All comics by Ranger77

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by Ranger77
10-25-05
So, Chuck, I take it that you didn't recognize Helena before you said something really stupid and offensive.
No. Didn't, like, realize it was her until the SECOND kneestrike to my onions. She looks great doesn't she!

 

by Ranger77
10-25-05
So....what do you think?
Hot. Very hot. I'm burning for you, baby.
Absolutely sizzlin'. I'm mean were talking smokin' here....ok, can we stop now? I've had it. This dialogue is embarassing.
I agree. We'll fix it in post.
Can you believe the next line was "I got *PSSSST* Steam Heat." One cannot sing too many praises for that "edit" option.

 

by Ranger77
10-27-05
You sure you want to do this?
I'm finally convinced that nothing you can say will surprise me. I'm in a good mood. Do your worst.
Today, the apparent suicide of a woman found hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration.
*erm*
It'll only hurt worse if you fight it.
*gggrhkkk....*

 

by Ranger77
10-27-05
You should forget this game and go relax now. Your optimism is no match for my cynicism.
Nnnnh....I....can....take....it. Bring it....on.
On the Forbes website, Tupac Shakur is beating Albert Einstein in a "What dead celebrity do you want to see resurrected?" poll.
Not....fair....hnnnn!
I find that odd since Tupac released two new albums last year.
Can't....break....free. Must....flee....

 

by Ranger77
10-30-05
So when you cornered this guy he opened up on you with his laser guns....
Yes, I was forced to protect myself. He was using two guns and that's rather rude. Boorish, if you ask me.
Forensics has counted over 40 high energy impacts in this area. It's amazing you didn't get hit.
The perpetrator apparently did not have good marksman skills. Naturally, removing this type of menace requires objective, careful and thoughtful action.
So after you floored him the first time, when did you decide to pull up a telephone pole and hit him with it?
It was quite spontaneous actually....I did not act in anger but rather in a "keep your punk ass down motherfucker" sort of way.

 

by Ranger77
10-30-05
Look, I'm sorry that I was so sexist when we first met. Since we have been partnered together it's probably in our best interests to get along.
I agree. I'm a superhero just like you. I'm a crime fighting fairy with large breasts. That doesn't mean I should not be taken seriously.
I mean, it's demeaning when men are just become stuck on a body part and pretty much tune out everything else. Still, I find it hard to believe that all guys are so shallow.
So, um, yeah I like bacon, too.

 

by Ranger77
11-06-05
Later....
Ah-HA! I have you now, superhero dude guy. I am Gumbol the Mighty. I have caught you by surprise and now you will feel my wrath!!
Your carelessness shall be your downfall. Prepare to experience true TERROR! Gumbol PUNCH!!
Heh.
Ow.
I might be wrong, but when you catch someone by surprise there usually isn't an announcement. Not a crticism, mind you....just an observation.

 

by Ranger77
11-06-05
You don't see anything wrong with this?
Nope.
We're suppose to be HEROES, remember? The whole "law and order", "defenders of justice" type of thing.
I think you'll find I am a force of good and not evil. I may not like my enemies, but I respect them.
So why did you pee on the ashes of "Gumbol the Mighty" after you vaporized him?!
Um....Because he was a dick?

 

by Ranger77
11-07-05
So do I have a case?
Well you did attack him first with your "Gumbol Punch." Not a very smart move. Zeus is a pretty powerful guy. You don't run around in a toga and sandals without being able to kick a little ass.
He PEED on me.
His argument could be that his sacred fluids were preventing you from dying. It will be very difficult to prove anything malicious.
He ate Aparagus, Dude. Asparagus!! Do you know how that feels?!!!
Actually, no. Believe it or not, in 25 years of practing law I've mananged to stay away from getting myself peed on by Greek superheroes.

 

by Ranger77
11-09-05
Hello. Cyndi said you'd be waiting here. I'm Missy. Cyndi....well she won't be coming to meet you for lunch. She wants to break up with you.
The truth is, we've been seeing each other for about a month. It started as a fling. Cyndi was curious. We had been talking online for a while before we met.
(To be continued....)
In time it turned into something else. So now Cyndi and I are together.

