All comics by BobRogers

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by BobRogers
12-16-06
uditions are now underway for new characters...
I am here to audition for the role of "IheartNY." The Character Agency sent me over.
OK, what are your qualifications?
I am a pleasant person who tries to get along with everyone, even dave.
Cool. And what else?
I look bitchin' in a bikini
You're in.

 

by BobRogers
12-16-06
There's a couple of things we need to discuss prior to me undertaking to "be" IHeart.
Such as what?
Well, I have studied IHeart for some time now. She is an independent woman, kind, even gentle, but razor sharp when needs be.
Well, I have always liked her...
Also, the first time I see a road, I'm outta here.
Not here! Hey Now! Why would I run over a beautiful lady with a Peterbilt?

 

by BobRogers
12-17-06
Suddenly, the famous Stripper "Crabby" turned and began to bite...
You are weird.
You're "Crabby," right? Strip Creator regular, beloved of dozens?
Yep, that's me. The swingingest # 1 hipster, King of the Fights Go Here Forum. If I say you are weird, thousand of people will immediately hate you.
All this because I said "Grrr" and "Prrrr" in a message to Brad that had no connection whatsoever to you or yours?
Correctness. You are weird.
You're really Dick Cheny in disguise, aren't you? And why are you bottle feeding a salamander? Must be a Mormon thing.

 

by BobRogers
12-17-06
Santa, you granted my Christmas wish. I now have a new job! No more waiting in that cold dark character storage cache. I am now IHeartNY.
I'm glad you are happy, IHeart. Let's talk a little more inside my house. Mrs. Claus is off shopping at Wal-Mart.
Would you like a glass of wine, my dear?
Wow, Santa. A 1787 Chateau Lafite. That's a Guiness World Record Holder. Thank you!
I have a feeling I am going to make the 2007 "Naughty " list...

 

by BobRogers
12-17-06
Hazing among toonites can be brutal...
Hey Now! I'm here from Central Character Casting. I'm here to play some mope named "Nick the Hood." Do youse know where da boss is?
Uh, yeah. He's over at the road right now. I think he's waiting for you.
Converging Peterbilts can make a really big mess. No worries. Bob told me Nick already got the job.

 

by BobRogers
12-17-06
I have decided to kill off Dave.
I thought you said we cartoon characters can't die. It's one of the fundemental laws of our universe.
Actually, I plan to lock him away in a closet where nobody has to listen to him anymore.
You can't DO THIS TO ME. I want to come OUT OF THE CLOSET NOW! Help! I'm in the closet and I WANT TO COME OUT!

 

by BobRogers
12-18-06
The Sprint Guy instals a telephone in Dave's Closet...
Ring RING Ring!
Hello... Who the feck is this?
This is Santa Claus. Have you been a good boy Dave? What would you like for Christmas. Make a wish, Son...
I JUST WANT TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!
OK Dave. You are OUT of the closet.
I HAte this stupid ISLAND and I hate Christmas!

 

by BobRogers
12-19-06
Honestly, Dave. Are you never satisfied? You wished to come out of the closet that Bob put you in...
I HATE Bob
Here you are, on a sunny beach on a tropical island and still bitching.
I HATE this stupid island. I have been here before and it's STUPID.
I have to be getting back ti the north pole Dave. Maybe you will like it better here in Iraq. Good luck with the crappy attitude.
I HATE the desert.

 

by BobRogers
12-19-06
Desert heat can play tricks on the mind...
Baaaa.
I really don't have time for sex right now. i am lost in the Iracish desert.
What are you doing in my country, exploitive American Christian Crusader Schum. And it's IRAQI desert, by the way.
Please don't hurt me. My best friend is a Canadian!
I think I will kill you here, uncircumcized son of a mongrel dog. I am going to go Al Queda all over your ass.
I'm gonna make like a tree and get the hell outta here!

