All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

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[ring, ring]
Bitch better have my money!

 
May I have a bite of your banana?
BUG OFF!

 
WE'RE LOSING HIM!
Suh-WEET!

 
(Ho! Ho! Ho!)

 
God, how I hate family reunions!

 
Hmmm... I can't get a reading. I guess I'll have to try checking your temperature rectally...
Suh-WEEET!

 
Yep! This stiff has definitely assumed room temperature!

 
You were right! My body temperature IS warmer between my tits!
Sha-WING!

 
Well..?
Hmmm... I don't think it's mine. A friend told me that men think a bald pussy is sexy, so I had Tabby shaved last month!

 
Okayyy... Time's up! Kindly, put your pencils down, and pass your tests to the front of the room so Edgar here can collect them...
Shit!

 
Um... Dad?
Don't bother me, son! Can't you see I'm watching "Trading Spaces"?

 
Look... I'm sure over time, the blueness from the Tidy-bowl dye will wear off...
Well, I guess you're probably right... Thanks for rescuing me from the toilet by using that magical plunger of yours!

 
Threatening me won't get you in to see Mr. Johnson any faster!
Fuck!

 
Goddamn, lady! Will you hurry up and cross? I'm late for a board meeting!

 
Huh?!? What just happened? All of the sudden it feels extremely breezy in here!
Ah, fuck! I had the damn thing set on "fillet"...

 
Anything?
All clear, sir!

 
Hmmm... The temperature in my [insert naughty bit] is ALSO warmer than the rest of my body!

 

I'm telling you, dude...
This is one rockin' planet!
There's pussy EVERYWHERE!
Mee-ouch!

 
Uh... Whenever you feel like beaming the rest of me down would be fucking fine, Scotty!

 

Everybody! Please, calm down!
In order to make byte space for the new generation of characters in Stripcreator, I had to use my phaser to "phase out" (ha, ha) some of the old ones...
I mean... Are you really going to miss "Crabby", or that weird-looking man-faced thing with feet for ears?

 

Okay, guys...
Which one of you slobs has been using the snow for a toilet?
Gee... I wonder if the guys are noticing how big my tits are as I keep my hands behind my back like so...

 

Well... I chopped up the man and woman, just like the voices in my head told me to!
But, their four year-old daughter saw me do it! Maybe, I should take her out, too...
Nahhhh! She'll probably say the Easter Bunny did it!

 

CRACK!
OUCH!
Are you [hic] sure this therapy will help me [hic] stop hiccuping, Madame [hic] Penguin?
Nope!
CRACK!
YEEEEE-[hic]-OUCH!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Hold still.
Umm... What are you doing?
I forgot to draw a pair of nipples on you. It'll just take a second...
Will they make me look like I'm "hot and horny" all the time?
That's my intention...
Go for it!

 

OH MY GOD!!
Keep...it...down, ensign! Must...not... lose... the...element... ...of................................. ........................................ .......................surprise!
UH... I THINK THEY ALREADY KNOW WE'RE HERE, CAPTAIN!!
Where...are...those...alien... ...bastards? I...will...get... knee-deep in that.............. .............................................. .......................................ass!
RIGHT BEHIND US, SIR! AND, THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE IT HAS A "HARD ON", IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!
I....................................do! Make...sure...it...uses... ......................protection! Beam...me...the...fuck... ...up...NOW.........Scotty!

 

Dude... Have you seen "War of the Worlds"?
No... But, I did see "War of the Roses"... Have you seen "Doom"?
No... But, I've seen "Boom Town"... How about "The Fog"? Did you see that?
Not yet... But, I did see "Saw"! Get it? SEE SAW! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What do you think?
Well... Possums says he likes movie references, so we gave him movie references!

 

o/' Suddenly Seymor... o/'
Wow! That plant is singing!
!
I think I'll stick my head in what looks like its mouth...
Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please!Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh...
I hope it doesn't (ha, ha) bite!

 

Slower...
Slower...
(mailman trainee)
Better.

 

OUCH!
Goddammit, man!
I thought you vampires bit people on the NECK!
I was gay before I transformed, and old habits are hard to break. Sorry.

 

NO MORE WAR! NO MORE WAR! NO MORE WAR!
I am not George Bush!
NO MORE WAR! NO MORE WAR! NO MORE WAR!
I'm Abe Vigoda, dumb ass!
NO MORE WAR! NO MORE WAR! NO MORE WAR! NO MORE...
Are you even listening?

 

Great Halloween party!
Who you supposed to be?
The Easter Bunny. Who YOU supposed to be?
Michael Jackson incognito.
Spooky!
Wanna pet my monkey?

