All comics by boorite

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by boorite
5-20-03
I brought a friend. I hope you don't mind.
Let's meet him.
This is the ugliest goddamn elephant I've ever seen.

 

by boorite
5-20-03
So how'd you like my friend?
Oh, him? I gored and stomped and killed him.
He smelled funny.

 

by boorite
5-21-03
And another thing: What's with calling slow folk "bovine?" Have you seen me run? You think you could outrun me?
Sir, are you going to order, or what?
Sure, give me a big bag of my dead relatives.
Do you want...
Don't even think about saying it.

 

by boorite
5-27-03
About this juxtaposition of realistic and fantastic elements: I find it jarring.
What's so realistic about a talking chicken?
I don't mean strictly representational. A talking chicken could be "magical realism."
Fine. If magic can be realism, then so can I. Nyah.
I could go for an espresso.
Chickens don't drink coffee.

 

by boorite
5-27-03
Now we're monochrome line drawings on a photorealistic background. Is that magical or realistic? Which one means "sucks?"
Look, no mode of representation is "realistic." That's the whole point of the story.
Ah, the story. "A monster and a talking chicken argue literature on the way to Starbuck's." That's a real humdinger of a plot right there.
All your carping for setting and plot is mere nostalgia. We're subverting the very idea of "story arc" here. Given the contextuality of existence itself, isn't that more "realistic" than "realism?"
Would it subvert the story arc if I turned into a priest for no apparent reason?
Now you're just being stupid.

 

by boorite
5-27-03
Welcome to Starbuck's. May I take your order, please?
What the hell are you doing?
Since we're subverting the story arc, I thought I'd turn into a priest and serve you coffee.
Fine. Double espresso, please.
Given the contextuality of existence itself, I'll just make a coffee noise and your drink will appear. WWKKKSSSSSHHKH!
No tip for you.

 

by boorite
5-27-03
That was good. Now let's switch places.
OK.
Welcome to Starbuck's. May I take your order?
BUILD ME AN ARMY WORTHY OF MORDOR!
Now I'm a priest, too!
Yeah, whatever. Now how about that army? Worthy of Mordor and all.

 

by boorite
5-27-03
This script is dying. Let's introduce some conflict.
I'm trying. BUILD ME AN ARMY WORTHY OF MORDOR!
Oh! I, uh... but I can't!
AND WHY THE HELL NOT?
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE MAN WHO KILLED MY FATHER!
NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE!

 

by boorite
5-27-03
It would be so formulaic of us to wrestle each other to the floor now.
But in a campy, ironic way. Let's do it!
Aaargh! Urg! Die die die!
GGGRAAAHH! Bastard! NNngh!
Officer! Shoot him! I'm the real him! I mean me! I mean, I'm the real guy!
No, I am! Actually, in all the excitement, I kind of lost track, myself.

 

by boorite
5-27-03
I think our fight represents the protagonist's struggle and eventual victory over his own dark side.
So I vanquish you in the end?
No, I'm the protagonist. You're the dark side.
I'm sure you have that backwards.
BUILD ME AN ARMY WORTHY OF MORDOR!
NEVER!

 

by boorite
5-27-03
Well, well. I seem to have given my dark side a red-ass beatdown.
I still maintain that I am the protagonist.
Impossible. Besides, since I won the war, who's to say I'm not the good guy?
It so happens I've brought an authority on the subject.
Evil won this time. What a twist, huh?

 

by boorite
5-27-03
You can't just have the devil show up and declare this character evil and that one good. It's ham-fisted moralism.
So? It makes more sense than turning into a priest and serving me coffee.
That was you.
No, it was you.
Oh. So it was.
The devil was right. You're a cunt.

 

by boorite
5-27-03
So what did we learn from our little adventure?
That you're a cunt.
No. We learned nothing. Because personal transformation is a fictive artifact, and "meaning" is determined by whoever gets the last word in.
Cunt.

 

by boorite
5-28-03
The Matrix is a computer-generated dreamworld built to keep us under control in order to change a human being into this.
RING
Stop that.

 

by boorite
5-29-03
Far.
Near.
Far.
My face hurts.

