All comics by fuzzyman

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by fuzzyman
2-04-05
Diplomacy
Oops!
Orthopedics
Oops!
Robotics
Oops!
RRAAAAAARR!! TOBOR WILL...

 

by fuzzyman
2-19-05
You know what song Rod Stewart sings when he takes a leak?
"Urine My Heart, Urine My Soul."

 

by fuzzyman
2-19-05
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The correct question is, "Why did the chicken CRUCIFIX the road?"
Fine, have it your way. Why did the chicken CRUCIFIX the road?
I don't know, but that roadkill was Jesus Lickin' Good!

 

by fuzzyman
2-28-05
So here Ah am. One day Ahm President. Th' next Ahm a little girl in a strange foreign land, forced to protsticulate mah body for money.
HEY SAILOR BOY! BEER AND A BLOW JOB, FIVE DOLLA'!
Either way, I seem to have a real knack for screwing people.

 

by fuzzyman
2-28-05
Meanwhile, back at the White House...
Hell there, Hung Chow! How's are you liking your first day as President?
Great! I sold the Bush daughters into white slavery in Zimbabwe!
YOU WHAT?????
Yeah, I got a whole five bucks for them!
This is not working out like a planned.
I threw in Rumsfeld for another buck.

 

by fuzzyman
3-01-05
Tobor? Why so upset?
TOBOR'S FAVORITE PORN STAR, RON JEREMEY, IS RETIRING! THE PORN WORLD NOW LACKS A TOP-NOTCH ASS RAMMER!
Oh, that's too bad. I'm sorry, big guy. Ha! Maybe you should audition for some videos and take his place among the stars!
GOOD IDEA! BUT PRIOR TO AUDITIONING, TOBOR SHOULD PRACTICE!
Lubricate petard thoroughly and insert. OW!!!
THANKS, GABE!

 

by fuzzyman
3-01-05
TOO HUNG OVER TO GO OUT AND FIND SOMETHING TO CORNHOLE. THERE MUST bE SOMETHING AROUND THE HOUSE!!!
HMMM. GABE BOUGHT A NEW PC... AND IT HAS A FLOPPY DRIVE. THAT WILL DO.
Faster than you can say "General Protection Fault"...
CRITICAL ERROR: GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT AT 0000:FFFF. YOU ARE TOTALLY FUCKED.
AIIIIEEEEEE!!!!

 

by fuzzyman
3-01-05
wakupredniht
HUH?
wakeuprdnight!!
WHAT???
WAKE UP, RED KNIGHT!!!
AAAAIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!

 

by fuzzyman
3-01-05
What brings ye to Camelot, Red Knight?
RED KNIGHT? TOBOR IS CONFUSED!
Thou must have fallen off thy steed and bumped thy noggin. Did'st thou journey far to compete in King Arthur's jousting tournament, Sir Tobor?
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK-- *AHEM*. WHAT MAKEST THOU THINK TOBOR IS A KNIGHT?
Thy suit of red armor is unusual indeed, but thy gigantic jousting lance is a dead giveaway.

 

by fuzzyman
3-02-05
WHERE ART WE GOING NOW?
Before ye can compete in the tourney, thou must be introduced to the King! What is thy heraldic name?
WHAT DOES'T THOU MEAN? PRAY TELL, WHAT IS A HERALDIC NAME?
Well, there is Sir Lancelot the Brave, Sir Fred the Violent, and Sir Kaufman the Punster. I am Sir Galahad the Effeminate. Thou art Sir Tobor the...?
SIR TOBOR THE IMPALER.
Yes!

 

by fuzzyman
3-02-05
RRAAARRR!!! SIR TOBOR SHALT CORNHOLE THEE NOW!!!!
Okay!
Well?
IT'S SO MUCH LESS FUN WHEN THEY'RE WILLING.
Have at me!

