All comics by MikeyG

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by MikeyG
11-19-04

 

by MikeyG
11-30-04
Am I really giving you a cup of coffee in the shitter?
Yes, and it's right on time, too. Any more squeezing and I'd have a heart attack.
A cup of coffee to help loosen your bowels?
Coffee makes my fudge factory pump out brownies faster than Speedy Gonzales on Angel Dust.
I travelled halfway 'round the world, nearly fell out of a plane, battled my archnemesis who pimped me out and turned out to be my dad, to bring you a fucking coffee laxative?
You make it sound so trivial.

 

by MikeyG
12-02-04
boinky33 is such a cruel taskmaster when he fills in for Donald Trump.
boinky33 has a standing contract to act as Donald Trump's hair.
boinky33 thinks sex is what happens when your pee-pee rubs against your tighty-whiteys for too long and makes salty syrup.
boinky33 once raised the roof and it fell on him.
boinky33 has a farm of midgets dwelling in his belly button.
boinky33 is the love child of Spongebob Squarepants and a toenail.

 

by MikeyG
12-03-04
Did I ever tell you I'm the reincarnation of Jason Giambi?
No way, man. Prove it.
2003...
You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
I do, and I used steroids for like three seasons.
I never used steroids.
Uncanny.

 

by MikeyG
12-03-04
Would you like the job?
But Mr. Superintendant, Mr. Ivey is the principal.
He doesn't have to be.
I will not take his job.
AUUUGGGGHHH!!!!
But I'll take yours, honkey!

 

by MikeyG
12-05-04
Happy Birthday, MikeyG!
Thanks, Ivy!
Are you doing anything for your birthday?
Act like an idiot, fantasize about lesbian sex, and masturbate in a frenzy until I'm comatose.
No, I mean anything different.

 

by MikeyG
12-08-04
Hello?
It's your poppa-in-law. What's my cell phone number?
Are you calling from your cell phone?
Yes, what is the number?
1-555-ALZ-HYMR
Thanks!

 

by MikeyG
12-08-04
I'm just going to do something that is well within the realm of standard operating procedure, common sense, and the laws of physics.
Hey, it didn't work!

 

by MikeyG
12-13-04
Have you seen 5th Element?
I refused to see such a large pile of my stool.
It's Luc Besson's stool, not yours.
What makes you say that?
Your stool doesn't usually have Bruce Willis in it.
Not since Hudson Hawk, at least.

 

by MikeyG
12-14-04
Do you concede the Superintendency to me?
Fine, I need a vacation anyway.
My first step as Superintendant Dark Career Phoenix is to fire Bill Ivey!
That'll be kind of hard considering he's got tenure.
Tenure? Mothafucka I bet you one to tenure dead!
Auugggghh!!!!

 

by MikeyG
12-20-04
I quit!
I quit!
I quit!
I quit!
I'm black.

 

by MikeyG
12-20-04
What's red, white, and fat, has a bushy beard, and drops presents on kids everywhere?
What?
My dick.

 

by MikeyG
12-22-04
I need to find an angry dumbass or two to test my new electroshock "Rage Eraser" machine on. Hmmm...let's try this site.
stripcreator.com: "Troll on, kiddies. I've pissed away enough of my time and energy entertaining you, as it is."
"You kids got a lot of mouth, but no class, you know? No class."
"call me that to my face, you little nhobod bag of nothing"
"I will pull your spine out through your ass."
BINGO!
"you braying, mongoloid pussy"
"Trolls? Yeah.. trolls. The fucking lot of you."
"You... are the arbiter... of nothing."

 

by MikeyG
12-27-04
That's not what I meant by wanting you to "study abroad".

 

by MikeyG
12-29-04
You like my eyes, huh? I bet your underfrillys are soaked with ladybrine and your slapcakes have perky little Hershey's kisses on the ends.
M-M-Mr. Ivey...
I'd bet your cooter fluff is curling and uncurling itself like follicular tentacles and your giggle spot is doing the Watusi. Since you like my eyes so much, here's my special one...
mesmerized....can't think...
My browneye!
Your asshole has totally made me realize my evil ways.

 

by MikeyG
12-30-04
*hourglass icon*
Oh yeah! Oh oh oh oh oh!!!
*hourglass icon*
Unh uh unnnnnhhhh yeah oh god yeah!
Two days later...
Oops, I think I came inside you.

 

by MikeyG
1-03-05
I can't decide between the rubber ducky or the aquarium fish theme.
For your new bathroom?
Yeah.
I think you should go with the fish theme.
Why?
That way it'll remind you to wash your vagina.

 

by MikeyG
1-03-05
So, what do you think of my new place?
I've heard of this place before.
Really?
Yeah, this is where dreams die.

 

by MikeyG
1-03-05
Again, I thank you for helping me through this difficult time.
I hope you're planning on thanking me by rubbing your kneepits on my nipples and box my kidneys with your clavicle.
Mr. Ivey, I remind you I am your supervisor.
You sure another peek at my brown downtown wouldn't help?
It might help me wonder why this school is being run by a man with a propensity towards flashing his asshole.
I'm not hearing a 'no'.

 

by MikeyG
1-04-05

 

by MikeyG
1-07-05
I missed you!
Does that mean we're gonna have sex?
Maybe if you play your cards right.
Cards? Like Old Maid?
If we played Old Maid, you can just point at me the whole time.
If I was going to point at you, we'd have to be playing Go Fish.