 

RAAAAAARRRR!
TOBOR WILL NOW CORNHOLE YOU!!
Cool. I like it SLOOOOOOOW...
?!?

 

Buh-GAAAAAAWWWK!
There goes Henrietta!
Buh-GAAAAAAWWWK!
There goes Clarabelle!
Buh-GAAAAAAWWWK!
There goes...

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
What's wrong?
THE ATMOSPHERE ON THIS ASTEROID IS BURNING RIGHT THROUGH MY SKIN LIKE ACID!!
I told you to put on your protective bunny-suit before beaming down...
OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW OW! OW...
But, NOOOOOOOOO! You were too concerned with looking silly, and now you're paying the price!

 

Nurse Titty testifies at the coroner's inquest...
At the time the decedent was brought in to the E.R., he was complaining of an acute, abdominal pain. His mother said he had been chewing on the dashboard of their 1966 Cougar...
Checking his temperature at time of death, which was 104.7, degrees, I had concluded his death was caused by...
(wait for it)
...Mercury poisoning!

 

This sucks!
I used to be a HUGE pop star in the '80's, but now I'm relegated to singing in dive bars! Check that. BATHROOMS in dive bars!
"Ready when you are, Mr. Ant..."
♫ Don't drink, don't smoke... What do you do? Subtle inuendos follow, must be something inside... ♫

 

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Calm down, Senor Gumby!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
He's been released unharmed , and my men are taking him to the border as we speak...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Gee, I know times are tough for you two, but I didn't realize they're so bad that Pokey would attempt to pass himself of as a donkey just to earn a few pesos doing a show down here in Tijuana!

 

Nurse Titty visits her local cathedral...
Will you please hurry up in confessional?
I only get an hour for lunch, and I've got a lot to get off my chest...
...and, based on the size of these babies, an hour will just about cover it!

 

Hey, everyone! I'm Captain Obvious, and this is my newest sidekick, Super Beetle!
Say "hi" to the folks, Super!
Fuck off!
Uh.. (heh, heh) Obviously, my sidekick and I still have a few "bugs" (ha, ha) to work out in our relationship!
Dipshit!

 

Must kill man-eating plant!
Good thing I dressed up in this bunny-suit so the plant will think I'm a rabbit, not a human, and won't eat me because it only likes the taste of humans, not rabbits!
Mmmm... Hasenpfeffer!
Steady... Steady...

 

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh, to live a life without depth, without conviction, without aim...
Man! That really HURT!!
...is not a life I want to live! Therefore, I shall pound this nail into my brain and put an end to this miserable existence!
Okay! So, you want to put an end to your suck-ass life. Fine. I get it. But, why did you hit me in the [oomph!] nuts with that hammer first?
Did I not mention the fact I have no AIM? Hellooooo!

 

"Great Halloween costume, Stanley!"
"Please, tell the class how long it took you to make it..."
Oh, about an hour...

 

Dude! How many times do I have to tell you? RINSE THE FUCKING PLATES OFF BEFORE PUTTING THEM INTO THE DISHWASHER!!
Okay! Sorry!
ALSO... PLEASE REMEMBER TO PUT THE SEAT DOWN WHEN AFTER YOU USE THE TOILET!!
All righty! My bad!
AND, FOR GODSAKES, WILL YOU MAKE SURE THE FRONT DOOR IS CLOSED WHEN YOU LEAVE? YOU'RE LETTING OUT ALL THE HEAT!!
And, they call ME "crabby"!

 

Well, Mrs. Pennynipple... There seems to be nothing wrong with Petey here...
I looked him over and everything seemed normal. Then, I brought in my cat, Tabby, who sniffed up and down his body, and also found no problems...
So, that'll be $45 for the basic exam, and $275 for the CAT scan!

 

*tweet*
What do you mean we're out of chicken? Chicken's the key ingredient in tonight's souffle!
*tweet*
Well, we'll just have to find a substitute...
[gulp!]
Any suggestions..?

 

You want to know who I came as to this Halloween party?
I came as "W".
What a coincidence!
So did I.

 

Hmmm...
I thought when I joined this club, the man told me it was "exclusive"...
If, that's true, then why is this "colored" man here?
Where all the white women?

 

Well..?
I'm still thinking! Give me a minute...
And, people call ME slow!

 

So... How'd it go last night?
Last night?
Yes.
Dude... I got sooooo WASTED!
Must've been one hell of a party, eh?
Party?

 

[BARF!]
[BARF!]
(Looks like Mr. Penguin overdid it at last night's Halloween party!)
[BARF!]

Showing page 12.

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