All comics by boorite

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by boorite
1-23-03
Quack!

 

by boorite
1-27-03
How does this grab you: Twinkies Taste Explosion-- Twinkies with an attitude!
What kind of attitude?
He wants to know what kind of attitude.
Twinkies with EXTREME attitude.
Extremely what?

 

by boorite
1-27-03
Twinkies Taste Explosion: Twinkies with an extremely in-your-face attitude!
I don't think I want a cake with creme filling in my face.
I mean, Jesus. You might as well call them Twinkies Bukkake Explosion.
New Hostess Bukkake Explosion: It's Twinkies... in your face!
Genius.

 

by boorite
1-27-03
Some of these items had no prices marked...
No problem, sir. PRICE CHECK ON PREPARATION H!
THAT'S RIGHT, EVERYONE! MY ANUS IS BLEEDING! GETCHER STEAMING GOUTS OF ASS BLOOD OVER HERE!
Jeez, alright, I get the picture.
Sorry. I'm a little touchy abou--
PRICE CHECK ON TROJAN XLs AND ASTRO-GLIDE!

 

by boorite
1-27-03
Whooo-eee! I'se sho 'nuff glad ah foun' you, boss!
What's the matter, Andy?
Mah Amos is bleedin'!

 

by boorite
1-27-03
Here you are, sir-- Black Angus sirloin, well done, with haricots verts au creme-bryl.
Thanks, garson.
Now just a dang... well done?
MY ANGUS IS BLEEDING!

 

by boorite
1-27-03
My anus is bleeding.

 

by boorite
1-28-03

 

by boorite
1-29-03
Oh, hell. It's the smarmy paperclip thing.
I'ma kill yo muthafuckin ass!

 

by boorite
1-29-03
"Warning: Applet Window."
Ha ha.

 

by boorite
1-30-03
Here we are at the American Library Association Midwinter Meeting.
Yep.

 

by boorite
1-30-03
Virus uploaded! The mothership will be destroyed! The Earth is saved!
Wow, really?
No, not really. I was just playing Minesweeper.
Oh.
Sucker.

 

by boorite
1-31-03
Hello, Americans. For months now, Uncle Dick and I have been talking about our evidence against Iraq, evidence that will compel the world to invade that evil country.
Mounds and mounds of evidence! Compelling evidence! But it was SECRET evidence!
Today we present our evidence to the world. We know all peoples will rally to our cause when they hear this irrefutable, incontrovertible evidence.
Yes! This evidence will blow your mind! Are you ready for the evidence? OK! Here... comes... the... EVIDENCE!
There's lots of evidence.
Secret evidence. Good night!

 

by boorite
1-31-03
Hello, stripcreators. You may not have heard about the FCC's stealthy little plan to totally deregulate media ownership.
This, along with the Supreme Court ruling equating campaign donations with free speech, constitutes a total corporate takeover of all public--
Uh, Boorite, we've been bought by ABC-Disney-Cap Cities.
And be sure to catch Sports Center tonight on ESPN!
Drink Pepsi!

 

by boorite
1-31-03
What is that beverage you are enjoying?
A clean, crisp, beechwood-aged Budweiser. And you?
A Bud Lite.
Your beer is as effeminate as your garment. Joke!
A third less calories than regular Budweiser gives me these great legs to show off. And you are not wearing pants.
That's because I'm totally shitfaced on fucking Budweiser.

 

by boorite
1-31-03
But seriously, folks, any cats in the crowd tonight?
Meow!
Say, you look like the cat that ate... me! Ha!

 

by boorite
1-31-03
Hey guys, ever noticed how the gals go nuts for fast-frequency modulated syllables?
Well, they do.

 

by boorite
1-31-03

 

by boorite
2-03-03
Dude, you are so phallocentric!
Are you presupposing an age of clitoral pre-politics, when the itineraries of ovarian hermeneutics were subsumed under the hegemony of totalizing phallocentrism?
Yeah.

 

by boorite
2-10-03
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, can't get fooled again!
Ho ho ho!

 

by boorite
2-11-03
Hi. I'm boorite, and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first AA meeting.
What the fuck is that in your hand?
A beer.
I did mention I'm an alcoholic, right?
I don't know. I'm all fucked up on cough syrup.

 

by boorite
2-26-03
Is he strong?
Listen, Bud. He's got radioactive blood.
But wouldn't that give him leukemia or something?
Yes, I guess it would.
Can he swing from a thread?
No.

 

by boorite
2-26-03
Elephant Man, Elephant Man, does whatever an elephant can...
I can't believe I waited three panels for this.

 

by boorite
3-06-03
Trapped in a cage full of naughty monkeys, subdued by electric shocks to the nipples, one hand securely ductaped to her hair, body slathered with banana Nutella--yet the condemned mastered her fear.
In fact, the crazy whore seemed to be into it. I admit it was tightening my skivvies a bit, and it crossed my mind to filch the condemned for a little last huzzah of my own.
Alas, with Victim's Family in such a vengeful mood, my chances were zero. I felt sick alright-- sick with envy. These were the luckiest monkeys on planet Earth.
Alright, bitch! Get ready to be ELECTRIC CAGE BANANA NUTELLA DUCTAPE MONKEYFUCKED to death!

 

by boorite
3-13-03
Dude, all the band's gear got ripped off.
No way! All of it?
Yeah. See, last month someone broke my car window and took my amp. So we got a honkin' steel trailer and put all our stuff in there.
Geez, what'd they do? Open it with a blowtorch?
Nope. Towed it off.
*enlightened*

 

by boorite
3-13-03
Great sandwiches at a deli near my church, when I was a kid. They all had these goofy names to let you know what they tasted like.
Like "Bubblegum Cinema Floor?"
Like "Houston Spicy Hot Sandwich." And "The Mafia."
And "The Holocaust."
I wonder if they're still in business. I liked this one in particular with honey sauce.
"Honey Barbecue Holocaust."