 

by Ranger77
11-09-05
Cyndi is a caring person as you know. In fact, she felt bad about leaving you. She still does.
She thought that maybe you, her and I could be involved in a three way relationship. We could all live together and fulfill our needs.
(Yes there's more....)
After awhile we both decided that while we wanted that....the three way, we just didn't want to do it with you. The small penis thing y'know.

 

by Ranger77
11-09-05
She couldn't face you herself. She's real fragile right now, but I'm sure she'll get past that when Joaquin moves in after he returns from that bodybuilding exhibition in Dallas.
She hopes you don't hate her, especially since she sold some of your stuff on eBay to help us get that beach house.
(Keep going....)
Don't hate her okay? She's really a good person.

 

by Ranger77
11-09-05
I'm sorry about all this. You seem like a nice guy.
Look....I've gotta go. To be quite honest I'm horny as hell and after all this I'm sure Cyndi is too. Well....bye.
(Almost done....keep going for the stunning conclusion)

 

by Ranger77
11-09-05
(And now for the joke....)
(....wait for it....)
(....Ta-DA!)
Hey dude, did a girl named Cyndi come by here looking for me?
Not really, but I can tell you with a certainty that today is going to SUCK for you, my friend.

 

by Ranger77
11-11-05
You can't get much funnier than Real Life....all in one week too!
Oui, nous avons les voitures s'ameutantes et et burining et l'anarchie dans des nos rues. Mais nous ne sommes toujours pas comme les Américains violents. Ce n'est pas Detroit....
Before we start tonight's lecture, is anyone in the audience hearing impaired? Anyone....anyone...
Yeah I read your "End of Something" comic. It's on my screen right here. I guess it was funny but i didn't really get it.
Um, you stopped at #2.

 

by Ranger77
11-12-05
So....uh, 'Ranger', we're doing a feature on Stripcreator contibutors. Where do you get you ideas?
Drink!
Oh. Ok. Could you elaborate a bit on that.
Arse!
I take it you've recently purchased Father Ted on DVD, eh?
Girls!!

 

by Ranger77
11-16-05
I guess things started getting weird when my life became like that Benny Hill show.
I mean, there are some good things about it. Girls running around in underwear. I find I can run really, REALLY fast too. Not bad for a 70 year old guy.
There is one thing I just can't get used to though....
Ah-HA....There you are! I see a bald head that needs slappin'....

 

by Ranger77
11-20-05
....and one day I would like to settle down and have a family. And maybe a dog or something.
You know....I actually didn't think it was possible to get bored to the point of falling asleep standing up.
Ahhhh....I'm NEVER going to get a girlfriend.
My son, you must learn patience and most of all creativity. There's a way to talk to women in their 20's. You just have to embrace it....
And so....
After I punched this guy's face in and outran the cops in a high speed chase that lasted two hours, I decided I'd better settle down and look for a woman who understands me before I die or something.
You would not BELIEVE how wet I am right now.....

 

by Ranger77
11-22-05
As heard from a guest host on Rush Limbaugh's radio show....
Caller I think you're missing the point. The price of gasoline is fine. People are making informed decisions to pay it.
Listen, I'm a conservative, but even I think there's a bit of oil price gouging going on. $2.50 a gallon is insane.
***ENGAGING MEDIA PUNDIT SPIN CYCLE***
You could buy a bike.
Yeah. Right. I live about 25 miles from work.
****MAXIMUM REVOLUTIONS ACHEIEVED****
So you could move closer to where you work.
Wow. Are they actually PAYING you for this gig??

 

by Ranger77
11-22-05
Hey babe, I'm coming over for dinner tonight after I practice with my band. None of that veggie stuff this time either, ok?
Uh....yeah. Chuck. I've kinda met someone else. In fact we're sort of living together now.
Yeah, yeah. Like, I get it. You're joking about that "End of Something" comic from a few days ago. Girl finds someone else....clueless boyfriend.....a pretty lame setup if you ask me.
No, Chuck. I'm serious. I'm involved with someone now. We can't see each other anymore.
*eep*
I'm sorry, did you just say "eep"?