 

by fuzzyman
3-02-05
Findest me Sir Galahad! He doth be late with his weekly status report.
Later...
Your Highness! Thy scouts report that Sir Galahad is in batttle with a strange Red Knight on the edge of the eastern wood.
Ah! Is Sir Galahad besting his foe?
Nay, my King. He is being stabbed repeatedly with an enormous red jousting lance!
Saddle up! We must save him!

 

by fuzzyman
3-04-05
I, Arthur, King of the Britons, comand ye to stop attacking Sir Galahad! If you do not obey, I shalt be forced to smite ye with the mighty sword Excalibur!
OKAY, SIR TOBOR WILL STOP.
That's it? COME ON! I really wanted to get in some smiting today, dammit!

 

by fuzzyman
3-04-05
I must find a reason to smite this Red Knight!
He doth be humping a knothole in a tree. Unusual, perchance, but not in violation of thy kingly laws.
I hereby declare tree humping illegal!
Now he doth be humping a rabbit hole.
I hereby declare--
Correction. It might be the rabbit's mouth. It's hard to tell from here.

 

by fuzzyman
3-04-05
THANKS, MAN, THAT WAS--
Jesus Christ, I wish to God someone would invent cigarettes.

 

by fuzzyman
3-04-05
Another stupid day in the Wal-Mart garden center. Please let me get through this day with no wierdos.
RRAARR!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
Cornholees are in Notions, aisle five.
OH, SORRY. THANKS.
Freak.
Excuse me, do you think this sprinkler head would fit up my ass?

 

by fuzzyman
3-08-05
Hold, knave! Ye may be armored as a knight, but thy illegal acts with thy lance prove thee to be common trash. Prepare to be smitten by the mighty Excalibur!
TOBOR LIKES YOUR SWORD, BUT HE IS HARDLY SMITTEN BY IT.
Enough! Prepare to be smitted!
SMITTED? *GUFFAW*
PREPARE TO BE SMOTED!!!
YOU FAILED THE VERBAL PORTION OF THE KINGLY ENTRANCE EXAM, DIDN'T YOU?

 

by fuzzyman
3-08-05
You doth ridicule my grammar! The pot calleth the kettle black!
HOW SO?
Thou hast no ability to use First Person Singular Pronouns! What say ye to that?
RRAAARR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
Nay, *I* will cornhole you now.
NOT LIKELY.

 

by fuzzyman
3-08-05
RRAAARR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
Try again! *I* will cornhole you now!
ENOUGH! IT'S TOO DIFFICULT! RAAAAAARRGH!!!!
AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!
OOPSIE.
King Arthur is dead! Long live King Tobor!

 

by fuzzyman
3-09-05
Hail, King Tobor! I am Merlin, the world's greatest wizard! I have come to provide thee aid in thy time of need.
IF THOU ART SUCH A GREAT WIZARD, WHY ARE THEE NOT KING?
Hail, King Tobor! I am Merlin, a pretty good wizard! I have come to provide thee comic relief.

 

by fuzzyman
3-11-05
TOBOR IS SO GLAD HE ORDERED THE VARIETY PACK.

 

by fuzzyman
3-11-05
Your Majesty, Sir Galahad requests an audience.
HAS HE PASSED THE TEST?
The test?
THE TIGHTNESS TEST.
I don't understand.
NO ONE GETS IN UNLESS THE HOLE'S PENCIL THIN.

 

by fuzzyman
3-11-05
King Tobor must be overthrown!
I agree!
I doth suspect that he is not a knight, but some strange, artificial creature. Why doth thee want him gone?
My rectal regions are no longer tight enough for him to desire me carnally. Do you want him gone because you suspect he doth not be human?
No, it's because all he asks me to do is conjure up barrel upon barrel of something called "K-Y."

 

by fuzzyman
3-11-05
YOU WANTED TO SEE KING TOBOR, MERLIN?
Yes, Your Majesty! *ahm* EYE OF NEWT AND HAIR OF TESH!!
AAAAIIEEEEEEE!!!!
THOU SHALT BE MADE INTO VULNERABLE FLESH!
WELL, WELL!
Why did I not expect this?