 

by boorite
5-29-03
Oh, dear. My lab seems to contain an escaped mental patient.
I am here to thwart your evil scheme!
What, an early lunch?
No, your evil SCIENCE scheme!
Formulating a minty laxative without that chalky taste?
Don't play games with me, professor EVIL!

 

by boorite
5-29-03
I'm not a professor. I flunked out of the Berkeley PhD chem program with a Master's. And my name isn't Evil. It's Tim.
Great Caesar's dressing gown! He actually believes what he is saying! Has he turned his Mind Ray on himself, to better play the part of an innocent?
You're saying that out loud, you know.
Your fly is open, you hideous malformed sack of toad pus.
If we're done here, I'm going to go call Security, OK?
Pretending not to read my thoughts. Very clever indeed.

 

by boorite
5-29-03
While Professor Evil is away, summoning his minions to his secret hideout...
This isn't a secret hideout. It's a pharmaceutical plant. And my "minions" are a couple Pinkertons named Steve and Earl.
...I'm going to find out what this minty concoction is really all about.
It's a laxative.
What superpowers does it grant his legion of minions? Only one way to know for sure...
Knock yourself out. Don't say I didn't warn you.

 

by boorite
5-29-03
I have quaffed Professor Evil's strange elixir. Ahh, yes... I feel a change coming over me....
A startling change indeed.
I'm going to be in here awhile.
Turn on the fan, will you?

 

by boorite
5-29-03
You rang?
Yes. Some wacko broke in here and drank a bunch of this "super power" potion and is consequently ensconced in the crapper there.
Whoa, this stuff gives you super powers?
Can I try it?

 

by boorite
5-29-03
Greetings, officer.
Sorry, pal, I have to... Holy...! It's Impressive Man!
None other!
Well then, where's the bad guy?
He's, uh... over there in the white coat!
I knew something wasn't right with that guy!

 

by boorite
5-29-03
He's dangerous, officer. Best subdue him with your pepper spray.
Ah, nice baton form. He'll feel that when he wakes up.
Well, my work is done here.

 

by boorite
5-30-03
This format is very limiting. It makes it hard to employ certain classic comedic tropes.
I think you can indicate the action without actually depicting it, and it's just as good. Try it!
OK.
* throws a pie in your face *

 

by boorite
5-30-03
* throws 1000 pies in your face *
It doesn't work like that.
Why not?
* throws a pie in your face *

 

by boorite
6-12-03
Come and gather yourselves together unto the supper of the great God...
...that ye may eat the flesh of kings, and the flesh of captains, and the flesh of mighty men...
...and the flesh of horses, and of them that sit on them, and the flesh of all men, both free and bond, both small and great.
Can I biggie-size it?

 

by boorite
6-18-03
I'm a librarian.
....
I'm in Information Science.

 

by boorite
6-18-03
The Asian Girls were just discussing Proust
My interest in Proust sprang from a period of infatuation with Kerouac. Parenthetically, that interest branched off in two directions...
Proust's style is an intricate grammatical structure involving profuse numbers of subjunctive clauses which are difficult to translate into English.
Enough of that! redbrute takes command!
Oi, you wretched slut, be a good girl and drink off a dead rat, will you? Then I'm off to cut up your children for sandwich meat.
*buuurrrrppp*
GOD-FUCKING BRUTAL!!!!
OH YOU BRUTAL, BRUTAL CUNT!
Don't that twisted DEVIL-MONG, she's got her twat jammed full of dog's bollocks.

 

by boorite
6-18-03
They say Blair wanted to free the people of Iraq so he had to make up some crap about weapons so we'd go along with it. Bush just wanted war for some reason.
What are the length and circumfrence of Tony Blair's penis?
10 x 5.
Very stumpy.

 

by boorite
6-19-03
It's too hot for snowmen.
It's too hot to wear black.
Actually, I'm naked.

 

by boorite
6-19-03
Later that night...
Now the world shall never learn my terrible secret.
The flames consume all past transgressions, and from the ashes arise...
...a smell.

 

by boorite
6-19-03
What is that odor? It smells of... redemption.
No, I'm just burning some damning financial records.
I mean blood evidence.
I mean having a barbecue.

 

by boorite
6-19-03
I think this one knows more than he's letting on.
I may have to kill him. Dear lord, will the cycle never end?
I could go for a slice of cheesecake right about now.