 

by BobRogers
12-19-06
Listen, Ahab. I'm looking for my little butt buddy Dave. Bond's the name. I'm Canadian.
I HATE Canada!
Canada THIS, infidel!
Owww. You're hurting me! Your breath smells like Camel penis!
I'll teach you to insult a Muslim, you Canadian Cracker!
Stupid insurgents. Always leaving land mines laying around...

 

by BobRogers
12-19-06
Wow. Looks like I dodged an ass kicking and getting blown up. i'm a lucky boy!
Yaggh! Who the feck are you?
I'm Nick The Hood. Youse need to come wit me. Yer name is on my list.
What fecking list?
My DEATH list, Albert. Youse are scheduled to die from sunstroke in 3 minutes.

 

by BobRogers
12-19-06
2 minutes and counting, Dave.
Um, Nick... Could I talk to you for a minute?
Absolutely, gorgous. My time is yours.
I wonder if I could get you to not take Dave to Hell right now. Enterprise fired him. He's been living in a closet. It's just sad.
Well, ok. If I let him go, can we have drinks at the "Do Tell Inn?" and maybe some of those beer nuts?
You're my hero, Nick The Hood!

 

by BobRogers
12-27-06
The desert sucks. I wish I was back in the closet.
Stupid wishes.

 

by BobRogers
12-30-06
My understanding is that you don't like Niggers, Dave. I assume that means you don't like black people either.
Shut up, stupid jew.
So you are an equal opportunity bigot? I like that in a racist.
Oh. I saw your mom today and she told me to tell you that you are 1 quarter Watusi.
Can't ... take.... it.....

 

by BobRogers
12-31-06
Happy new Year there Nick! 2007 should be a good year for comedy and popcorn.
Yeah. What with Dave leaving The Shrine, it should be a banner year for intelligent conversation as well.
Big Daddy. James Bond. Rectal Itch and the inevitable return of Dave on Jan 5th...
Wow. You really know how to cut right to the chase don't you, Gargoyle?

 

by BobRogers
1-01-07
Big Daddy reporting for cartoon duty, Bob.
Ok. Good . The work order finally came through. Now remember, in order to be Big Daddy, you have to be a bigger asshole than any shrine member ever was.
More of an asshole than Dave or James Bond?
Just think, "I am Emperor of The Brain Dead and Terminally Stupid" and you will be in the ball park.
Does this mean I can reveal Personal information about others?
To be true to your character, you must be insufferable and irredeemable. Now get out there and be the very best GIT you can be!

 

by BobRogers
1-01-07
I'm Big Daddy. I'm looking for IHeartNY so that I can senselessly rag on her and generally make an ass out of myself.
You're already an ass. Why go to any extra effort?
Listen, WISE guy! Your job is EXPOSITION and TRANSITION, not COMMENTARY. Got it?
One 3 panel strip and he already thinks he owns the place.
Grrrrrr!
Lemme ask you. WHO takes a growling pink donkey seriously?

 

by BobRogers
1-02-07
The life span of a character is measured by the smarts he displays...
Bond. I'm glad I caught up with you. Listen... um... why are you standing on the road. Do you know what happens when you stand here?
I really don't care. I hate my avatar. I hate Doc. I hate everybody else. I hate my life.
Peterbilt rolls. Problem solved.
What the..?!?
Peterbilt rolls again. Other problem solved.

 

by BobRogers
1-05-07
Dave is gone from the desert, back in his closet and silent. But Nick the Hood is still "out there."
According to Google news, the price of crude oil has dropped below $55 a barrel.
That should make the price of gasoline drop below $2.00 per gallon.
You're saying that like it's a good thing.
I'd like to see gas hit $1.48 a gallon before the oil companies stick it to us again in the summer of 2007
Some friends and I were planning on invading Israel and taking 300 hostages.
That's not going to help, you know.

