All comics by edoggydog

 

by edoggydog
1-06-06
Yee-OUCH!!
Groovy!
Oy vay! My aching toches!
I wish I knew how to quit Jews!
OY! OY!! OY!!!
BAR MITZVA!!

 

by edoggydog
1-08-06
Then, I realized if I let that whore get away with stealing my husband without me burning down her home, I would never have true balance!
Groovy!
That's why I believe in "TIT for TAT"!
Well, in that case...TAT!
?!?
Give it up, bitch!

 

by edoggydog
1-12-06
...and it was at that moment when I decided to forego my senior year and enter the NBA draft!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I just read on Yahoo that a clinic in Iran has an "innovative" way of dealing with heroins addicts. Apparently, they just shoot them up!
With what? MORE heroin?
No, with BULLETS!
Holy Khomeni!!

 

by edoggydog
1-13-06
Thanks for calling the Orange County chapter of the NAACP. My name is Neal, and I can assist you...
Groovy!
I'd like to talk to the head nigger there...
Uh, we here at the NAACP like to be called either African-American, or "people of color"...
Sorry. I just wanted to donate $50,000...
In that case, I'll get the head nigger on the phone now!

 

by edoggydog
1-14-06
I got your test results right here...
Groovy!
You've tested positive for herpes, syphillis, gonorhea, crabs, and jock itch. But, no AIDS!
Thank God!
Oh, wait... It says, "See other side." Hmmm... It looks like you DO have AIDS! Sorry about that...
RAT FARTS!

 

by edoggydog
1-14-06
I have your test results right here...
Groovy!
You tested positive for herpes, syphillis, crabs, jock itch, and maids...
Maids?
Did I say, "maids"? I meant to say, "AIDS"!
RATS FUCKING!!

 

by edoggydog
1-18-06
Wanna hear the latest the fags- er, pillow biters- er, gays are saying about Abraham Lincoln?
Groovy!
They say he was homosexual! I guess their hope is that if straight Americans found out ol' Abe was gay, then maybe they'd be more accepting of homosexuality...
I don't care if Jesus Christ HIMSELF preferred men, I am NOT going to start taking it up the ass!
Sorry! I was just trying to make a point... Please, don't smite me!
!

 

by edoggydog
1-18-06
...then, I told him that I'd hit him so HARD, his dog will have to take a SHIT!
Groovy!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
What's wrong, Gabe?
Well, I wanted to use one of those wireless headsets for my cell phone, but it turns out that I need "blue ball" technology. So, for the past six months, I've been watching porn, and NOT jacking off!
It's called, "blue tooth" technology, dingle-berry!

 

by edoggydog
1-18-06
...so, I said "Arrgghh!", and the dog said, "Arrrff!" Then, we sniffed each other's crotch and went our separate ways... Arrrgghh!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I wanted to use one of those [arrrrgghh!] hands-free headphones, but the guy at Radio Shaq says I can't because I don't have "Bluebeard" technology!
Uh...
I mean, that guy's been dead for decades! ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!
Never mind...

 

by edoggydog
1-18-06
So, there I was at the '84 Olympics, on the starting platform, just about to swim for the gold in the 100 meter freestyle...
Groovy!
Since I won the prelim in record time, I was a shoe-in to win the finals, even though I was just a head! But, when the gun went off, I rolled in and went straight to the bottom of the pool...
That sucks! What happened?
GODDAMN MUSCLE CRAMP!!
Whaaaaaaat?

 

by edoggydog
1-20-06
...then, I says, "I did! I did see a putty-tat!" But, they STILL slapped the cuffs on me and put me in this cage!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I just read a headline on Yahoo that the WHO are calling for a halt to malaria treatment! I mean, what makes Pete Townsend think he knows what's best for the health of the human race?
Oh, you dumb-fuck, bird-brained, feather-faced moron! "WHO" is the World Health Organiz-
Hey, Roger Daltry! ♫ Whoooo are you? Who, who, who, WHO? ♫
Fuck this! ♫ I'm mobile... ♫

 

by edoggydog
1-20-06
Wanna hear the latest about "Brokeback Mountain"?
Groovy!
Apparently, the movie has only made $22 million, not even covering the original cost to produce it!
Looks like the studio really "took it up the ass" on that one!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

by edoggydog
1-22-06
So, I've been seeing this physician named Dr. Felcher, and he's shown me how I can increase the size of my breasts naturally...
Groovy!
All I have to do is frequently sing to myself, ♫ "Hi-ho! Hi-ho! My boobs are gonna grow!" ♫
Well, I, too, have been seeing Dr. Felcher for natural "enhancement"...
Really? What song do you sing?
♫ "Hickory dickory DOCK..." ♫

 

by edoggydog
1-22-06
Dude... Let me tell you about this fine beotch in the bar that was just hitting on me!
Groovy!
She said that she wanted to take me home to have sex, but only if I have a NINE-inch dick...
What did you say?
I told her that no matter how good-lucking a woman is, I will not cut off THREE inches!
Well, if you ever DO decide to cut off three inches of your dick, can you give them to me? Please?

