All comics by Speez

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by Speez
6-22-04
Denza, all relationships have problems. You can either run from the problems, or talk it out with Misty.
Ok, I will go talk it out with her. Thank you CP.
Hey, Japanese hoes! kimi no amerika no daddy wa dare desuka?
Meanwhile...
And on our news show tonight, we have the creature scientist said had no chance of ever having sexual intercourse.
Yeah Chip, she couldn't say no to my sexy penis.

 

by Speez
6-22-04
Man, I feel like a new man ever since having sex. I feel like I could conquer the world!
TAS, I have something to tell you about that night.
Oh, about how I made you orgasim twice...at the same time!
Uhh, no. You have been on MTV's Punked. This was all fake. You never really did anything that night in bed.
Wait, what? I am on Punked? But, but...I got my mack on.
If you mean masterbating with your pillow, sure, you mack your way to the moon.

 

by Speez
6-22-04
So, this was all one big gag? You never slept with TAS?
Of course not. No matter how drunk any women is, they would never sleep with that thing.
You know what this means!
That are relationship is back together!
No, I am back in the running for the "When will TAS have sex" contest!
*sigh*

 

by Speez
6-23-04
Hey Ace, you see the brand new UBCS Magazine?
Uhh, can't say that I have....or that I care.
It is filled with reviews, rants, and random stuff that would be considered spam anywhere else on the board. But, we put it all in one place and magically the spam turns to gold.
Gold you say? Hey, let me see that magazine. I need something to read in the bathroom.
Moments later
So, did the mag give you a good read in the bathroom?
I knew we were out of toliet paper, so I did my duty as an UBCSer and used the mag to wipe the crap off my ass crack.

 

by Speez
6-23-04
Ace, you want to come to the pre-Spider-man 2 party?
Whoa, you think it's safe to just jump into a pre-party?
At the Pre-Planning for the Pre-Spider-man 2 Party.
AT the pre party, we should talk about how Spider-man 2 will own!
I was being sarcastic! Sarcastic damnit!

 

by Speez
6-23-04
Speez, I know you are exciting about Spider-man 2. The movie will be good, no doubt about it. But you are going to far.
What do you mean too far?
I know what you do with that life size Spider-man doll you have.
YOU HAVE NO PROOF. And it's an action figure.
Dude, I have video. I put it on Kazaa. Instead of being an embarassment at UBCS, the world knows of your geekyness.
...you hurt my spider sense

 

by Speez
6-23-04
Speez spreading the gospel of "Spider-man 2"
This movie will ROXXER THE SOXXER! It has action, drama, and the man himself, Spider-man!
And how coudl they top having Mary Jane standing out in the rain in a very tight pink shirt with her nipples for the world to see! Two words: Top Less
Due, you better not be kidding about the nude Mary Jane thing. Because if it was true, I would probably masterbate right there in the theater.
Who needs a naked women to masterbate to when you have two hours of the Web Head to pleasure yourself too!

 

by Speez
6-23-04
Enter random newbie...
Hey, I am new and I am kewl! But I need a catchphrase because I am so damn sexy! I will say it to this guy right here!
DING DAMN!
At the funeral of the random newbie. Notice how no one is there.

 

by Speez
6-28-04
TAS opens the door to his room after a mysterious knock.
Hmm, there seems to be a flaming bag. I better step on it to put it out before it burns down UBCS.
So, you rigged the bag with expolsives that will only go off if someone steps on it?
My little twist on a classic prank.

 

by Speez
7-01-04
What the gay! Speez had another contest to be a perment character in the comic, and some guy Jish answered all the questions before me! Speez rigged it!
Speez hates me and my uber 1337ness to the extreme! I am going to bitch about it till...wait a second.
Wow, I had a freaking big stick up my ass.

 

by Speez
7-01-04
Ok, we shall call this meeting of the Anti-Ace Clubt o order!
Umm, I don't want to be in the club no more.
What do you mean you don't want to be in the club anymore? You founded it!
I no longer want to be associated with a loser like you.