 

by Ranger77
11-22-05
Look, I'm sorry but we weren't really in a relationship anyway. I cooked for you, did your gunsmithing and drove you to your appointments with your probation officer. That's pretty much it.
*eep*
I'm sorry, Chuck. I would still like to be friends. Do you have anything you want to say to me?
*eep*
Besides, "eep."
*eep*

 

by Ranger77
11-22-05
*sigh* This is useless. Call me when you grow up or want to mix up a batch of napalm for old times sake. Platonically, of course.
*eep!*

 

by Ranger77
11-23-05
Chuck? Come on, it wasn't like you two were REALLY going out or anything.
You're acting pretty silly. Even for you.
Dude. *eep*

 

by Ranger77
11-23-05
Chuck is still not coming out of it. Did you get his parent's phone number from the personnel records? Maybe they can help.
I did. It was a bit difficult since I didn't know his full name. I found it under "Charles Linus Brown."
Charlie Brown?
Yep.
Parents can be so cruel.
Apparently, he was conceived and later born in the back of a '74 Dodge Dart, which explains alot of things....

 

by Ranger77
11-23-05
Mrs. Brown, sorry to disturb you. I'm calling about your son Chuck.
Wah wah, wah wah wah wah.
Excuse me?
Heh heh, just a little joke.
Yeah....ok.
We hit the Egg Nog a bit early around here, so you'll have to excuse me. Now hold on while I find some pants. I hate talking on the phone naked....

 

by Ranger77
11-24-05
Mrs. Brown, Chuck is going through a rough time and....
Has the boy started "eep-ing?"
Well yes.
Strange condition, that is. All the Brown boys have it. Charlie of course, then there's Cleveland, Buster and our little Gary.
Gary?
Actually it was supposed to be "Gravy", but his father was drunk when he had the birth certificate drawn up and....

 

by Ranger77
11-25-05
Are you sure that will work?
It's always worked for me.
Later....
Uh, Chuck....
*eep*
Stop being such a fucking sissy.
Dude, have you been talking to my Mom?

 

by Ranger77
11-25-05
Okay. Ivy wants me to meet this joker she's living with. I'll try to be, like, polite, but shit, this sucks. I'll be cool but, like, intimidating....let this guy know I'm not a poser....
Ah....uh....I....
I usually find that the distinct 'lack of pants' quite sucessfully establishes a certain tone for uncomfortable conversations I find myself involved in.

 

by Ranger77
11-26-05
Look, dude. Don't take offense but what does she see in you? I'm mean look at this from my perspective.
Okay. Go on.
I'm dangerous. I'm alternative. Women love that shit. What do you possibly have to offer?
Let's see, I have a sense of humor. I'm pretty good natured. Ivy and I have great conversations together.
Dude that's not enough to....
I also have a large penis and access to a particle accelerator.

 

by Ranger77
11-27-05
*sigh* Dude. Ok. If Ivy's into you, I should just step aside. I'm like happy for both of you. Besides if I wasn't she'd probably kill me.
Chuck, come on. I know Ivy can be a bit agressive sometimes but she's not that extreme.
Yeah, right. She's probably looking at me through the scope of her sniper rifle right now making sure I behave.
Well...
"CURVYCAT TO BIG ROCK COVER HAS BEEN COMPRIMISED. TARGET ACQUIRED. AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS..."
I love it when I'm right.
CurvyCat this is Big Rock. Situation is GREEN. Stand down. I repeat stand down.

 

by Ranger77
12-01-05
Boo-YAH!
Yeah! Waay doggies!
Ok, I'm still not getting exactly what your superpower is.
It's more conceptual actually.

 

by Ranger77
12-02-05
Now CatLass, I agreed to go out with you again on your promise that'll you'll behave yourself. I'll be right back.
I told you Orgo, ever since I completed my Conflict Resolution class, my rage in firmly in check.
Geez, does he really think I'm THAT unstable?! I mean come on....
Hey, look at that bit of pussy that just walked in here!
So no charges then?
Naah. The guy had a warrant out on him. Unfortunately he now also has a broken nose, several cracked ribs and a hairball jammed down his throat to go with it.