 

by edoggydog
1-22-06
Homey... Let me tell you about this fine-ass skank that was just hitting on me at the bar!
Groovy!
She said she wanted to take me home and fuck my brains out, just as long as I have a twelve-inch cock, which I do!
Then, what the hell you doing in HERE?
Jacking off!
GET BACK OUT THERE, DUMBASS!!

 

by edoggydog
1-23-06
Say... Wanna play a game of "hide and go seek"?
Groovy!
And, if you find me, I'll give you a BLOWJOB!
Coo'! But, what if I CAN'T find you?
Don't worry... I'll be hiding behind the COUCH!
Groo-fucking-EEE!

 

by edoggydog
1-23-06
Well... I think it's great you're dating someone HALF your age!
Groovy!
But, seriously... How DEEP could your realtionship with her be?
Eight inches!
Eight inches?
Yeah. That's the length of my penis!

 

by edoggydog
1-23-06
Well... I think it's wonderful you're dating someone HALF your age!
Groovy!
What does her father think of her seeing you?
He's PISSED OFF!
Pissed off? Why?
Because, I'm only 28 years old!

 

by edoggydog
1-26-06
I agree with you that we SHOULD build a fifty-foot wall on the U.S.-Mexico border to keep illegals and terrorists out...
Groovy!
...but, the liberals on THIS side of the border will get there panties in a wad if we do, in fact, build it!
True. But, the Mexicans will actually be HAPPY if we build it!
Really? Why?
Because of the expansive, virgin GRAFFITI SPACE that will be created!

 

by edoggydog
1-26-06
Dude... Wanna hear about the Russian and Czechoslovakian scientists who were eaten by a pair of grizzly bears in Yellowstone National Park?
Groovy!
One of the bears was male, and the other was female. However, they were only able to capture and kill the female, and when they opened her up, the found the remains of the Russian...
You know what that means, don't you?
No...
The CZECH'S in the MALE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]

 

by edoggydog
1-30-06
Today was my first day at the robot factory...
Groovy!
"My only job was to catch expensive, newly-developed robot parts that were tossed to me from the third floor, and load them into a bin on the first..."
"Let's just say my first day on the job didn't go so well!"
[CRASH!!]
Whoopise!

 

by edoggydog
1-30-06
Today was my first day at the mannequin factory...
Groovy!
"My only job was to catch expensive, newly-developed mannequin heads that were tossed to me from the third floor, and load him into a bin on the first..."
"Suffice to say, my first day didn't work out as planned!"
[CRASH!!]
Shit!

 

by edoggydog
1-30-06
Today was my first day at the red herring factory...
Groovy!
"My only job was to catch fish that were tossed to me from the third floor, and load them in packed ice on the first..."
CATCH ME!!
"Needless to say... Oh, never mind!"
[SQUISH!]
FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!

 

by edoggydog
2-01-06
I made a scientific discovery, of a catastrophic nature, that I think you should know about...
Groovy!
The world's going to end in 30 days!
Cool!
Cool? Didn't you hear what I said? THE WORLD'S GOING TO END IN 30 DAYS!!
Oh... I thought you said, "The girl's blowing a friend in dirty ways!"

 

by edoggydog
2-01-06
Like I said, the world's going to end in 30 days! So, I'm going to jump in this time machine, and go 29 DAYS in the future and see how it happens so I may be able to prevent it!
Groovy!
Yee-OUCH!
Whaaaaaaaaat? You're still here?
You might want to check the settings on your machine because you went only 29 MINUTES into the future!

 

by edoggydog
2-01-06
Okay... I've reset the dials on the time machine for 29 DAYS in the future in hopes of preventing the end of the world!
Groovy!
Yeeeeee-OUCH!!
Huh? What's today's date?
February 1, 2035... Now, come with me to the human disposal camp!

 

by edoggydog
2-01-06
Whew! I was THAT close to being terminated by a band of robots in the future! I was barely able to escape!
Groovy!
I think we should disamntle this time machine before- WHAT THE FUCK?!
Who the hell are you, and what did you do to my French-looking, fag-boyish friend?
I'm the new T1000 Cyborg, and I followed you back from the future to ensure the destruction of the world! And, as far as the other guy... I think he went to go take a major shit!