 

by Speez
7-01-04
You can't leave the club! We are people who have a common cause! Ace has given us so much pain, we are trying to destory the man!
But Ace doesn't pick on me that much anymore.
What, what, what? Ace doesn't beat you silly with a sack of doorknobs every hour on the hour?
Nope. He says there are no bigger losers at UBCS for him to knobbed.
But, but, what about all the adventures we had together.
What, like the one that ended with me hand getting glued to your ass. I may be gay, but you are one ugly man.

 

by Speez
7-01-04
Damn, now I am the only person in the Anti Ace Club. And I would be even a bigger loser to be the only person in this club.
I need to find someone else who is abused by Ace on a daily basis. But who will join me?
Elsewhere...
That's right Frenchie, you love France, so eat that barrel full of french toast!
Please, I have already eaten 23 pounds of the french toast!

 

by Speez
7-04-04
Hey MS654, I hear that Ace also totures you also.
It is true! The other day he stripped me naked and throw me in a pool of hungry wolves.
And these wolves were bread to only eat hot dogs. Also, I was covered in bacon fat.
Uhh, so...
And he also stuck a small fury creature up my ass before throwing me in.

 

by Speez
7-04-04
So, will you join the Anti Ace Club with me?
Sure, I would love to get back at Ace for all the things he has done to me.
Yes, now we can plan out evil plans to get back at him for the years of abuse.
So, any ideas?
Sorry, I am french. I just sit around and bitch about the United States.

 

by Speez
7-04-04
Ace, whatever you do, do not go and look in the bushes.
I mean, I have something very very important in the bushes, and I don't want you to break it, or stick it in one of the many holes in my body.
Alright, I will be going now, leaving the bushes unprotected. Don't look in the bushes!
I seriously think he gets dumber by the minute.

 

by Speez
7-04-04
So, did you trick Ace into looking in these bushes, so the bomb will blow up in his face?
Yep, and once he sticks his head in and looks, we will push this button and we will finally get our revenge on Ace!
Uhh, did you know that there is one of those sticky gernades from Halo stuck to your ass?
What? Ace did pat me on the ass when I left, but he said it was out of friendship. Oh crap.

 

by Speez
7-04-04
Yeah, I am sorry the Anti Ace Club tried to blow you up, but boy, did that plan blow up in our face.
That's cool man. How bout a friendly handshake.
Uhh, sure. I don't see any harm in that.
Maybe this will end the battle between us. Hey TAS, there is a bug on you face!!!
Argh! Get it off! Wait...are my hands glued to my face again?
Ahh, this glue jokes never gets old.

 

by Speez
7-30-04
Pretend Denza is sitting watching TV.
Man, I have been sitting here watching TV for awhile. Should get up and get the flood flowing again....OUCH!
Denza falls to the floor in pain.
Oh Jesus! My boxers were wrapped around my nuts and standing up gave me a major nutsack wedgie! Well, I might not be able to have childern, but this can't get worse.
Now it's time for the "Dawson'ss Creek" thirty-six hour marathon.
AHHHHHHH!

 

by Speez
8-15-04
Ace, we are at code Brown! I repeat, code Brown!
My god, I thought this day would never come!
Get the women and children to the shelter first.
Screw that, I am saving myself.
That's very noble of you. You just knocked TAS over on your way to the shelter, but then turned and kicked him in the nuts.

 

by Speez
8-15-04
Come on everyone, into the shelter before the gas gets to us! This is a Code Brown!
CP, what is a Code Brown?
Trust me, it is the most vile thing that can be done. Now get in the shelter.
Ok, but this is all so scary.
Ohhh, I shouldn't have gone on the 72 hour Taco Bell eating spree. I need to poop now.

 

by Speez
8-15-04
So, a Code Brown is when Speez has to use the bathroom after some heavy mexican food eating?
That's right son. Right now, Speez is in the bathroom slowly destorying the Earth.
Seriously, how much damage could Speez do on the toliet?
Meanwhile, in Speez's bathroom.
Oh man, the wallpaper is peeling again.

 

by Speez
8-15-04
In the Code Brown Shelter...
TAS, we have a problem. It seems we didn't pack enough supplies. We will have to send you out to get more.
But it's a Code Brown? Shouldn't I wear some kind of protective suit?
There's no time man! Get out there or we all die?
Alright, I will gladly put my life on the line to save the population of the UBCS.
Not much later...
Dude, we have enough supplies.
Wait, wait. Listen. That is the sound of no lame ass TAS. Now pass me a super beer.