 

by BobRogers
1-06-07
Ali Babba Hussien pops his bomb. Then...
So you are Allah's personal lawyer, yes?
Yep. Now what seems to be the complaint?
Well, I was told that all I had to do was detonate my suicide bomb inside a group of infidels and I would automatically go to heaven.
OK. The background says "heaven" and here you are. What's the beef?
Well, for openers, this has to be Hell, because there ARE NO LAWYERS IN HEAVEN!
OK, Pal. You got me.

 

by BobRogers
1-07-07
Big Daddy is now making cartoons.
You're saying that like it's a bad thing. Have you forgotton how dark an lonely it is in the Character Cache waiting for a gig?
I hadn't thought of it like that before. Being a lead character, I am almost never there. Too busy.
The quailty of the cartoon, it's humor or lack thereof is unimportant. It's JOBS that count.
Spoken like a true union man.
Rat on Brutha. Union forever!

 

by BobRogers
1-07-07
In the frozen North...
I am a Canadian.
What's your point?
I am a Canadian!
Yeah. I caught that in the first panel. You are the reason I am freezing my ass off on the tundra instead of being in a nice warm doghouse.
I am a Canadian?
Sheesh. Get a grip on your identity, you clown. It's a gig. Roll with it.

 

by BobRogers
1-07-07
It has come to my attention that some people at whom the previous 3 panel cartoon was aimed didn't "get" it.
Truthfully, I didn't get it either
The concept of a dog on a ball depicted against a snow covered background while talking to a clown is too much to comprehend.
Sarcastic pretentious canine. No wonder you are seldom employed.
Tell ya what. Try standing on YOUR hind legs on a moving ball in freakin snow trying to communicate with a Canadian and see if it comes off crystal clear.
What a grouch. Too bad I am non verbal. I would take such a shot...

 

by BobRogers
1-08-07
Dave's voice mail pushes AT&T stock upward to new levels...
Dave, this is James Bond on your voice mail. Tell me who Jamesbondmult is or I will drive to your location and bombard you with French pronouns and adjectives!
Dave, this is MikeH on your voice mail. I have been following your car and picking up each paper after you throw it. You are in SOOO much trouble you may get fired.
Dave, This is Doc on your voice mail. Don't ever ask me again to remove a thread or anything else. I am a grownup and can choose what to do for myself!
I HATE you Bob. Why do I have a phone in a closet? So you can TORTURE me, that's why!

 

by BobRogers
1-08-07
Shut UP!
Be quiet. Don't ring!
It was supposed to be reverse psychology.

 

by BobRogers
1-09-07
Gotta love me.
I don't remember ordring a new character. Who are you?
Shhh. I'm James Bond in disguise. Since I am banned for life on the shrine, I have to sneak in undercover.
You realize that the moment you speak, you are screwed, right?
Hmmmm. Maybe my new mult should be mute. A mute mult. Mutt The Mute Mult.
Jeeze. This is gonna be painful to watch.

 

by BobRogers
1-11-07
Whaddya got there Rusty? Looks like a bone.
My master, JB gave it to me just for letting him do unspeakable things to me.
So what's it like being JB's bitch?
No so bad if you don't mind walking bowlegged all the time and using large quantities of Listerine.
Man, if you could talk I bet there would be some stories to tell...
Got that right. To the RCMP to be precise. Carnal knowledge of animals is a felony everywhere in Canada except Quebeck

 

by BobRogers
1-12-07
I want to be in your clique, JB
You are just a mult. Nobody likes a mult. Piss off.
Big Daddy, I want to be in the clique and JB won't let me.
Piss off, Mult. Nobody in our evil clique thinks you are evil enough.
Hammering a nail into my head should ease the pain of rejection.