 

by fuzzyman
3-11-05
TOBOR IS HUMAN!
Yes, my spell hath worked perfectly and revealed your true human form. But that "99" emblazoned on your chest... that refers to.... inches?
GALLONS.
Riiiight.
GET BACK HERE.
Eeep!

 

by fuzzyman
3-13-05
King Tobor, I was going to kill you, I couldn't bring myself to do it!
WHY NOT, SIR GALAHAD?
I love you! So I asketh Merlin to cast a spell on me. I now hath the tighest hole in all the land!
KING TOBOR IS TOUCHED BY THIS WONDERFUL GESTURE!
Oh, Tobor! Let us spread the word of cornholing around the world! Let me be your Queen!
YOU KIND OF ARE ALREADY, BUT... YEAH.

 

by fuzzyman
3-13-05
Meanwhile, back in the 21st century...
Captain's Log, Stardate 34212.2. We are making first contact with the Milurians.
Commander Data is on the surface now, explaining our Prime Directive to the inhabitants.
Strange, I don't remember this epidsode.
RRRAARRR!! DATA WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
Somthing terrible has happened to the timeline!

 

by fuzzyman
3-13-05
The world has gone mad! Why am I the only person who remembers the previous timeline?
Hello, citizen! Care to cornhole my cat?
What? No!
Deviant! POLICE! Arrest this heretic! He's a danger to society!
Later...
Get this straight. You're going to be my prison bitch, and you're going to bang me silly!
You know, this new timeline might not be so bad!

 

by fuzzyman
3-13-05
Back in the past...
Merlin! You've totally fucked up the future! Why did you not get rid of King Tobor?
He and Queen Galahad seemed so happy together! Why does that affect the future?
He's FROM the future, you fool! By allowing him to stay here he's popularizing cornholing far too early in God's Divine Plan!
So God's Divine Plan includes the popularization of cornholing in the future?
Pretty much, yeah.
I'm really glad that I live in the past.

 

by fuzzyman
3-13-05
King Tobor... HAIR OF TOAD AND THRUST OF SCHLONG! LET'S PUT YOU BACK WHERE YOU BELONG!
AAAIIIIEEEEE!!!!
And so, everything returned to normal.
TOBOR IS BACK IN HIS OWN TIME, AND HE'S METAL AGAIN! DID ALL OF THAT HAPPEN, OR WAS IT JUST A STRANGE DREAM...?
Mostly.
Get this straight. You're going to be my prison bitch. Now pick up the soap I just dropped.
Nooooooo!

 

by fuzzyman
3-15-05
Good evening, this is SCN News. I'm Jake Jemima. Today, millions of people were lifted to the skies in what appeared to be the Rapture. Betty?
Unfortuntely our film crew disappeared along with the rest of the Elect, so instead here's a scene from the film "Gigli."
It's pronounced "Geelee." Rhymes with "Really."
I'm a lesbian but for some bizarre reason I still want to sleep with you,
Well, if that isn't enough to make you want to slit your wrists and come home to Jesus, I don't know what is. Betty? ... Betty?

 

by fuzzyman
3-15-05
Good evening, this is SCN News. I'm Betty Butterworth. Tonight, tragedy as more soldiers die in Iraq. Jake?
Unfortunately we can't afford a news crew in Iraq, so here's a live feed of Betty's son playing Return to Castle Wolfenstein.
Shit! Shit! Shit! Fragged again! No! Aaaaaa!!! I can't fucking win!
He's adopted.
I think he takes after you!

 

by fuzzyman
3-16-05
This is a special report from SCN News. I'm Jake Jemima. Atomic bombs have been detonated in cities around the globe. Betty?
Our own Gorton Fisherman is on the scene in Piscataway. Gorton?
Thanks Betty. I'll be dying from radiation poisoning in a few minutes, but before I go I'd just like to tell Jake I'm sorry about the crabs. Back to you.
Moh!
Ha! Thanks Bob. I, uh... I picked up some crabs for him at the fish market and he never paid me back.
Riiiiight.