 

by Speez
8-18-04
The sexy TAS has been sent out into dangerous conditions to get supplies. How will he surive in this harsh harsh enivorment?
Oh man, I just ripped a huge fart. I think I blew a hole in the back of the toliet.
Did it just get warmer?

 

by Speez
8-18-04
The Sexy TAS has been forced into a space like suit so he can move safely in these harsh conditions.
Holy crap, I don't remember eating that! Oh god, here comes another batch of hugh wet farts.
Holy cheese, that was a big shock wave.

 

by Speez
8-18-04
Alright, the Sexy TAS finally found the supplies Ace asked me to bring back. Bananas, a hammer, hotdogs and a numerous broomsticks.
He said there was a special way I need to bring it back. What was it?
Oh yeah, I have to keister these items. Well, better drop my pants and get it over with.

 

by Speez
8-18-04
TAS stands outside the "Brown Code" shelter.
Ok Ace, I got the stuff.
Did you keister it?
Yep, I have more stuff up my butt than UBCS Man.
Did you follow all my instruction?
Yeah, I took digtal pictures of myself keistering the banana and posted it online.
Oh, this is too good to be true.

 

by Speez
8-18-04
Dude, you got to see what I made TAS do.
Ok, I have to go see.
Not much later...
Ok, why is TAS standing in his underwear outside...holding his butt in pain?
Hey, taking off his clothes was not in my instructions, that was his own little gay addition.
Never a dull moment in UBCS Land. I need a Super Beer.

 

by Speez
8-21-04
So, is the Code Brown over?
Yes, it has ended three months after it began. Speez finally emerged from the bathroom, and if he goes near tacos again, the order is shot to kill.
Thank god, I was scared.
We all were. TAS suffered the only injury that Ace likes to call "Bleeding of the ass".
Hold me, I am still scared.
Uhh, no.

 

by Speez
9-20-04
*Whistles* Going to the porn bush for a night of whack...
...OH JESUS NO!
THE PORNO BUSH IS DYING!

 

by Speez
9-20-04
How can the porno bush be dying?
I dunno. Maybe over use, but that is not the point. How do we make another one?
Have we tried burying another porno mag?
PORNO IS ART! IT DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THE DIRT!
...Dude, it is a bunch of pictures of naked women....
...who are very flexible...and are holding various fruits...

 

by Speez
9-20-04
Speez, what are we going to do? We don't even know who planted the first porno bush!
Oh, the porno bush. That was me.
Who the fuck are you?

 

by Speez
9-29-04
I am Jish, the creator of the Porno Bush!
Dude, you so have to tell me how you made it!
Easy, I just spliced the DNA of a bush with that of a porno mag.
Uhh...
Can you make another boob bush?

 

by Speez
10-12-04
My computer can take any two objects and splice their DNA together to make a new item.
Uhh, really? So interesting...
There are only three of these babies in the world. Bill Gates has one and so does Val Kilmer. My kinda illegally because I downloaded and cracked the software.
Speaking of soft....and not wanting to be soft...
You don't sound very interested in this advance in science.
Just make a porno bush and one...no two tissue bushes!

 

by Speez
10-12-04
Denza, where are you going honey?
The porno bush is back! I have to go...umm...celebrate...
Why would you need that bush when you have a "bush" right here, if you know what I mean...
But this bush is nicer looking and doesn't smell like cheese...
Later, at the bush...
You hear Denza was murdered?
No talking during bush time.

 

by Speez
10-27-04
Dude, I wonder if that Ian guy is gay.
What? He is gay like a fox.
Speez: He was talking to his "friend" yesterday...
Just because he has gay friends doesn't make Ian himself gay.
They were talking about the buttsex.

 

by Speez
10-27-04
Dude, just because he was talking about buttsex does not make him gay.
Oh, I beg to differ. He was talking about recieving, as well, as dishing out said buttsex.
That still doesn't prove anything! Different people take it different ways!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
No, I didn't mean it like that! Grow up!
OH MY GOD! DIFFERENT WAYS OF BUTTSEX! HAHAHA!