 

by BobRogers
1-13-07
How did you get inside my closet. Don't I have enough people torturing me without you being in my space?
I had that coming Dave. I just dropped by to tell you that you are free to go. All of Loretta's World is at your disposal. No more closet.
What difference does it make now? I saw your post. You are leaving the shrine. That means this series is over. It's back to the cache for us all.
Maybe not. There are folks on the shrine who like the cartoons. Maybe we'll post just toons until the "assholes" get bored and leave.
"Asshole is a subjective term. To me, YOU are the biggest asshole in the world. Stop whining and take it like a man.

 

by BobRogers
1-13-07
Bob has been feeling a little down concerning the Stern Shrine he previously enjoyed...
I have decided that certain characters will be expunged from the world. You, Trucker are the first to feel the axe. You're FIRED!
I mean that literally. Burn bitch, BURN!
Ah... Bond. I've been looking for you. Now where did I put that lighter...

 

by BobRogers
1-13-07
One stupid Canadian down and one to go.
Speaking of which...
I am a ... Canadian?
Not any more. When I burn 'em they stays dead. UMAGA!

 

by BobRogers
1-13-07
We regret to inform you that this letter will self destruct in on second
You couldn't send me an email?...
I hear you are burning characters from the shrine. Thought I'd drop by and save youse the trouble of looking for me.
Actually, you still entertain me on the shrine so I guess I will keep you around.
Thanks. Let me know if you decide to kill me later.
No Problemo.

 

by BobRogers
1-13-07
This is WRRV News Director Buster Balls and tonight I am here with the all time beer drinking champion of the Dew Drop Inn. It's a pleasure to meet you, Monty.
**BURP**
i understand that you consumed three barrels of Miller Lite and a barrel of Coors this evening. How does that make you feel?
**Belchhhh** Like giving my car keys to the arab and riding home on his camel...
And what do you make of being suddenly cartoonized and being thrust into the spotlight depicted as a Viking?
**BURP** Good football team, Buster.

 

by BobRogers
1-13-07
Monty's first visit to Minnesota did not go as planned.
Monty, have you been tippling again?
Ah.. No sister Mary. I swear I didn't have more than a couple of beers. I'm stone sober.
Then why is the dogsled hanging from that tree limb over there and why is the sled team up in the tree.
It was TURKEYS, Sister. We were attacked by a flock of wild turkey.
By a CASE of Wild Turkeys more likely.
That too, sister. That too.

 

by BobRogers
1-14-07
Mary and IHeart accidentally end up in the same strip...
Grr...
Grr...
Take THAT, Bitch!
You can't BEAT me. I'm UNITARIAN!
A UNITARIAN Nun? Why you #@$#@%$@
There's never any popcorn around when there's a catfight...

 

by BobRogers
1-15-07
I don't understand it. Why would she attack me like that out of a clear blue sky background?
Perhaps because you are part of "The Clique" and they are her sworn enemies.
I really don't mean anyone any harm. I just want to make friends online and be happy.
I know. But the founding members of "The Clique" are like a cancer on that forum. Malignant, Malevolent and utterly without social redemption.
Isn't that a subjective opinion, you being an "outsider" or "Non-clique" individual?
Sure it is. But let's face it. If you hang out with skunks, it's hard not to stink.

 

by BobRogers
1-15-07
There's a fast moving ice storm headed this way..
I'm ready for it.
How so?
I laid in extra wood for the stove and fireplace. I covered all the windows with plastic sheets to prevent heat loss.
Next day...
Now what?
I'm waiting for my FEMA check.

 

by BobRogers
1-16-07
Jesus! Oh man, how stoned am I if I am seeing this?
Relax, Monty. This is just a friendly heads up from your favorite deity, ok?
OK Lord, shoot.
I just wanted you to know that you should love all women equally, especially wiccans, lesbians, Catholics and Lutherans.
How about Canadians and truck drivers?
Kick 'em to the curb, yea verily.

 

by BobRogers
1-16-07
A mysterious mugger character appears out of nowhere and . . .
I can't help but notice that you aren't carrying a weapon. I'll take your wallet now chump and that fancy shield too.
Just because you don't see something doesn't mean it isn't there.
Some people are just naturally fast with a pocketknife.

