All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

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Hey, Lardboy! Did you know that today is AIDS Awareness Day?
Nope!
Well, did you know that the scientific and medical communities are on the verge of a cure for this dreaded disease?
I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU FUCK ME IN THE ASS, PINKY!!
Rat farts!
Although, that would be redundant! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE

 

Dude! Those two bitches we're with last night were FINE!
Oh, yeah!
I didn't even mind them making us put on condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS! But, between you and I... Do you really think those two could have been HIV postive?
No.
Me, neither... What say we take off these stinking condoms!
I'm with you on that! My balls are starting to itch!

 

So, then I says,"Them pillow-biting faggots aren't going to gravitate towards using condoms all by themselves!"
What the fuck are you doing?
Letting my roll-on deodorant dry...

 

NO MORE WAR!!! NO MORE WAR!!! NO MORE WAR!!!
"This rally is in support of 'Worldwide End to AIDS Day', bonehead!"
Oh... I gotcha.
NO MORE FAGS!!! NO MORE FAGS!!! NO MORE FAGS!!!

 

...HIV? Syphilis? Gonorrhea?
Nope!
Do you have any other sexually transmitted diseases?
None... But, I do have a raging case of conjunctivitis!
Okay. I'll sleep with you. But, NO "butterfly kisses"!
How about "dirty sanchezes"?

 

What is it, baby?
I just got the test results back from gynecologist...
Are you [gulp] pregnant?
Worse! I'm HIV positive, and there's a 99.9% chance that I gave the virus to you...
Shit! Just when I thought my life couldn't sink any lower!
Plus, the doctor thinks I may have contracted it from your father.

 

Yay!
Now, look... Even though your HIV test results came back negative, again, you can't keep sleeping around with every skanky ladybug you meet unprotected...
You've got to start wearing condoms!
Yeah, like that's really going to happen!
Okay..?

 

Dracula?
Damn!
I told him that if he kept sucking the blood from crack-whores, he'd contract AIDS and end up as a big pile of ash! But, did he listen to me? NOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

TOBOR WILL NOW CORNHOLE-
Uhhh...
Where exactly IS your hole?
I'm not telling! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Arrrgggghh!
Hi! It's me, Captain Obvious, here in front of the White House with Petey the Butt Pirate, reminding all Americans to wear a condom to prevent the spread of HIV...
I don't wear no stinkin' rubber, you @%$# landlubber! Arrrggghhh!
Why not?
'Cuz every time I try putting one on, me @%&# hook tears a hole in it! ARRRGGGHHH!!
Then, I'm obviously never letting you near MY "booty"!

 

You know, Chicka... We've been seeing each other for six months now, and I think you're special. Therefore, I think it's time for us to take the next step and sleep together!
I agree. Do you have a condom?
No... Do you?
Yes! I never travel without them 'cause you never know, right?
Uh....
Just last week, a bunch of the guys from my old high school's football team came over to my house to party, and not one of them brought a rubber! THANK GOD I had a couple of boxes laying around...

 

Hey, Phillip... What's going on?
Well, I just got paid, and I was wondering if I could "rent" you for the night...
Sure. But, what's that you've got in your arms?
A shitload of condoms!
Um... Just how much fucking do you intend doing?
Until my nuts implode, or your pussy falls out- whichever comes first!

 

...and, as you can see on the inside of Gordon's coat, there are numer-ous varieties of condoms out on the market.
You may want to use a lubricant when wearing one. Also, before having anal sex, make sure your partner gets a high colonic-
"WHOA! That's WAY too much information for fifth graders, Captain Obvious!"
Sorry!

 

Dad?
Yes, son... [sigh]What is it NOW?
My teacher today talked about HIV... What's a condom?
Something I should have used twelve years and nine months ago!
Whaaaaat?
By the way... Happy 12th birthday, son. Now, BEAT IT!!

 

...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
Pokey!
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
Quit dry-humping the bear rug!
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
POKEY!!

 

Okay, Pinky... We're all alone now. Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?
Well, sorta...
Would this have anything to do with that Hefty trashbag you brought along?
That's not a trashbag, Laura!
Then, what, pray tell, is it?
It's a spread-of-HIV preventer, a.k.a. a condom. Now, shut up, and bend yourself over that rock behind you!

 

Mr. Wizard teaches "AIDS Prevention" at Lexington Jr. High School...
Okay, Herman... Tell the class what happened to you.
AIDS!
Any questions?

 

Hey, Grams! It's me- your grandson Billy...
Billy..? What in the Wide World of Sports happened to you?
Well, about a week ago, I signed up for one of those "clinical trials" you hear about on the radio, and they've been giving me experimental HIV vaccine shots...
How are they working?
TAKE A WILD, FUCKING GUESS!!
?!?

 

So, then I says, "Them gravitons aren't going to generate turbins all by them-"
No, wait! "Those generators won't gravitate towards rotating, turbin- wearing middle-westerners."
I mean... Ahhhhhhh, FUCK IT!!
ARRRRGGGHHH!!

 

Good fucking job, Smelty!
You were supposed to give me the signal if the police showed up...
Why didn't you whistle like I asked you to?
I have no lips!

 

So, then I says, "Those rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons all by themselves."
For the last time... I'M NOT GOING TO SHOW YOU MY TITS!!
Pweez?

 

Damn!
Everytime I challenge Captain Kirk to a fight, he tells Scotty to beam him up!
YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY, KIRK!!
Ha, ha!

 

Hey, Pocahontas...
Yes, Abe?
Wanna come back to my place and screw?
Sure! Why not? I haven't been laid in weeks! Have you had a recent AIDS test, or atleast have a condom with you?
No, and no! But, don't worry... I'm not even sure I'll be able to get it up!
Fucking swell!