 

by Speez
10-27-04
Shut up Speez, my girlfriend is calling me up on the phone. Stop your stupid laughing about different buttsex.
Teeheehehe, different buttsex.
Hey Misty. Yeah, what? Have you tried a candle?
SWEET JESUS, BUTTSEX WITH A CANDLE!
Really cute Speez, Misty overheard that.
HAHA, BUTTSEX WITH A CANDLE!!!

 

by Speez
10-27-04
Cool! It is Jish's unattended super computer that can kill a person with it's powerful RAM.
Also, I have to pee. Hmm, there is this cotainer next to the PC.
Must have been fate...

 

by Speez
10-27-04
Jish's super computer makes a buzzing noise after Speez pees in a cotainer next to it...
Buzz. DNA Splicing complete!
Making new species now.
Whoa, what just happen!
DNA splicing complete.

 

by Speez
10-27-04
Hey Speez, what is up?
Nothing much DJWeeman! I am just going to brutally kill you!
Stop kidding around Speez...wait, you aren't Speez! I can't tell what is different, but you aren't the real Speez!
That's right you never used character! I am the Anti-Speez! Now die forever you hippie!
Not long after DJ is brutally murdered.
That's what you get for living after Oog almost killed you.

 

by Speez
10-27-04
Speez, did you mess with my computer?
No....
...oh wait, I did pee in the little container next to it.
Seriously, are you just reaching for new comic stories? What's next, masterbating onto a cake?
Hey, that ain't a bad idea....

 

by Speez
10-27-04
Speez, you peed into my cloner/DNA splicer.
Cool beans! Is there a little Speez running around?
But the thing is, CP asked me to study Oogs DNA, just in case he returned this Halloween to kill again.
Sounds reasonable.
But your DNA mixed with his and now we have the Anti-Speez running around killing UBSCers!
Oh, my bad.

 

by Speez
11-08-04
Speez, you should finish this stupid saga so the peons don't rebel.
Oh, ok.
Speez, you should finish this stupid saga so the peons don't rebel.
Oh, ok.
Speez, you should finish this stupid saga so the peons don't rebel.
Oh, ok.

 

by Speez
11-08-04
Speez, you should finish this stupid saga so the peon's don't rebal.
Whatever.
Umm, everyone dies, the end.
That is so beatiful.
Screw you all, Halo comes out in a few hours. See you bitches on Xbox Live.

 

by Speez
12-08-04
Denza interrupts Speez, who was happily playing Halo 2...
Speez, I have a question...
Argh, what is it. Can't you see I am pwnding the noobzoors online!
If we all died at the end of the Halloween saga, why are we still here?
I don't know, but you should go ask Ace many times over and over again.
That is what you told TAS to do, and Ace stuck an Xbox controller up his ass. The big one to boot.
Yeah, that was kinda funny. TAS owes me a big Xbox controller now.

 

by Speez
1-01-05
Happy New Year Speez! How many UBCS Comics can we expect in 2005?
Three.
Three? Just that?
Yep.
Does this one count?
It sure does.

 

by Speez
1-12-05
Hey, I haven't seen TAS in awhile. Does this fact relate to you in any way?
Well, it seems that TAS got on national TV and pretended to moon the camera.
So...
So? That is disgusting and unmorale. Not to mention childish.
I think you are making a big deal out of nothing.
TAS was sentenced to death by "Sack of Doorknobs".

 

by Speez
1-14-05
Pretend they are looking at the car...
Speez, look at my new car. It's a beauty, isn't it! Look at that motor with it's twelve pistons of power giving it 2 millions horse power.
Wow. Let me look here! Look at that carburetor! Looks mighty full.
Uhh, yeah...I filled it this morning. And right next to that is the flux capacitor. You know, for time travel.
Yep, I heard those are standard like AC now.
You know nothing about cars, do you?
Hey, I know what a flux capacitor is!

 

by Speez
1-14-05
What do you think of my car?
It seems to be missing an option.
What could I have missed? I have power windows, a jamming CD player, 2 million horse power and power steering! What am I missing!
Where is the strap to make it an extension of your penis?
Oh, I got the one that makes my ego bigger.
Same difference.

Showing page 15.

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