead.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-03-06
Are you okay?
My groin is pulled and I have a hugenourmous sunburn over my entire back.
I wish there was something I could do.
Well, hehe...
NOT THAT!
But my groin, it's so pulled! Only you can repair it!

 

by LuckyGuess
8-03-06
Zzzzz.
AAAAAAAAAAGHAAAAGHAGAHGAH!
What?! What?!
You touched my back!
We're sleeping in the same bed, numbnuts. I'm bound to touch your back at some point.
If I could move I would storm out of here right now and pout.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-03-06
Have you cleaned the RV?
I have deemed it uncleanable.
You're just trying to get out of doing anything.
Flies came out of the refrigerator, there are mosquitos all over the place, everybody inside is so sunburnt they can't sleep, and there's a horrible smell coming from everywhere.
Are you done?
There's also what appears to be human feces on the stove. Okay, now I'm done.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-03-06
I'm going to get sunburned, but it's such a nice day I don't really mind.
You have a jacket that's literally covering your face. You won't get sunburned.
I thought my face was covered! This is horrible. Fucking nature.
Well, it could be worse.
SEX BOMB SEX BOMB YOUR MY SEX BOMB
I'm so glad we brought that, truly.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-09-06
I hope they don't find the booger I put in the soda machine.
Who put this booger in the soda machine?
Wasn't me.
Must have been Sam. Sam! You're fired!
I hope they don't find the peices of Sam I put in the soda machine.
Why are all of our drinks red?

 

by LuckyGuess
8-09-06
I noticed you talking to that goth gamer chick by the register. Do you happen to know when Disgaea 2 is scheduled for release?
HA! Obviously you don't realize that I only spoke to another person because she was a girl in my proximity. Did you not pick up on my wavering voice and generally awkward mannerisms?
I noticed that you were being an idiot and showing off incorrect gaming knowledge.
It was not incorrect! I pride myself on being an INFORMED elitist gamer fuck.
The XBox 360 does not have 7 internal hard drives.
Hey, I was just trying to impress my grandma. She was buying me Halo.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-13-06
I'd like a pretzel, please.
Okay, here's your receipt.
There's a red star on it.
Congratulations! Your pretzel is free!
I feel so lucky.
That'll go away once you eat it. I recommend writing your will and a side of Tums.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-13-06
Mom! I bought one of those robots that talk back to you from sharper image! Come look!
Cum look motherrrrr cum cum.
Cum on me mother cum cum anal.
I didn't get a receipt, did I?
Store manager try to fool many skank cum bitches you fall for it laugh sex laugh.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-13-06
Package! I have a fertilized robot for one... Fertig the Clean?
Mr. Clean?
Y helo thar, buttsecks?
BUTTSECKS BUTTSECKS LUBE CUM CUM ANAL LUBE BUTTSECKS
YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING NASTY ROBOT MOUTH BEFORE I FUCKING EAT YOU FOR NUTRIENTS!
This is the best day ever.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-13-06
Now son, SEX ASS TITTY BRITTANY SPEARS BUTTFUCK CUM CORNHOLE ANAL BLOWJOB CUM CUM SEX CUM
POKEMON ORGY BUTTFUCK ASS CHAIR 7-UP BOTTLE ASS BUTTFUCK DICK CUM CUM CUM CUM
No, you only say cum up to three times or it gets repetitive.
Sorry.
Excuse me, are you alright? You were screaming.
I was having a dream. A wonderful dream of home.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-13-06
I bought nunchaku today. Two of them. They hit real good.
There's a man in the bathroom. He says he completes you.
lewl.
Wanna go sex him up with me?
Well I was going to... uh... fine.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-13-06
*squish squish slap slap spurt spurt*
lewl.
This is even better than Captain Planet.
BY YOUR ANUSES COMBINED I AM CAPTAIN CORNHOLE CUM SEX CUM SHANIAH TWAIN

 

by LuckyGuess
8-16-06
tag, you're it!
i called no tagsies
give me all the money in the register!
i called no robsies
what if the universe was really a twizzler pull n' peel?
i need more brownies.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-18-06
I was drunk one time and pissed off a mini waterfall into the deep end of a swimming pool full of people.
This other time I was drunk and I pissed into a bush next to a congested highway on ramp.
Both times I fell into the piss. It was awesome. Wanna get a drink?
Of piss?

 

by LuckyGuess
8-21-06
Um, hi.
Hiya, retard. Nice job narrowly missing the brain stem and bleeding all over the streets. That's gonna cost taxpayers over three million dollars.
I don't have that much blood in me.
Doesn't matter. 99 hundredths of that three million will go to hookers for the pope.
I'm God, by the way. Nice to be closer to you.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-21-06
Not to be rude, but you don't strike me as the omnipotent type.
Oh yeah? Watch this.
See? Now I'm blue.
That was spectacular.
I know! Don't they give you a list of my powers at church? I gave the dude those three tablets or whatever.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-21-06
So let me ask you this: what's the meaning of life?
Meaning? You shits look for MEANING? Let me show you my anthill, bud.
This over here is the anthill. It's pretty much the earth and it's society in anthill form. Go ahead, kick it a little.
Sure thing.
That was a 4.5 magnitude earthquake in Bangladesh. See how much fun you guys are?