 

by fuzzyman
3-16-05
This is SCN News. I'm Jake Jemima. Tonight, a grisly murder in the Factory section of town. Betty?
Unfortunately, our film crew is afraid to go into the Factory section, so instead here's a scene from the new hit show CSI: Comic Scene Investigation.
It appears that the victim was anally penetrated by a huge object! What ever could have caused this?
Hmmmmm!
RRRRAAAARRRR! TOBOR WILL--
Oh, stop it.

 

by fuzzyman
3-16-05
Weclome to SCN News. I'm Betty Butterworth. In business news today, a merger between two major companies. Jake?
Mergers are kind of dull, though, so instead here's a scene from the hit SCN reality series, The Appuntice.
My plan is to produce a cable TV special about origami. It's paper view. Get it? "Pay-per view?"
You're Flyered!
Let's hope for a quick cancellation.
I used to go to an origami class, until it folded.

 

by fuzzyman
3-18-05
This is SCN News, I'm Jake Jemima. At the school board meeting today, controversy over sex education continued. Betty?
We didn't bother to film the meeting, so instead here's a scene from the hit SCN comedy, Eight Simple Rules for Rapping My Teenage Daughter.
Rool number three: Wehn a boy loves my teenage daughter, he nales the fukkin bich!
Well, that was--
I WANT THE FCC TO KNOW THAT I HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT SEGMENT!

 

by fuzzyman
3-18-05
This is SCN News and I'm Betty Butterworth. Today, Mad Cow Disease was detected in Colorado. Jack?
Rather than bore you with a lot of medical mumbo jumbo, here's a scene from the classic SCN western, Bunnanza.
That's it! I'm leaving Stripcreator and deleting all my comics!
What the fuck are you talking about?
Was that some kind of in-joke?
Them rotor turbines won't generate punchlines by themselves, you know.

 

by fuzzyman
3-18-05
This is SCN News and I'm Jake Jemima. President Bush explained his plans for Social Security today.
That's too depressing to contemplate, so instead here's a scene from the hit political drama, The West Winger.
President Kip Winger! So pleased to finally meet you!
The pleasure is all mine, Ambassador! Vice-President Nugent will show you to your room.
Our older audience members will get that joke.
Those of you who were born in the Cretaceous period, anyway.

 

by fuzzyman
3-19-05
This has been SCN News. I'm Jake Jemima.
And I'm Betty Butterworth. Tune in at 11:30 for Late Night with Boorite, with special guest Cameron Diaz.
Ummm... You're not wearing any pants.
This is a limited-time offer, baby. Frees sample of the Boorite Delight right here!
Does he think that will work?
How come Boorite never invites me to be on his show?

 

by fuzzyman
3-20-05
This is SCN News. I'm Betty Butterworth. Tonight, more disturbing photos of Iraqi prisoners being tortured in Abu Ghraib. Jake?
Unfortunately, the censors have covered over all the good parts, so instead here's a scene from the film, Spankling and the Seven Dwarfs.
So, how many is that, Grumpy?
That's all seven pointy hats up your ass, and... OH MY GOD! Dopey is still in there! Dopey! Walk toward the light!
Dwarf porn?
It's from my personal collection!

 

by fuzzyman
3-20-05
Now, when you're getting ready for the date, be careful not to drip blood all over the bathroom. Chicks hate that.
Don't offer her your flesh and blood. For some reason they don't find that appetizing. Stick with the Loaves and Fishes.
Now, for after dinner, let me demonstrate a few moves I used on Mary Magdeline.
Damn, wooden dildos look painful!