 

by MikeyG
1-07-05
I have decided to beat you up. I am small and weak, but fast and clever. It will take time. Great risk is involved.
Will you help me in this endeavour? one great obstacle is it makes me sick to hit a person. you will have to lunge at me stupidly so I can trip you, or something.
do we have a deal?

 

by MikeyG
1-12-05
Hey. Miss Superintendant! I just got word the WB has attempted to option the rights to make your story into a sitcom!
UGH! The WB? Why is it the WB? Is it because it's about the struggles of a BLACK woman?
Well, it could be worse, Superintendant Career Girl. UPN came in second in the bidding, and BET came in third.
My God, what could be worse than the WB, UPN, and BET optioning my story rights?
The FOX Channel winning it.
I'd rather sign with Al-Jazeera.

 

by MikeyG
1-18-05
Honey, I have something to tell you. I shouldn't have waited so long to tell you.
What's the matter?
You may want to sit down for this.
Oh my God, what is it?
Honey, my farts smell like Taco Bell.
Still?

 

by MikeyG
1-25-05
I'm reading this dream interpretation book.
Oh yeah? Read me something.
SALAMI - To see salami in your dream, suggests that you are having issues related to your self-image. It may also be indicative of sexual or relationship problems.
No shit!
What do you dream about regularly?
Pepperoni. Anything in there about cured meats in general?

 

by MikeyG
1-25-05
So, maybe for the "fake" friend role, I could play it also.
Looking exactly the same?
No, maybe with blonde hair, blue eye, and a smaller nose.
Okay, Gonzo, how are you going to shrink your nose for a movie?
I was thinking CGI.
I hope ILM has a back-up generator for when it blows up trying to take on THAT project.

 

by MikeyG
1-26-05
Hey whats up

 

by MikeyG
1-26-05
Aw, shucks.

 

by MikeyG
1-26-05
Thanks, really.

 

by MikeyG
1-26-05
I hate needles.

 

by MikeyG
1-26-05
I AM pretty heavy.

 

by MikeyG
1-26-05
I gotta pee on stuff!

 

by MikeyG
1-26-05
hurry up already
my legs are tired

 

by MikeyG
1-26-05
there are way too many things in me already that shouldn't be there

 

by MikeyG
1-26-05
I'm not really in a playful mood.

 

by MikeyG
2-04-05
I was so wasted I don't even remember if you fucked that chick in my bed or not.
That was you, mate.
You must have been the one that pissed all over the living room, then.
Nah, ye did that too.
Well, then I must also be the one that puked on my dick trying to blow myself.
Meant to apologize for that...

 

by MikeyG
2-07-05
I've never been happier, Mr. Bowl!
I feel the same way, Steve!
Since we declared our love for each other, I feel like a free man!
So, Mr. Free Man, what do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Eh? Wink, wink!
I was thinking I'd shit in you.
*that's my fetish*

 

by MikeyG
2-08-05
Mark, I heard you got fired! What the fuck happened?
I got a customer's order wrong.
What? But that happens to everyone!
Yeah, but instead of "Steak, medium-rare with green beans and mashed potatoes" I gave him "A Picture of me fucking his wife while his kids watched".

 

by MikeyG
2-08-05
Yo, Mark! Heard you got fired!
Yeah, I slipped and fell crossing the promenade.
They can't fire you over that!
I had been swinging butt-naked and covered in honey from the ceiling.

 

by MikeyG
2-08-05
Mark! I heard you got fired!
Yeah, my till was short like thirty-five bucks.
Did you steal it?
No, that's what they couldn't find after I threw it against the wall.

 

by MikeyG
2-08-05
Yo, Mark! Is it true you got fired for taking a shit on the high chair a customer requested for his kid?
No, man.
Oh.
I only got it on the kid.

 

by MikeyG
2-08-05
Mark, I heard you got fired for jerking off onto some lady's chicken-fried steak!
Nah.
So then what happened?
I quit.

 

by MikeyG
2-14-05
Here mate, try some Bug Juice!
I'm not drinking any goddamn bug juice!
Relax mate, it's just a fruit punch.
Mmm, good. Why do they call it Bug Juice?
The fruit has bugs in 'em.

 

by MikeyG
2-15-05
What's the bad news?
I raped your dad into a coma.
What's the worse news?
I did it on your mom's corpse.

 

by MikeyG
2-15-05
What's the bad news?
I burned your house down.
What's the worse news?
I've been stashing dead kids in your basement.

 

by MikeyG
2-15-05
What's the bad news?
I got your wife pregnant.
What's the worse news?
The kid came out retarded and on fire.

 

by MikeyG
2-15-05
What's the bad news?
I got your dad pregnant.
My DAD? What's the worse news?
Since the baby had nowhere to go it chewed its way out his ass.

 

by MikeyG
2-15-05
What's the bad news?
I called the police and told them you're an escaped sex predator.
What's the worse news?
It's true.

 

by MikeyG
2-15-05
What's the bad news?
I've laced all your food since last year with carcinogens and now you have cancer.
What's the worse news?
American Idol has been renewed for another season.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-05
Today in Washington D.C. an alien spaceship attacked and destroyed the White House, but the President, his cabinet, and their families were uninjured.
Some People Say this was a direct result of milquetoast Democratic policies.
The President was most distraught over the death of his dog, however, and will hold a funeral for his deceased pet on Monday.
Some People Say the dog was secretly a Democratic spy and responsible for the alien attack himself.
Some people say you're a fucking idiot, Ted.

Showing page 12.

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