 

by boorite
3-14-03
We are eaten by fire ants!
BAY-buh BAY-buh BAY-buh
Change your pants!

 

by boorite
4-03-03
Come on. Paw the ground and charge at me.
For the last time, no.
You're so unsupportive. I'm going back to Mexico, where I can be somebody.
You'll come crawling back, as always.
AND I MIGHT NOT BE HERE!

 

by boorite
4-03-03
YEAH YOU HEARD ME! KEEP WALKIN'!
MR. BIG BULLFIGHTER, HUH? YOU'LL BE BACK!
Damn, his ass looks fine in those tights.

 

by boorite
4-03-03
That's it. He's really gone.
I'm on my own! I can go anywhere I want! Do anything I want! See anyone I want! All of life's possibilities unfold before me!

 

by boorite
4-03-03
Freedom!

 

by boorite
4-03-03
I've been away from the water so long. El matador never wanted to go swimming with me.
This is it! The moment I've yearned for! To return to my element! To be as I am, not as he wants me to be!
Hi! New at the lake?
*SOB*
Oops.

 

by boorite
4-03-03
I'm sorry. It's not you. I just... it's hard to explain.
No, I think I understand. Just coming off a tough relationship, huh?
Yes. He's a.... a matador.
A...? You're right, that is hard to explain.
A bullfighter.
I know what a matador is.

 

by boorite
4-03-03
Here I am pouring my heart out to you, and I don't even know your name.
Drake.
A duck named Drake. Too cute.
Thanks.
No, I mean way too cute.
Oh.

 

by boorite
4-03-03
...and he said I was stifling his dreams, but did I complain when he wouldn't fly South for the winter? And who was ALWAYS the one to sit on the eggs? Not him, I can tell you.
You know, sometimes what you want is right in front of you, if you only look.
And he used to leave his dirty socks in the breadbox!

 

by boorite
4-03-03
I would like to buy a one-way ticket to Mexico City.
Let's see. We have a 2 PM nonstop flight for $360.
That is far too expensive.
Mmm-kay... we have a 3 AM with a stopover in Cairo, on the Airbus, for $49.99.
Perfect.
It's an actual bus. With wings glued on. And a jet engine.

 

by boorite
4-03-03
16 hours to kill until my flight! What to do?
Get shitfaced drunk. That's what everyone does.
Yes, alcohol may salve my wounded soul. Where is the cantina?
Just follow those guys in the pilot uniforms.
Is it too late to get a refund on my ticket?
Yes.

 

by boorite
4-03-03
Shot of tequila, please.
Would you like to make that a 55-gallon drum?
No, thank you.
Are you sure? It's only a dollar more.
Oh! Well, in that case, yes.
But you have to finish it all or we charge you $300.

 

by boorite
4-03-03
Ay, mi pato, mi corazon, my little ducky... all the tequila in Mexico cannot fill the hole in my heart.
I wonder if that woman would have sex with me.

 

by boorite
4-03-03
3 AM flight to Mexico City via Cairo now boarding all passengers.
I'm leeeeeeeavin', awn a jet-- PLANE! I fight BOOL and don't come BACK again...
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

 

by boorite
4-03-03
Ah, city of tiny lights, so far below...
Could that be our little house down there? Does Ducky burn the lamp of regret into the sleepless hours of morning?
Attention, passengers. We should be cleared for takeoff any minute now...

 

by boorite
4-03-03
Sir, we need to ask you to remain seated at this time.
Why? Are we hitting some turbulence?
No. We're just afraid you'll be sucked out of the gaping hole in the fuselage.

 

by boorite
4-17-03
There'll be coffee soon.
Temptress.
Temptress?
Tempter? Sometimes I get confused with you.
Yeah, me too.

 

by boorite
4-17-03
[artemis] [boinky33]
i'll get my favorite comic i made
oh boy
[artemis] [boinky33]
[artemis] [boinky33]
ID=131134 thats as close to funny as i get
I cant wait to not read it

 

by boorite
4-18-03
[boorite] [Scyess]
if you said "that's antisemitic" people would look at you like OMFG WTF LOOL
I hate it when people look at me like that.
[boorite] [Scyess]
*looks at Scyess*
[boorite] [Scyess]
OMFG WTF LOOL
AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

 

by boorite
4-18-03
[Artemis] [boinky33]
boinky! my feeble-minded sidekick!
fuck
[Artemis] [boinky33]
you
[Artemis] [boinky33]
* feeds boinky33 a cracker*
yum

 

by boorite
4-19-03
[BigEvilDan] [boorite]
boorite, I think you killed brad.
Oh how I try. And on that day when I succeed...
[boorite] ..................[boorite]
I shall have...
his stapler.
[BigEvilDan] [boorite]
That stapler is mine!
I see that brad's death shall not herald the end of my workday after all.

 

by boorite
5-20-03
What the hell happened to your trunk?
I-ihx mplktkl aH-lul.
How are you supposed to suck dirt up and blow it all over your back without a trunk?
Rg zespnin eex loolgr.
You have no trunk and you talk like a fucking retard.
Meng.

 

by boorite
5-20-03
Sh-sh damx oloolgr beef?
I have no idea what you're saying, freak.
Want to go to a party?
Where the hell are you going?

 

by boorite
5-20-03
When someone invites you to a party, you don't just walk off, dummy. We need to work on your social skills.
Eeeeennn....?
Let's say you're traveling with a breeding group and you're approached by a young bull in "musth." What do you do?
...
Jesus, you're going to get gored and stomped and killed.

Showing page 12.

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