 

by edoggydog
2-01-06
So... How do you feel after taking a major shit?
Groovy!
Oh, by the way... I re-checked my calculations, and discovered that the world WON'T be ending in 30 days!
Ah, FUCK! Now, I gotta go make my goddamn mortgage payment!
It's going to end in thirty-ONE days!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [clank]

 

by edoggydog
2-09-06
...and, that's how I ended up with a really bad case of lock-jaw!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... Who won the Superbowl?
The Pittsburg Steelers...
The STEELERS? Oh, my GOD! This could be an OMEN that the world will be ending in 30 days! I'd better do some research into this CALAMITY!
I better not tell him that the Clippers might make the playoffs this year!

 

by edoggydog
2-12-06
So, I went on-line to try and buy an "American Girls" doll for my niece's birthday...
Groovy!
"I typed in 'americangirls.com', but instead of getting their web page, I ended up on a lesbian porn site with Asian women!"
Would you like join us for some sucky-fucky?
You pay $59.95 per month NOW, goddammit!
Needless to say, I logged on to the WRONG website! SHOCKING!
I tell you what's REALLY shocking... Even our PORN is now being outsourced to CHINA!

 

by edoggydog
2-12-06
I've been trying to lose some weight, so my bitch- er, girlfriend took me to a vegetarian restaurant last night...
Groovy!
What I found interesting, though, is that the dishes they were serving had simulated chicken and beef made out of tofu, which actually TASTED like chicken and beef!
Y'know... Vegetarians eating simulated meat makes absolutely NO sense to me!
How do you mean?
It's like when lesbians, who, of course, hate men, fuck each other with strap-on penises! HUH??

 

by edoggydog
2-12-06
I once threw a chicken off my roof to see if it'd fly...
It didn't..
Neither did your 1100th comic!
?!?
Late...

 

by edoggydog
2-13-06
Oh, YEAH? I just threw your MAMA off the roof!
Groovy!
You're not upset?
Hell, NO! My mother has a million-dollar life insurance policy with TRIPLE indemnity in the event of death by falling! I'm RICH!!
Well...uh...er...um...
Ha, ha!

 

by edoggydog
2-13-06
Let's bury the hatchet! C'mon... I'll buy you some frozen yogurt!
Groovy!
By the way... Who do you want to win in 2008?
Hillary Clinton!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

 

by edoggydog
2-23-06
Sure, you can look under my kilt to see if I'm wearing underwear...
Groovy!
Oh, God! I shouldn't have eaten so much haggis for lunch! I gotta FART something FIERCE!
I can't see a goddamned thing! I'll try lighting a match...
Whoopsie!

 

by edoggydog
2-27-06
...then, Nurse Titty's blouse exploded, and out popped two of the biggest... Well, they don't call her, "Nurse Titty" for nothin'!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... You had a question for me?
Yeah... Can a person get AIDS if he's bitten on the neck by a gay man with HIV?
Of course, not!
What if I- er, the said "person" were being drilled in the ass by that gay man at the time?

 

by edoggydog
3-05-06
So, I joined a dating website that promised they would match me up with the ideal woman based on the results of my own personality test...
"Welcome to e-Shamony... You have eight hundred women that fit your specific personality!"
Groovy!
The difference with this service is you don't get to see what the other person looks like until you've "fallen in love" with who they are on the INSIDE...
"I think you're really nice! I'll let you see my picture now..."
Suh-WEET!
The only problem is that you have to live with what the ugly bitch looks like on the OUT-FUCKING-SIDE!!
GAH!!

 

by edoggydog
3-06-06
You find an on-line pornsite with a beautiful Asian girl, sporting big titties, doing a lucky white guy in the back of a minivan while driving around town...
"Lay back while I give you sucky-sucky!"
Groovy!
But, there's some idiot in the background giving lame play-by-play, disrupting your concentration while you're working towards "releasing your inmates", if you know what I mean!
"That's it, girl. (hee, hee) Take it in! Does that feel good, dude? Look at those boobies! (hee, hee, hee) "
?!?
Not that I (ahem) look at a lot of on-line porn!
"Woah, dude! She's working it! (hee, hee, hee) Gag on that thing, girl! (hee, hee, hee, hee) Now, hop on top and ride him like a unicycle! (hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee...)"
WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

 

by edoggydog
3-07-06
Last night my wife begged me to give her nine inches and "make it hurt"!
Groovy!
So, I fucked her TWICE and dropped an ANVIL on her head!
Ha, ha! Oh, wait- for this CC, the comic has to represent what REALLY happened...
Okay... THREE times!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA They may as well stop the contest now, 'cuz we have a WINNER!