 

by Ranger77
12-04-05
Can you believe THIS?! FOUR major incidents this week and in all cases the criminal was not just captured....oh no, we sent them to Intensive Care!
Hey, it happens.
No, it doesn't "happen." We've just got alot of people on this team with anger issues. I mean FOUR people in the hospital. FOUR victims if you ask me....
One of the guys in the hospital was trying to come on to CatLass with a "pussy" line.
Three major incidents and THREE victims in the hospital....
I'm guessing the one who spit on Reaper's new Nike "Labron IIIs" basketball shoes probably doesn't meet the exclusion criteria, huh?

 

by Ranger77
12-08-05
Meanwhile at Yahoo NEWS....
Big news day. A suicide bomber killed alot of people in Iraq. Congress voted to extend the Patriot Act and Arnie might actually kill someone for real....
*sigh* We'll go with all three, I guess.
What's wrong?
The news gets so depressing after awhile. You know what....lets lead with something real positive for a change! Let's make a difference!
"Streisand Cancels LA Times Subscription" Should I weep for Western Civilization now?
Not yet. This just in...a woman in Memphis hired a hitman to kill some guys over a block of white cheese she thought was cocaine. Whoo boy! I smell PULITZER!

 

by Ranger77
12-08-05
Nope still the same.
Just stand there a minute. Try closing your eyes a bit.
Are you sure you're not....
No, I'm not a purple donkey. Close your eyes again.
No change. And actually you're kind of lavender....
You're not a young man anymore, brother. You should not smoke that stuff that Brother Yin sends from Thailand.

 

by Ranger77
12-10-05
This is quite amazing, brother.
What's amazing?
Despite the fact I partook in the 'herbal delicacies" that Brother Yin sent, everything seems normal except you.
That IS strange.
So....how long did it take you to find a lavender donkey costume?
Brother. Please. A man can do wonders with mischief in his heart and access to the Internet....

 

by Ranger77
12-10-05
All jokes aside, I don't think I will sample anymore of Brother Yin's product.
Agreed. It is rather potent. How do you think I got the idea for this costume?
I should probably throw the rest away. I put it in the pantry. Hopefully the cats won't think it's catnip.
They should be able to tell the difference. Just in case I'll call and warn them....
One of the monks just called to warn us about....Cheese Nips or something. Wow. Cheese Nips sound good right now.
Meow, baby. MEE-ow.

 

by Ranger77
12-11-05
You know, this reminds me....remember all those stupid movies in the 70's and 80's that had main characters who smoked pot.
They always made it seem like marijuana was somekind of strong hallucinogenic 'mega drug'. You could always tell a weak script if it had a wacky "weed" scene.
By the way, I am still standing up, right?
Arf!

 

by Ranger77
12-11-05
Great. The cats are trashed. *sigh* This is so lame.
I was afraid of that. What are they doing?
About five miles an hour. In circles. It seems they are convinced someone switched their tails while they weren't looking.
Ah....I guess that's interesting....
You know, you can take that suit off....I believe the joke's over.
Actually given the circumstances, I think I'll hold.

 

by Ranger77
12-14-05
Man, what a headache. Am I still wasted? You look like a purple donkey to me.
That depends. Did you bring a dead mouse in the house and set it on my bed?
Yep. Did that. I also threw up on your pillow if I'm not mistaken.
Ok....in that case you're still wasted. You're hallucinating right now.
Asswedge.

 

by Ranger77
12-15-05
So what's on the cynicism menu for today?
Nothing really.
Nothing? Nothing at all?? No Nubian Fire?
I'm actually in a good mood today. I mean come on, just because I'm black doesn't mean I have to be angry and cynical all the time....
This just in: The head of the Philadelphia NAACP calls a featured character in the comic strip "Ranger's World" a SELLOUT.....film at 11.