 

by LuckyGuess
8-21-06
I told him to hit the brainstem. I hope he's happy wherever he is.
Damn kids killing themselves. Ozzy Osbourne is getting sued.
And then I say, "Fuck you, Moses. Give me the ganja or you can part this shit yourself."
Look! I'm peeing on the world!
Since when did we have such a high ammonia content in the rain?
Since the pope started dumping his dead hookers in the bay.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-21-06
This is my new bedroom. Isn't it neat and organized?
Sure is. Can I sleep here?
There's a rollout bed under my own bed, so I don't see why not. You're obviously mature enough to not completely destroy my room in one night.
Why thank you.
How did the bedsheets end up in the toilet?
Hey, I drank all your milk. You didn't just get it yesterday, did you? Because it wasn't opened yet.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-21-06
I'll be giving you twenty five stone tablets, on which the word of the lord shall be written. Follow these instructions and simple rules, and your world will live forever in peace.
These things are heavy. Can I take, like, two?
No, you'll take them all or I'll plague the jews with genocide, hate, and misfortune for all eternity.
I'll be dead pretty soon, right?

 

by LuckyGuess
8-23-06
Any regrets?
I could have gotten laid one time if I had just been willing to trade a McChicken sandwich for this dude's girlfriend.
Now look! No chance of layitude. I'm stuck a virgin until the radiation poisoning kills me.
Do you like things that go in your butt?
You have a puppy?

 

by LuckyGuess
8-24-06
It's the quintessential emo song!
I bitch about my problems all day long!
And I just wish that that one girl I liked in my high school liked me...
Why can't you see?
Buy my CD!
It's on track 3!

 

by LuckyGuess
8-28-06
I haven't checked my mail in a while. Better do that now.
New message from person who doesn't send you messages.
A forward? I wonder what she...
NO. FUCKING. WAY.
Since you blocked my sending address, I decided to go around it : )

 

by LuckyGuess
8-28-06
Before you get angry, know that this is not an apology letter.
It's a poorly organized apology AND self-justification letter.
Please don't kill me.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-28-06
Hear you're dating again.
Good job.
Subtle insults. Way to not piss me off.
I'm trying, but my bitch reflexes are making it really hard.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-28-06
Blah blah blah not making sense blah blah really long message blah blah blah blah.
I've really matured.
It's 3:45 in the morning. This is the equivalent of a drunk phone call. I need to get some sleep.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-28-06
Blah blah blatantly ignorant blah blah stupid blah blah token stalker.
And the best part is I don't expect anything at all from you. Not even a response : )
The fuck you don't.
Oh snap.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-28-06
Dear Moron, do not send me shit through your friends. Do not send me shit ever. In the next ten years, if I get shit from you, I will block everyone you know and be mortally pissed off.
Try to scale back the animosity.
Fine.
That tension was thick as a yam-induced shit.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-28-06
Um, sensible response.
No threats? No anger? Just sensibility?
I will block all of the people you know if you send me more messages.
Lame.
It's okay. I gave the Jackass crew her home address.
Nice.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-30-06
Christmas just doesn't seem the same without Doug around.
He's dead. Let him go.
I just wish we knew where that slime in his lungs came from.
Phil?
Oh, uh, yeah. Me too. Let's open presents.

 

by LuckyGuess
8-31-06
Welcome to Humanities 101. The first thing I'm going to cover today is how people are unique. You, in the front. Smell your hand.
Sure thing.
What do you smell?
Parmesean cheese and my penis.
She just took a gun out of her desk and shot herself in the face. It was the craziest shit I've ever seen.

 
by LuckyGuess, 8-31-06

 

by LuckyGuess
9-04-06
The MacBook Pro has multiple processors that are capable of running almost any combination of software ten times at a time.
The MacBook Pro dumps on Windows Vista and wipes a booger on other inferior processing software.
The MacBook Pro killed a guy in a bar fight last night and got away with it.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-04-06
I wish I were the last person on Earth. Then I could be free from the bondage of societal standards and live in quiet peace until I die.
Who would make your shitty emo buttrock if you were the last person on Earth?
I wouldn't need buttrock if I was able to act without reprocussion and speak without scrutiny.
Suuuuure.
I'm lonely, and all the buttrock is gone.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-05-06
Hey, I just got the patch. I didn't know this was a multiplayer online game.
The company thought that it's other game was doing so well it would make another one.
Alright. Are we testing the mesh or the fighting engine?
Fighting engine. They put a demon in the game outside town. Come with me.
That demon looks like Barbara Walters.
I think I was just hit by a +5 Horror spell.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-05-06
Engage the demon really quick. My toaster strudel is ready.
I'm level one, moron. If the test is going to suceed we need to cast a variety of spells before we die horribly.
Hello?
Kimchirancor11 is currently busy.
God damnit.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-05-06
Engaged lesser Demon!
They need to capitalize that first L.
I'll try a bolt spell first.
BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Yep, there's a bug.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-05-06
That didn't work out well.
BWEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEE
I bet the company doesn't cover this.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-06-06
Captain.
Kraken.
Gonna get them souls cuz he's sailin' dirty.
Davy Jones is sailin' dirty. Davy Jones is sailin' dirty. Davy Jones is sailin' dirty. Davy Jones is sailin' dirty.
They wanna run him down cuz he's sailin' dirty.
That shit's krakenalackin, nyucka.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-06-06
I remember when.
I remember when Eric was straaaaaight. He was attracted to women but now he aaaaaain't.
And it drives me craaaaazay. It drives me craaaaazaaaaaaaay.
Asshole.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-06-06
Angels in America is required reading for my core course.
No, really.

 

by LuckyGuess
9-09-06
Now let's get Clinton.
YEEHAW!

 

What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO?!
by LuckyGuess, 9-09-06

Showing page 12.

« Previous Next »