 

by edoggydog
3-07-06
So, this Jew walks into a bar...
Groovy!
...and, the bartender says, "Hey! We don't serve big-nosed, money-grubbing, Jesus-hating, Democrat-voting, no ham-eating, penis-circumcising...
?
...Holocaust-reminding, flatbread-eating, Hannuka-celebrating, Palestinian land-grabbing, yamaka-wearing, movie industry-dominating, grade curve-ruining...
Okay! I get it!

 

by edoggydog
3-08-06
Once upon a time, I meet a 20 year-old (half my age, I should add) on Match.com who only wants to come over and screw me on weekends...
That was good fucky-fucky! See you next week!
Groovy!
But, then I get to liking her, and try to make her my girlfriend. So, I leave her multiple messages during the week, and do a slow burn as I wait by the phone for her to call me back...
Ring, motherfucker! RING!!
And, wait... And, wait... And, wait...
Why doesn't she love me?

 

by edoggydog
3-08-06
I love prostituting! I really do! Sometimes, I prostitute so long, I lose track of what I'm doing! That's my favorite!
Groovy!
*sniff*
Is that a dead hooker I'm smelling?

 

by edoggydog
3-08-06
I love prostituting! I really do! Sometimes, I prostitute so long, I lose track of what I'm doing! That's my favorite!
Groovy!
*sniff, sniff* Hmmm... Smells like your cooking a dead hooker!
Wanna piece?
Well, I am feeling a little peckish...

 

by edoggydog
3-08-06
...then, I says, "What the @%#$ are you sqwaking about?"
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I just read on Yahoo that Pakistan is outlawing kike flying because of all the deaths involved. I can't blame them. If, a Jew fell on me, I'd be CRUSHED!
They're outlawing KITE flying because people are being killed by the type of string the flyers are using, you stoopid, banana-looking cracker-eater!
Really? Never mind...
GODDAMNSONUVABITCHMOTHERFUCKINGCUNTFACEDWHORE...

 

by edoggydog
3-08-06
So, then I says, "Men in turbins don't generate groovy-toons!"
Groovy!
By the way... You're gonna have to tell all the fellas that we're running low on beef, so only a select few will be eating steak tonight...
Well, if we cook YOU, then there'll be a piece of ASS for everyone! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]
What?

 

by edoggydog
3-09-06
Baby... I want you to take me to bed and work me like an immigrant seamstress!
Groovy!
But this time, make sure "it" is fully ENGORGED!
Okay... I'm just afraid that I'll pass out from the MASSIVE transfer of blood from my brain in order to make something so HUGE completely ERECT!
FWOOMP!!
Well, I'll be...
Huh? What just happened?

 

by edoggydog
3-11-06
Hey, nephew... Wanna hear the one about the mole family?
Groovy!
First, the papa mole sticks his head out of the mole hill and says, "I smell maple syrup!" So, mama mole sticks her head out and says, "I, too, smell maple syrup!"
What about the baby mole?
He looks up at them and says, "I only smell mole-asses!" Get it? MOLASSES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA--Ack! My heart! [*fwoomp*]
Uncle?

 

by edoggydog
3-12-06
I want you to insert both your hands into my vagina...
Groovy!
Now... CLAP YOUR HANDS!
I CAN'T!!
Pretty tight, huh?
Ummm...

 

by edoggydog
3-17-06
...then, I says, "You can take your bird seed, and shove it up your ASS!"
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I was listening to the NCAA Basketball Tournament on the radio, and I heard they were playing some of the games in down in UC San Diego's Gymnasium...
You mean "Cox Arena"?
Yeah... But, isn't that name a little X-rated for a college venue? I mean, do they play their football games in "Cunts Colliseum"? Watch plays in "Twats Theater"? Study in "Balls Hall"...
IMUSTGETASFARFUCKINGAWAYASIFUCKINGCANBEFOREMYFUCKINGHEADEXPLODESEVENIFITMEANSIENDUPONANOTHERFUCKINGWEBSITE!!!!

 

by edoggydog
3-17-06
...and between you and me, I think Brad actually did have an affair with Kaufman!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I brought you into the bathroom to show you what I think the next FAD will be! Take a look in the bowl-
Uh, I hate to interrupt, but it really SMELLS in here! Can you at least FLUSH THE TOILET?
That's what I'm trying to show you... You've heard of "Lincoln Logs"? Well, I've invented "Stinkin' Logs"!
"Stinkin' LOGS"? What's next..? "Hula POOP?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [*frrrrrpt*]

Showing page 15.

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