 

by Ranger77
12-15-05
Philadelphia NAACP chapter president J. Whyatt Mondesire in an open letter called Stripcreator's Kid 28's reluctance to be angry and cynical an insult to all African Americans.
"Abandoning that element not only amounts to a breach of faith but also belittles the real struggles of black comic characters." Mondesire wrote.
The letter also alludes to Kid 28 not doing more to promote StripCreator's "Pimp" character in Ranger's World. "The Pimp" was recently suspended indefinitely from the comic for "slappin' a ho...."

 

by Ranger77
12-15-05
Mr. Mondesire I'm afraid I don't get where you're coming from with this attack. The Kid is an intelligent guy. He's actually kind of a role model. Why would the NAACP run him down like this??
This has nothing to do with the NAACP. It's my opinion. The "Kid" should have given up more of his time to The Pimp. In The Pimp you have a defiant, strong character.
Sir, "The Pimp" is an idiot. He is selfish, loud and undisciplined. The Kid is the opposite of all that.
I would expect those comments from a comic obviously run by "the White Establishment."
Actually I'm a penguin and you're quite insane.
Terrell! Terrell!! Come back baby!! I miss you!

 

by Ranger77
12-16-05
What a disaster.
Never underestimate the 'goofiness' of people with a title and an agenda.
The CEO of the NAACP just sent out a news release that said this shouldn't have either gotten their attention. Apparently Mondesire was out of line.
You think? *sigh* So much for the good mood. I'm cynical again.
Completely understandable. I wonder what that press release means for our friend in Philly?
If I'm not mistaken, and taking into account the NAACP response, I would say "Homey just got hisself bitch slapped." Or something like that.

 

by Ranger77
12-18-05
LOL111! Me love you long time!!!
Yeah. Um....Let me get back to you.
I really reckon to distance myself from that there "turbine" thing. You boys doin' any Jane Austin adaptations?
Probably not in this century. We'll call you.
Seriously. In Mid December? Do you REALLY want to go here??
Yeah. You might have a point....

 

by Ranger77
12-20-05
B wanted us to get on that Public Service Announcement thing again and I've come up with the perfect subject.
I really don't think "Carpet Bombimg as an Instrument of Change" is going to win us any humanitarian awards.
Stop it. I'm serious this time. This is perfect.
I know I'm going to regret this, but go ahead....
You heard me right. Barbie Multilation. Evidently Yahoo News says its big with young girls. Naturally, Ivy's on the "pro-mutie" side.
Come on...wouldn't you be more concerned if she was against it??

 

by Ranger77
12-20-05
Listen to this: "The girls we spoke to see Barbie torture as a legitimate play activity, and see the torture as a 'cool' activity...."
"....The types of mutilation are varied and creative, and range from removing the hair to decapitation, burning, breaking and even microwaving."
I'm so happy I think I might cry.
You ARE trying to scare me aren't you?

 

by Ranger77
12-20-05
Believe it or not, this "Barbie Mutilation" thing disturbs me.
I think the whole "Barbie" thing is disturbing. And what about "Midge"?? I'm convinced Barbie killed her and buried her body in the Arizona desert in 1973.
Ken IS gay, by the way, so Midge's death might have been entirely pointless.
You don't get tired of the surreal, bizzaro crap that happens around here do you?
Nope. That's how we roll.

 

by Ranger77
12-21-05
#600
I'm greatly offended by your support of young girls multilating Barbie dolls. What kind of message are you sending!
Hmmm. What kind of message are YOU sending when girls try to attain the impossible proportions of a Barbie doll?? I'll give you a hint:*gack* *gack* *yakk* *gakk*
That's not true! I played with Barbie dolls and I turned out okay.
Yep. You are definitely okay. You spend your day calling obscure comic strips to complain about damaging plastic dolls.
(wow.)
Anarchist!
Why thank you! That was unexpected.

 

by Ranger77
12-24-05
Did you find everything you're looking for, SANTA?
Uh.....yes. I'll need some batteries for that, ah, big one. And a tube of lubricant. Strawberry.... flavored....please.
No problem. This is quite an honor. Y'know since we sell adult novelties, spank mags and porn DVDs, we don't get many Santas in our store.
Yes, well....I suppose not.
Especially on Christmas Eve.
I've GOT a problem OK!?

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