 

So, then I says, "Those nuts aren't going to be gathered up all by themselves!"
What about "deez"?
Deez what?
Deez nuts! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]
Um... Didn't we do this same, lame-ass joke in "Groovy! 413"?
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
So... You say you saw the man in question up close?
See him? (OUCH!) He attacked me!
And, you think you could pick him out of a line-up?
I (OUCH!) most certainly (OW! OW! OW!) do ! Yeeeeeee-OUCH!!
What makes you think he was the serial arsonist?
TAKE A WILD, FUCKING GUESS!!!

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
Are you the one that called 911 about an intruder?
YES, I'M THE ONE THAT CALLED FUCKING 911 ABOUT A FUCKING INTRUDER!!
Damn, guy! Why are you so upset?
BECAUSE, I CALLED YOU DUMBASSES THREE FUCKING HOURS AGO!!!
My donut break ran a little long. Sorry! I'm here now to protect you...
BUT, I'M ALREADY DEAD, YOU BLIND MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

 

I just finished the erection of your new gazebo, Spankling. What do you think?
Heh, heh... He said "erection"!
I have a few extra nails... What would you like me to do with them?
Well... Could you hammer a couple of them through my ballsac-
NO!!
Okay. Just throw them out then... *sigh*

 

Wax ON...
Wax OFF!
How's my dome looking?
Nice and shiny!

 

Fido!
OW! OW! OW!
Bad dog!
OW! OW! OW!
Bring back Gabe's left nut RIGHT NOW!
OW! OW! OW!

 

Hey, Santa... I know you're busy, so I'll keep it short.
For the last ten years, you've given me batteries for Christmas. Do you think maybe you could give me something different this year?
Batteries it is!
Like, say, a new pair of basketball sneakers, or a caritgan sweater, or a train set, or...

 

...then, she told me that I'm too self-absorbed!
Really!
Yeah... She said that I'm so into myself, that I never care to notice anything unusual around me!
I can't IMAGINE why she would say something like that to you!
I mean if I were so oblivious to my surroundings, would I be able to detect your note of sarcasm?

 

Hi-YA!
Yeeee-OUCH!! Goddamn, Holly! Why did you just kick me in the nuts!
'Cuz you left the toilet seat up, and I nearly fell in trying to take a dump, asshole!
Why didn't you look before sitting down?
Smart ass, eh? Prepare for another foot to the balls!
NOOOOOOOO!!

 

Don't look at her tits!
Don't look at her tits!
She'll think I'm a big perv if she catches me looking at her tits!
I wonder why he won't look at my tits? Oh, well. I guess he's not interested in having hot, throbbing, sweaty, sloppy sex with me...

 

So... What's your baby's name, Crabby?
Rufus.
How old is he?
SHE'S only five months...
May I eat him?
No. But, ask me again in about seventeen years, and six months...

 

WHAT THE FUCK?!
That must be the new thing called, "gun powder" everyone's raving about....
Looks like I've just become motherfucking obsolete!

 

How was your day, Barney?
It really sucked, dad!
Really? What happened?
The other kids were making fun of me by calling me, "human face"!
I'm sorry, son! Kids your age can be so cruel sometimes...
Why do I have to be the WEIRD one?

 

Ahhhhh! It's always great to start the work day with three or four cups of joe...
"WHO DRANK ALL THE GODDAMN COFFEE?!"
I DID, FUCK-FACE!
"Is that you, Frank- I mean, sir? I'm so sorry! I didn't know you came in this early. I'll shut up now!"
It's GOOD to be the boss!

 

Remember, Melty...
When you point the finger at someone...
...there's THREE fingers pointing back at you!
I have no hands!

 

Damn, dude! That was one stinky-ass shit you just took!
The smell literally melted off all my skin!
What the fuck did you eat last night?
Aged sauerkraut with rotten eggs!

 

Oh, Yeah?
You should see the OTHER guy!

 

One...
...and, I think that if you quit drinking and really apply yourself, you'd make a fine priest someday!
...two...
Phillip? Hellooooo?
...three coconuts!
Fuck it!

 

Holy shit! Them are some biggins!
I wonder what her bra size is?
Are you staring at my tits, dude?
I'm sorry... Was it that OBVIOUS?
Aren't you the CAPTAIN of obviousness?

 

...and, that's why I ended up here in Hell!
What's your reason?
"Butt piracy"!

 

How's it looking?
It's still pretty filthy in there...
Okay... Spray mah ear agin, Cappy!

 

Wow! What a beautiful sunset!
Wow! What lovely sunset!
I'd love to hold her hand...
I wish he'd hold my hand...
...but, I have no arms!
This is our third date, and he STILL won't hold my hand. And, to think I was going to take him back to my place for a blowjob!Well... FUCK HIM!!

 

Did you eat Little Johnny?
I said... DID YOU EAT LITTLE JOHNNY?!
*burp*

 

Wow!
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
That is frigging AMAZING!
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
I wonder when Pokey took up chute-less skydiving?
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...

 

Ummm... Father O'Malley?
Yes?
I was wondering if we could, you know, go somewhere private so I can confess my very NAUGHTY weekend- maybe, even demonstrate it for you...
Why don't you save it for next Sunday. Okay?
Damn! I've been throwing myself at this guy for months, and he still won't give in to temptation! His faith must be really STRONG...
Little Timmy is looking HOT! [hubba, hubba!]

 

Hey, Smelty! Help me [oomph!] clear this snow...
I have no arms!
Besides... I LIKE the snow!
Fag!

 

(Look at me! I'm boss Tiki...)
?
(La la-la-la la-laaaaa...)
Spencer? Is that you behind the watercooler?
(I'm not Spencer- I'm Petey the Puppet! La la-la-la la-laaaaaaa...)
Get back to work-NOW!!

Showing page 15.

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