 

by boorite
6-19-03
HALF the money? But you were nothing but a drunk bum in boxer shorts before you met me!
But who hooked you up with Greezy Jim back in Ft Lauderdale? Huh? And who swiped the elephant folio from the Vatican exhibit?
Look, we can haggle over percentages after we figure a way out of here.
It sure ain't gonna be the way we came in.
Look, in case we don't make it... there are some things you don't know about me.
No, I'm quite sure I got the complete dossier from-- OOPS!

 

by boorite
6-19-03
So this is how it ends.
Yes. I'm sorry I have to leave you here to die. If only there were another way...
Wait, I thought I had to leave you here to die.
WHAT? Of all the.. look, you distinctly said, ten minutes ago, that you were done for and to go on without you.
THAT WAS YOU!
FINE then, I'll stay here to die. Happy now?

 

by boorite
6-19-03
You know what I'm here for, mate. Hand it over.
Take it. I wish I'd never heard of it! Nothing but strife, it's caused me!
OH MY GOD!
What?
BANG! Gotcha.

 

by boorite
6-20-03
Enough games. Hand it over, mate.
But you're dead! I killed you!
No, you didn't. You pointed your finger at me and went "bang."
Yeah. Why didn't it work?
*klunk*
Ah, there we go.

 

by boorite
6-27-03
RAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
Aren't you even going to wait for the Supreme Court decision on sodomy laws?
RAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!

 

by boorite
7-02-03
We made it Canyon Creek! High-five, partner!
Oh, God, I've lost my mind.
Not gonna high-five me then?

 

by boorite
7-02-03
You're being awfully careless with your comics of late.
Basically I just pick characters and settings at random and see what comes to mind.
That's a terrible idea.
Got a better one?
No. Only worse ones. But yours are still terrible.
I guess I could make comics out of chat transcripts or something.

 

by boorite
7-02-03
Well, I've begun to hallucinate. I suppose it's just a matter of time until I drop dead in my tracks.
Wait! Look there, in the distance! It's an Arby's!
Let's keep going.
Agreed.

 

by boorite
7-02-03
Daddy, I know he's from the wrong side of the tracks, but I love him! If I can't marry him, I'll kill myself!
Fine, marry him then.
Or kill yourself. I don't care.

 

by boorite
7-02-03
Many have made light of my intelligence in recent years. I have tried to be a good sport, but the jokes have started to bore me to stupefaction.
You know, I first made my fortune as inventor of a novel fluorescence-based assay system for assessment of lead compund cytotoxicity.
I used laser beams.

 

by boorite
7-02-03
Well, if it isn't my very Vice President! Looking quite buff, too, if I may be so bold.
I have just played five bracing sets of tennis with the Williams sisters.
I note with wry contempt the widespread misconceptions regarding your cardiovascular fitness.
Treasonous liberal propaganda!
So what else is on the agenda for today?
The not-grabbing of mideast oil for my corporate not-masters!

 

by boorite
7-03-03
I really missed this website when it was down. If only I could show my appreciation somehow.
You could make some comics that aren't not funny.
Nah.

 

by boorite
7-03-03
Google search: church fundraiser pics
Puffuehrer granny is fucked wassersport piss
If you can't find pics or vids on wassersport piss fucked Puffuehrer granny, then you won't find it anywhere's else on the internet.
It's like this thing can read my mind.

 

by boorite
7-03-03
Hork hork hork hork.
Fag. Oops, I mean... fag.
Fizzazziggortzzz.
So, stripcreator is still in the pooper?
Far as I know.
My life has no meaning.

 

by boorite
7-03-03
I saw the greatest panel ever in stripcreator history, but now I can't find it.
What's it look like?
:(
Isn't that great?
I can't feel my legs.

 

by boorite
7-09-03
Good morning class. I am your biology teacher, Mr. Woodcock.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Smart alecks, eh? Wait until Principal Raper hears of this!

 

by boorite
7-09-03
Do these gigantic adipose deposits make my butt look fat?
Not at all. Their enormous mass curves space in such a way that your butt looks really thin.
You're not just saying that?

 

by boorite
7-09-03
:)
:(

Showing page 13.

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