 

by fuzzyman
3-21-05
Ender, about this web surfing report you generated for me. I see you've been visiting StripCreator.com an awful lot.
Yeah, I created fifteen comics today!
Look, if you're going to do stuff like I that during working hours, I'm afraid that I have to fire you.
I don't think so. You see, I kept of copy of that report and I have your web surfing history, too.
So?
Do the words, "Nasty Naked Aardvarks Dot Com" ring a bell? I'm looking forward to my bonus.

 

by fuzzyman
3-22-05
This is SCN News and I'm Betty Butterworth. Today, more drama in the bizarre Michael Jackson child molestation trial.
They don't allow courtroom filming, so instead here's some footage of my son's first birthday party.
Now *hic* for Bobo's final act he's gonna... *hic* show you his funny Magic Snake!
Goo!
Oh my God! That's horrible! Did you have him arrested?
Yeah. We felt really bad about it after we looted his bag of tricks and found that he really does have a magic snake.

 

by fuzzyman
3-22-05
And now it's time for SCN Entertainment News. Tonight is the premier of the long awaited film, "Violent Zombie Attack." Jack?
We don't have a clip, so here's a live feed of a real zombie attack taking place at the cemetary. Our own Gorton Fisherman is on the scene.
Thanks, Jack. Well, the zombies are presenting their demands, and they seem singularly focused on sweetbread. Back to you.
BRAIIINNNNSSSS!!!
Wait a second, didn't Gorton die of radition poisoning about 10 strips ago?
Sure did! I think he's one of the zombies.

 

by fuzzyman
3-26-05
And now for the SCN News Question of the Day, where our roving repporter asks StripCreator citizens a topical question. Betty?
Thanks, Jake. Today's question is, "Should Terri Schiavo be allowed to die?"
Sure thing.
Yep!
I sense a little editorial stacking of the deck there.
You think?

 

by fuzzyman
3-31-05
Tell me again why you kept rear-ending those cars.
TOBOR COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF.

 

by fuzzyman
4-06-05
EXCUSE ME!!!! CAN YOU TELL ME WHICH WAY TO INTRO TO ELVEN PSYCHOLOGY 101!!!!!????
Elven Psychology? I wasn't aware--
YEAH!!!!! I'M TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MY INNER ELF, YOU SEE!!!!!!
Get in touch...?
HEY!!! WOULD YOU LIKE TO TOUCH MY INNER ELF, TOO??? YOU SHOULD AUDIT THIS CLASS!!!! THEN OUR INNER ELVES COULD FIGHT AND STUFF!!!!
If your inner elf gets anywhere near me I'll kick his tiny little ass.

 

by fuzzyman
4-06-05
Here you go, Trojans Extra Moist. That will be $8.63, please. Big night planned?
YOU BET!!!! I'LL BE NEEDING THIS ENTIRE BOX!!!! SOME LUCKY LADY WILL BE ENJOYING HOT LOVE FROM JOE'S BIG SALAMI TONIGHT!!!!!!
SO WHEN DO YOU GET OFF WORK!!??

 

by fuzzyman
4-06-05
So nice of you to ask me to dinner...
YEAH, AIN'T THIS PLACE GREAT!!?? CHECK OUT THIS MENU!!! HEY, WOULD YOU LIKE AN APPETIZER!!?? THEY HAVE SOME GREAT SPICY CHICKEN FINGERS HERE!!!!
Excuse me. I have to go.
WHAT, YOU DON'T LIKE SPICY!!?? WE CAN ORDER MILD!!!

 

by fuzzyman
4-06-05
AWRIGHT!!! THE MEN'S ROOM IS ALL MINE!!! IT'S A GREAT TIME FOR ME TO PRACTICE FOR THE LONG DISTANCE BODILY FUNCTIONS CUP!!!
WOW!!!! ALMOST MADE IT!!!! LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME TO GET THAT URINARY TRACT INFECTION CHECKED OUT!!!!
WHOAH!!!! WHO KNEW EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA COULD BE SUCH FUN!!??

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