 

by BobRogers
1-16-07
Now let me get this straight. The victim tried to mug you and you defended yourself using a Chinese pocket knife with a wolf picture on it and a 3" blade?
You got it.
Excuse me a moment. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha !
Oops.

 

by BobRogers
1-18-07
The Characters' Union mandates the use of barnyard animals once in every hundred strips...
Jump for Duck.
What?
Jump for Duck!
OK . I admit it's funny in a "The Mexican only knows 3 words of English" kinda way. Now give it a rest.
Jump for Duck?
These cartoons can be mind numbingly stupid from time to time.

 

by BobRogers
1-19-07
Jump for Duck.
What?
Jump for Duck!
Jump for...
That was a lot easier than shooting That Wabbit, or Dave.

 

by BobRogers
1-20-07
Jump for Duck?
Jump for Duck?
Jump for Duck?
Listen, Duck. We need to have a talk about your Asperger's syndrome.

 

by BobRogers
1-21-07
Those "Jump For Duck" cartoons were so bad that my face has frozen this way in horror.
Yeah. I know what you mean. It's bad enough that Bob ripped off my schtick. But to subsitiute a duck for a suave cock like me - Reprehensible!
Maybe it's a sign that Bob is running out of ideas for these incredibly bad cartoons.
Know what you mean. Even though there are new backgrounds and new characters, he still clings to the familiar.
Say, have you been paid for this strip yet?
No. Maybe we better collect before it gets published. You know how moody the author gets..

 

by BobRogers
1-22-07
Unfinished business on a Monday...
You summoned me from the Character cache, oh fearless leader?
Ah - yes. Seems I owe you an apology. You were accidentally burned to a crisp with the "clique" characters the other day.
I though I did a good job portraying a "clique" wannabee. I was gay. I was retarded. I practiced being mindless. They rejected me.
I know. Apparantly you have to be UBER queer, retarded, boring and mindless. One good vocabulary word and instant rejection.
So I am too smart and have too much personality to join their gay little club? I'll just nick right off and cut my throat.
They do say that suicide is painless.

 

by BobRogers
1-22-07
Darkness falls...
I asked you here tonight to reveal a secret so dark and sinister I can barely speak it.
Ya? What would that be?
I have been sexually abused by members of a satan worshiping cult of pederasts and animal fornicators known as "The Clique."
Listen, GOAT. I am a member of the clique and I haven't done anythging to you yet so...
Jeeze. Hypersensitivity in goats is so 70's.

 

by BobRogers
1-22-07
Nick The Hood tours the battlefield, site of a recent massacre of Canadians
Every the bodies of Canadian terrorists are turning into zombies.
The final conflict ends in a decisive for America.
God Bless The USA!

 

by BobRogers
1-22-07
A startling development...
You are an upstart. You are stealing my gimmick and I will not stand for it. I am the ONLY Grim Reaper.
I'll show you some grim reaping, byatch.
I am an original, one of a kind. Take that!
You are Christmas Past old timer, and I can hear the bones creaking.
And let that be a lesson to you. Nobody F**ks with Nick the Hood.

 

by BobRogers
1-23-07
So I hear you confronted the goat rapist last night. How did that go?
Ahhh. Just a few lame wheelchair jokes and some paraplegic and quadraplegic crap. About what you'd expect from an inbred.
So what's the follow-up strategy then?
Actually I have been doing "Nick The Hood" cartoons. That's a person with texture and character.
Unlike you and me who are actually just expositional caricatures.
You know that punchline is going to be lost on most everybody. Way too subtile.

 

by BobRogers
1-23-07
Got any grass?
You are too young a goat to be messing with that sh*t
I am trying to deal with my anxieties. That Canadian, IAC likes kids.
You too, Billy?
Don't ask. Don't tell.
I need a shower.

Showing page 16.

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